Lots of realizations this week:
Mama and I have been parents longer than we were together alone--ten years of each now, more if you count pregnancy, which is kinda limbo.
And then, if you count them separately, we've been parenting for 20 years!
I'm a better person for having kids, in all ways . . . except physically, I suppose. But as much as that dominates, I wouldn't change a thing. Seriously. Children are like egg to a stock: clarifying. Priorities. Values. Desires. Strengths. Weaknesses. I've never been so aware of my faults, but, if honest, I can see what I'm good at, too; on a good day, I try accept both with equanimity, and try to extend it to everyone. I spend so much time pondering big and little questions, that I have more answers, but more questions, than I ever did. I'm more connected to everything and everyone around me and see a much bigger picture. I don't think this is just a result of age, but perhaps of having more in common with all the parents out there. Of course, I'm more sensitive and vulnerable with all of this awareness of connection. I think I enjoy happiness more but suffer through disappointments and sadnesses a little more tenderly. Who was it who said that having children is like having a giant open wound? (It wasn't this piece, which I like. Motherhood definitely makes me more sentimental and nostalgic. Corny would be the word.) I worry about death--my own, theirs, anybody's, more than I was ever conscious of mortality before. Maybe that's what draws me to hospice. Motherhood takes me so much out of myself, but at the same time, has me thinking about my thoughts and actions all the time; it's an odd combination of altruism and narcissism. Same with the kids. I think more about everyone's kids, and everyone as a child, but at the end of it, it is only my children . . . .
And despite all of the stress and work children are, which can wear on the connection between their parents, Mama and I are a stronger, better couple now. Sure, we don't do as much alone or talk together of many other things besides the kids or family matters, but our sense of love, our knowledge of our strengths and weakness, our support of such, and our respect for each other has grown enormously because we are tried and challenged (and tired), together and individually, everyday in ways that wouldn't have happened. And we know enough to recognize that and appreciate it.
It's good to remember this now--a decade in, two digits--because everyone keeps telling me how much adolescence messes with both the adolescents and their parents. The emotions are so powerful and overwhelming as they leave behind aspects of childhood and are confused and saddened by it, as are we. But just as she walks away to the bus for camp without looking back, she comes home and hugs on her beloved stuffed bunny Amy; it's the limbo between childhood and adulthood. I see it already, would delay it if I could, though probably not really because I know it's necessary. And I take it so personally, already feel a little left behind alone, which is not the way to go. Good thing we have some time before it's full blown.
There are good things, too. They understand more, appreciate more, do more, know more. They are old enough to try things we like to do, like travel, eating out, going to Broadway, reading certain books and see certain films--we can share more of ourselves with them now; let's face it, babies and toddlers and preschoolers are rather limited that way (fun in others, of course, but infanthood was not ever my favorite part.) Now, they remember the stories we tell and the things we do. And they like some of it! Which, of course, is a way of their getting to know and remember us, some kind of salve against the inevitable.
Of course, the new stories, activities, skills, experiences go both ways. They expand our world just as they deepen our appreciation of it. Ice skating, horses, kung fu, Legos, video games, violin, piano, cello, sushi, sci-fi/fantasy (yes, as much as we raised them to be geeks, they push us further into it with their own obsessions)--I can go on and on. There is an essay about being friends with your children, one of many on either side of the debate, by Mama Eve, that notes, "I try to be an example of the friend I want my children to be to others, and also of the kind of person I want my children to be friends with." The exciting bit about tweendom and adolescence, with all of its downs, is the upside of getting to know them better as they get to know themselves. If the last ten years are anything to go on, the next ten years are going to be amazing, though I'll admit to some bias.
All of which is a rambling (and corny) way of saying "happy birthday" to Sis and Bud and that we are so grateful and blessed to have you.
Showing posts with label twins. Show all posts
Showing posts with label twins. Show all posts
Saturday, July 11, 2015
Wednesday, June 18, 2014
Proud
We found out last night that the kids have been invited to join the advanced "honors" school program in our town. We were thrilled . . .and relieved, both because the invitations went out about 6 weeks later than last year (so we were on pins and needles waiting, knowing it was a possibility--and debating how we would challenge them if they weren't placed--private school? homeschool? enrichment? Despite great teachers who provided extra work, they still found third grade easy) and because it was both of them. I'd been worrying not just a little about what would happen if it were only one. Sure, kids are different and have different skills, but I didn't want one of them--and I never decided which one it would or wouldn't be--to feel less than. I was going to be fine with both or neither. But of course, I'm happy it's both. (Though, good public-school Democrat that I am, I wish more of the kids in town had access to this kind of program/critical-thinking skills and not just the top 6%, based on different math and reading assessments.)
When we told them, Bud hugged Sis and, to her credit, she didn't push him away. She only said, "So, I have to be in class with him for the next three years?" But she didn't really sound like she minded. Indeed, this morning she said she was happy.
And that she wants a bag of Ruffles as a reward!
When we told them, Bud hugged Sis and, to her credit, she didn't push him away. She only said, "So, I have to be in class with him for the next three years?" But she didn't really sound like she minded. Indeed, this morning she said she was happy.
And that she wants a bag of Ruffles as a reward!
Thursday, August 22, 2013
Familiarity Breeds Fondness?
Me: Do you want to go to Bud's kung fu performance or to the wedding?
Sis: Kung Fu.
Me (surprised): That's great, but can I ask why? I thought you might be tired of that.
Sis (also surprised): Because he's my brother.
Sis: Kung Fu.
Me (surprised): That's great, but can I ask why? I thought you might be tired of that.
Sis (also surprised): Because he's my brother.
Friday, August 16, 2013
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
Math Competition
Guess what the kiddos did yesterday on their first half-day of school?
Their summer math packets!
Sis started hers when she got home, running upstairs to her desk to work on it in quiet. Bud, of course, had to start his immediately lest she get ahead of him.
At some point, she decided she was done for the day and came down. But, upon hearing he was one page from being finished, she went back to doing hers!
So now they're both done and summer hasn't even started yet!! Nothing like sibling rivalry to get a job done.
(Of course, a math-teacher friend pointed out that it was a mistake to let them do the packets, that they needed them as refreshers later this summer. Blah.)
Their summer math packets!
Sis started hers when she got home, running upstairs to her desk to work on it in quiet. Bud, of course, had to start his immediately lest she get ahead of him.
At some point, she decided she was done for the day and came down. But, upon hearing he was one page from being finished, she went back to doing hers!
So now they're both done and summer hasn't even started yet!! Nothing like sibling rivalry to get a job done.
(Of course, a math-teacher friend pointed out that it was a mistake to let them do the packets, that they needed them as refreshers later this summer. Blah.)
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
It's a Twin Thing
Even with the separate rooms, they are still very much twins. This morning, unbeknownst to each other, they put on the exact same clothes--same shirt, same color shorts, and same baseball hat for field day!
And then this evening, again without prior planning, they both put on the same Perry the Platypus pajama tops!
And then this evening, again without prior planning, they both put on the same Perry the Platypus pajama tops!
Sunday, June 2, 2013
Metamorphosis Continues
It began with Bud sleeping in the guest bed in our library after a tiff with Sis.
He hasn't gone back to "their" room.
Then, touching my mother's heart, they decided to have a sleepover in her room and giggled and talked just like old times . . . until another tiff sent him back to his room.
Sigh.
Today we continued the process whereby his room looks a little less like our library and a little more like his own room. While I cheered her on and the kids helped where they could, Mama relocated two huge bookcases with about 700 books from Bud's new room to ours. And to do that, she put my desk in Sis's room where Bud's dresser had been, which she also moved to Bud's new room. We've gotten the second floor back in order as best we can, though there are bags and boxes holding the contents of what used to be my desk. And some random things in piles that need to be distributed. We just ran out of steam. Just watching Mama made me tired.
There are still about a thousand books to move, which are in the built in shelves in Bud's room, and the contents of a closet. But it's good for now. Eventually, we'll move the futon to the basement and the glider to . . . somewhere.
It's still a bit bittersweet having them separate, though it was always the plan. Kinda one of those getting-older milestones.
I just hope the sleepover works out eventually.
I want them to stay friends.
He hasn't gone back to "their" room.
Then, touching my mother's heart, they decided to have a sleepover in her room and giggled and talked just like old times . . . until another tiff sent him back to his room.
Sigh.
Today we continued the process whereby his room looks a little less like our library and a little more like his own room. While I cheered her on and the kids helped where they could, Mama relocated two huge bookcases with about 700 books from Bud's new room to ours. And to do that, she put my desk in Sis's room where Bud's dresser had been, which she also moved to Bud's new room. We've gotten the second floor back in order as best we can, though there are bags and boxes holding the contents of what used to be my desk. And some random things in piles that need to be distributed. We just ran out of steam. Just watching Mama made me tired.
There are still about a thousand books to move, which are in the built in shelves in Bud's room, and the contents of a closet. But it's good for now. Eventually, we'll move the futon to the basement and the glider to . . . somewhere.
It's still a bit bittersweet having them separate, though it was always the plan. Kinda one of those getting-older milestones.
I just hope the sleepover works out eventually.
I want them to stay friends.
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Separate Bedrooms
I think it's official: the kids are not roommates anymore.
After an initial spar that had Bud seeking another room, they've stayed separate. First Sis was upset; then Bud misunderstood that he couldn't have both rooms. Now, though, they seem to understand and like the separate rooms, even though Bud's is still our library and not quite a real bedroom. Except it has a bed.
While I'm happy for Sis, especially, who craved her own room and its attendant privacy, and now even for Bud who is excited to have his own independent space, I worry that they won't continue the closeness that until recently was strengthened by their nightly chats. Even though they've been getting on each other's nerves more recently, they still often make up with giggles, plans, and stories after lights out.
I imagine, though, there comes a time when male-female twins separate some from each other, perhaps sooner, or even more easily than same-gender or identical twins. I don't know. But we're definitely at a turning point. It was going to happen sooner or later and it's probably best to do it on their own time schedule.
I'll adjust.
Even if I'll miss having a library space.
After an initial spar that had Bud seeking another room, they've stayed separate. First Sis was upset; then Bud misunderstood that he couldn't have both rooms. Now, though, they seem to understand and like the separate rooms, even though Bud's is still our library and not quite a real bedroom. Except it has a bed.
While I'm happy for Sis, especially, who craved her own room and its attendant privacy, and now even for Bud who is excited to have his own independent space, I worry that they won't continue the closeness that until recently was strengthened by their nightly chats. Even though they've been getting on each other's nerves more recently, they still often make up with giggles, plans, and stories after lights out.
I imagine, though, there comes a time when male-female twins separate some from each other, perhaps sooner, or even more easily than same-gender or identical twins. I don't know. But we're definitely at a turning point. It was going to happen sooner or later and it's probably best to do it on their own time schedule.
I'll adjust.
Even if I'll miss having a library space.
Monday, May 20, 2013
Ready, Set, No.
After much pleading and some discussion, we agreed to allow Sis and Bud to have separate rooms. While mainly at Sis's behest--she craves privacy and independence--Bud is slowly warming to the idea. It's quite an undertaking, as the extra room right now contains the cat litter box and hundreds of books; yes, it's our storage room. So the books will have to go to the basement or just go and the toys in the basement will go to the kids' respective rooms, with the appropriate furniture redistributed. But that's a lot of up and down and carrying for two women with bad backs; we'll probably hire local movers or a teenager. I figure it will be done in time for the kids to start third grade next year.
Last night, however, things sped up considerably. The kiddos, exhausted from a weekend of late nights--Sis's gymnastics exhibition was Saturday night (she did well and had fun; we had pizza and Dole Whip afterwards at 10 pm!) and Goo came up for the weekend to attend--were annoying each other and grumbling to us. So I finally asked if Bud wanted to sleep in the other room. Surprisingly, he said yes and proceeded to get quite comfortable.
Sis was hysterical. "I wanted him to go this summer, but I'm not ready yet." She cried and cried that he was leaving her, even though it had been her idea originally. Poor child, so upset (and exhausted.) Bud eventually went in to talk to her, asking if this meant that she didn't want him to move out this summer. We didn't hear the answer (but believe she said, no, she still wanted him to move.) But the drama ended, last night anyway, when Bud loaned Sis his penguin Tango to sleep with.
We had always worried that Bud was going to feel hurt by the transition and were unprepared for Sis's hurt feelings last night. We'll have to discuss it tonight, see if we can resolve it some, because Bud wants to sleep in the other room again tonight. And Sis doesn't want him to. Twins--don't want to be together, won't separate.
Last night, however, things sped up considerably. The kiddos, exhausted from a weekend of late nights--Sis's gymnastics exhibition was Saturday night (she did well and had fun; we had pizza and Dole Whip afterwards at 10 pm!) and Goo came up for the weekend to attend--were annoying each other and grumbling to us. So I finally asked if Bud wanted to sleep in the other room. Surprisingly, he said yes and proceeded to get quite comfortable.
Sis was hysterical. "I wanted him to go this summer, but I'm not ready yet." She cried and cried that he was leaving her, even though it had been her idea originally. Poor child, so upset (and exhausted.) Bud eventually went in to talk to her, asking if this meant that she didn't want him to move out this summer. We didn't hear the answer (but believe she said, no, she still wanted him to move.) But the drama ended, last night anyway, when Bud loaned Sis his penguin Tango to sleep with.
We had always worried that Bud was going to feel hurt by the transition and were unprepared for Sis's hurt feelings last night. We'll have to discuss it tonight, see if we can resolve it some, because Bud wants to sleep in the other room again tonight. And Sis doesn't want him to. Twins--don't want to be together, won't separate.
Monday, December 17, 2012
Thoughts on Newtown
"There will be many explanations but none will fully explain."
It is a different experience living so close to such a national tragedy. Sure, I mourned the victims in Columbine, Virginia Tech, Aurora, and elsewhere, but here and now I feel like I know them. At most I am two degrees of separation from the victims, survivors, and first responders. Friends of friends. A friend's brother-in-law was on the scene as a firefighter; another friend's sister-in-law was one of the school psychologists working with the families at the firehouse on Friday; our teacher knew the teacher who died while hiding and protecting her students; yet another teacher texted a friend who teaches at Sandy Hook and reached her during lockdown unsure of what was unfolding. It's not just national news here; it's local and personal and immediate.
I went to church yesterday, looking for some time and space to sit with my thoughts and feelings. It was the music service, with some additional readings and meditations. And while I had perhaps looked forward to a whole, thoughtful sermon, the music was perfect, allowing me the chance to sit, hug Sis and Bud, put my arms around Mama. Once the kids went to class, the assistant minister rose and spoke briefly, giving a uniquely Unitarian Universalist take on the Newtown shooting. She said that there would be many explanations but none that would fully explain why Adam Lanza killed so many people at Sandy Hook. And then she talked about the shooter, how he was so divorced and disengaged from comprehending his own worth and dignity that he couldn't begin to perceive it in others. His only answer to the precious gift of life that he could not understand was to end it for others and then himself.
We can't know, ever, I believe, what triggered him that day to shoot and kill people, to go to the school of all places and end young lives just at their very beginnings and those of the adults protecting them. And for me, the specific "why" of Lanza's motives doesn't matter because it doesn't change what happened (and beyond that, I accept the fact of human suffering, in all it's incarnation, even the most incomprehensible and tragic; it's not rational, it just is). I have compassion for him, for the isolation he must have experienced that led to his separation from his humanity.
And I have compassion for his victims:
Charlotte. Daniel. Olivia. Josephine. Ana. Dylan. Madeleine. Catherine. Chase. Jesse. James. Grace. Emilie. Jack. Noah. Caroline. Jessica. Benjamin. Avielle. Alison. Dawn Hochsprung. Mary Sherlach. Vicki Soto. Lauren Rousseau. Rachel Davino. Anne Marie Murphy.
These are the names to remember, the lost children and teachers.
But I do believe change needs to happen. Change in our treatment of people with mental illness (for a touching essay on this, see here). Change in our laws controlling guns and ammunition, and I hope Obama follows up and is able to help us change our answer about protecting our children from "no" to "yes" (see here for President Obama's speech at the memorial service; here for a thought-provoking essay on widespread and public gun ownership as the antithesis of a civil and free democracy.) Change in the sensationalist media that thrives on such news (and some believe--though NOT Morgan Freeman originally--that the media is one of the culprits by canonizing evil-doers and creating one-upmanship.) Even change in our support (financially and morally) of teachers and schools.
I have to admit to some pessimism that we will reach a compromise on these issues, particularly when FB is full of posts quoting Mike Huckabee who believes the removal of prayer in school led to the uptick in school shootings, other posts saying we deserve it because of abortion deaths, even others saying that if there weren't laws banning carrying guns in schools those teacher would've shot back and no one but the shooter would have died. I'm waiting to see the quote that says Connecticut deserves such murders because we have same-sex marriage (Falwell said something similar about Florida and Hurricane Andrew). Of course, the liberals have their posts (and can be just as intractable as conservatives) about gun control stating guns do kill people (as opposed to the Chinese school tragedy, where the 22 children stabbed all lived) and the importance of mental health initiatives. Clearly we are a house divided, very much along the same geographical lines at almost 160 years ago.
But we'll try, in memory of those named above and in honor of our children and teachers and first responders still living, so that perhaps no one will go through this again anytime soon.
Because today, right now as I type, they are burying Noah Pozner. I don't know Noah or his family. When I first heard about the loss of the kindergarten class, I thought, "If it were our school, our family would be gone," because our twins are in the same class. And I hoped twins weren't killed. Well "twins" weren't, but one twin was. Today as Noah Pozner is buried, his six-year-old twin sister Arielle will be at his funeral.
And so I make prayer shawls and huggable monsters, sign petitions and make donations, hug my children and pray:
May the souls of the victims be at ease.
May their family members and friends be comforted.
May the survivors be comforted.May the firefighters and other first responders be comforted.
May their Newtown neighbors and community be comforted.
May their fellow Nutmeggers be comforted.
May those who have lost loved ones to gun violence be comforted.
May those who have been survivors of gun violence be comforted.
May other people who suffered loss, pain,and illness during this holiday be comforted.
May people who suffer loss, pain, and illness be comforted.
May the people who help and care for them be comforted.
May those who struggle with the challenges of mental illness be comforted.
May those whose loved ones struggle with mental illness be comforted.
May we all be at ease and come to the end of suffering.
It is a different experience living so close to such a national tragedy. Sure, I mourned the victims in Columbine, Virginia Tech, Aurora, and elsewhere, but here and now I feel like I know them. At most I am two degrees of separation from the victims, survivors, and first responders. Friends of friends. A friend's brother-in-law was on the scene as a firefighter; another friend's sister-in-law was one of the school psychologists working with the families at the firehouse on Friday; our teacher knew the teacher who died while hiding and protecting her students; yet another teacher texted a friend who teaches at Sandy Hook and reached her during lockdown unsure of what was unfolding. It's not just national news here; it's local and personal and immediate.
I went to church yesterday, looking for some time and space to sit with my thoughts and feelings. It was the music service, with some additional readings and meditations. And while I had perhaps looked forward to a whole, thoughtful sermon, the music was perfect, allowing me the chance to sit, hug Sis and Bud, put my arms around Mama. Once the kids went to class, the assistant minister rose and spoke briefly, giving a uniquely Unitarian Universalist take on the Newtown shooting. She said that there would be many explanations but none that would fully explain why Adam Lanza killed so many people at Sandy Hook. And then she talked about the shooter, how he was so divorced and disengaged from comprehending his own worth and dignity that he couldn't begin to perceive it in others. His only answer to the precious gift of life that he could not understand was to end it for others and then himself.
We can't know, ever, I believe, what triggered him that day to shoot and kill people, to go to the school of all places and end young lives just at their very beginnings and those of the adults protecting them. And for me, the specific "why" of Lanza's motives doesn't matter because it doesn't change what happened (and beyond that, I accept the fact of human suffering, in all it's incarnation, even the most incomprehensible and tragic; it's not rational, it just is). I have compassion for him, for the isolation he must have experienced that led to his separation from his humanity.
And I have compassion for his victims:
Charlotte. Daniel. Olivia. Josephine. Ana. Dylan. Madeleine. Catherine. Chase. Jesse. James. Grace. Emilie. Jack. Noah. Caroline. Jessica. Benjamin. Avielle. Alison. Dawn Hochsprung. Mary Sherlach. Vicki Soto. Lauren Rousseau. Rachel Davino. Anne Marie Murphy.
These are the names to remember, the lost children and teachers.
But I do believe change needs to happen. Change in our treatment of people with mental illness (for a touching essay on this, see here). Change in our laws controlling guns and ammunition, and I hope Obama follows up and is able to help us change our answer about protecting our children from "no" to "yes" (see here for President Obama's speech at the memorial service; here for a thought-provoking essay on widespread and public gun ownership as the antithesis of a civil and free democracy.) Change in the sensationalist media that thrives on such news (and some believe--though NOT Morgan Freeman originally--that the media is one of the culprits by canonizing evil-doers and creating one-upmanship.) Even change in our support (financially and morally) of teachers and schools.
I have to admit to some pessimism that we will reach a compromise on these issues, particularly when FB is full of posts quoting Mike Huckabee who believes the removal of prayer in school led to the uptick in school shootings, other posts saying we deserve it because of abortion deaths, even others saying that if there weren't laws banning carrying guns in schools those teacher would've shot back and no one but the shooter would have died. I'm waiting to see the quote that says Connecticut deserves such murders because we have same-sex marriage (Falwell said something similar about Florida and Hurricane Andrew). Of course, the liberals have their posts (and can be just as intractable as conservatives) about gun control stating guns do kill people (as opposed to the Chinese school tragedy, where the 22 children stabbed all lived) and the importance of mental health initiatives. Clearly we are a house divided, very much along the same geographical lines at almost 160 years ago.
But we'll try, in memory of those named above and in honor of our children and teachers and first responders still living, so that perhaps no one will go through this again anytime soon.
Because today, right now as I type, they are burying Noah Pozner. I don't know Noah or his family. When I first heard about the loss of the kindergarten class, I thought, "If it were our school, our family would be gone," because our twins are in the same class. And I hoped twins weren't killed. Well "twins" weren't, but one twin was. Today as Noah Pozner is buried, his six-year-old twin sister Arielle will be at his funeral.
And so I make prayer shawls and huggable monsters, sign petitions and make donations, hug my children and pray:
May the souls of the victims be at ease.
May their family members and friends be comforted.
May the survivors be comforted.May the firefighters and other first responders be comforted.
May their Newtown neighbors and community be comforted.
May their fellow Nutmeggers be comforted.
May those who have lost loved ones to gun violence be comforted.
May those who have been survivors of gun violence be comforted.
May other people who suffered loss, pain,and illness during this holiday be comforted.
May people who suffer loss, pain, and illness be comforted.
May the people who help and care for them be comforted.
May those who struggle with the challenges of mental illness be comforted.
May those whose loved ones struggle with mental illness be comforted.
May we all be at ease and come to the end of suffering.
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Our Bi-Annual Tradition
Our birthday and New Year's tradition . . . (Note: While Mama and I answered these in July, I just got the kids' answers today--Pokemon is a recent phenomenon and wouldn't have made the list on their birthdays! Two months ago, favorites were Ninjago, Legos, "Phineas and Ferb", Harry Potter, Star Wars, etc, much like at Christmas. Funny how similar the lists are, though, right? Twin thing?)
Bud
Mama:
Sis
Book: Runny Babbit
TV show: "Pokemon"
Movie: Pokemon: Mew Two Strikes Back
Song: Pokemon theme and Poke rap
Color: pink
Number: 7
Food: chocolate
Flavor: chocolate
Animal: bunny
Day of the Week: Friday, Saturday, Sunday
Ice Cream: chocolate
Candy: Tootsie Rolls
Restaurant: Chinese food
Toy/Thing: Pokemon figures
Thing to do: play Pokemon and DS
Place to go: swimming or the aquarium
Saying/Words: "murph"
Happy thoughts every night: bunnies, Pokemon, Pikachu
What she wants to be when she grows up: vet
Book: Hero Factory
TV show: "Pokemon"
Movie: Pokemon: Mew Two Strikes Back
Song: Pokemon theme and Poke rap
CD:
Musician:
Color: blue
Number: 7
Food: spaghetti
Flavor: strawberry
Animal: penguin
Day of the Week: Friday, Saturday, Sunday
Ice Cream: strawberry
Candy: Skittles
Restaurant: sushi
Toy/Thing: Pokemon figures
Thing to do: iPad apps
Place to go: Antarctica
What he wants to be when he grows up: an artist
Mama:
Book: Winnie the Pooh and The Emperor of All Maladies
TV show: 2012 London Olympics
Movie: Brave
Song: "Ordinary Miracle"
Musician: Indigo Girls
Color: forest green
Number: 13
Food: Vietnamese
Flavor: sea salt
Animal: panda-cat-manatee-koala-dragons
Day of the Week: Saturday
Ice Cream: Grapenut
Candy: gummi bears
Restaurant: Wood's Seafood, Plymouth, MA or anywhere I can crack lobsters with Bud
Toy/Thing: iPad
Thing to do: Play DS with the kids or pet the cats
Place to go: Almost anywhere overnight
Place to go: Almost anywhere overnight
Saying/Words: What's your goal?
Happy thoughts every night: N/A
What she wants to be when she grows up: joyful
Me:
Book: anything by Sylvia Boorstein; 97 Orchard by Jane Ziegelman;
TV show: "Glee," "Smash," "Taste of History,"
Movie: Brave
Song: "Born this Way"
CD: Brave soundtrack; songs from "Glee"
Color: purple; rainbow
Number: 12
Food: smoothies
Flavor: chocolate
Animal: sea otters
Day of the Week: Saturday
Ice Cream: strawberry soda ice cream
Candy: dark chocolate
Restaurant: Jamaican, Middle Eastern, Ethiopian, Indian
Toy/Thing: juggling balls
Thing to do: be with family, bake, blog,
Place to go: bookstore, together; weekend outings anywhere with family
Saying/Words: "Keep calm and carry on"
Happy thoughts every night: my family
What I want to be when she grows up: I don't know, which is why I ask little kids--for ideas (cribbed from Paula Poundstone!)
Saturday, July 21, 2012
Summer Fun: Twinsleep
On Wednesday, Sis relished being the only child at home while Bud was at kung fu team. She even went to bed early so his "talk talk talk talk talking" wouldn't keep her awake. I said that if it really bothered her she could have her own room. Her reply, "But how would I sleep without him?" But Friday night, she couldn't even get in bed without his coming home from team first. In fact, she spent most of the approximately 3 hours we had together wondering when he'd get here. Because they've only slept apart maybe 3 nights (all that first week when he was in the NICU) in 2,555 days!
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Fun and Games at Camp
The kiddos are loving their first week of camp: wacky dress-up, hiking, tie-dye, fishing, row-boating, rock painting, swimming, campfire cooking, and playing games. They spent last night telling us all about the various yard games they were playing, many of them unfamiliar to me:
- 1 to 20--There's singing "one and twenty, two and twenty, three and twenty, four five six and twenty, twenty seven, twenty eight, twenty nine, thirty . . . " and some kind of movement (some of these games don't have clear rules or goals!)
- What Time is it, Mr. Fox?-- Kids line up opposite Mr. Fox. He calls out times. If it's 1 o'clock, take one step, 2 o'clock, two steps. When he calls "midnight" or "dinner time"--run to the opposite side without being tagged.
- Avalanche and Tsunami--You have five seconds to find a place when "it" calls avalanche or tsunami. For avalanche, hide behind an object; for tsunami, get as high up as you can. They weren't clear on the goal of the game.
Bud's camp is only a week and he's already sorry to go, asking if he can stay all summer. Sis will feel the same way about her camp next week, for sure. But then they'll have each other, after three full weeks of being separated, a very first for them. It'll be interesting to see how it all goes.
Saturday, May 5, 2012
Not MOT
I feel like I've graduated from a club and become an alumna--in the Mother of Twins club. Of course, I still have the twins, but it's not obvious anymore. Because they aren't in front of me in a double stroller or beside me one in each hand. It's odd. People can converse with me, even know me some, without realizing that my daughter and son are twins. And not just because the kids are usually in school and not with me during outings. People can even see us all together and never guess, even though the kiddos are almost the same height and weight and clearly not nine months or more apart.
So it's odd not to be the mom with twins anymore (though, I think I still stick out as the white lesbian with a Chinese wife and biracial kids!). No one has said, "Oh, double trouble!" or the even more ubiquitous, "I'm glad I don't have twins!" to me in such a long time. I still get, "Ah, the perfect family--a boy and a girl!" but not because they're twins (funny how so many people think that a boy and a girl is perfect. I just can't agree. I think family can come in many shapes, sizes, and genders, with or without kids). In fact, the question I field most often now is "Oh, are they twins?"
Even if their twin-ness is not so readily apparent anymore, Sis and Bud are still very much twins. They are almost inseparable, even when they are fighting. When they do different activities, they still keep tabs on exactly where their sibling is and what their twin is up to. They are usually content to be alone together without other playmates. They can't imagine not being in the same class or the same bedroom. And when they are apart--for Girl Scouts, kung fu, separate birthday parties--they generally have a moment or two of thinking of their twin, asking questions, wanting to share.
I meet adults who are twins and always find myself looking for the other one even though I intellectually know that twins do go their separate ways, and rightly so. It just seems odd to have just one twin, counter-intuitive when mine are still very much a pair. Because even though I'm not so clearly a MOT, they are still very much twins to me and to each other.
So it's odd not to be the mom with twins anymore (though, I think I still stick out as the white lesbian with a Chinese wife and biracial kids!). No one has said, "Oh, double trouble!" or the even more ubiquitous, "I'm glad I don't have twins!" to me in such a long time. I still get, "Ah, the perfect family--a boy and a girl!" but not because they're twins (funny how so many people think that a boy and a girl is perfect. I just can't agree. I think family can come in many shapes, sizes, and genders, with or without kids). In fact, the question I field most often now is "Oh, are they twins?"
Even if their twin-ness is not so readily apparent anymore, Sis and Bud are still very much twins. They are almost inseparable, even when they are fighting. When they do different activities, they still keep tabs on exactly where their sibling is and what their twin is up to. They are usually content to be alone together without other playmates. They can't imagine not being in the same class or the same bedroom. And when they are apart--for Girl Scouts, kung fu, separate birthday parties--they generally have a moment or two of thinking of their twin, asking questions, wanting to share.
I meet adults who are twins and always find myself looking for the other one even though I intellectually know that twins do go their separate ways, and rightly so. It just seems odd to have just one twin, counter-intuitive when mine are still very much a pair. Because even though I'm not so clearly a MOT, they are still very much twins to me and to each other.
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Twinsies!
Mama has torn her L5/SI1 and has a protrusion in her L4/5, according to her doctor and the MRI.
She even got a lift in her right shoe because that leg is shorter.
She'll be on a course of steroids and might have a spinal injection in a few weeks. And she has PT.
Let's just hope she doesn't become allergic to NSAIDs, too!
We didn't realize that, along with women synching up* their menstrual cycles, it can happen with musco-skeletal issues too!
The kids think it's funny that their moms are now like twins, too.
*It's an urban myth and such synchronicity really only works in large populations of women living closely together--prisons, the army, convents, sororities--not every lesbian couple.
She even got a lift in her right shoe because that leg is shorter.
She'll be on a course of steroids and might have a spinal injection in a few weeks. And she has PT.
Let's just hope she doesn't become allergic to NSAIDs, too!
We didn't realize that, along with women synching up* their menstrual cycles, it can happen with musco-skeletal issues too!
The kids think it's funny that their moms are now like twins, too.
*It's an urban myth and such synchronicity really only works in large populations of women living closely together--prisons, the army, convents, sororities--not every lesbian couple.
Friday, February 17, 2012
Twin Time
After a week of having a sick child--same child, poor Sis, with a stomach virus and then a cold virus--we are all glad it is Friday and that they are both in school.
They are usually so inseparable that illness is always a trial. Now that Bud is older, he totally understood "stay away from your sister unless you want to throw up, too." But he did not quite fathom why Mama and I were busy taking care of her, though. And was desperate for his own time, or better yet, to stay home, too.
And then, when she was home with me on Tuesday and Wednesday, she kept asking when he would be home from school. "Is that the bus?" she was asking by 9:30 a.m.
He even got off the bus the first day practically in tears, "It was so lonely."
Last night was they first time they'd played together in almost a week and they had such fun with their Ninjago Legos, thirstily drinking up time together as if they'd been separate for months.
Perhaps a day or two apart is longer to twins (just like sometimes a few grumpy minutes together feels like "always" to them). Twin time.
(For more on the experience of twins, in this case in infancy--something I never got around to blogging--see the blog "Double the Trouble, Double the Fun.")
They are usually so inseparable that illness is always a trial. Now that Bud is older, he totally understood "stay away from your sister unless you want to throw up, too." But he did not quite fathom why Mama and I were busy taking care of her, though. And was desperate for his own time, or better yet, to stay home, too.
And then, when she was home with me on Tuesday and Wednesday, she kept asking when he would be home from school. "Is that the bus?" she was asking by 9:30 a.m.
He even got off the bus the first day practically in tears, "It was so lonely."
Last night was they first time they'd played together in almost a week and they had such fun with their Ninjago Legos, thirstily drinking up time together as if they'd been separate for months.
Perhaps a day or two apart is longer to twins (just like sometimes a few grumpy minutes together feels like "always" to them). Twin time.
(For more on the experience of twins, in this case in infancy--something I never got around to blogging--see the blog "Double the Trouble, Double the Fun.")
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
More Cat Drama
Well, Albus is home and happy, but Hermione is now at the vet's. She stopped eating and drinking when Albus went to the hospital and she sat in the same place downstairs on the couch for the 24 hours he was gone. But she was no happier when he got home because she didn't like his hospital smell (they recognize each other by scent more than by sight). She actually hissed and hid from him. And still didn't eat or drink. So this morning, after we spoke to the vet, Hermione went for observation and tests. Good news: it really is probably stress. Our poor sweet cat is totally freaked out. We're hoping that she'll be home from the vet later this afternoon. And that maybe her brother will smell more like himself and she'll calm down some. Yep, we'll be doing some play therapy with her tonight. And wishing for the best. I knew cats had separation anxiety when one died (and so they tell you to show the deceased cat to the living one because they understand death better than disappearance) but not when they were separated for a day. I guess next time, she'll just have to go with him to the hospital! And vice versa. It's like having another set of twins . . . .
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
One Child Left Behind
If last week had a theme, it would've been "one child left behind." Both Sis and Bud experienced some twin separation anxiety, which caused not a little upset.
For two days last week, Bud and I were home together because he's had a fever (he has a head cold but is back in school). In many ways, we both enjoyed our alone time together. We had time to leisurely enjoy activities that he chose without coordinating, compromising, or sharing with Sis. Legos, books, music, chess, even laughing through their new favorite show "Phineas and Ferb." It was more peaceful because there was no fighting, bickering, negotiating, payback, blaming. But as the lows weren't as low, the highs weren't as high. Bud missed Sis and wondered what she was doing and when she'd be home. As for Sis, she coped with being alone at school and also demonstrated lots of empathy by making him penguin art projects each morning before she left (while he was still asleep), bringing home a pumpkin and a scarecrow just for him (she chose the crow one that was black like a penguin), checking on him, treating him gently (letting him sleep in, etc).
Turnaround happened over the weekend when Sis struggled with stopping kung fu class. She doesn't really like kung fu as much as Bud, having challenges converting her left-handedness to right, being much smaller even than the weapons she has to use, following movements precisely (left-right, clockwise and counter, doing more than one motion at a time, i.e. not hands and feet simultaneously--all just like me! I'm completely unable to follow dance steps fully and correctly), struggling with imperfection and embarrassment when she makes mistakes. She's given it her best through two belts and a competition. If she wanted to stop now (we really try not to say "quit"), we'd support her. But she was devastated at knowing that Bud would continue without her, would learn things she didn't, would do something she didn't. When it came down to it, she just couldn't stop and will continue kung fu, for now.
We haven't spent much energy researching twin dynamics, feeling that with boy-girl/fraternal twins, we had less to worry about because we believed they would develop separate personalities and strengths without being constantly confused with each other. But we overlooked how bonded they are. They are always together--at home, at school, at kung fu, at church. They seek each other out and don't want to be apart, despite disagreements when they are together. Have separate bedrooms? They fear sleeping alone. Take separate classes? They prefer being in class together over being separated like last year. The only thing they do truly separately--Sis goes to Girl Scouts twice a month--causing enormous pain for Bud, who feels left behind, jealous, sad, all the things Sis couldn't cope with about stopping kung fu. Sometimes we split up and each mom takes a child, but that's temporary and irregular--and they've really come to prefer not splitting up. And, while they have differences in personalities, they don't really explore separate interests, liking the same shows, games, activities, etc.
As Mom, it's hard to watch them struggle in separation, to see them hurt, to know it's necessary even while it's painful, to wonder how I could now or could have made it easier. I have always been thrilled to have twins--not because I got "a whole, perfect family--a boy and a girl--in one shot," as so many people say--but because I liked having two together (and no, I don't know if it's "double trouble" and I have no comment when people say they wouldn't want twins or couldn't handle it), to know they'd have the special twin bond. But spending two whole days with Bud, I realize what we've all missed (and I instantly wanted to give Sis our own two days with her home!). Of course, second and other children never really get that alone time either, until they're older; depending on the age spread, older kids might not remember being alone. Though age differences (especially compounded by gender differences) create their own separate "alone times" and independence. I don't have any answers; I'm not even done digesting it all. Even with this new clarity, I feel the bonuses of twindom outweigh the disadvantages for us. It's just been a teachable moment for all of us to consider how we'll all go forward separately and together.
But probably mostly together.
For two days last week, Bud and I were home together because he's had a fever (he has a head cold but is back in school). In many ways, we both enjoyed our alone time together. We had time to leisurely enjoy activities that he chose without coordinating, compromising, or sharing with Sis. Legos, books, music, chess, even laughing through their new favorite show "Phineas and Ferb." It was more peaceful because there was no fighting, bickering, negotiating, payback, blaming. But as the lows weren't as low, the highs weren't as high. Bud missed Sis and wondered what she was doing and when she'd be home. As for Sis, she coped with being alone at school and also demonstrated lots of empathy by making him penguin art projects each morning before she left (while he was still asleep), bringing home a pumpkin and a scarecrow just for him (she chose the crow one that was black like a penguin), checking on him, treating him gently (letting him sleep in, etc).
Turnaround happened over the weekend when Sis struggled with stopping kung fu class. She doesn't really like kung fu as much as Bud, having challenges converting her left-handedness to right, being much smaller even than the weapons she has to use, following movements precisely (left-right, clockwise and counter, doing more than one motion at a time, i.e. not hands and feet simultaneously--all just like me! I'm completely unable to follow dance steps fully and correctly), struggling with imperfection and embarrassment when she makes mistakes. She's given it her best through two belts and a competition. If she wanted to stop now (we really try not to say "quit"), we'd support her. But she was devastated at knowing that Bud would continue without her, would learn things she didn't, would do something she didn't. When it came down to it, she just couldn't stop and will continue kung fu, for now.
We haven't spent much energy researching twin dynamics, feeling that with boy-girl/fraternal twins, we had less to worry about because we believed they would develop separate personalities and strengths without being constantly confused with each other. But we overlooked how bonded they are. They are always together--at home, at school, at kung fu, at church. They seek each other out and don't want to be apart, despite disagreements when they are together. Have separate bedrooms? They fear sleeping alone. Take separate classes? They prefer being in class together over being separated like last year. The only thing they do truly separately--Sis goes to Girl Scouts twice a month--causing enormous pain for Bud, who feels left behind, jealous, sad, all the things Sis couldn't cope with about stopping kung fu. Sometimes we split up and each mom takes a child, but that's temporary and irregular--and they've really come to prefer not splitting up. And, while they have differences in personalities, they don't really explore separate interests, liking the same shows, games, activities, etc.
As Mom, it's hard to watch them struggle in separation, to see them hurt, to know it's necessary even while it's painful, to wonder how I could now or could have made it easier. I have always been thrilled to have twins--not because I got "a whole, perfect family--a boy and a girl--in one shot," as so many people say--but because I liked having two together (and no, I don't know if it's "double trouble" and I have no comment when people say they wouldn't want twins or couldn't handle it), to know they'd have the special twin bond. But spending two whole days with Bud, I realize what we've all missed (and I instantly wanted to give Sis our own two days with her home!). Of course, second and other children never really get that alone time either, until they're older; depending on the age spread, older kids might not remember being alone. Though age differences (especially compounded by gender differences) create their own separate "alone times" and independence. I don't have any answers; I'm not even done digesting it all. Even with this new clarity, I feel the bonuses of twindom outweigh the disadvantages for us. It's just been a teachable moment for all of us to consider how we'll all go forward separately and together.
But probably mostly together.
Friday, September 30, 2011
Dressed for Success
Sis and Bud have a new ritual: they synch their clothes! At night as part of their bedtime ritual, they figure out what color shirt and pants they're going to wear to school the next day. Granted, they have very few choices because of the school uniform/dress code of whites, blues, and greens, with beige or navy bottoms. I'm not sure exactly why, but matching is very important these days. It's kinda cute to see them standing together, waiting for the bus, looking like the twins they are.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Old Hat
Mama and I are getting good at this Open House thing. We skipped the principal's speech (been here, heard that; besides, if it's important, they send it home in a newsletter. No disrespect to the principal, whom we really like, but it was crowded and warm with no place for me to pace in there) to chat with our friends the nurse and kindergarten teachers, as well as a few PTA moms. It was good to see everyone after the summer, everyone exchanging hurricane stories.
We like the first-grade teacher. She seems to really get kids--what to expect, how they develop, their funny foibles. (Mama Teacher, she seemed a slightly older version of you!) She gave a presentation, including classroom schedule, management, discipline, and curriculum, all of which was interesting (like why she has them do writer's workshop in felt tip pen--because they don't obsess about erasing or sharpened points!). Afterwards, we cornered her--politely, when everyone else was done--and asked about twin-ness, left-handedness, homework frustrations, lunch tickets (sigh).
And she showed us the perfect twin thing: today, Sis and Bud, without consulting each other, wrote the exact same story during writer's workshop!! It was about how there had been a fly in the classroom and the teacher had written, as part of the rules, "There are no flies in first grade!! Buzz Buzz Buzz!" And then it left. Really, what are the odds that they would write the same story? Must be twin telepathy.
We like the first-grade teacher. She seems to really get kids--what to expect, how they develop, their funny foibles. (Mama Teacher, she seemed a slightly older version of you!) She gave a presentation, including classroom schedule, management, discipline, and curriculum, all of which was interesting (like why she has them do writer's workshop in felt tip pen--because they don't obsess about erasing or sharpened points!). Afterwards, we cornered her--politely, when everyone else was done--and asked about twin-ness, left-handedness, homework frustrations, lunch tickets (sigh).
And she showed us the perfect twin thing: today, Sis and Bud, without consulting each other, wrote the exact same story during writer's workshop!! It was about how there had been a fly in the classroom and the teacher had written, as part of the rules, "There are no flies in first grade!! Buzz Buzz Buzz!" And then it left. Really, what are the odds that they would write the same story? Must be twin telepathy.
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