On the Birth of My New Nephew

Dear Aunt Banana,

You've had your second baby!!  Congratulations and best wishes!  Welcome to the world, second Cousin Hungry!  We are so excited and happy that you are here.  And we'll get you a better nickname soon.  (And first Cousin Hungry, welcome to the older-sisters club.  We'll talk about that later.)

As for having a second child, Aunt Banana, I send love and luck.  I have no real advice on having a second child, mainly because my second child came one minute after my first.  Besides, long ago, I made the decision not to give unsolicited advice to moms.  So this isn't advice.  Only observation and reassurance, because I have watched most of my friends have second (and some third) children, talking and listening to them about it.   (Which means this is all about moms.  No dads in my immediate family; no dads in my playgroup.  Sorry, Uncle Soccer!)

Of course, by those second children, even when I was asked for advice, I'd forgotten a lot about schedules, teething, colic, potty training, etc etc etc.  Just like the moms had.  But they figured it out again, under the new circumstances of having a toddler or preschooler at home, too.  You'll remember and figure it all out again, too.

They also figured out juggling divergent schedules (naps were skipped, meals were eaten in cars, first kids went on playdates unescorted, and some events just went unattended), carrying more stuff (not two separate bags, but a more overstuffed bag, and when possible a smartphone for entertainment--how I envied them that!) and prioritizing (houses were messier, get-togethers canceled last minute, Christmas cards late, more tv was watched.)

Those moms were, by then, less worried about teething and tv anyway and more concerned about how to love two or more kids at once.  "I'm ignoring the older one, because I'm always caring for the baby" they'd say.  "I can't give the new baby all the love I gave my first, when I would just sit and look and hold." And always, "There just isn't enough time." They fretted and were frustrated and even scared that they were messing up both kids at once, that it wasn't fair or balanced, that they had to decide, to choose, sometimes.  (And this was long before refereeing fights!)  But with experience, and more sleep, the moms figured it all out.  And you will, too.  There's not just one way, or a right way, to do any of it.  Each mom figures out her way.  You did it the first time and you'll do it again; you'll be everything you need to be and more.  You'll be wonderful.  You're the mom.

And so, we'll be thinking of you in the coming days, weeks, and months.  We know it can be rocky and unsettling, but also miraculous and amazing and affirmative, and so here's wishing you and Uncle Soccer and the two Cousin Hungries lots of love.  Co-opting Keats, I'll say, "that is all ye know on earth, and all ye need to know."   And there's enough love to go around.

love,
Jamie

Made to Order

A recent dinner conversation:

Sis: "Mommy, how did you and Mama make babies?"

Me: "We went to the doctor and got help."

Sis: "Okay, so when I grow up, I'm going to a doctor for help. Then to the hospital. They'll pull the baby out. . . . Mommy, did you order two babies?"

Me: "No, that was just special."

Sis: "I only want to order one baby. . . . They'll pull the baby out and staple me up. Then I get to name the baby. And later I'll work at my pizzeria and it can come have lunch after school."

Baby Come Back

The kiddos are 3 1/2 now and I can only sometimes see the baby in each of them. The personalities haven't changed much: Sis is still curious, persistent, and fearless, and loves animals and Shirt; Bud still loves music, a cuddle, and being around people instead of by himself. But physically, there is very little left of the babies they were. If Sis is sitting in my lap, and I brush back her hair and look down on her face, I can see the chubby cheeks that were her hallmark. And if Bud rolls on his back and lifts his legs so he can pull off his socks simultaneously, it's the roly-poly baby who played on the floor a few years ago. Neither of these happen often so it makes me smile, if a bit wistfully, when it does.

Baby Daze

Sis has a thing for babies right now. When a babies visit, she likes to read to them, give them toys, help feed them, and the like. As long as they can't get into her stuff, which many of them are starting to do. She's even said she wishes she could see her and Bud as babies, not just in pictures. But she loves the pictures, loves to hear about herself as a young 'un. "Mommy, tell me stories about when I was a baby." And so we've been telling her, and Bud, about their first Halloween, their first outings, how Sis would practice rolling over, how they both liked to pull toys out of boxes and then crawl into the boxes, how Bud liked to spin things. Sis especially loves to hear how her hair stood straight up on top for two years--she'll demonstrate with her now-longer (but still short) hair that it used to stand up on top but now falls down the sides. She also loves to hear about her nickname, "The Empress," and Bud is happy to be "wavin' Bud." Bud always asks how I made them. Like how I make cookies or something, the recipe for babies. "With Mama and love." Then, often they want us to hold them like babies, or, as with dinner tonight, feed them like babies; there is always lots of pretend baby talk. And when I hold Sis like a baby, brush her bangs away from her face, and look down on her cheeks, I can totally see chubby cheeks of the baby she once was. And when Bud comes for "cuddles" and wraps his arms around me, the feeling is the same as when he used to rest his head on my shoulder before he could really hold it up by himself. Maybe we all have a thing for babies right now.

The Baby is Here!

My friend L and her husband K had their baby this morning, after 3 1/2 weeks of labor. The baby, a boy, weighs in at 8 lbs. And mom and babe are doing well.

Can't wait to meet you, little boy!

Babies, Babies Everywhere

No, it's not me.

But my friends Miss L and Mr K are currently very much in a protracted labor--she's been contracting since Sunday, but 7 minutes apart not the requisite 5 so she's still at home. I hope those contractions speed up and she has this baby! It's been a really long 9 months for her and we're all anxious to meet the little one.

And my friend L in NYC should have had her little girl in the last few days. Hope all is well!

And within the month, it'll be Miss A and Mr K's turn.

Also, to my friend who is pregnant, many congratulations! We are very excited for you. Let us know if we can help out in any way. And let me know your favorite colors for the baby so I can start a blanket!

Comfort in a Casserole

I have been musing on babies recently. I have 9--count them, 9!--friends who are pregnant right now, most with second children. I had my second child a minute after having my first and we're not planning on anymore so I'm kinda wistful, a little bit jealous, and a lotta bits relieved at the arrival of so many other people's new babes. My kids, if they could understand, would be relieved too--DD does not like it when I get near a baby, even if she is very curious about babies, notices them everywhere, and plays with her own dolls more. I can't even fathom bringing a little one home now--I tried it with a friend's new baby a few weeks ago and couldn't juggle holding the baby with the toddler crawling up us both. Just like people always tell me they can't imagine having twins! And in both situations you just cope and there are good things and hard things but it becomes normal for you and so you don't notice so much. But the new baby smell, the new clothes, a new little character to learn about . . . even with two kids at home, I won't have that again except if DD lets me borrow somebody for a bit. Mind you, I don't really want another baby but since I don't really remember DD and DS as babies I would love to revisit the experience. You see, they are two now. And we've been to lots of second birthday parties so I'm constantly reminded that all the kids are growing. And I look back and it's a daze, which is part of the reason I journal and am keeping this blog. If I don't remember babyhood, will I remember this period? Our dancing around the living room to Irish music yesterday? How DS says "that be fun" when he wants to do something? How DD asks to be "uppy up?" How DD loves to jump? How DS loves to make music? But I'm not convinced I'd remember another baby's babyhood--or the twins' toddlerhood if there were a baby in the house--even if I could do it all over again a dozen times. But at least then I could be on TLC, right? Now, there's a goal.

So, today I made a casserole for one of the aforementioned friends who is on restricted activity hoping to make it to her scheduled c-section next week. And there I was, in the grocery store on an unscheduled visit, trying to remember a recipe suitable to take. While DD had a breakdown because she isn't napping. And I couldn't think of a thing (no wonder, I was carrying her under an arm screaming and sobbing in a football hold searching the aisle for inspirations. It's a wonder DCFS wasn't called. Though, DS was happily driving the little car in front of the car. He didn't even want to leave when we got out to the car. One out of two isn't bad, right?). And there were no magazines touting church suppers or casseroles or the like. So what did I do? I started reading labels--cream of mushroom soup, crackers, bread stuffing--trying to remember some of the meals I got. I am in charge of organizing the meals and in an odd way, for me, it's how I can take part in this communal pregnancy we're having. Otherwise, despite having been pregnant and being able to talk about it and labor, I feel pretty left out of everything right now. This is how I can help out and feel useful and stay in touch with this.

And so I came up with this--"Swiss" Chicken with Stuffing--which I delivered with bagged salad and some iced lemon cookies. I hope it was good. It isn't how we cook normally--it's American comfort food par excellence, and thus not healthy. It was comforting to me, anyway.

One down, eight to go.

**Whoops, just recounted--the number is 10!

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4 cups Pepperidge Farm stuffing
1 1/4 cups water, boiling
4 tablespoons olive oil
4-6 chicken breasts
paprika
4-6 slices Swiss cheese
1 can cream of mushroom soup
1/3 cup milk

Preheat oven to 375F.

Spray Pam on 9 x 13 baking dish.

Boil water and mix it with olive oil. Pour this mixture over stuffing.

Place chicken breasts over stuffing mixture. Sprinkle with paprika. Top with slices of Swiss cheese.

Combine milk and mushroom soup. Pour over casserole.

Bake covered for 45 minutes or until cooked through; uncover and bake for 5-10 more minutes until surface bubbles and browns.

adapted from Pepperidge Farms stuffing bag