Bud did not get one.
Which is okay, of course--hosts can invite whomever they choose and no doubt this one is a girls-only thing and, most importantly, I'm glad that Sis will get to go--but it's odd to be on both the "winning" and the "losing" side of the same party, so to speak. It's not, of course, the last time this will happen. It's not even the first time. But when Bud got an invitation last year to an all-boy thing that I knew Sis would enjoy, too, we fortunately already had plans and so declining was easy. And I haven't given it much thought since then. It's odd, sometimes, to think of them as separate. My kids inhabit the same social world--same class, same friends, same activities. While we treat them individually, recognize their differences, we usually function as a coherent, cohesive unit. I know this will change when they are separated in kindergarten, the beginning of their truly separate paths, worlds, selves, if you can ever say that twins are "truly separate." Maybe I'm not ready to start down that road just yet.
Besides the biggest challenge, which is logistical because the party falls when I don't usually have Mama at home to take care of Bud so I can take Sis to the party, the invite poses certain interesting parenting questions. Sure, it is a fact of life that things aren't fair and people are different, that Bud and Sis won't always get to do the same things. But how exactly do you explain it? I don't know the reasons--I'm only assuming it's a gender-thing, but it could just as easily be a space thing or a preference thing--and, really, explaining doesn't actually help. How do you take the sting out of "you can't go"?
Because Bud's not being invited isn't a reason for me to keep Sis at home. I don't really want Sis to miss out on these fun opportunities just because her brother wasn't invited; she needs to do things without him (more, almost, than he needs to do things without her). There will be a time when she is left at home and he goes to a party. And yet, part of me aches a bit inside to have to sever the two and create a disturbance for this party, for disturbance there will be, I'm sure, before, during, and after, something they would have been spared, for now, if a). they'd been singletons or b). different ages or maybe c). the same gender.
So, Sis and I will go and have a lot of fun, but part of me--the Bud's Mommy part--won't be having so much fun.
Until the reverse happens next time.
J old bean, that is the way life goes and he or she has to learn that outside the home they are different but you have done a good job thus far so I reckon you will solve this fairly and with few tears (besides boys don't cry, do they?). Inter sibling rivalry can be very destructive, work on it for the next 20 years and you will win. THAT long she says...yes, I know of siblings who did not talk to each other for 60 years, all because of a simple and well meant comment.
ReplyDeleteH1N1 is said to be peaking in N.America but do not relax just yet, here is the good news
You can now fly from London City Airport in super business class to NYC with a short stop in Shannon to go through US Immigration, Cost...I did not ask?