Sunday, June 19, 2011

A Loser Like Me

Yesterday, while Bud and Mama were at the dance party, Sis stayed home with me. We didn't have plans, but we had options--we could do arts and crafts, play games, or watch any movie she wanted.

But in the end, what she wanted, was to play water balloons with Neighbor Boy, who was outside having a blast when we were saying goodbye to Bud. I could never compete.

Of course, I let her go, checking in several times to make sure things were okay; they were, the mom was helping fill the balloons and the dad was outside and thus nearby. She played with him for two hours, and then another hour after Bud got home and joined them, until dinner.

And I was so upset. I've had real struggles with losing my sense of being "Mommy" while I temporarily can't play everything I used to, knowing that two months doesn't feel temporary to them. I battle the feeling of uselessness. And yesterday, I lost.

I know, of course, that kids choosing other kids over parents is the natural progression of childhood. But I also know that, in the past, with baking or a more involved arts and crafts, I'd have had a fighting chance of being the winner, of being more fun and entertaining, of being of use. I understand, though, that I probably would've chosen water balloons in her place, too, especially since Bud was off having fun with kids his own age.

But I mourn the mother-daughter time we didn't get to have yesterday.

I mourn all the Mommy time I haven't gotten . . . . and won't get in the future.

1 comment:

  1. For goodness sake lass, you have to learn to let go but they have to know that you are always there to lean on, hug and kiss better, so you never really lose them and they must always have a latch key.