Proud Parents and Grandparents

I am all aglow from the events of the last week.

And not just because of the heat wave which engulfs us and is sending the kids home early today (the temperature in the classrooms is up over 100F, definitely no learning going on.)

No, I'm a very proud mom after a weekend of the school play, a horse show, and the sixth-grade award ceremony.

"It's Showtime!"
And best yet, all the grandparents and their uncle Goo were here to celebrate all of these with us.

The play, oh the play.  The kids--all the kids--were marvelous in Madagascar Jr., a musical retelling of the popular animated movie.  Bud played "Rico," the kung-fu fighting, sushi-loving penguin.  I loved watching him perform, from his slides onto the middle of the stage, his quick kung-fu moves, to his singing "Sea Shanty."  I really liked how he waddled and moved his head around like a real penguin. For me, he just lit up the stage.

Sis was a police officer, appearing mostly in the first few scenes and then the end, looking intimidating in her navy blue (real) police officer shirt and hat.  She does stern well and was believable with that walkie-talkie.  But oh, we had a shock to see her in eyeliner and blush.  She became a teenager right in front of us.  Kinda surprising.  But it all totally worked in the part.  And she didn't have to dance (which she does not like to do on stage.)

I was the snack coordinator again, meaning I oversaw the procurement and distribution of water and snacks to the cast during all three shows.  It's a bit of organizational work, but not much compared to people in charge of costumes, props, choreography, etc.  And we get to go backstage, which other parents not working do not.  I saw the show twice, checking the cafeteria before and after, and during intermission, and then worked the cafeteria snacks on Saturday.  It was pretty hot the last two performances, but we had enough water and watermelon, which is their favorite.  Mama, Gommie, and Pop also helped us out--fetching coolers and ice, helping bring in snacks.

After the show on Friday, we all headed to a local diner with much of the cast, loudly celebrating while wolfing down dinner.  Everyone was exhilarated and exhausted.  Saturday night, it was me, Mama, Gommie and our Beloved Babysitter and her boyfriend.  So special that they came!  She brought the kiddos flowers and then we all went to a diner together afterwards.  We love to see her and were interested to finally meet her chef boyfriend.

After Sunday's show, there was a cast party after the last performance.  The kids signed each other's t-shirts and posters between a chicken dinner and cake.  They also got the cast cards that audience members could leave for them.  We all wrote cards for Sis and Bud, and I also wrote cards to all my Girl Scouts and a few of the other cast members.  I just wanted them to know how much I really enjoyed the show and all their hard work.  It was a nice little party, after an amazing weekend.  And I couldn't be prouder.

Ride 'em, Horse Girl
In the midst of all that, Sis had a horse show on Saturday which we did not want to miss.  Even tired, she loves to ride "her" horse, Murphy.  So, Gommie, Pop, Mama, and I spent a hot day in the field watching those beautiful beasts and their composed riders.  Sis got a first place for jumping (because she made her diagonals correctly) and three third places for Walk-Trot-Canter equitation and pleasure (her dear Murphy was being a bit stubborn.)  I can't really tell what makes for a good ride; I just like watching.  Gommie was especially interested in how the whole horse show worked--the different events, the different commands ("the class is closed," "riders reverse at the wall," posting vs. half-seat, pleasure vs equitation--I understand it all, just barely.)  But we were all a bit relieved to get out of the heat after her events were over.  Still, I love watching her ride.  Almost as much as she loves horses!

Though, the kids did manage to go swimming with Gommie and Pop after eating some SmashBurgers!  And then it was off to the next performance . . . .  

And the Award Goes to  . . . .
It was a very hot night in the school auditorium, where I had been since Thursday (for the final dress rehearsal, I chaperoned with Gommie), but we were all happy to gather in our hot-weather finest for the celebration of the kids leaving elementary school.  I guess you could call it graduation or commencement, but they don't.  Sis wore her dress pants and white gauzy shirt, Bud was in a light blue Oxford--basic dress up clothes for them both (like for chorus or orchestra.)  We took a lot of pictures, in many combinations, getting a few great ones with grandparents and many of their school friends.  We didn't quite know what to expect from the ceremony, didn't really know what awards there were.  It started with a basic presentation of certificates for their involvement in the play, chorus, art, orchestra, etc., all of which were just passed out in an envelope.  We did know about the Presidential Awards, which the kids hoped to earn--the Gold award was for a 3.5 GPA and over 60 on various STAR tests.  I thought they qualified, but we didn't know until they were both called--the second set of twins to earn the Presidential Gold Award that night (the other set, in their class, also has two moms!)   They just beamed with pride and I was sniffly.  (I laughed that we should switch their last names so they could be called earlier in the round up!)  Then the Character Education Awards.  Someone had told Sis they thought she should get one--and she did!  Wow!  And then Bud won a prestigious Citizenship Award named after a local detective, that came with $100 (all the kids oohed and aahed)!  (He got it with another young lady, one of our friends and a former Girl Scout.)  Wow again!  So proud of them--academics and character!!!  Proud of all of our kids, especially their gifted-and-talented classmates and my Girl Scouts (current and former.)  It really was fun to celebrate them.  Which we did with more cake in the cafeteria, more pictures all over, and then a trip to the local ice cream shop with a bunch of their classmates.  I got a hot fudge sundae because I was proud of Mama and me, too.  Ma had even said we were good parents, which was a wonderful first.  My folks say it a lot, but it means so much each time; I was really glad that my dad made the trip, which was a last-minute decision.   And I'm glad they were all able to be with us, surrounding the kiddos with love and support during this exciting time.

And so now, they'll be home early because of the heat.  Gommie and Pop are off to who-knows-where, but we'll see them later.  The kids are essentially done with class--tomorrow is their 6th-grade picnic and then they have two half-days (hope the heat dismissal doesn't change that.)  Then they really are done!  Middle Schoolers!

It's all bittersweet.  I love their teachers and the supportive environment of the school.  They've had good times here and grown and learned so much.  I have, too.  But just as we moved from home to preschool, preschool to half-day kindergarten, half-day to full day, the small elementary school to the upper grades at the larger elementary school, we'll all be okay moving to middle school.  And I think, after a bit, we'll all be good, thanks to the love and support of family and community.

The Starfish

A glass starfish we found serendipitously at the fair after church on Sunday

There was a man--or it could have been a woman, in this case it doesn't matter-- walking on a long, empty, and beautiful beach one morning.  Before him, he saw a child dancing on the sand, swinging her arms (or "his" arms, if you like) back and forth.  As the man approached the girl, he saw that she was not dancing but bending down to pick up a starfish and throw it into the water.  There were thousands of starfish beached on the sand, as far as the man could see.  The man said to the girl, "What are you doing?" and she replied, "If they stay too long in the sun, they will die.  So I'm sending them back out to sea."  He said, "But there are so many.  You can't save them all.  You won't make any difference."  And the girl looked at the man and looked at the starfish in her hand, thought for a moment with her face all scrunched up.  Then she threw the starfish into the sea.

"Made a difference to that one!" she replied.

Soon, others heard of the girl's efforts and many people came to the beach to help.  And thousands of starfish were saved.

This was the lesson told at church on Sunday, a popular tale in Unitarian Universalist services that I had heard before.  But the timing couldn't have been better.  There is unrest in our nation, and our wold, anger, sadness, despair even.  The murder of black men by police officers, terrorist bombings in Chelsea, and, since Sunday, yet another school shooting.  The water is not clean in many cities, particularly Flint; the Standing Rock Sioux Tribe attempts to protect its water supply from a pipeline but is opposed by Big Business.  There is war, murder, rape, torture.  65 million displaced persons in the world.  100,000 children being bombed in Aleppo.  And there is a man running for president of our country who prides himself on his racism, homophobia, isolationism, sexism, who quotes Mussolini and befriends Putin, all the while lying and obfuscating to drum up support for his walls and deportations and "law and order."

What can I do?  What in the world can I do?  I'm tired of the "thoughts and prayers" that are posted--that I post--after shootings and bombings.  I'm tired of the "we'll love better" mentality that says if we only love stronger and broader that we can overcome all; we can outlove the haters.  Better yet, we should love the haters.  Okay, yes, sure.  Thoughts, prayers, love.

But action, too. Except, what can I possibly do?  I've often heard that everyone can't do everything so pick a cause and work on it--pick up that starfish--the environment, gun control, education, Black Lives Matter, Habitat for Humanity.  All of those are good.  Which one is for me?  For my family?  How do we introduce children to social action without scaring or worrying them to much?  How do we avoid compassion fatigue?  No one likes to think too long of extinct panda bears; sixty-five million people are so many to save.  

Breathe.

One starfish at a time.

Hospice, Girl Scouts, lay ministry, money for Hillary, cans of food for the food drive, donations to the Juvenile Diabetes Foundation, lemonade stand for autism awareness.  Keep going, spread the word, pick up just one more starfish.

We can each make a difference.  Even if it really all seems impossible.  Sometimes, you're tired of bending over; sometimes the number of starfish is too overwhelming.  So don't look just at the entire beach of starfish despairingly; look at the one you send sailing back out to sea, rejoice that it will live, and enjoy the morning on the beach.  Sometimes, it helps if you dance a little.  

Last Day of Summer

Tonight is our last summer's eve; tomorrow is our last day of summer.  We are pretty much living in limbo now--all of our summer activities are over and all of our school prep is over, too.  We're just waiting.

There isn't much anxiety here this year, mainly, I think, because they are returning to the same classroom, same teachers, same classmates, together.  Otherwise, a lot of the moms in town and online seem anxious, perhaps even more so, this year.  Anxiety about teachers, classmates, lunches, uniform, bus stops and schedule.  Just a lot of anxiety. It can be so hard. This makes Buddhist priest and author Karen Maezen Miller's comment on FB, "Parents, you are overthinking it" all the more timely.

I'm doing my own overthinking--I have long lists of possible breakfasts, lunches, snacks, and dinners--what they'll eat this year (which is always a smaller list than the year before.)  And I've remembered to get at least some of these things for when I pack lunch day after tomorrow!

And I'm looking forward to the structure of school, for all of us, probably thinking it will create more positive changes than it actually will.  More regular bedtime, regular meals together, more help with household chores.  I've let a lot of things slide this summer.  For example, these last three days of summer?  Unlimited screentime here.  Movies, tv, whatever computer games or programming.  And you know what?  They are getting along and loving it.  And it's easier for me than policing them.  Why not let them do what they like most these last few days, especially as I heavily restrict it in the school week?  Besides, we did a few things these last few days--we made brownies for the teacher luncheon yesterday and delivered them, and then today had a long playdate at a friend's house; tomorrow, we have piano.  And as you know, we had a pretty big list of Summer Fun that we worked on--I'll have to do a final check.

Soon enough we'll be consumed by kung fu, piano, homework, Girl Scouts, ice skating, book club, church Sunday school, alarm clocks, church and all the like.  But for now, it's hot and we're hiding inside, lollygagging.  Which is a pretty fine thing the last few days of summer.

Rambling Reflections

Lots of realizations this week:

Mama and I have been parents longer than we were together alone--ten years of each now, more if you count pregnancy, which is kinda limbo.

And then, if you count them separately, we've been parenting for 20 years!

I'm a better person for having kids, in all ways . . . except physically, I suppose.   But as much as that dominates, I wouldn't change a thing.  Seriously.  Children are like egg to a stock:  clarifying.  Priorities.  Values.  Desires.  Strengths.  Weaknesses.  I've never been so aware of my faults, but, if honest, I can see what I'm good at, too; on a good day, I try accept both with equanimity, and try to extend it to everyone.   I spend so much time pondering big and little questions, that I have more answers, but more questions, than I ever did.  I'm more connected to everything and everyone around me and see a much bigger picture.  I don't think this is just a result of age, but perhaps of having more in common with all the parents out there.  Of course, I'm more sensitive and vulnerable with all of this awareness of connection.   I think I enjoy happiness more but suffer through disappointments and sadnesses a little more tenderly.   Who was it who said that having children is like having a giant open wound?  (It wasn't this piece, which I like.  Motherhood definitely makes me more sentimental and nostalgic.  Corny would be the word.) I worry about death--my own, theirs, anybody's, more than I was ever conscious of mortality before.  Maybe that's what draws me to hospice.  Motherhood takes me so much out of myself, but at the same time, has me thinking about my thoughts and actions all the time; it's an odd combination of altruism and narcissism.  Same with the kids.  I think more about everyone's kids, and everyone as a child, but at the end of it, it is only my children . . . .

And despite all of the stress and work children are, which can wear on the connection between their parents, Mama and I are a stronger, better couple now.  Sure, we don't do as much alone or talk together of many other things besides the kids or family matters, but our sense of love, our knowledge of our strengths and weakness, our support of such, and our respect for each other has grown enormously because we are tried and challenged (and tired), together and individually, everyday in ways that wouldn't have happened.  And we know enough to recognize that and appreciate it.

It's good to remember this now--a decade in, two digits--because everyone keeps telling me how much adolescence messes with both the adolescents and their parents.   The emotions are so powerful and overwhelming as they leave behind aspects of childhood and are confused and saddened by it, as are we.  But just as she walks away to the bus for camp without looking back, she comes home and hugs on her beloved stuffed bunny Amy; it's the limbo between childhood and adulthood.  I see it already, would delay it if I could, though probably not really because I know it's necessary.  And I take it so personally, already feel a little left behind alone, which is not the way to go.  Good thing we have some time before it's full blown.

There are good things, too.  They understand more, appreciate more, do more, know more. They are old enough to try things we like to do, like travel, eating out, going to Broadway, reading certain books and see certain films--we can share more of ourselves with them now; let's face it, babies and toddlers and preschoolers are rather limited that way (fun in others, of course, but infanthood was not ever my favorite part.)   Now, they remember the stories we tell and the things we do.  And they like some of it!  Which, of course, is a way of their getting to know and remember us, some kind of salve against the inevitable.

Of course, the new stories, activities, skills, experiences go both ways.  They expand our world just as they deepen our appreciation of it.  Ice skating, horses, kung fu, Legos, video games, violin, piano, cello, sushi, sci-fi/fantasy (yes, as much as we raised them to be geeks, they push us further into it with their own obsessions)--I can go on and on.  There is an essay about being friends with your children, one of many on either side of the debate, by Mama Eve, that notes, "I try to be an example of the friend I want my children to be to others, and also of the kind of person I want my children to be friends with."  The exciting bit about tweendom and adolescence, with all of its downs, is the upside of getting to know them better as they get to know themselves.  If the last ten years are anything to go on, the next ten years are going to be amazing, though I'll admit to some bias.  

All of which is a rambling (and corny) way of saying "happy birthday" to Sis and Bud and that we are so grateful and blessed to have you.

Summer Fun: Doodle Dos and Don'ts

This morning before ice skating, I worked on the flags I've wanted to doodle.  I ironed them first, as they'd gotten wrinkly since the Zentangle retreat in February, stuffed in my doodle bag waiting their turn.  They're muslin flags strung together with hem tape (homemade by the class instructor) and had gotten pretty wrinkly.

I had decided to put my peace-hope-love doodles on the tripartite flag and so set to work with my permanent Identi-pen for fabric this morning at the kitchen table.

I dropped the boxes and changed the heart a bit.  I think they came out nicely.

And then I realized that there were marks--dots and streaks and such--all over the table.  I hadn't thought about my pen bleeding through the thin fabric.  

I called the kids in as a teachable moment.  Because, of course, sometimes I go on a tirade when they make a mess, honest but forseeable messes not intentionally made, but I get upset that they don't think ahead or be extra careful. And here I'd done the exact same thing myself.  So I told them that the next time I started getting upset about their making a similar mistake that all they needed to mention were the tabletop dots and I would not yell.  

The dots only sort of came up with a scrubbing from the steel wool (which then also sort of took the finish off the table.  I guess we'll know which is my spot.)

Still, the flags are lovely.

And I'm extra-prepared for when the whole family works on the blue, yellow, red, green, and white flags I bought for us to decorate and hang around!  (I think a piece of cardboard underneath would do the trick nicely.)

Summer Fun: To-Do Today

Today, Bud has cleaned the upstairs bathroom, washed the garbage cans, and emptied all the house trash cans.

Sis took out the recycling and weeded the garden.

I LOVE our tickets-for-screen-time/jobs-for-hire system!!!!

Beyond their usual chores (unloading dishwasher, helping with laundry, feeding cats, wiping table, sweeping kitchen) for which they do not receive any renumeration, they can choose to do extra jobs for tickets.  Each ticket is worth 15 minutes of screen time OR about $2.50.

The kicker is that they have to pay for screen time on weekdays.  If they want to play video games or Minecraft Monday through Friday, they have to have tickets.  That would be about 20 tickets a week for an hour of screen time a day (that's their max during the week.)  That's a ton of chores, which average one or two tickets each.

Perfect.

In fact, I'm going to have to dig deep to find more chores so that they can get their screen time!

Not a bad problem to have, I'd say.


(**I would LOVE for them to be able to clean each of our 4 litter boxes everyday, and would give beaucoup tickets, but everything I read says they're too young because of the bacteria in feline fecal matter.)

Job Board

We have a new chores system, well, more of an addendum.

In addition to their regular chart of chores--including feeding the cats, taking out the garbage, unloading the dishwasher, rotated by odd or even dates--for which they are unpaid because we see it as part of their family responsibility, they can now pick up "jobs for hire," which I'll post on sticky notes.  These vary week to week, season to season--shovel snow, water the garden, take out the recycling, fold the clothes, whatever I can come up with--and are paid in tickets.  These tickets are redeemable for screen time OR for cash equalling about $2.50 to purchase books, toys, souvenirs, music, whatever.  Which means we're also going to start having them pay for more things (though, no doubt we'll still purchase or go halves on things.)  There can also be surprise reward tickets; also, we won't be taking any tickets away as punishment (though, we can delay the use of screentime as a consequence.)

They are so excited!  Bud earned six tickets just yesterday, for taking out the recycling and folding and distributing 5 loads of laundry.  This morning, he and Sis unloaded the dishwasher TOGETHER, working as a TEAM, for which I gave them a surprise ticket each.  Sis is planning to water the garden soon and regularly.  Plus all those tickets they got for the cursing at the Memorial Day party!

We'll see how it all goes, but it seems promising.

Of Super Bowls and Sanitation Workers

We have boycotted the Super Bowl this year, the culmination of boycotting all NFL games on television this year.

We discussed it as a family and voted not to support professional football.

Because of concussions.

Because of indifference to domestic abuse.

Because of cheating.

Because of greed.

And so, over lunch today after church (at the fish restaurant, Gommie!  And your char was on the menu.  You can go again in less than 2 weeks!!), we discussed the Super Bowl.  The kids had discussed in RE (religious education) how some jobs get overlooked, the workers ignored--like sanitation workers and postal workers.

And so I asked them, which job is more important to us on a daily basis:  Super Bowl quarterback or garbage man?  Which would we notice more if they quit working tomorrow?  Who helps society more?

And what do they get paid?

Making up numbers, for perspective, we averaged sanitation workers got $15/hour while the quarterback could make $50 million via contract.

Why?

Because in reality, the quarterback makes so much money for so many other people, namely the owners and the NFL and the merchandisers, who then don't care much about the players except to exploit them as money-makers.  Who does the garbage man make money for?  Nobody.  And so, who is "worth" more?

What is worth?  What is value?  What is important?

We acknowledged that nothing we could do would ever change the relationship of NFL salaries to sanitation workers, pop stars to teachers, movie stars to physical therapists.  But we wanted the kiddos to be aware of the discrepancies, to look where the money is, to see through the consumerism and the merchandising and the capitalism, to examine the dominant or majority or popular opinion.  To question it.

To not watch the Super Bowl when tens of millions of people were.

And so Bud rearranged his Lego Lord of the Rings dioramas and put together a new one of Lake Town.  And Sis and I made candles, one of the projects of my Hibernate workshop (we made two rose-scented candles and two "medieval" blend ones, with rosemary, thyme, orange, etc.)

And then, later this evening, we turned on the tv.

I had agreed to watching Katy Perry's halftime performance.  We like her music and the kids wanted to see it.  It was our nod to the occasion.  (When Bud was asking questions earlier about the game, we asked if he wanted to change his mind and watch. I didn't want to be the mom who wouldn't let them watch; I wanted it to be a group decision. "No," he said, "but it was hard not to do what everyone was doing."  So true. Don't get me wrong:  I like football.  I remember my paternal grandparents watching the Cowboys; I went to almost every football game while I was in high school.  I'm from Texas--football is our sport.   So, standing up for beliefs can be so hard, especially when they are unusual or unpopular.  Or have difficult consequences. Or just aren't as fun. But you stick to your decision anyway.  There's a great essay on that somewhere; I'll link back if I find it.)

And that's when we saw the ad about domestic abuse, using that real 9-1-1 call when the woman orders a pizza as a hint to the 9-1-1 operator that she is in danger.  I had heard about the call on FB and so could explain to the kids what was going on.  They had never heard of domestic abuse.  They couldn't fathom why someone would beat another person, or why someone might stay with a person who beat them.  It was delicate territory.  Especially when I explained why the NFL was showing the ad, as a way to make amends for their reluctance to take a stand on domestic abuse.    And even more especially when I explained that the woman down the street was beaten by her boyfriend so badly on Christmas day that the ambulance was called  . . . but that the boyfriend is back in the house (and to stay away from him and to come get us if they hear anything.  And yes we mentioned that the authorities are trying to help her and her kids, but that these situations are hard to understand and are very delicate.)  We even talked about how my maternal grandmother was abused by her first husband but was saved by her brother, divorced the man, and married again (even though she was kicked out of her Catholic church, divorce being quite unpopular in small-town Texas in the late 1930s.)  We talked about our zero-tolerance policy for hitting or violence because we don't want them to hurt others and because we don't want them to think it's okay for people to hurt them.

Fun, no?

Thank goodness Katy Perry roared on the field with that origami tiger right around then and we could cheer to all of her songs.  (And thankfully there wasn't too much in the way of exploitation of women that I had to address, nor cultural appropriation aka Miley Cyrus.  There was even Missy Elliott, always good for shifting paradigms!)   We liked it so much that we rewound it and watched it again.  And then, for good measure, we watched the video of Katy Perry singing with a young woman with autism (and spent some time talking about autism!  Whew.  It was our "inherent worth and dignity" of all people night.)

(We did have to discuss why there was "Pepsi" everywhere, how Pepsi had paid for the concert so that we would like their soda.  But really, what was a bubbly beverage have to do with music anyway?  Really?  Look for the money.)

And then we turned the Super Bowl off so that we could pet our NYcat Mojito, who had been sitting on the couch with me through the whole thing.

(And I'm so glad I didn't have to explain the end of the game, which apparently included a brawl.)

All in all, it was a good game(-less) day.

Pulling a Gommie

When I was in junior high, Gommie did something that meant the world to me then and still resonates quite a bit now:  she took me out of school, during the day!, to see Return of the Jedi the day it opened.  I went to first and second period, if memory serves, while she went and stood in line for tickets.  As she told it later, someone even approached the long line and asked what it was for and she asked (or thought) if they'd been under a rock!?!  The hype was phenomenal and I was a huge fan.  And I saw ROTJ in its second showing on the first day and LOVED IT.  She knew I would and she was game to take me out of school and go with me, embracing the craziness of it all--those were the special gifts that have stuck with me three decades or more later--generosity, fun, embracing the experience, support, and encouragement.  That's the kind of parent I want to be.

And so we pulled a Gommie tonight.  The Hobbit:  Battle of Five Armies opens tomorrow and we'd long told the kids we'd take them to see it,just like Gommie did for me, possibly even pulling them out of school.  But with Mama using up her days off for the holidays, we weren't going to be able to see the film during the day.  So, somehow, Mama learned about an advanced release showing today.  And got us tickets.

Except we didn't tell the kids.  I even rushed them through dinner and told them we all had to go to Home Depot with Mama.  We even pulled into the movie theater parking lot and told them ha! ha! we were going to see Penguins of Madagascar since the Hobbit wasn't opening yet.  And then . . . we handed them tickets to the Hobbit!  Bud actually didn't believe us and was a mite disappointed that we weren't going to Penguins . . . until it dawned on him that we were going to Hobbit tonight.  And then the cheering and dancing began.

Which is all very well and good because, it being the culminating film of the series, with sadness and death of some major characters (for which we were prepared) and a violent battle of five armies, it wasn't super cheerful.  But we liked it anyway and did managed to laugh at the funny bits and amazing stunts.  (Cos Legolas always has the best moves.)  And I loved the morals of the tale--friendship, loyalty, sacrifice, courage, love.  As Thorin Oakinshield says in the movie, ""If more of us valued home above money, it would be a merrier world."  That's all I'm going to say. No spoilers, we warned the kids about talking to their friends.  Only gloating that we saw it early. 

We got home late, almost 10 pm, and we'll all have trouble getting a move on in the morning, but it was well worth it.

Thanks, Gommie.

On the Birth of My New Nephew

Dear Aunt Banana,

You've had your second baby!!  Congratulations and best wishes!  Welcome to the world, second Cousin Hungry!  We are so excited and happy that you are here.  And we'll get you a better nickname soon.  (And first Cousin Hungry, welcome to the older-sisters club.  We'll talk about that later.)

As for having a second child, Aunt Banana, I send love and luck.  I have no real advice on having a second child, mainly because my second child came one minute after my first.  Besides, long ago, I made the decision not to give unsolicited advice to moms.  So this isn't advice.  Only observation and reassurance, because I have watched most of my friends have second (and some third) children, talking and listening to them about it.   (Which means this is all about moms.  No dads in my immediate family; no dads in my playgroup.  Sorry, Uncle Soccer!)

Of course, by those second children, even when I was asked for advice, I'd forgotten a lot about schedules, teething, colic, potty training, etc etc etc.  Just like the moms had.  But they figured it out again, under the new circumstances of having a toddler or preschooler at home, too.  You'll remember and figure it all out again, too.

They also figured out juggling divergent schedules (naps were skipped, meals were eaten in cars, first kids went on playdates unescorted, and some events just went unattended), carrying more stuff (not two separate bags, but a more overstuffed bag, and when possible a smartphone for entertainment--how I envied them that!) and prioritizing (houses were messier, get-togethers canceled last minute, Christmas cards late, more tv was watched.)

Those moms were, by then, less worried about teething and tv anyway and more concerned about how to love two or more kids at once.  "I'm ignoring the older one, because I'm always caring for the baby" they'd say.  "I can't give the new baby all the love I gave my first, when I would just sit and look and hold." And always, "There just isn't enough time." They fretted and were frustrated and even scared that they were messing up both kids at once, that it wasn't fair or balanced, that they had to decide, to choose, sometimes.  (And this was long before refereeing fights!)  But with experience, and more sleep, the moms figured it all out.  And you will, too.  There's not just one way, or a right way, to do any of it.  Each mom figures out her way.  You did it the first time and you'll do it again; you'll be everything you need to be and more.  You'll be wonderful.  You're the mom.

And so, we'll be thinking of you in the coming days, weeks, and months.  We know it can be rocky and unsettling, but also miraculous and amazing and affirmative, and so here's wishing you and Uncle Soccer and the two Cousin Hungries lots of love.  Co-opting Keats, I'll say, "that is all ye know on earth, and all ye need to know."   And there's enough love to go around.

love,
Jamie

The Hockey Conundrum

We've been to a few hockey games in the last few weeks.

Mama and I have also had to referee a few disagreements at home.

So when the crowd at the hockey games began cheering on hockey players hammering on each other, "Fight!  Fight!  Fight!", and then they showed fight highlights on the big screen, I leaned over to the kids, "If you try that at home, we won't be cheering."

They were very confused that hockey players were not only allowed but encouraged to slug each other.  "Why do they need to hit, Mom?"

There's no simple answer for that, is there?    Men out of control?  Gladiator/hockey enforcer sports culture?  The love of violence in America?  Brain damage?

None of those would fly at our house.

Breakfast at Our House

While the kids polished off the last of their loaves of soda bread, I had a piece of the whole wheat sourdough soda bread that I made yesterday.  It's good, but it's better with butter.

So we were all passing the butter around and it soon took on a weird shape.  And so we started intentionally to carve shapes, first a pyramid and then:

Voilà, the Eiffel Tower!

Mama said, "Wrong country."

-=-=-=-=-=-
Whole-Wheat Sourdough Soda Bread

2 1/2 cups white whole wheat flour
1 1/4 cups unbleached flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
3/4 teaspoon salt
1 cup sourdough starter, fed or unfed
1/4 cup (4 tablespoons) melted butter
3 tablespoons honey
3/4 cup milk

1) Preheat the oven to 400°F. Lightly grease a cast-iron skillet.
2) In a medium-sized mixing bowl, whisk together the flours, baking soda, and salt.
3) In a separate bowl (or in a measuring cup), whisk together the starter, butter, honey, and milk. Pour this mixture into the dry ingredients and stir to combine. The dough will be stiff; if it's too crumbly to squeeze together, add another tablespoon or two of milk.
4) Knead the dough a couple of times to make sure it's holding together.  Place ball of dough in skillet and slice top with a cross.
5) Bake the loaf for 40-60 minutes, until it's golden brown and a cake tester or toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean. Remove from the oven, and brush top with melted butter, if desired.

adapted from King Arthur Flour

Separate and Not Equal

With two kids, and perhaps particularly twins, parents strive so hard to make things fair and balanced.  Bud takes kung fu; Sis takes gymnastics.  Sis gets to go to the American Girl store; Bud gets a special seafood lunch.  We go to Bud's competition and Sis's recital.  I switch off whom I sit next to at lunch; Mama and I switch back and forth at open house.  Sis gets chocolate; Bud gets strawberry.  Everybody gets a turn and a fair share.

I'm realizing that even fair and balanced isn't a tenable parenting strategy.  The real world isn't like that.

And I'm setting us all up for disappointment if I pretend that it is.

Right now, the inequalities are coming in spades.  Small ones, but still.  Sis got invited to a party, but Bud didn't.  Bud's art was chosen to be exhibited in a special show at the Board of Ed; Sis's didn't.  I can't make it equal.  Sis got to do her piano concert; Bud didn't.  And offsetting disappointment with sushi or Legos or whatever doesn't adequately prepare them for other disappointments later in life.  We can't fix it.

And there will be bigger ones on the way, no doubt.

So we've been talking about how they are individuals, with different interests and skills.  And sometimes things will happen to or come to one and not the other.  And that's okay.  They are different.  Just like Mama and I are different. We love them both.

I even introduced the Buddhist concept of mudita, or sympathetic joy--happy for someone else's happiness.  Yes, that's a bit advanced.  And probably a bit too much to ask for from 8 year olds.  Since 40 year olds have trouble with it, still.

They just nod.  (They are very used to my long-winded teachable moments.)

And I know I'm saying it for myself because I'm having a hard time knowing that one of them is disappointed or discouraged.  Even if I'm trying to remember that teaching them to cope with such feelings (and to be graceful as winners as well), moreover recognizing and accepting our own weaknesses and strengths as well as those of others, without competition or jealousy--is one of the best things they--and I--can learn.

A is for Autonomy

My parenting lesson this week is autonomy.

Independence, self-rule, self-determination.

Freedom.

As the kiddos get older, we're having to (yet again) readjust our parenting.  Recently this includes not directing or advising the minutiae of their lives.  You know, like, "put a coat on!" or "eat with a fork" or "don't leave your shoes there."  Ad infinitum.

It's not that we're allowing a free-for-all with rules and behavior, just that we are trying to set up some basic rules and then just not nag.  In other words, we're trying to give them a chance to do what needs doing without correcting them immediately or even directing them beforehand.  And we've stressed that with new freedom comes new responsibility, a very grown-up kind of thing.

We're trying to let them do and decide so much more.  They choose their snacks, help with breakfast, pack their backpacks, pick their own cold-weather wear (I only insist on a real coat under 20F), put away their clothes, do house chores (dishwasher unloading, laundry moving, fetching cat food, sweeping floor, wiping table), brush/floss without supervision, cut their own finger and toenails, order at a restaurant and/or ask staff in stores questions, run down the street or around the corner on errands/to visit neighbors, among other things.  But now we're also trying to get them to choose when to take a bath/wash hair (every season but summer is bathing approximately every other night), set their own alarm clocks and wake up to them, decide on the end of their own bedtime reading (within reason), practice their musical instruments, run short errands within a store by themselves--out of my eyesight! (which SHOCKED moms at a recent party; they couldn't believe I let them out of my sight in Target, even in pairs.)  And the biggest one of all:  police their own screentime!

Yep, we've worked out a system whereby they get 5 hours a week and I'm no longer going to say when.  Only caveats:

1.  They have to have finished homework first.
2.  If they fudge their times, they lose all screentime for the week.
3.  One consequence of misbehavior can be losing the option of using their screentime for a day or days.

They are so excited to be in control and I will be glad when I'm not.

Sign of Three

I probably read it in Hands-Free Mama, the idea of a family sign and someone used three taps, one each for "I love you."  (I've read elsewhere of secret phrases--my own family used "love you like a rock!")  And so I suggested it, knowing that pretty soon the hand-holding and cuddles and "I love yous" might wane a bit as we head into the tween/teen years.  And it's catching on, especially with Sis who had given up the hand-holding awhile back.  She likes the 1-2-3 and will do taps or squeezes or pokes.  Tonight, she even came back down the stairs to tap Mama three times.  It's subtle yet significant--a symbol of the bond between the four of us.

Sex, VD, and Porn*

Or, the topics of three conversations I've had with the kids in three days!

That's the blessing and curse of being an ask-me-anything parent.

First it was the mating penguins at the aquarium.  Then it was a t-shirt in Boston that said, "I got crabs in Boston."  Finally, it was an unfortunate internet search.

At least, since we've been having such conversations for years (and here and here and see "THE TALK" below), so a.)  I almost never blink anymore before launching into the information, managing (almost) to keep it age-appropriate and not talk too much, and b.) they don't flinch at hearing whatever and soon grow rather disinterested.

Besides, we've realized that whatever they ask, it's just better to answer--they'll find out one way or another and we'd rather give them correct information and our family values upfront.

Which included, this time, always wear protection!

(*Can you imagine the hits I'm going to get with that title?!?)

-=-=-=-=-
THE TALK

I can't believe I never blogged this--maybe because it happened the day before we left for Disney World last year.  I did put it on FB though, and here's what I said:

OMG, I just had THE talk with the kiddos, over lunch, completely inadvertently (you know how I talk and get on tangents--but they asked directly and there was nowhere to go but through it!). I'm not sure I can look at fries and onion rings the same again--and I didn't even use them as props. (No worries, classmates' parents, I told them not to share their new knowledge. And they're pretty good about that.) Though, in truth, I'd rather have this talk than the Santa Claus one.

Continued in comments . . . .

 I guess time will tell how it went. It's promising, though, for now: Bud said "ewh!" Otherwise, I did probably talk too much, as I often do--just after the talk, when they asked about the athlete Pistorius on tv, I ended up talking about apartheid and violence in South Africa! But how it started: we were talking about our "mom" calendar and how it excluded 2-dad families, then we moved on to birth dads, and thus birth. And they asked directly how women get pregnant, both in our case (easy--doctor's office!) and usually. So I launched into the explanation--sex, egg, semen, sperm, vagina, penis. They very pointedly wanted to know how the sperm got to the egg (previously, when discussing this, we'd mentioned "ingredients" coming together generally to make a baby--like cooking! Easier. But kinda silly.) I also made some references to safe touches (via the program at school), safe sex and disease, menstruation (they do have 2 moms, after all), and even pleasure--but only for loving and consenting ADULTS!  I told them we'd be talking about this again and again as they got older as it was important, that they could ask us or their uncle anything, and had a right to privacy and to talk about it alone without their twin around. They had no more questions and ran off to play "Phantom of the Opera." Whew. Truthfully, it was easier than talking about cancer or Newtown.

 

Big Snow Post

It's another snow day here, with 7" added to our previous 5" all covered with sleet and ice.  It'll be pretty when it freezes overnight, except it will be as slippery as a greased pig.  I'm betting a delay or another cancellation depending.

Between baking, sewing, playing games, building with Legos, shoveling/snow blowing outside, walking on my treadmill, watching Doctor Who, and working from home, we're having a pretty good day.  Even if it means going to school until practically the end of June.  Again.

And so, I thought to compile all of my previous posts with tips on snow days plus some new ones.  Here you go....


Getting ready before the snow:

• Purchase any supplies you need for activities, including unusual items like sweetened condensed milk, water balloons, food coloring, etc.  Don't forget the obligatory milk, eggs, and bread, even if you don't usually eat those!!  Don't forget pet food and batteries. 
• Put the bowl out to collect snow for ice cream.
• Do whatever else you do--re-align cars, put up windshield wipers (if you like that), bring in outside toys, get sleds out of garage for easier reach, check on gas in the snowblower, put shovels nearby so you don't have to crawl through snow to get to them, get propane tank and stove onto porch for cooking if power goes out.
• Hard part:  act like it's a school night unless you know it's not, meaning do homework, pack bags, regular bedtime.  
• also see Adult Prep, for snow novices, with tips about pipes and shoveling etc.

SNOW DAY
Food--one of the big distractions of the day; here are some of our favorites.  I also love a big breakfast then a pot of soup with some homemade bread ready for grazing during the day.  

Snow Cream
1 gallon or big bowl of clean snow (if you like, you can put the bowl outdoors to collect it as it falls)
1 14-oz can of sweetened condensed milk
1 tsp vanilla extract

Mix the ingredients together and eat the snow ice cream. Yummy!

Chocolate Snow Ice Cream
1 cup of half and half
1/3 cup of sugar
2 tablespoons of dark chocolate syrup.

Stir until mixed and then go outside and add 4-6 cups of snow, a cup at a time, until frozen.

It was tasty. And then we added chocolate chips 
T.F.N.


Maple Syrup Snow Candy
1 cup maple syrup (Grade B tastes better)
½ tablespoon butter

Combine maple syrup and butter. Heat to 260°F (hardball stage). Watch carefully because syrup scorches at this temperature. Remove from heat.
Pour into a ribbon onto snow, lift, and eat. For non-snow areas, pour carefully onto a cookie sheet. Make any pattern you want.
Store candy in a dry and tightly sealed container.

Circle Round

Hot Cocoa

1/2 cup suga

1/4 cup HERSHEY'S Cocoa

Dash salt

1/4-1/2 teaspoon cinnamon (my addition)

1/3 cup hot water

4 cups (1 qt.) milk

3/4 teaspoon vanilla extract

Miniature marshmallows or sweetened whipped cream(optional)

1. Stir together sugar, cocoa, cinnamon, and salt in medium saucepan; stir in water. Cook over medium heat, stirring constantly, until mixture comes to a boil. Boil and stir 2 minutes. Add milk; stirring constantly, heat to serving temperature. Do Not Boil.

2 Remove from heat; add vanilla. Beat with rotary beater or whisk until foamy. Serve topped with marshmallows or whipped cream, if desired. Five 8-oz. servings.


MICROWAVE SINGLE SERVING: Coombine 1 heaping teaspoon HERSHEY'S Cocoa, 2 heaping teaspoons sugar and dash salt in microwave-safe cup or mug. Add 2 teaspoons cold milk; stir until smooth. Fill cup with milk. Microwave at HIGH (100%) 1 to 1-1/2 minutes or until hot. Stir to blend; serve.

Hershey's website

Popcorn Balls

5 cups popped popcorn

1-10 oz bag of marshmallows

1/4 cup butter

Melt butter and marshmallows in pot on the stove. Stir in popcorn until coated. Scoop onto waxed paper with ladle. Wait a bit to let them cool some. Shape into balls with hands sprayed with non-stick cooking spray.

the back of Buddy's advent calendar

Meringue Snowflakes

4 teaspoons meringue powder

4 tablespoons water

1/2 teaspoon cream of tartar

1 cup powdered sugar

1/4 teaspoon flavored extract (they chose vanilla)

2 tablespoons colored sugar

Preheat oven to 200F and line baking sheet with parchment paper.

On high speed, beat meringue powder, water, and cream of tartar until frothy (3 minutes) and then until glossy (3 more minutes, approximately.)  Add powdered sugar a tablespoon or so at a time, incorporating each, until mixture is stiff (about 5 minutes).  Add extract and beat until incorporated.

Take large zipper bag (or pastry bag), nip the corner, and fill with meringue.  Pipe designs onto paper-lined baking sheet (we put an outline of a snowflake underneath.)  Sprinkle with sugar, if desired. Bake until dry, about an hour; do not brown.

Carefully move paper to wire rack and allow to cool completely.  Store in airtight container.

adapted from Spoonful (they use 2 egg whites instead)

Outside Activities--get them out early and often!!
Dressing well is the secret to withstanding the wet and cold for longer--snow pants are wonderful for this (I love mine!).  Second in importance--warm and waterproof mittens or gloves. Plus hats, boots, warm socks, heavy coat.  They never seem to want or need scarves.  Best to zip up, pull hoods over hats, and tuck pants in boots and mittens in sleeves to keep snow out of necks, wrists, and ankles.  Be sure to hang everything up to dry afterwards so it'll be ready if you want to go out again.  An advance thin application of Aquaphor prevents chapped lips and painful cheeks.

snow ice cream--1 can sweetened condensed milk in a big bowl (5-10 cups) of fresh snow (leave bowl out overnight). Note: some people add vanilla; another friend just mixes snow with a box of lemon pudding!

snow candy: boil 1 c maple syrup and 1/2 T butter on the stove + pour into clean snow in ribbons (or bring it inside on a cookie sheet if possible) = candy when it cools

ice "eggs":  fill water balloons with colored water; freeze hard; remove balloon--voila!

ice bubbles:  blow bubbles into the deep cold--will freeze, deflate, frost, and break

flake photos:  try photographing snowflakes, best against a sheet of black paper or the sleeve of a dark coat.  See here.

actually, take lots of photos (and when you go inside, email them to people!)

snow slushie: more clean snow + your favorite soda = an icee

snow painting (mix food coloring with water in spray or squeeze bottles)

snowmen (start with a small snowball and roll it across the yard to make it bigger; if you can't make a snowball coalesce, it's not the right snow). And people are just the beginning!

snow forts (just pile up walls, leaving an opening for yourself)

snow angels

snow labyrinth--step out a maze in the snow and follow it around

snow ball fights

snow castles (like sand castles)

snow tunnels (actually, we can't do this one even with 8' mound out front because the snow pockets collapse)

snow furniture--make beds, table, whatever and play house outside

writing/drawing in the snow

build fairie houses in the snow using fallen branches, dead leaves, etc.

put out bird seed for animals or even make little bird feeders (stale bagels with nutbutter/corn syrup and seed)

sledding on cafeteria trays, certain kinds of trash can lids, or the like if you don't have sleds (um, not that there are hills where you are)

identifying animal tracks

identifying people tracks by their shoes

catching snowflakes on your sleeve

taking bowlfuls inside to show/amuse pets or really little ones

Indoors (Or, So it's Your School's 6th Snow Day!):

Some of our favorites (best for elementary aged-kids)

• play games (solitary or group, card or board, even cat's cradle string games)
• bake or cook
• picnic in the living room or on the big bed
• dance party/singalong
• any arts and crafts (think outside the drawing/painting box, with watercolors, yarn, collage, Sculpey, homemade playdough, making a book, flip-book animation, etc)
• science experiments (cornstarch goop, oil and water, baking soda and vinegar)
• favorite toys:  Legos, American Girl, etc.
• circus time:  juggle or magic tricks
• puzzles (jigsaw, "tavern games," Rubik's cube)
• practice piano/strings
• call grandparents and/or email them those outdoor photos you took
• decorate fridge/chalkboard
• write emails/send letters/make cards
• long "play bath" with bubbles and toys
• read, alone or together
• doing hair or painting fingernails
• head, foot, shoulder, and/or back rubs
• dramatic play (used to be hibachi, school, vet; now Doctor Who and Star Wars)
• television/movie
• screen time (Animal Jam, Minecraft, DSi)
• (least favorite:  chores, esp. shoveling!!)

And, truly, bored is okay, too.  It can spark something more.  It won't hurt them.  (It might drive you nuts, though.)

What we don't do:  anything vaguely educational.  No need to do school things or school-like things on a day off; whatever they do is as valuable, albeit differently, as schoolwork.

Plus:  Miscellaneous activities, including coloring flowers, melting colored ice, etc.;

"Surviving a Snow Day with Children" by Dawn Meehan, from Motherlode;
also from Motherlode  comments from readers compiled here. 



Tips for the Staying-At-Home Parent

• You do not have to entertain the kiddos every hour of the day.
• If they get bickery, suggest chores til they figure it out.  They'll figure it out fast. (We have a rule that they can't repeatedly fight/bicker on the same floor where we are!  Which usually means going to their rooms.)
• Take a break from some of the routine--skip cleaning or laundry or the to-do list, so it's a vacation for you, too, unless ... 
• Unless you need a break, and then hide in the laundry room or at the sink--the kids will scatter (of course, if you are too overwhelmed and behind, do your routine if it helps.)
• We relax some of the rules, to make it special--eating in the living room, only jammies (as long as they brush teeth!), more screen time, more snacking, and stranger meal choices (breakfast for dinner; cake for breakfast--whatever!)
• I also like to keep to my treadmill time by myself.
• Make a phone call to a friend.
• Allow yourself some screen time, too.
• Don't worry if it's not a picture-book snow day filled only with beautiful, fun, peaceful memories.  There will be others.  And they're never, ever perfect.

And, finally, some humor.  

Hands-Free Hands On

I've been reading Hands Free Mama by Rachel Macy Stafford, one of those books via popular blogs that inundate the shelves these days.  Her essays are very popular on Huff Post and FB, being reposted and such repeatedly.  As I sympathize with the idea of mindful parenting freed from the distraction of digital media, I picked it up--I can always use new techniques for keeping my smartphone off!

I probably shouldn't have read it all at once, with its earnest stories of how much she had gained from turning what seemed like her entire world towards her children and her poetic reflections on the rewards of presence.  It became very repetitive very quickly, especially as it was lacking in any kind of critical analysis of the causes of such distraction personally or culturally, her own challenges and failures, the advantages and disadvantages of such a child-centered almost-attachment parenting, and a more realistic way to adapt some of her ideas.  I must admit to speed-reading the last third.  Which isn't to say that I disagree, just that it's probably better as a blog, in smaller doses.

I started reading some bits aloud to the kids, having already explained what I was reading, dramatizing the reflections earnestly.  The kids got to giggling as I stared at them and beseeched them.  We created a "silly staring tuck-in" and I pretended to hold them and swear I'd never leave them and that I loved them and that I wouldn't do anything but stare at them, exaggerating Stafford's precepts.  Then I told them about bedtime when they were younger and all the songs we used to sing.  We did it over and over until they begged me to do it at bedtime.

And that I did, to their delight.

All of which is exactly Stafford's point.

Month of Gratitude: Other Parents

My gratitude for the weekend was for my Small Group Ministry (SGM) of parents of young children at our UU church.  This group meets monthly to discuss issues and ideas of concern and interest to parents, such as Newtown and also the spiritual lessons of parenting.  We also have monthly potlucks, more casual gatherings with the kiddos playing together.  I joined in January and we had a summer hiatus so I haven't been to many meetings, but the tight-knit group has been very welcoming.  We aren't even the only lesbian couple with twins!!  Go figure.  Though, we are the only family of color (but UU churches are pretty white, with a few multi-racial families.)  I'm not even the only vegetarian!!  So we fit right in.

And the food this weekend was great.

Chana Saag Aloo
A creamy savoury Indian dish using potatoes, spinach and chickpeas.
2 medium potatoes, peeled and chopped into 1″ cubes
2 cups cooked chickpeas (one 19oz can)
1 large onion, minced
4 cloves garlic, minced
1 can (398mL) coconut milk, or homemade (shockingly out of this, I had to substitute water during cooking and then stirred in some Greek yogurt for creaminess at end)
1 large bunch of fresh spinach, washed, dried, and chopped into thin strips (used frozen WF mixed greens)
1 large ripe tomato, chopped (used part of box of diced)
1/3 cup nutritional yeast (optional, but adds nice body to the flavour)
2 tbsp oil
2 tbsp curry powder
1 tsp cayenne pepper
salt to taste
In a heavy-bottomed pot, heat the oil over medium. Add the chopped potatoes, onions, garlic, and all the spices, and saute until the onions are translucent.
Add the cooked chickpeas, nutritional yeast (if desired), and can of coconut milk. Reduce heat to medium low and simmer for 25 minutes, or until the potatoes are tender.
Stir in the chopped spinach and tomatoes and cook until the spinach has wilted. Serve over a fragrant basmati or jasmin rice.
Makes enough for 4-6 people.

from VeganMania


Piggy Cookies
If you cover them as soon as they cool, they will remain soft and fluffy for a while, but as the days go by, they will harden and have the snap of a traditional cookie. If you want them to harden faster, don't cover them.

You can find pig-shaped cookie cutters online, or use any shape you like — but then, you need to change their name.

1 3/4 cups (10 ounces) firmly packed grated piloncillo or dark brown sugar

3/4 cup water

1 Ceylon cinnamon stick

1/2 pound (2 sticks) unsalted butter, cut into small pieces, at room temperature, plus more for the cookie sheets

2 tablespoons honey

4 1/4 cups all-purpose flour, plus more for dusting

1 teaspoon baking powder

1 teaspoon baking soda

1/2 teaspoon kosher or coarse sea salt

2 large eggs, lightly beaten, at room temperature, plus

1 large egg, lightly beaten, for glaze

Confectioners' sugar for dusting (optional)

1. In a medium saucepan, combine the piloncillo, water, and cinnamon and bring to a simmer over medium heat. Lower the heat to medium-low and simmer for about 15 minutes, or until the piloncillo has dissolved and the liquid thickens to a light syrup. Turn off the heat and remove the cinnamon stick.

Add the butter and honey and stir until they melt.

2. In a large bowl, whisk together the flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. Make a well in the center and pour in the piloncillo mixture. Mix with a rubber spatula until well combined. Add 2 of the eggs and stir until thoroughly mixed. The dough will be very sticky and gooey.

3. Place two long pieces of plastic wrap, one running horizontally and one vertically, in a medium bowl, letting the ends overhang the edges of the bowl. With a rubber spatula, scrape the dough onto the plastic wrap, then bring the edges of the wrap over the dough and secure tightly (leave the dough in the bowl). Refrigerate for at least 2 hours, or up to 2 days.

4. Preheat the oven to 375°F, with racks in the upper and lower thirds. Butter two cookie sheets.

5. Sprinkle flour on a work surface and a rolling pin. Cut the dough in half. Working with one piece at a time, roll out the dough about 1/4-inch thick. Using a 3-inch piggy cookie cutter, press straight down on the dough to cut out cookies, moving the cutter slightly on the work surface to make it easier to lift up the cookies. Gather the scraps into a ball and roll out again. Transfer the cookies to the prepared cookie sheets, spacing them about 1-inch apart. If the dough becomes too sticky, roll it into a ball, wrap it again in plastic wrap, and place it in the freezer for 5 to 10 minutes before rolling again.

6. Gently brush the cookie tops with the remaining egg. Bake in batches for 7 to 9 minutes, or until the cookies are puffed and golden on top. Remove from the oven and transfer to a cooling rack to cool completely. Sift confectioners' sugar on top of the cooled cookies, if desired.

on NPR
Excerpted from Pati's Mexican Table: The Secrets of Real Mexican Home Cooking by Pat Jinich. Copyright 2013 by Pat Jinich. Excerpted by permission of Houghton Mifflin Harcourt.