If last week had a theme, it would've been "one child left behind." Both Sis and Bud experienced some twin separation anxiety, which caused not a little upset.
For two days last week, Bud and I were home together because he's had a fever (he has a head cold but is back in school). In many ways, we both enjoyed our alone time together. We had time to leisurely enjoy activities that he chose without coordinating, compromising, or sharing with Sis. Legos, books, music, chess, even laughing through their new favorite show "Phineas and Ferb." It was more peaceful because there was no fighting, bickering, negotiating, payback, blaming. But as the lows weren't as low, the highs weren't as high. Bud missed Sis and wondered what she was doing and when she'd be home. As for Sis, she coped with being alone at school and also demonstrated lots of empathy by making him penguin art projects each morning before she left (while he was still asleep), bringing home a pumpkin and a scarecrow just for him (she chose the crow one that was black like a penguin), checking on him, treating him gently (letting him sleep in, etc).
Turnaround happened over the weekend when Sis struggled with stopping kung fu class. She doesn't really like kung fu as much as Bud, having challenges converting her left-handedness to right, being much smaller even than the weapons she has to use, following movements precisely (left-right, clockwise and counter, doing more than one motion at a time, i.e. not hands and feet simultaneously--all just like me! I'm completely unable to follow dance steps fully and correctly), struggling with imperfection and embarrassment when she makes mistakes. She's given it her best through two belts and a competition. If she wanted to stop now (we really try not to say "quit"), we'd support her. But she was devastated at knowing that Bud would continue without her, would learn things she didn't, would do something she didn't. When it came down to it, she just couldn't stop and will continue kung fu, for now.
We haven't spent much energy researching twin dynamics, feeling that with boy-girl/fraternal twins, we had less to worry about because we believed they would develop separate personalities and strengths without being constantly confused with each other. But we overlooked how bonded they are. They are always together--at home, at school, at kung fu, at church. They seek each other out and don't want to be apart, despite disagreements when they are together. Have separate bedrooms? They fear sleeping alone. Take separate classes? They prefer being in class together over being separated like last year. The only thing they do truly separately--Sis goes to Girl Scouts twice a month--causing enormous pain for Bud, who feels left behind, jealous, sad, all the things Sis couldn't cope with about stopping kung fu. Sometimes we split up and each mom takes a child, but that's temporary and irregular--and they've really come to prefer not splitting up. And, while they have differences in personalities, they don't really explore separate interests, liking the same shows, games, activities, etc.
As Mom, it's hard to watch them struggle in separation, to see them hurt, to know it's necessary even while it's painful, to wonder how I could now or could have made it easier. I have always been thrilled to have twins--not because I got "a whole, perfect family--a boy and a girl--in one shot," as so many people say--but because I liked having two together (and no, I don't know if it's "double trouble" and I have no comment when people say they wouldn't want twins or couldn't handle it), to know they'd have the special twin bond. But spending two whole days with Bud, I realize what we've all missed (and I instantly wanted to give Sis our own two days with her home!). Of course, second and other children never really get that alone time either, until they're older; depending on the age spread, older kids might not remember being alone. Though age differences (especially compounded by gender differences) create their own separate "alone times" and independence. I don't have any answers; I'm not even done digesting it all. Even with this new clarity, I feel the bonuses of twindom outweigh the disadvantages for us. It's just been a teachable moment for all of us to consider how we'll all go forward separately and together.
But probably mostly together.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Monday, October 24, 2011
My Body, My Son
Bud is amazingly flexible. "Gumby," we call him. He was always floppy and now he can do full splits or a full back bend with little effort. Plus a one-handed cartwheel and the beginnings of a headstand.
I know where he gets it, though I never could do those things. Neither of us crawled on our own well and we were both late walkers, signs of low muscle tone and hyperflexibility, both resulting in weak cores. So my problems started before I could crawl, because I didn't really crawl--Gommie tells stories of taking me out of my walker (it was the 1970s, after all) and trying to force me to crawl, about which I was apparently most displeased. I don't think it ever really took. Fast forward a few decades, with early interventions, and we had specialists teaching Bud to learn to crawl and walk. He will always be floppy; the key is to try to get and keep him strong, something I never managed, giving up on my body for books.
My new PT is as enlightening as my previous one. I'm learning more about the effects of a weak core--basically, it affects everything. My challenge is strengthening a core that has been damaged, not just weakened, with surgeries, scar tissue, and tears. Hopefully, what I learn about my body will help my son with his.
He also got my family's nervous stomach. Poor boy.
I know where he gets it, though I never could do those things. Neither of us crawled on our own well and we were both late walkers, signs of low muscle tone and hyperflexibility, both resulting in weak cores. So my problems started before I could crawl, because I didn't really crawl--Gommie tells stories of taking me out of my walker (it was the 1970s, after all) and trying to force me to crawl, about which I was apparently most displeased. I don't think it ever really took. Fast forward a few decades, with early interventions, and we had specialists teaching Bud to learn to crawl and walk. He will always be floppy; the key is to try to get and keep him strong, something I never managed, giving up on my body for books.
My new PT is as enlightening as my previous one. I'm learning more about the effects of a weak core--basically, it affects everything. My challenge is strengthening a core that has been damaged, not just weakened, with surgeries, scar tissue, and tears. Hopefully, what I learn about my body will help my son with his.
He also got my family's nervous stomach. Poor boy.
Signs of the Season
Crunchy, (somewhat) colorful leaves.
Visible breaths in the morning cool.
More-solid-than-usual coconut oil that is hardening as it cools down outside.
"Do you have your jacket?" added to my morning litany.
Cleaning off the radiators for when we turn on the heat (soon).
An Omen?
I was purchasing a book at the museum on Saturday and flipping through some little silver charms at the register. You know, the one with little images and inspirational words. I came across an infinity symbol in a handprint, similiar to the "heart in hand" symbol that I like so well. And on the back was written the word "healing." It's in my pocket now.
Once Upon a Time....
We went to the Florence Griswold museum this weekend to see their fall family-friendly exhibition of fairy-tale birdhouses arrayed across the scenic grounds (yes, it's where we saw the fairy houses two years ago). These fantastic, whimsical artistic creations, more sculpture than shelter, depicted aspects of well- and little-known fairy tales.
And thankfully, we'd spent the week shoring up our knowledge of fairy tales by reading a couple every night. Because the kids haven't seen most of the Disney movies, the stories of Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, and the like were new to them. But even if they'd seen the movies, these were different versions--no, not the PC or feminist versions out there--the traditional gross, violent, harshly just Grimms and Anderson versions, with the blinding of Sleeping Beauty's prince, the burning-at-the-stake of the witch tormenting Snow White, the torturous hot-iron shoes of Cinderella's stepmother, the sacrificial death of the Little Mermaid, etc. Sis said, "Mom, are all fairy tales so wicked?'
Yes, yes, they are.
But that's the point. Children on their own (which is why the parents are dead or even oppressive) navigate their quests through a scary, harsh world full of good and evil and usually triumph (sometimes with sacrifices or help). Consider their origins. Of course, it's not real, because of the magic, but the notions of good and evil are perhaps accurate in that they exist, have power, and also a remote chance of winning (which they don't, often, in sanitized versions). However, the stories aren't perfect. Again, consider their origins. We had to address the sexism, racism, and entitlement in the stories, with Jack stealing from the giants and Hansel and Gretel eating the witch's house and the rescues of several of the helpless women. We also learned a few things: don't take food from strangers; 16 is a dangerous age for girls; and cleverness really helps.
They knew most of the stories as we wandered searching for the birdhouses. My favorite was an elaborate wooden creation with straw, gold thread, and a tower, all built on a real spinning wheel. Yep, Rumpelstiltskin. Sis liked the birdhouse of Little Red Riding Hood, but only because there was a bunny hidden in the woods. Bud preferred the Wizard of Oz (which we hadn't read but I'd told them the bare essentials), complete with Dorothy's house on the Witch with the red slippers and a yellow road leading through poppies to an Emerald City. Mama liked the Owl and the Pussycat, with its detailed interior decoration inside a guitar, compete with photos of the lovebirds. We also enjoyed meeting the artist of the Country Mouse and the City Mouse and talking to her about her creative process; she also read the story to a group of kids.
We had picked up a great little lunch beforehand, from a cafe run by Laotian refuges--Mama loved the pho and two kinds of rolls (fresh and fried). But we grew hungry during our ramblings and picked up a cheese platter (mmm, Winsleydale! Bud liked it too), cookies (lime in Lyme!), and brownies at the museum. We even got ice cream afterwards--chocolate and strawberry, of course, plus pumpkin and ginger (very citrusy and fresh).
Our fairy-tale adventure actually ended the next day as we watched Into the Woods, the Sondheim musical merging several stories. The kids enjoyed identifying the characters and the plots ("What story is the baker?" Sis wanted to know) hummed along to the tunes, but didn't see the second act because, well, Mama and I weren't ready to explain how everything gets messed up and then fixed, in its own way. Some other weekend. We finished the weekend by reading Eloise, a modern fairy tale included among the birdhouses. The kids seemed nonplussed by, even uninterested in, Eloise's precocious ways at the Plaza. Thank goodness.
Because fairy tales are fun to read but no one really wants to live in one . . . especially the traditional ones!
And thankfully, we'd spent the week shoring up our knowledge of fairy tales by reading a couple every night. Because the kids haven't seen most of the Disney movies, the stories of Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, and the like were new to them. But even if they'd seen the movies, these were different versions--no, not the PC or feminist versions out there--the traditional gross, violent, harshly just Grimms and Anderson versions, with the blinding of Sleeping Beauty's prince, the burning-at-the-stake of the witch tormenting Snow White, the torturous hot-iron shoes of Cinderella's stepmother, the sacrificial death of the Little Mermaid, etc. Sis said, "Mom, are all fairy tales so wicked?'
Yes, yes, they are.
But that's the point. Children on their own (which is why the parents are dead or even oppressive) navigate their quests through a scary, harsh world full of good and evil and usually triumph (sometimes with sacrifices or help). Consider their origins. Of course, it's not real, because of the magic, but the notions of good and evil are perhaps accurate in that they exist, have power, and also a remote chance of winning (which they don't, often, in sanitized versions). However, the stories aren't perfect. Again, consider their origins. We had to address the sexism, racism, and entitlement in the stories, with Jack stealing from the giants and Hansel and Gretel eating the witch's house and the rescues of several of the helpless women. We also learned a few things: don't take food from strangers; 16 is a dangerous age for girls; and cleverness really helps.
They knew most of the stories as we wandered searching for the birdhouses. My favorite was an elaborate wooden creation with straw, gold thread, and a tower, all built on a real spinning wheel. Yep, Rumpelstiltskin. Sis liked the birdhouse of Little Red Riding Hood, but only because there was a bunny hidden in the woods. Bud preferred the Wizard of Oz (which we hadn't read but I'd told them the bare essentials), complete with Dorothy's house on the Witch with the red slippers and a yellow road leading through poppies to an Emerald City. Mama liked the Owl and the Pussycat, with its detailed interior decoration inside a guitar, compete with photos of the lovebirds. We also enjoyed meeting the artist of the Country Mouse and the City Mouse and talking to her about her creative process; she also read the story to a group of kids.
We had picked up a great little lunch beforehand, from a cafe run by Laotian refuges--Mama loved the pho and two kinds of rolls (fresh and fried). But we grew hungry during our ramblings and picked up a cheese platter (mmm, Winsleydale! Bud liked it too), cookies (lime in Lyme!), and brownies at the museum. We even got ice cream afterwards--chocolate and strawberry, of course, plus pumpkin and ginger (very citrusy and fresh).
Our fairy-tale adventure actually ended the next day as we watched Into the Woods, the Sondheim musical merging several stories. The kids enjoyed identifying the characters and the plots ("What story is the baker?" Sis wanted to know) hummed along to the tunes, but didn't see the second act because, well, Mama and I weren't ready to explain how everything gets messed up and then fixed, in its own way. Some other weekend. We finished the weekend by reading Eloise, a modern fairy tale included among the birdhouses. The kids seemed nonplussed by, even uninterested in, Eloise's precocious ways at the Plaza. Thank goodness.
Because fairy tales are fun to read but no one really wants to live in one . . . especially the traditional ones!
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Friday, October 21, 2011
Sick Day, Or He Won Fair and Square!
And he was so proud!
I was, too.
(But I obviously need to practice.)
(And, yes, that's our HP chess set.)
I'm Gonna be SuperBetter!
I've been invited to join SuperBetter, the social network focused on healing that was featured on NPR. It's in Beta, so I'm excited to get to explore and experiment with it now. And it's great! I have a secret identity (it's a secret!) and have been building my secret headquarters, complete with quests, missions, my epic win, power-ups, and bad guys. Thank goodness Mama Hungry knows all this game lingo! I've even started adding a few allies (but some of the invitations are getting stuck in the ether). They get secret identities too! (I'm not too organized, like all Harry Potter or Star Wars. I'm just doing inspiring and inspired women, real or imagined.) There's a secret lab with science cards containing real research on the psychology of healing and also Power Packs you can download with tools for fighting stress or losing weight. I'm loving it and have completed some things, like walking 30 minutes straight on my treadmill and talking to friends, all of which increase my resilience score. And it's only the first full day!
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Why Is It?
Why is it that illness seems to come on days you least want to miss? Bud has 103.5 at last check (4 a.m.) and will be home from school today. I will miss coffee with friends and my first costumed work at the historical house. He will miss a very special after-school Girl Scout family field trip to the pumpkin farm. I'm disappointed, but he's going to be devastated. And that's not healing at all. I'll be grateful he didn't miss Picture Day or Halloween parties next week, but just barely . . . .I'll be extra thankful that it's just a normal cold. (And Sis was over hers in 24 hours this weekend).
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
The Baker of Amherst
While I'm not specifically a fan of Emily Dickinson (ever since her poetry was ruined for me--read this explanation at your own risk!), I was delighted to read that she loved to bake and that some of her surviving letters accompanied baked treats sent to friends. Some of her verse is written on the back of baking chocolate. There's even a coconut cake recipe! I might just have to try it, though I doubt I'll dip it in sherry. Maybe it will help me forget my previous obstacles.
Signs of the Times?
My cousin J studied graphic design in college and spent one trip across country comparing the signs on trucks that warned others that they made right turns. He was fascinated by the different ways this information was conveyed visually. I once took a course with Edward Tufte, who specializes in the graphic conveyance of information.
Well, cousin J and Tufte would love this post on the sign (signified? signifier? Oh, it's been so long since Saussure has come up in my life!) of bathroom labels by Marissa on Sociological Images at The Society Pages (thanks to Mombian for posting about it). Her "Go Where? Sex, Gender, and Toilets" collects and categorizes the different ways we label our bathrooms and what that means--the universal male, anatomy, the performance of gender through clothing (and actual pieces of said clothing!), and weird signifiers like chickens and flames. It's a fascinating cross-cultural examination of something very few of us (especially cis people who, unlike trans people, experience a synchronicity of their bodies, identities, and genders assigned at birth) really notice. With lots of great images! (And you can Google "bathroom signs" for even more examples.)
I don't think I'll ever look at bathroom signs indifferently again.
Well, cousin J and Tufte would love this post on the sign (signified? signifier? Oh, it's been so long since Saussure has come up in my life!) of bathroom labels by Marissa on Sociological Images at The Society Pages (thanks to Mombian for posting about it). Her "Go Where? Sex, Gender, and Toilets" collects and categorizes the different ways we label our bathrooms and what that means--the universal male, anatomy, the performance of gender through clothing (and actual pieces of said clothing!), and weird signifiers like chickens and flames. It's a fascinating cross-cultural examination of something very few of us (especially cis people who, unlike trans people, experience a synchronicity of their bodies, identities, and genders assigned at birth) really notice. With lots of great images! (And you can Google "bathroom signs" for even more examples.)
I don't think I'll ever look at bathroom signs indifferently again.
Rainy Day Wednesday
It's dark in the house, with the chill air dancing through the open windows to the constant tune of the drumming rain. One of my favorite kinds of days. With a rare 100% chance of rain today--really, how often do they just commit to 100%?--and the tossing around of the term "Nor'easter," I've put a pot of vegetable soup on the stove and will be making cornbread later today. Perfect fall weather food. Otherwise, I'm just lounging in the slow rhythm of the weather.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Thank You
Just wanted to send a quick shout-out to Milli, her husband, and daughters out on the other coast! Thanks for being my ally!
Kidbits
Sis was asking me a question about one of her DS games, which means she was really stuck because I never have the right answer. She passed the console to me so that I could figure out what Hello Kitty needed to do to leave the store. As I tried to maneuver through the displays, I kept bumping into things. "Mom," she said gently, "you usually go around furniture."
-=-=-=-=-=-=-
The kiddos were telling me all about school last week. And they both agreed it was great to be in the same class. Sis said it was because they could be together. Bud said it was because they could help each other (with things they forget!).
--=-=-=-=-=-
"Look, we're twins!" Bud cried out. Except he wasn't talking about Sis. Nope, it was Mama. Both of them were in a striped long-sleeved shirt, beige pants, and a belt, with their very short haircuts. He was so thrilled to look like her and posed for pictures with her before heading to school for picture day. He called himself "mini-Mama."
-=-=-=-=-=-
-=-=-=-=-=-=-
The kiddos were telling me all about school last week. And they both agreed it was great to be in the same class. Sis said it was because they could be together. Bud said it was because they could help each other (with things they forget!).
--=-=-=-=-=-
"Look, we're twins!" Bud cried out. Except he wasn't talking about Sis. Nope, it was Mama. Both of them were in a striped long-sleeved shirt, beige pants, and a belt, with their very short haircuts. He was so thrilled to look like her and posed for pictures with her before heading to school for picture day. He called himself "mini-Mama."
-=-=-=-=-=-
Hoping to Have Hope
I was busy with medical stuff all morning. First a pelvic ultrasound to rule out any gyn issues causing back pain. The less said about this the better, which you understand if you've had one. Though, it was funny not to see two little fetuses on the screen! Also, I've decided you feel ill or injured coming out of those exams even if nothing is wrong (which you don't know until later!), especially when the tech tells the other tech, "Oh, be sure to get a picture of that." Sigh.)
But I had a great visit to a new physical therapist who focuses on women's bodies, especially pelvic issues. She noted immediately that my sacrum and tailbone are in torque, turning up and to the right (with the tailbone bent into my glutes). The ligaments are all very tight, doing their best to protect the joints after the disc herniations and years of musco-skeletal issues (actually, a lifetime--40 years of wear from undiagnosed and untreated scoliosis, leg differential, and low muscle tone because of the hyperflexibility). This makes a ton more sense than the physiatrists and neurosurgeon not able to figure out how the disc was causing tailbone pain and guessing at tests, diagnoses, and treatments. So, if I understand it correctly, we have to loosen the ligaments, realign the sacrum and coccyx, and then strengthen the muscles. At least it's a plan. A much better plan than more useless injections. It would also explain why the steroid pills helped when the injections didn't. In fact, it explains a lot--why sitting causes pain that feels like muscle pain not nerve pain, why my back feels stronger even though my tailbone doesn't, why the tailbone pain corresponded to the disc herniations, why the tiny little hernia tear and protrusion don't explain the pain, why lying on my back and walking too much cause discomfort after awhile (when they didn't always, even after herniated discs). Occam's razor at work, I'd say.
So, I'm very hopeful. It makes sense. There's an actionable plan of treatment and exercises. I'm thinking about giving PT some time before we pursue any more neurology specialists, to rule out the musco-skeletal issues before chasing nerves and discs again. Especially because I'm increasingly disenchanted with the specialists we've been seeing. And really hopeful about this. Which is a very nice change.
But I had a great visit to a new physical therapist who focuses on women's bodies, especially pelvic issues. She noted immediately that my sacrum and tailbone are in torque, turning up and to the right (with the tailbone bent into my glutes). The ligaments are all very tight, doing their best to protect the joints after the disc herniations and years of musco-skeletal issues (actually, a lifetime--40 years of wear from undiagnosed and untreated scoliosis, leg differential, and low muscle tone because of the hyperflexibility). This makes a ton more sense than the physiatrists and neurosurgeon not able to figure out how the disc was causing tailbone pain and guessing at tests, diagnoses, and treatments. So, if I understand it correctly, we have to loosen the ligaments, realign the sacrum and coccyx, and then strengthen the muscles. At least it's a plan. A much better plan than more useless injections. It would also explain why the steroid pills helped when the injections didn't. In fact, it explains a lot--why sitting causes pain that feels like muscle pain not nerve pain, why my back feels stronger even though my tailbone doesn't, why the tailbone pain corresponded to the disc herniations, why the tiny little hernia tear and protrusion don't explain the pain, why lying on my back and walking too much cause discomfort after awhile (when they didn't always, even after herniated discs). Occam's razor at work, I'd say.
So, I'm very hopeful. It makes sense. There's an actionable plan of treatment and exercises. I'm thinking about giving PT some time before we pursue any more neurology specialists, to rule out the musco-skeletal issues before chasing nerves and discs again. Especially because I'm increasingly disenchanted with the specialists we've been seeing. And really hopeful about this. Which is a very nice change.
Monday, October 17, 2011
The Egg Under the Fridge
There is a broken egg under my refrigerator right now. I dropped it as I put the carton away, and it broke right under the edge of the vent. The yolk luckily didn't break. But I can't bend over to clean it up. And I don't want the kids to make more of a mess (i.e. break the yolk that would then run under the fridge because our floor tilts). So I've dropped a paper towel on it to sop up the white until Mama Hungry can come home. It's a tangible reminder of my very human limitations. We all have them. And I find I have to work with them, to accept them, in me and in everyone, which means sometimes eggs get broken. And left under the fridge . . .
Hi Miss K!
Just in case you drop by today! Glad you came for a visit. Have fun looking around (especially because I think I've hidden all references to you, because of the advanced warning!)
Grocery Challenge Update
Piggybacking on Beauty that Moves's grocery challenge, I've been examining the way our family shops, cooks, and eats. And eats out. We've been meal planning for a bit now and find that it helps in numerous ways. After talking with Mama, we're revamping a few things. First, we're splitting up shopping--I'm hoping to do the staples during the week, with Driver or another friend, while she picks up the organic produce and meats from WF, since our local stores are lacking, on weekends. We're also altering the categories of our entrees to include two new ones: Slow-Cooker Sunday (to work around church now being at 4:30 pm) and "Family Recipe Night," which will feature a Gommie or Ma/Gong favorite recipe from our childhoods for the kids to try (we figure it we say a grandma made it that the kids are more likely to give it a chance!). So our categories are now:
- Slow-Cooker Sunday
- Family Recipe Night (the new dish)
- Pasta
- Baked or sauteed dish
- Soup/Stew
- Breakfast for dinner
- Leftovers/Take-out
And even while we ate out a lot last week--well, Mama and I did for lunch because it was date week--we managed to cook through everything we bought without wasting anything. This is progress. We're also accepting that, especially now, we won't be processed-free, as much as we might aspire to it (like the family of 100 Days of Real Foods). But we're buying the organic, natural (read "expensive") versions--meatballs, soup, breakfast waffles, macaroni and cheese--to supplement our homemade things. And each week we make progress. Like, we now usually have 2-3 nights meat-free, instead of just Mondays (and sometimes, it's not Mondays). Tonight is Pumpkin Penne, I think. Or breakfast for dinner.
Next week, we'll focus on the financial side of meal planning.
Many-gurumi
Three Huzzahs!
As you know, we travel back to the Renaissance every chance we get (posts include 2010, 2009, 2008 twice). We went again this weekend--this time to the Connecticut Renaissance Faire. Sis dressed up as a knight, with her red velvet cloak and shield and battle ax. Bud wore a brown t-shirt and a rope-belt, carrying his wu shu (kung fun) staff, as "Little John." They jumped right in amid all the costumed characters and chaos that is a ren fest, not minding as they have in the past. The joust--with the Duchess of Orkney and her dog "Piglet"--was the kids' favorite performance, followed by the belly dancers! (Later, they would reenact the dancing lady with the sword on her head at home with Legos!) They also remembered and headed straight for the games--smack the rat, frog fling, beanbag toss, and such, each winning a small plastic magic wand. These came in handy later when one of those costumed characters--a masked man with feathery bird features who pecked and squeaked--unsettled them (sound familiar, Gommie and Aunt Banana? Though, the witch at that festival came back more than once before Gommie had to run her off!). Mama sensed their increasing anxiety and said, "Go get'em!" Channeling Harry Potter, Bud whipped out his wand and yelled, "Petrificus totalus!" Sis was right beside him, casting her own spells. The Owl Man smartly surrendered and departed. Bud and Sis were very proud. Sis was still empowered later when a character called her "princess" and she contradicted, "No! I'm a knight!" and brandished her muscles. It was our turn to be proud!
Show and Tell
The kids had been excited for two weeks--their assigned show-and-tell day was Friday! In preschool and even kindergarten, show and tell was more informal, whenever they had something they wanted to talk about (like sticks actually chewed on by beavers, or a map of the exhibition of fairy houses at a museum we visited); first grade is more formal, with assigned days every now and again. Having listened to classmates share critters, jewelry, toys, and the like, they planned and plotted about what they would take, what they would say. Bud chose his kung fu trophy, after considering and deciding against Mr. Big, his giant penguin. Sis picked Amy the Bunny instead of Shirt, not wanting to risk losing or getting more holes in him (yes, it's a him). She even researched Amy, asking us where she'd come from, how long we'd had her, how she got her. She relayed this to the class, "I've had Amy the Bunny since before I was born!" I'm not really sure what else she said, or what Bud mentioned. I think he talked about how he was the first kid in his class to win a trophy, it being for the white-belt forms. Sis was nervous beforehand about talking before the other kids and also having to keep her beloved bunny in the coat closet all day. Bud was very careful to carry his trophy in a box and not to drop or misplace it. Everything went well and both special items came home safely.
In fact, I had been as excited as they were about their first official show and tell. I loved show and tell. I couldn't tell you what I took (though in senior English, we made memory boxes with lots of items and presented them; scheduled for 10 minutes each, we all took 30+ minutes, so serious and self-involved were we as 18 year olds! I think the pink-cat-paper-wrapped box is still in Gommie's cedear chest.), but I remember how special sharing something of myself with my classmates and teacher was. Then it occurred to me: this blog is my adult show and tell, fulfilling my desire to express and share about myself and my life. Sincere. Narcissistic. Personal. Quirky. I guess I never outgrew the rush of expressing myself. Do we ever? But modern social media perhaps provides more venues for such indulgence than ever before. I wonder about the meanings and repercussions of that . . obvious for 6 year olds, and probably the same for 40 year olds!
Which explains why I almost went to watch them give their first presentations!
Parenting Today
"Parenting, I’ve come to understand, is about loving my child today. Now. In fact, for any parent, anywhere, that’s all there is."
--from Emily Rapp, "Notes from a Dragon Mom," about loving her son Ronan, who will likely die of Tay-Sachs before he is three
Yes, you'll cry. But read it anyway. It's wonderful and beautiful in its ferocious way. Just like a dragon.
(And if you want to read other essays by this professor of creative writing, she blogs on Open Salon at "Little Seal.")
--from Emily Rapp, "Notes from a Dragon Mom," about loving her son Ronan, who will likely die of Tay-Sachs before he is three
Yes, you'll cry. But read it anyway. It's wonderful and beautiful in its ferocious way. Just like a dragon.
(And if you want to read other essays by this professor of creative writing, she blogs on Open Salon at "Little Seal.")
Sunday, October 16, 2011
It's Been a Few Days . . .
. . . which is almost an eternity on this blog! Everything's okay just busy. The fun kind of busy, like
- CT Renaissance Faire
- school show and tell
- Amigurumi
- Gommie and Pop in CO
- first service in the new church building
More tomorrow.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Coming Attraction
Time in Stitches
I finally took up needle and thread to explore stitchery, having bought supplies and books months ago. But with birthdays and tooth fairies and holidays coming up, and the need for some creative, positive distraction, I finally started today. I got the button and embroidery idea from a "button-embellished greeting card" in Martha Stewart's new book, Holiday Crafts. And I'm really pleased with the results. Both tangibly and intangibly . . . .
Doctor Update
I just spoke to my doctor--he is as stumped and discouraged as I am. He thinks this is probably beyond his specialty of physiatry and so I'll go next to a neurologist, to investigate nerve damage in the region (possibly with an "uncomfortable" EMG, or nerve/muscle electrical test) or whatever else it might be (but not something like fibromyalgia because the pain is so localized and focused). I asked for physical therapy, too, because, well, I always like PTs. He told me to quit trying to sit, even for a minute.
So, now, breathe in, breathe out. Nothing has changed, beyond the knowledge that injections don't help. I'm not worse off. We'll make a few adjustments and keep going . . . .
So, now, breathe in, breathe out. Nothing has changed, beyond the knowledge that injections don't help. I'm not worse off. We'll make a few adjustments and keep going . . . .
Disappointment
A week ago I had two transforaminal steroid injections.
And they don't really seem to have helped.
Well, I have gone from sitting about 5 seconds to sitting closer to 60 seconds. But it's nothing like the two hours my doctor predicted. And last night was the worst night I've had in weeks--because of my attempts at sitting? fluctuating hormones? wet, cool weather? Who knows.
Sure, the cortisone hasn't reached full effect (that's about a week out) and sure 60 seconds is better than 5, but I had hoped for 15 minutes. So I could eat a meal at the table, ride in the car sitting in a seat, eventually go to the dentist and the hairdresser. I'm very disappointed; I'll be devastated if there is no more real improvement. Another d-word for the situation: despair.
I haven't talked to the doctor yet, actually, because his office has lost power due to the rain and is closed. Good thing my injection wasn't today! I imagine he'll be mystified. And will suggest nerve root-blocking medicines like Lyrica. I'm very hesitant to go that route. But I will consider it. Along with all the alternative therapies I've been lining up in the event that the injection didn't help.
Meanwhile, I've signed up for a special online retreat with American Buddhist Pema Chodron, entitled "Living Beautifully with Uncertainty and Change." I definitely have uncertainty and change, but I'm not sure I'm living with it beautifully. I vacillate between isolation and contemplation, frustration and acceptance, overwhelmed and keeping perspective, whining and coping, sadness and hope. The physical pain has nothing on the mental suffering . . . .except when I see it all as a huge gift.
And they don't really seem to have helped.
Well, I have gone from sitting about 5 seconds to sitting closer to 60 seconds. But it's nothing like the two hours my doctor predicted. And last night was the worst night I've had in weeks--because of my attempts at sitting? fluctuating hormones? wet, cool weather? Who knows.
Sure, the cortisone hasn't reached full effect (that's about a week out) and sure 60 seconds is better than 5, but I had hoped for 15 minutes. So I could eat a meal at the table, ride in the car sitting in a seat, eventually go to the dentist and the hairdresser. I'm very disappointed; I'll be devastated if there is no more real improvement. Another d-word for the situation: despair.
I haven't talked to the doctor yet, actually, because his office has lost power due to the rain and is closed. Good thing my injection wasn't today! I imagine he'll be mystified. And will suggest nerve root-blocking medicines like Lyrica. I'm very hesitant to go that route. But I will consider it. Along with all the alternative therapies I've been lining up in the event that the injection didn't help.
Meanwhile, I've signed up for a special online retreat with American Buddhist Pema Chodron, entitled "Living Beautifully with Uncertainty and Change." I definitely have uncertainty and change, but I'm not sure I'm living with it beautifully. I vacillate between isolation and contemplation, frustration and acceptance, overwhelmed and keeping perspective, whining and coping, sadness and hope. The physical pain has nothing on the mental suffering . . . .except when I see it all as a huge gift.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Not Night-Night
As you might have gathered, Mama and I are pretty strict when it comes to bedtime. Without fail, barrring the rarity of special social outings or family events, the kids are in bed by 7:30 p.m.. A church supper or school movie starts at 7? Not gonna go. We've even been known to skip bathing and shorten stories to get in bed on time. This bedtime obsession stems from our firm belief, drawn from experience, that getting a full night's sleep is the most important thing for our kids on a daily basis. They can compensate for mediocre meals or a skipped bath, cope with not getting outside playtime or rushing through homework, or any other parenting failure/lapse/oversight/laziness once in a while. But if they don't get enough sleep, they don't function well. For days. It's immediate and absolute. They're crabby and argumentative, lose focus and creativity, are prone to injury and tears and illness. Few evenings of fun are worth that price, especially as we read about studies showing the loss of IQ points after weekend sleep shifts and the negative effects of not enough (like the whole phenomenon of modern teenagerhood). We all have our things; this is ours.
Which is why I'm amazed that there is now a nighttime television show for kids. By Jim Henson's company, no less. Called "Pajanimals," the show is intended to help little kids go to sleep. Seriously? I know adults will nod off to the late night shows, but have you ever seen a child fall asleep watching tv? Ever? Not me. They fight sleep, prop their own eyes open, kick themselves black and blue to stay awake--it's happened here at rest time on numerous occasions.
Anyway, in full disclosure, I haven't seen the show at all and will not be screening it for Sis and Bud. But I loved the review in the NYTimes, which focused on one line in one episode of the show--"Blankie will be safe with Mom." If you have a child with a blankie, had a blankie yourself, are a mom, or even just have a mom, go read the review for a wonderful laugh. I promise it won't put you to sleep.
(Note to my own mom, who did throw away one of my childhood blankies: I'm not rubbing salt in that guilty wound on purpose! But my second childhood blankie is safe under my bed . . . . )
Which is why I'm amazed that there is now a nighttime television show for kids. By Jim Henson's company, no less. Called "Pajanimals," the show is intended to help little kids go to sleep. Seriously? I know adults will nod off to the late night shows, but have you ever seen a child fall asleep watching tv? Ever? Not me. They fight sleep, prop their own eyes open, kick themselves black and blue to stay awake--it's happened here at rest time on numerous occasions.
Anyway, in full disclosure, I haven't seen the show at all and will not be screening it for Sis and Bud. But I loved the review in the NYTimes, which focused on one line in one episode of the show--"Blankie will be safe with Mom." If you have a child with a blankie, had a blankie yourself, are a mom, or even just have a mom, go read the review for a wonderful laugh. I promise it won't put you to sleep.
(Note to my own mom, who did throw away one of my childhood blankies: I'm not rubbing salt in that guilty wound on purpose! But my second childhood blankie is safe under my bed . . . . )
A Different Kind of Mommy Blog
In reflecting on how I see my blog, about which I just posted, I find myself reading blogs more than ever before. Sure, I have more time on my hands now than I have since I was pregnant (when I read infertility-turned pregnancy-turned mommy blogs like So Close, A Little Bit Pregnant, and Here Be Hippogriffs), but I enjoy following blogs and also want the information they contain--either updates on RL (for Gommie: that's "real life") friends or family or recipes, craft tips, household management info, inspiration, etc.
Over and over again these days I'm drawn to one type of blog: professional organized mommy-homesteader blogs! Okay, I made up the category myself, but I don't know how else to describe usually SAHM and homeschooling (frequently rural) moms who are dedicated to natural living, all things homemade, beautiful photography, and often some kind of blog-based business. Now, that doesn't describe all of the blogs below, but it's close (and for those it doesn't apply to, my guess is the greater part of the readership is in this category). Of course, I'm not quite in that category--a SAHM but not homeschooler, not rural but interested in DIY and natural living, and not a member of the Church of the Latter-Day Saints (LDS) or a Christian church (yep, that's another big part of it sometimes, the glorification of motherhood and the Proverbs 31 wife. See this NPR feature on "Biblical Womanhood" and the blogger who tried to live it.), but I like is the general interest in family, home, homemade, and doing everything as efficiently and mindfully as possible. Not because it is biblically proscribed, but because I enjoy it and find value in it and am good at it. As one feminist, non-LDS writer in Salon described of her Mormon Mommy Blog obsession,
Over and over again these days I'm drawn to one type of blog: professional organized mommy-homesteader blogs! Okay, I made up the category myself, but I don't know how else to describe usually SAHM and homeschooling (frequently rural) moms who are dedicated to natural living, all things homemade, beautiful photography, and often some kind of blog-based business. Now, that doesn't describe all of the blogs below, but it's close (and for those it doesn't apply to, my guess is the greater part of the readership is in this category). Of course, I'm not quite in that category--a SAHM but not homeschooler, not rural but interested in DIY and natural living, and not a member of the Church of the Latter-Day Saints (LDS) or a Christian church (yep, that's another big part of it sometimes, the glorification of motherhood and the Proverbs 31 wife. See this NPR feature on "Biblical Womanhood" and the blogger who tried to live it.), but I like is the general interest in family, home, homemade, and doing everything as efficiently and mindfully as possible. Not because it is biblically proscribed, but because I enjoy it and find value in it and am good at it. As one feminist, non-LDS writer in Salon described of her Mormon Mommy Blog obsession,
But the basic messages expressed in these blogs — family is wonderful, life is meant to be enjoyed, celebrate the small things — are still lovely. And if they help women like me envision a life in which marriage and motherhood could potentially be something other than a miserable, soul-destroying trap, I say, “Right on.”
And that's how I feel about my recent blog reading, too, which includes these new additions:
- Unplugged Sunday is one of my new favorite blogs. It contains essays by contributing writers who relate how they spend their time "unplugged." A recent favorite was "Journaling the Seasons"
- SouleMama, written by Amanda Soule Blake; I like her books on creativity and family
- Fimby, or Fun In My Backyard.
- Weaving with children (a Pinterest collection from Mariah Bruehl, who blogs and authored Playful Learning)--ideas for hula hoops, sticks, and other projects
- SimpleBites, a new food/recipe site I'm watching (along with its parent site, SimpleMom)
- Eating Rules, which is sponsoring "Unprocessed October." I like the simple food rules: 100% whole grains, no HFCS, no hydrogenated oils. Add organic and that almost covers it. (Mmmm, Maple Apple Chips!)
- Plan to Eat sells a meal-planning service, but I'm more interested in the recipes (like Almond Butter Balls) and tips (DIY goldfish cracker cutter!)
- Mom Kids Books
Next up, Lesbian Mommy Blogs!!
What Blog Is This?
Thinking on Mama's constant refrain, "What is your goal?", I've been reflecting on this blog recently. What kind of blog is this? It's not a standard Mommy Blog, if that means a blog oriented to providing tips, ideas, product reviews, etc or detailing the lives of our children. Of course I am a mommy and that colors everything I do and write about, including some of those things some of the time. It is technically a Lesbian Mommy Blog, in that I'm a lesbian and a mommy, but I doubt you would gather much about LGBT issues except the occasional rant. It's not a foodie blog or a craft blog, though I do include recipes and some crafts. But there's little in the way of original projects. I also rehash news and information I find elsewhere. Overall, I wax philosophical on what interests me, kind of an essay version of Pinterest. I've tried writing other blogs geared towards niche cooking (of beans!) and another on museums and children, but both were too focused to hold my interest for long. And since I blog for fun and remembrance, expression and exploration--not for branding, marketing, blog-based business, publishing a book, or to garner a huge audience--I want it to be interesting to me, which means combining a lot of different topics. All of which is to say, for those of you still here, thanks for joining me on this wacky, random blog adventure of mine!
Boo You!
It's that time of year again when ghosts and goblins haunt the streets and sidewalks leaving bags of goodies at the doors of the unsuspecting.
We were BOOed last night by a friendly ghost who left bags of treats and toys for Sis and Bud, who were thrilled beyond measure to be thus haunted. And so today for our outing, Mama and I headed to the store to stockpile black and orange trinkets to distribute to a few friends (with fake teeth being specified, in addition to the ubiquitous candy). We'll be haunting later this week!
Let the holidays begin!
(And in case you were in doubt, there were actually Christmas decorations at our two stops this morning! We should come up with a mash-up moniker for the continuum of Halloween-Thanksgiving-Christmas . . . Hallgivmas?).
We were BOOed last night by a friendly ghost who left bags of treats and toys for Sis and Bud, who were thrilled beyond measure to be thus haunted. And so today for our outing, Mama and I headed to the store to stockpile black and orange trinkets to distribute to a few friends (with fake teeth being specified, in addition to the ubiquitous candy). We'll be haunting later this week!
Let the holidays begin!
(And in case you were in doubt, there were actually Christmas decorations at our two stops this morning! We should come up with a mash-up moniker for the continuum of Halloween-Thanksgiving-Christmas . . . Hallgivmas?).
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
A Special Week
It's a special week here at the Hungry household because Mama is working from home during online training. What's special is that there will be time in the morning and at lunch for outings together! It's like a whole date week. This morning, we did Whole Foods for the week's groceries and then a quick stop at the bookstore (mainly for magazines and coffee). I love spending time with Mama and getting out of the house. And we might have a few special lunches! It's like my own vacation. And she's very happy not to do her almost two-hour commute everyday.
Monday, October 10, 2011
Herbals
With fall and winter (apparently) approaching, I've been giving a lot of thought to minor respiratory illnesses, especially because Sis has been sniffling all weekend. We are not big cold and flu remedy users, relying more on humidifiers, warm tubs, cool nights, saline spray, popsicles, honey, and soup. But I've seen posts all over recently that take home-health remedies several steps further, from our Chicago friend's post on her friend's "flu-curing tea" to Beauty that Moves's post on resources and Fimby's own herbal stockpile. Our own pediatrician advocates the homeopathic remedy, oscillococcinum (millions of pills made from one goose liver in France!).
Do you have a favorite tonic or treatment for what ails you?
Do you have a favorite tonic or treatment for what ails you?
The Grocery Challenge
Beauty that Moves blogger Heather Bruggeman has set herself a challenge this month: cutting her grocery bill in half! Citing her reasons and the specifics here, Heather invited her readers along for the challenge. I thought it was a great opportunity to take a closer look at our grocery budget and meal planning, which is still a new habit for us. Without trying to specifically slash our own budget in half, I am trying to cook out of the freezer and pantry more this week. This means pasta (white beans and spaghetti, cauliflower and spaghetti), oatmeal (cooked oatmeal, granola), and soup (leek and potato, butternut and apple)--all relatively easy and uncomplicated, with ingredients I have in stock.
But the larger grocery challenge (that Heather herself embraces) is the one that I pose, with varying success, to us every month: local, seasonal, homemade, organic, whole foods as unprocessed as possible. Some weeks we do better than others. So far in October, I give us a low B (hmm, if A- is an Asian F, what is a B-?). With my injections and recovery, we've been doing a little bit more processed food and take-out than usual. But I found motivation in the oddest of places-- a physical anthropologry/evolutionary biology treatise on the meaning of cooking for the evolution of human beings, Catching Fire: How Cooking Made Us Human by Harvard primatologist Richard Wrangham. To summarize it succinctly, cooked foods gave our remote ancestors more energy because they could digest them more easily which in turn allowed them to have smaller guts but bigger brains more geared to social interactions. Voila, modern humanity (by way of the campfires, pair-bonding, and kinship groups). There's more to it than that--lots of great stuff about the biology of raw foodists (who would die in the wild), how chimpanzees and gorillas differ in their eating habits, the archaeology of fire control, the evolution of the division of labor by sex (and why women do the household cooking in all societies!) and how cooking established the always uneven economic relationship of men and women, even the physics of digestion and how cooking plays a huge part. I highly recommend it.
In the epilogue, Wrangham takes on what this means for us today, that mainly our evolutionary predisposition to prefer and efficiently utilize cooked, refined, high-energy foods has led to the so-called obesity epidemic. What was great for our ancestors is no longer good for us. And while he wouldn't advocate the Evo or Paleo diet (which he dispatches in the very first chapter), Wrangham implies that less refined, whole foods are what will give us another 1,000,000+ years at the top of the food chain. (And he doesn't begin to touch environmental sustainability. . . .)
And that's a grocery challenge, for sure.
But the larger grocery challenge (that Heather herself embraces) is the one that I pose, with varying success, to us every month: local, seasonal, homemade, organic, whole foods as unprocessed as possible. Some weeks we do better than others. So far in October, I give us a low B (hmm, if A- is an Asian F, what is a B-?). With my injections and recovery, we've been doing a little bit more processed food and take-out than usual. But I found motivation in the oddest of places-- a physical anthropologry/evolutionary biology treatise on the meaning of cooking for the evolution of human beings, Catching Fire: How Cooking Made Us Human by Harvard primatologist Richard Wrangham. To summarize it succinctly, cooked foods gave our remote ancestors more energy because they could digest them more easily which in turn allowed them to have smaller guts but bigger brains more geared to social interactions. Voila, modern humanity (by way of the campfires, pair-bonding, and kinship groups). There's more to it than that--lots of great stuff about the biology of raw foodists (who would die in the wild), how chimpanzees and gorillas differ in their eating habits, the archaeology of fire control, the evolution of the division of labor by sex (and why women do the household cooking in all societies!) and how cooking established the always uneven economic relationship of men and women, even the physics of digestion and how cooking plays a huge part. I highly recommend it.
In the epilogue, Wrangham takes on what this means for us today, that mainly our evolutionary predisposition to prefer and efficiently utilize cooked, refined, high-energy foods has led to the so-called obesity epidemic. What was great for our ancestors is no longer good for us. And while he wouldn't advocate the Evo or Paleo diet (which he dispatches in the very first chapter), Wrangham implies that less refined, whole foods are what will give us another 1,000,000+ years at the top of the food chain. (And he doesn't begin to touch environmental sustainability. . . .)
And that's a grocery challenge, for sure.
Letting the Memory Live Again
While Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat was my first musical by Andrew Lloyd Webber and Phantom of the Opera was my favorite (and Sunset Boulevard with Glenn Close was the most amazing and Whistle Down the Wind was the most awful), Cats is the one I have the strongest memories of: from the junkyard sets to the feline dancing, from "Jellicle Cats" to "Mr. Mistoffles," "Skimpleshanks the Railway Cat" to "Memory," from singing it to my first cats Curiosity and Fudgie to seeing the marquee at the Winter Garden for the first several years I lived in NYC. Interestingly, Mama had never seen it--18 years on Broadway and she never went!--and barely knows the music, except of course the showstopper "Memory."So yesterday was a treat for all of us when we watched the DVD of the London production with Elaine Page (though, I'm partial to Betty Buckley, of the Broadway cast). The kids were mesmerized by the costumes and dancing, a little confused by some of Eliot's poetry, and concerned about McCavity the criminal cat and which cat would be chosen to go to the Heavyside Layer. (I don't think they noticed all the sexual innuendo, especially of Rum Tum Tugger, or, if they didn't, couldn't make sense of it. Thank heavens!)
Despite having seen it before, it was practically a new show for me. I saw meaning I didn't notice amid all the fun when I was 12. And maybe because I'm now closer to the Heavyside Layer myself and "can smile at the old days," it was more emotional. But just as much fun, especially to introduce the kids to a show I've sung along to for almost 30 years (though I still can't hear "Memory" without getting all blubbery!). And so today, they've been following our own jellicle cats around, while singing "Oh, well, I never, was there ever, a cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffles?"!
Now we'll just have to wait for it to come back to Broadway (because live is the best way to see Broadway, not on close-up DVDs which kinda undermine the magic of the theater) . . . it's Cats, so it's bound to have some more lives left!
Of Heat and Holidays
It's 80F something here in Connecticut, almost unheard of (and record-breaking, yesterday). To my mind, it's out of sync with the three-day weekend, which should be fall and pumpkins and Halloween prep. Instead, we're inside, thinking of air-conditioning! Still, you can't argue with the weather. So, inside, we've created our own NYC with Legos, draw bunnies and penguins, decorated orange paper pumpkins for the windows, made muffins for "Muffin Monday" (a new, sometime-tradition, like "Meatless Monday"), discussed the various meanings of Columbus Day (to Native Americans, to Europeans, past and present treatment of the day by Americans) and how the Vikings were actually the first Europeans here nearly 500 years before Columbus, talked to Gommie (who is somewhere cold out in Colorado, near Gunderson and heading to Durango, perhaps), played DS a bit, had a deli picnic lunch in the living room (just too hot in the sun!), and are now watching their new favorite musical, Cats. We might have a neighbor friend come over later today; if not, maybe we'll play chess or another game. There's lot of time left to enjoy the day. Hope you're having a good one too, wherever the holiday finds (and whatever it means to) you.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
A Harry Day
We were channeling Hogwarts over here today, with pumpkin pasties for dinner and several games of chess! That's right, chess. The kids have taken to chess. They had wanted to try their hand at it since seeing it in the movie, having given up on making checkers as exciting as Wizards' Chess. And so Mama bought them a starter set, Harry Potter, of course, exactly like the chess challenge in the movie. Yesterday, they practiced all the ways the different pieces could move, following along in beginning chess books Bud had chosen at the library on Thursday including one with great illustrations of knights and castles and another written by World Chess Champion and grandmaster Gary Kasparov (he's taken them to bed two nights in a row to read!). Today, they played each other, several times, not minding who won or lost, as long as they could make the blowing up noises from the movie! We watched, making sure pawns attacked the correct way and knights moved only in their L-formation (good thing Mama's memory is better than mine), and advised sometimes, about strategy, castling, rules (if you touch it, you have to move it), and etiquette (it's not nice to use your Queen to kick their King if they've surrendered). And they loved it. Watch out, Muggles!-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Pumpkin Pasties (coming soon)
2 pie crusts, room temperature
1 can of pumpkin puree
cinnamon, nutmeg
sugar
Religion, Part II: On Compassion and Codes
Going back to the conversation I had with two friends this week regarding religion and a moral code, I've been reflecting on two recent articles in the NYTimes exploring empathy and compassion. Both are important to me in my own life and in raising our kids. The articles suggest both are in short supply and not always the motivation for right action that we expect.
In "Becoming Compassionately Numb," Benedict Carey suggests that, with the abundance of crises, we're experiencing fatigue--limiting joblessness benefits and disaster aid, cheering executions while booing a GLBT soldier (both of those at recent Republican debates! In fact, aren't all four of these from Republicans??), slow and minimal responses to Somalia, Darfur, Rwanda, etc. People in the help professions have long recognized such fatigue, especially when they see the same chronic, seemingly hopeless challenges. Interesting, he mentions the evolution of compassion as evolving to protect the household and clan; chimpanzees and monkeys also show compassion. Of course, we're more likely to respond to individuals in crises than larger entities, mainly because it is easier to relate to a single person than to an entire country, which is why non-profit pleas for compassion focus on single suffers to greater success. However, it has been found that first responders and doctors must actually silence their compassionate reactions to be effective in overwhelming circumstances; otherwise, they too would become numb and fatigued.
The second article, David Brooks's "The Limits of Empathy," discusses the actual disconnect between feelings of empathy and action. As Carey noted, Brooks's finds that empathizing with another doesn't always lead us to act compassionately, especially if there is a significant personal cost. Brooks's article focuses on what does: a sense of duty, not compassion. "People who actually perform pro-social action don’t only feel for those who are suffering, they feel compelled to act by a sense of duty. Their lives are structured by sacred codes." He continues,
In "Becoming Compassionately Numb," Benedict Carey suggests that, with the abundance of crises, we're experiencing fatigue--limiting joblessness benefits and disaster aid, cheering executions while booing a GLBT soldier (both of those at recent Republican debates! In fact, aren't all four of these from Republicans??), slow and minimal responses to Somalia, Darfur, Rwanda, etc. People in the help professions have long recognized such fatigue, especially when they see the same chronic, seemingly hopeless challenges. Interesting, he mentions the evolution of compassion as evolving to protect the household and clan; chimpanzees and monkeys also show compassion. Of course, we're more likely to respond to individuals in crises than larger entities, mainly because it is easier to relate to a single person than to an entire country, which is why non-profit pleas for compassion focus on single suffers to greater success. However, it has been found that first responders and doctors must actually silence their compassionate reactions to be effective in overwhelming circumstances; otherwise, they too would become numb and fatigued.
The second article, David Brooks's "The Limits of Empathy," discusses the actual disconnect between feelings of empathy and action. As Carey noted, Brooks's finds that empathizing with another doesn't always lead us to act compassionately, especially if there is a significant personal cost. Brooks's article focuses on what does: a sense of duty, not compassion. "People who actually perform pro-social action don’t only feel for those who are suffering, they feel compelled to act by a sense of duty. Their lives are structured by sacred codes." He continues,
Think of anybody you admire. They probably have some talent for fellow-feeling, but it is overshadowed by their sense of obligation to some religious, military, social or philosophic code. They would feel a sense of shame or guilt if they didn’t live up to the code. The code tells them when they deserve public admiration or dishonor. The code helps them evaluate other people’s feelings, not just share them. The code tells them that an adulterer or a drug dealer may feel ecstatic, but the proper response is still contempt.
This is why doctors, social workers, oncology nurses, and the other professions Carey mentions are able to respond--they have a professional code to which they are duty-bound that motivates them to act.
I have found that embracing the Unitarian Universalist principles or "code" has provided me with a clearer since of moral action than I had previously. As I've posted before (and here), it also allows me to communicate those rules to the kiddos more effectively and efficiently. We're always pointing back to the principals--"turn off the water because we protect the web of life" and "don't hit because we respect individuals." And while I couldn't explain this to my friends last week, it's why I take the kids to church, why I take myself. I don't doubt that they can teach their kids to be moral, upstanding, good people without church--I would be the last to say that religion makes a person good--but I find it frankly easier to do with a church, a code, and community support. As Brooks states,"The code isn’t just a set of rules. It’s a source of identity. It’s pursued with joy. It arouses the strongest emotions and attachments. Empathy is a sideshow. If you want to make the world a better place, help people debate, understand, reform, revere and enact their codes."Is it coincidence that we are becoming a less compassionate nation, if Carey is believed, as we have lost our connection to traditional religious codes? Or when those codes become perverted by fundamentalists who seek more to punish their neighbors than to love them? Karen Armstrong, author and TED recipient, espouses in her book, Twelve Steps to a Compassionate Life,that a true return to the Golden Rule, a version of which is found in all moral creeds and religious codes (including UU principal #1), would lead to a better world. With enough compassion for everyone.
Friday, October 7, 2011
Religion, Part I: Beyond Science
On Tuesday, I had a few moms over and, after talking about school and current events (about which they bemoaned not having time to pay any attention and only knew what their husbands told them. Sigh, is it really the 1950s? Has nothing changed?), we turned to religion. One is culturally Jewish with a New-Age spiritual bent, while another grew up Buddhist and has a nominally Christian husband. Neither wants to teach their child a specific religion or faith, besides being a good person. I listened more than talked, neither giving my reasons for taking the children to church (mainly spiritual education and community) nor my own beliefs, which are constantly shifting.
Religion has been on my mind recently, both because of a plethora of articles surrounding faith or more specifically the lack thereof (features on evolutionary biologist Richard Dawkins and author/intellectual Christopher Hitchens) and also the idea of energy healing. Let's start with that. As I detailed earlier, a friend (actually the New Ager above) introduced me to "tapping," which posits that pain is the result of electrical energy blockages. Now, I'm not a medical doctor and really don't know about the electrical systems of the body, but I'm skeptical about random energy blockages. Especially because scientists haven't found them.
And then I read Alan Lightman's "Does God Exist?" (which also talks about Dawkins) on Salon, a treatise addressing the science-religion divide. Lightman begins with the Central Doctrine of science, which was new to me: "All properties and events in the physical universe are governed by laws, and those laws are true at every time and place in the universe. " Which boils down to the fact that the laws are predictable and verifiable, even if scientists don't know all of them yet and are tweaking the ones scientists have identified. This is scientific materialism (if I'm keeping my terms straight).
If there is a God (which classical theologians define as omniscient, omnipotent, and omnibenevolent), did he invent those natural laws and then take a hands-off position? Or does he function even now within those laws or perhaps counter to them through miracles? Lightman explains:
So, where do I fall on this spectrum? Well, beginning with the classical definition of God, I don't actually believe in him. And so I often have called myself an atheist. Except as I grow and grow older, I find this term doesn't fit exactly. I realize that the answers to the questions of the universe are unknowable to me and that this fact might actually define and enrich our human paths. Am I prepared to say that nothing exists beyond what science tells us? No, because I believe, in many ways, that science is in its infancy of understanding the universe: as I understand it, science can name and can sometimes describe processes but cannot always identify cause or make predictions. It's like the toddler who can make the "moo" of a cow but doesn't understand much more than that. Take margarine, for example: for years, it was a healthy safe substance; now it's not. Science hadn't gotten it right the first time. Same with fen phen. Or HRT. Or Pluto. Acknowledging Lambeth's objections before he posts, I'm not downplaying science's contributions (like penicillin and vaccinations and artificial hips), just pointing to some weaknesses.
Will science find a way to identify those electronic energy blockages? Or ghosts? Or miracles? Or the human soul?
Or do they just not exist?
With my exploration of alternative healing, my burgeoning distrust of some aspects of science and specifically Western medicine, my continued study of Buddhism, my personal exploration of prayer, I am more agnostic than atheist. But I'm still perhaps too much of a materialist, caught between science and religion, because I almost automatically doubt and distrust non-scientific answers in the beginning and cannot easily accept otherwise (like energy healing and ghosts and heaven). I wish I didn't need it, but I like proof or at least reasonable or rational answers (even if I question the institutions and academics who provide them). I don't have faith, if that is the belief in that which cannot be proven.
However, I do like his alternative definition of faith:
Lightman posits that, while scientists are obsessed with the "well-posed problem" that can eventually be answered because it is posed with such clarity and specificity, artists and humanists don't care about such problems, seeing that there are either no answers or multiple answers to the big questions. Questions like "why are we here?" and "what is the meaning of life?" The questions are the point. Not surprisingly, I am starting to fall in line more with this view of the world than the scientific one, even if answers that fly in the face of science are still very discomforting to me. But I am coming to understand that there is more in heaven and earth than have been dreamt of in my philosophy.
Religion has been on my mind recently, both because of a plethora of articles surrounding faith or more specifically the lack thereof (features on evolutionary biologist Richard Dawkins and author/intellectual Christopher Hitchens) and also the idea of energy healing. Let's start with that. As I detailed earlier, a friend (actually the New Ager above) introduced me to "tapping," which posits that pain is the result of electrical energy blockages. Now, I'm not a medical doctor and really don't know about the electrical systems of the body, but I'm skeptical about random energy blockages. Especially because scientists haven't found them.
And then I read Alan Lightman's "Does God Exist?" (which also talks about Dawkins) on Salon, a treatise addressing the science-religion divide. Lightman begins with the Central Doctrine of science, which was new to me: "All properties and events in the physical universe are governed by laws, and those laws are true at every time and place in the universe. " Which boils down to the fact that the laws are predictable and verifiable, even if scientists don't know all of them yet and are tweaking the ones scientists have identified. This is scientific materialism (if I'm keeping my terms straight).
If there is a God (which classical theologians define as omniscient, omnipotent, and omnibenevolent), did he invent those natural laws and then take a hands-off position? Or does he function even now within those laws or perhaps counter to them through miracles? Lightman explains:
We can categorize religious beliefs according to the degree to which God acts in the world. At one extreme is atheism: God does not exist, period. Next comes deism, a prominent belief in the 17th and 18th centuries and partly motivated to incorporate new scientific developments with theological thinking. Deism holds that God created the universe but has not acted thereafter. (Voltaire considered himself a deist.) Next comes immanentism: God created the universe and the physical laws and continues to act but only through repeated application of those fixed laws. While immanentism differs philosophically from deism, it is functionally equivalent because God does not perform miracles in the world, and the Central Doctrine of science is upheld. One can argue that Einstein believed in an immanentist God. Finally comes what some theologians call interventionism: From time to time, God can and does act to violate the laws.
Most religions, including Christianity, Judaism, Islam and Hinduism, subscribe to an interventionist view of God. Following the discussion above, all of these religions, at least in their orthodox expressions, are incompatible with science. This is as far as one gets with a purely logical analysis. Except for a God who sits down after the universe begins, all other Gods conflict with the assumptions of science.
So, where do I fall on this spectrum? Well, beginning with the classical definition of God, I don't actually believe in him. And so I often have called myself an atheist. Except as I grow and grow older, I find this term doesn't fit exactly. I realize that the answers to the questions of the universe are unknowable to me and that this fact might actually define and enrich our human paths. Am I prepared to say that nothing exists beyond what science tells us? No, because I believe, in many ways, that science is in its infancy of understanding the universe: as I understand it, science can name and can sometimes describe processes but cannot always identify cause or make predictions. It's like the toddler who can make the "moo" of a cow but doesn't understand much more than that. Take margarine, for example: for years, it was a healthy safe substance; now it's not. Science hadn't gotten it right the first time. Same with fen phen. Or HRT. Or Pluto. Acknowledging Lambeth's objections before he posts, I'm not downplaying science's contributions (like penicillin and vaccinations and artificial hips), just pointing to some weaknesses.
Will science find a way to identify those electronic energy blockages? Or ghosts? Or miracles? Or the human soul?
Or do they just not exist?
With my exploration of alternative healing, my burgeoning distrust of some aspects of science and specifically Western medicine, my continued study of Buddhism, my personal exploration of prayer, I am more agnostic than atheist. But I'm still perhaps too much of a materialist, caught between science and religion, because I almost automatically doubt and distrust non-scientific answers in the beginning and cannot easily accept otherwise (like energy healing and ghosts and heaven). I wish I didn't need it, but I like proof or at least reasonable or rational answers (even if I question the institutions and academics who provide them). I don't have faith, if that is the belief in that which cannot be proven.
However, I do like his alternative definition of faith:
Faith, in its broadest sense, is about far more than belief in the existence of God or the disregard of scientific evidence. Faith is the willingness to give ourselves over, at times, to things we do not fully understand. Faith is the belief in things larger than ourselves. Faith is the ability to honor stillness at some moments and at others to ride the passion and exuberance that is the artistic impulse, the flight of the imagination, the full engagement with this strange and shimmering world.This is a kind of faith I can have, more hope than proof.
Lightman posits that, while scientists are obsessed with the "well-posed problem" that can eventually be answered because it is posed with such clarity and specificity, artists and humanists don't care about such problems, seeing that there are either no answers or multiple answers to the big questions. Questions like "why are we here?" and "what is the meaning of life?" The questions are the point. Not surprisingly, I am starting to fall in line more with this view of the world than the scientific one, even if answers that fly in the face of science are still very discomforting to me. But I am coming to understand that there is more in heaven and earth than have been dreamt of in my philosophy.
Goodbye and Good Luck, Lisa Belkin!
It was announced today on Motherlode that Lisa Belkin is departing for HuffPo (check out the post for a great summary of posts through the years). I have been an avid reader and sometime commentor on her blog these last three years and will miss the inspiring, informative, touching, and sometimes infuriating (always in the comments!) posts.
I wish Lisa Belkin the best of luck and thank her from the bottom of my heart for her years of guidance and support of mothers and all parents, me included. I'll be following her to HuffPo, though I don't ever comment there--now I might have to! (You're losing out, NYTimes.)
(I'll add that she commented here twice--here and here--which thrilled me to no end. Thanks, Lisa!)
I wish Lisa Belkin the best of luck and thank her from the bottom of my heart for her years of guidance and support of mothers and all parents, me included. I'll be following her to HuffPo, though I don't ever comment there--now I might have to! (You're losing out, NYTimes.)
(I'll add that she commented here twice--here and here--which thrilled me to no end. Thanks, Lisa!)
Recipe Memes
I love recipes and I'm working on incorporating the buzz word "meme" (pronounced "meem," I believe, originated by Richard Dawkins in The Selfish Gene, more on him later today) into my world and so I was glad to see Saveur's recipe meme article, or "8 Great Recipes That Rocked the Internet."
Except I didn't know most of the recipes. How am I out of the loop? Do you know:
Except I didn't know most of the recipes. How am I out of the loop? Do you know:
- Butter Tomato Sauce
- Whole Wheat Chocolate Chip Cookies
- Engagement Chicken
- Heaven and Hell Cake
- Kale Chips
- No-Knead Bread
- 36-Hour Chocolate Chip Cookies
- World Peace Cookies
How did I only know two of those (kale chips and no-knead bread)? I feel left out. I guess I need to read more recipe blogs (not usually what I do unless I'm looking for a specific recipe, though I know of 101 Cookbooks, Chocolate and Zucchini, Food52, Smitten Kitchen, Orangette, and Gluten-Free Girl, and others).
And I guess the other pre-internet memes, like Amish Friendship Bread and Neiman-Marcus Million-Dollar Cookies are just too old to make the list, even if I get emails annually about them.
The list tells us a little about our internet recipe habits--we like sweets, especially cookies! But not vegetables too much. I guess "here are some great brussel sprouts" doesn't make a popular blog post or welcome email.
I wonder what the next recipe meme will be. Let's see if we can start one with this, which is perfect for fall and quite adaptable (try it, email it, post it!):
Miss B's Swedish Apple Pie
3-5 apples, peeled and sliced
1 cup plus 1 teaspoon sugar, divided
1 teaspoon cinnamon
3/4 cup butter, melted
1 cup flour
1 egg
1/2 cup chopped nuts or dried cranberries (optional)
Fill a greased 9' pie plate 2/3 full of apple slices. Sprinkle with 1 tsp sugar and 1 tsp. cinnamon.
Combine remaining ingredients into batter and pour over apples.
Bake at 350F for 45 minutes.
Miss B from playgroup
Mornin'
Wakefulness came to me at 3 am and never let up. But I didn't exactly rise and shine. I read eulogies (and some not-so-eulogies) on Steve Jobs while contemplating praises for "changing the world" and making technology merge with art and life and encouraging thinking outside the proverbial box, and damnations for perceived lack of philanthropy and humanitarianism, appalling Chinese labor practices by Apple affiliates, and creating "useless" gadgets for the privileged upper classes; mentally reorganized my cookbook project; had a few brilliant household ideas I can't recall; wrote some email at 4 a.m.; and tried to meditate to no avail. Even the cats and Mama were sleeping! Oh, well. The doctor said the injections would make me edgy like drinking too much coffee.
The day dawned beautiful, with cool breeze and full sun (and 47F). The kids and Mama are off to their respective places. The cats and I are here in ours.
I've got some volunteer work for the historic house and Girl Scouts today, plus several books and magazines.
Otherwise, I'm going to try to take a nap at some point!
And not have any coffee.
The day dawned beautiful, with cool breeze and full sun (and 47F). The kids and Mama are off to their respective places. The cats and I are here in ours.
I've got some volunteer work for the historic house and Girl Scouts today, plus several books and magazines.
Otherwise, I'm going to try to take a nap at some point!
And not have any coffee.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Ten Things Tonight
Right now . . . (inspired by SouleMama):
- My warm, cozy, comforting, fluffy, pink fleece blanket
- Hot lemon tea with honey and . . .
- Dainty nonettes (French jelly-filled honey cake) and French almond macaroons from the fancy grocery where we passed time before my appointment this morning.
- A cool breeze through the open windows . . .
- and the night song it carries with it.
- Rachel and Mercedes singing "Out Here on My Own" on "Glee," on in the background.
- The soft fur of the kids' visiting critters.
- The warmth of cats sleeping nearby.
- Earlier, the sound of Mama reading fables to the kids.
- Reading blogs and emails, which inspire me.
Visitors
Introducing Smock and Pink Bunny....Sis and Bud brought me these cherished friends to keep me company tonight.
Butt-Tired
The happy meds have worn off, both ativan and local anesthetic, and I am achy and sore, as expected (no worries, it's normal). It takes 3-5 days for the meds to kick in (and the ache lasts a few days). I'm hoping the doc got the right spot--if it's any clue, at least my aching is in the usual spot! The doc was funny, "I get one injection right everyday. I hope this is it!"
Me too.
(Wearing my Nyad shirt for inspiration.)All Good
Just had injections, plural, and am heading home. The injections were much easier than the caudal, but threading the needles through the nerves was, well, nerve-wracking.
Now to rest today...and literally laugh my ass off. Because I'm hilarious on ativan.
Thanks, allies!
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Be My Ally
Inspired by some of the descriptions I've read about the healing social network/game SuperBetter that's not public yet, I wanted to ask everyone who reads this to be my ally. The timing is perfect because tomorrow is my second spinal injection. I'm not scared, but not too hopeful either. It will either a). provide relief or b). indicate that we're proverbially barking up the wrong tree. So I feel on the cusp. Which is a good time for allies. To be my ally, just comment or send me an email when you read this; no strings attached. Thank you!
Peace and Prayers
. . . .for the family, friends, and colleagues of Steve Jobs, Apple visionary, who died today.
My first personal computer was a Mac, in 1994. And we used Apple IIe in school. And now we have iPods and iPads. Plus we love Pixar films.
Jobs has touched numerous aspects of our lives.
Thank you.
My first personal computer was a Mac, in 1994. And we used Apple IIe in school. And now we have iPods and iPads. Plus we love Pixar films.
Jobs has touched numerous aspects of our lives.
Thank you.
Family Updates
From way out west: Pop and Gommie called on their anniversary from somewhere outside of Aspen, heading towards Estes Park/Deadwood/somewhere else . . . they were enjoying beautiful fall colors and were actually expecting snow!
From Texas: My Aunt Sis called yesterday, only the second time we've talked since she was hospitalized in mid-June (I've been sending real albeit typed letters weekly because she is not online). She sounds strong and even spirited, though she doesn't recall much of the first months in such dire shape. I told her some things are better left forgotten. She was very grateful for all that Pop and Gommie did for her. And she's looking forward to leaving the nursing home. I'm not sure how realistic that last bit is, especially given that she has a walker and a wheelchair and her home is actually two separate rustic cabins on several split levels. Worry about that later . . .
From Texas: My Aunt Sis called yesterday, only the second time we've talked since she was hospitalized in mid-June (I've been sending real albeit typed letters weekly because she is not online). She sounds strong and even spirited, though she doesn't recall much of the first months in such dire shape. I told her some things are better left forgotten. She was very grateful for all that Pop and Gommie did for her. And she's looking forward to leaving the nursing home. I'm not sure how realistic that last bit is, especially given that she has a walker and a wheelchair and her home is actually two separate rustic cabins on several split levels. Worry about that later . . .
Gleelicious
Oooh, last night's "Glee" episode was a scrumptious morsel of musical comedy-drama. I thoroughly enjoyed the Dreamgirls dream sequence and Brittany-as-Beyonce (my goodness, how do you dance like that?), plus the touching explorations of the lives and backgrounds of Mike Chang (okay, I know that the "Asian F," etc is a stereotype but I know it happens) and Emma Pillsbury. I think Mercedes's breakdown was a bit off--I'm betting she has a disease or something (not pregnancy, but something life-threatening, with several stomachaches and a . . .hurting ankle?). Otherwise, it was good ol' fashioned "Glee," which is to say, great!
Spontaneous Healing, or TMS TMI
Maybe I should call this blog "Mommy Healthy" these days, since I'm posting more on that than the kids. Well, this never was "just" a mommy blog . . . .
I've been thinking a lot about the American medical complex and big pharma recently. Very little of it positive. In my grumpiest, most cynical mood, I see doctors as shills to the drug companies who don't know enough about actual health and healing beyond which brand-name drug to prescribe for which problem or who are too scared of lawsuits or death of a patient (or who don't have the time or the interest) to prescribe anything besides the most invasive tests and treatments. For example, my previous GP loved tests--ultrasounds and ECGs--and medication; my current GP loves referrals to specialists for anything from athlete's foot to reflux. For that, my ENT prescribed Prilosec--at a dose 4 times the OTC dosage--and believes I'll be on it the rest of my life (he's been taking it for 10 years! And when I questioned effects, he laughed and said he'd die before I did from it). There was some talk of dietary changes (no tomatoes, no coffee/tea, no citrus, no full-fat diary, no greasy foods), but that didn't seem to really matter to him as long as I took the meds, even though the main problem with reflux is my discomfort without any real damage to my system (there my be vocal nodules eventually but that's about it). Lucky for the drug company that will profit, especially because insurance won't pay. Except I went to my naturopath/acupuncturist with the diagnosis and was given deglycerinated (I think that's it) licorice (DGL). And immediately, it's made a difference; much better than the Prilosec. I'm even off all of the Prilosec (mainly because I couldn't take it before tomorrow's injection because of its effects on platelets, according to the pharmacist). And I won't be going back. Of course, there are many doctors who won't even mention diet and lifestyle changes to patients, much less herbal treatments (do you think my ENT had even heard of DGLicorice?) before prescribing anti-inflammatories, antibiotics, pain killers, antihistamines, cholesterol drugs, blood pressure medication, and other meds. And I know that many doctors don't have any knowledge of alternative treatments, though an article in the NYTimes recently indicates that many GPs are also starting to believe that their patients are overtreated (see also an article on how vinegar can identify cervical cancer, an alternative way to identify it which is often much more reliable than pap smears!) I know that some of those doctor-patient conversations would not be easy, or even usually effective (and it's obviously taken a long time for certain conversations to sink in with me), but I believe as patients we have the right and responsibility to know what else we can or should do. (Proud of you, Vegan Pop!)
I've been exploring some of the alternatives to our American medical-pharmaceutical complex, investigating traditional Chinese medicine (TCM) and other techniques in an attempt to find anything to help (like the computer game SuperBetter that I posted about yesterday!). I've got references to cranio-sacral therapists, hypnotherapists, a reiki practitioner, among others. And I must say, there are some . . . unusual . . . ideas out there. I stumbled onto something called EFT, or Emotional Freedom Technique. It's energy healing. Accomplished through tapping your fingers on your face and body while repeating phrases about your pain. As I understand it, it's based on TCM's theories of meridiens and qi upon which acupuncture is based, but the non-medical founder of the technique has said that tapping yourself pretty much anywhere will work because there are meridiens everywhere. The tapping clears the emotional-electrical-energy blockages that cause pain (though EFT people will repeatedly point out that they don't claim to heal medical problems, just the emotions surrounding them). It's like acupuncture-lite, without the historical background and clinical trials. Skeptical yet? I'm learning all sorts of scientific terms--like the importance of falsifiability (mainly, that to be able to test something, it has to be able to be proven wrong; if any meridien spot works, you can't ever prove EFT wrong), the idea of regression to the mean (or that many people, with pain, anyway, will return to health without too much intervention), and the placebo effect. The Skeptical Inquirer tore EFT to bits on these and other grounds.
It's actually not that far off from another theory that has a few more medical credentials, that of Dr. John Sarno of NYU, who identified (invented?) TMS, or tension myotitis syndrome, and is supported by alternative medicine gurus Dr. Andrew Weil and Dr. Mehmet Oz. TMS is basically muscle inflammation caused by stress; in other words, it's all in your head. And the "all" is a lot: pain from herniated discs, plantar fascitis, scoiliosis (yes, I mention "my" three up front for a reason), fibromyalgia, TMJ, carpal-tunnel syndrome, pretty much any pain that has a musco-skeletal origin is TMS even if there is an injury! The cure? Listening to his lectures and doing his emotional work. Yep, you can clear back pain by processing, or just even acknowledging, your repressed emotions (mind you, you have to pay for the lectures and books). Because again, emotions (this time not electrical blockages but the brain reducing blood and thus oxygen flow to muscles, tendons, etc) cause pain. (In the 20/20 video Sarno disingenuously states that nothing has changed about the American back in the last 20 years that the nation has seen an uptick in back pain, which he correlates to people's brains choosing back pain instead of the less-trendy ulcers now--except he forgets that we're more obese and sedentary. One big change in the American back in 20 years? How about more sitting at the computer?? Interestingly he also admits that all of his patients--with whom he is successful in the 90% range!--are pre-screened.). There's a psychoanalytic twist to this one: the emotional work delves into your relationships with your parents, childhood trauma, and the like. It's received a lot of press because several stars have been cured by Sarno--it's the Scientology of back pain theories. Though, even Sarno (proudly) acknowledges that 99.9% of medical doctors reject TMS.
That's not to say I don't believe there is a mind-body connection or that alternative theories aren't useful or helpful. I just don't think it's as simple as just saying that my back pain is only from my emotions. In fact, our ideal doctor would combine both Western and alternative medical theories . . . and we've found her. She's our pediatrician! (Is it coincidence or causality that she's Russian, with a background in both folk medicine and medical school?) She prescribes arnica and garlic mullen and humidifiers and cold air along with cortisone cream and amoxycilin. We even ask her for advice on our problems (she pointed me to acupuncture). Otherwise, I've long seen the value in breath work--I used to be able to lower my blood pressure and heart rate through breathing during numerous prenatal checks (I'd be hooked up to a monitor for 30 minutes and I'd work on my breathing to see the numbers change; yes, it was boring). I have also seen the value of Jon Kaba-Zinn's Mindfulness-Based Stress Reductions for the acceptance and reduction of pain. In fact, I just read Dr. Weil's Spontaneous Healing and loved his support of less traditional (or, actually, more traditional!) treatment--many of which my naturopath had already given me--and his wariness of invasive American medical treatments (which, again, can be very valuable for certain conditions and issues). I'm going to try his 8 Weeks to Optimum Health, with its suggestions for supplements, dietary changes, spiritual work, etc.
But I will add this: I did some of the tapping last night, as part of a free "world pain relief summit" and also thought on Sarno's psychoanalytic approach, reiterating that I know that stress makes my back pain worse.
And I sat for a whole minute last night and this morning. That's about 56 seconds longer than I can usually tolerate.
Was it EFT or TMS? Or the cortisone shot I had last week? Or my continued use of supplements? Or weight loss? Or my hour of exercise everyday? Or regression to the mean after almost exactly 6 months from the second disc injury? Or even some early placebo effect from tomorrow's injection? Or even the dream I just had about being healed by my favorite physical therapists?
I don't know what it was (or how I can continue it). It was, in many ways, "spontaneous."
I just hope the healing continues.
I've been thinking a lot about the American medical complex and big pharma recently. Very little of it positive. In my grumpiest, most cynical mood, I see doctors as shills to the drug companies who don't know enough about actual health and healing beyond which brand-name drug to prescribe for which problem or who are too scared of lawsuits or death of a patient (or who don't have the time or the interest) to prescribe anything besides the most invasive tests and treatments. For example, my previous GP loved tests--ultrasounds and ECGs--and medication; my current GP loves referrals to specialists for anything from athlete's foot to reflux. For that, my ENT prescribed Prilosec--at a dose 4 times the OTC dosage--and believes I'll be on it the rest of my life (he's been taking it for 10 years! And when I questioned effects, he laughed and said he'd die before I did from it). There was some talk of dietary changes (no tomatoes, no coffee/tea, no citrus, no full-fat diary, no greasy foods), but that didn't seem to really matter to him as long as I took the meds, even though the main problem with reflux is my discomfort without any real damage to my system (there my be vocal nodules eventually but that's about it). Lucky for the drug company that will profit, especially because insurance won't pay. Except I went to my naturopath/acupuncturist with the diagnosis and was given deglycerinated (I think that's it) licorice (DGL). And immediately, it's made a difference; much better than the Prilosec. I'm even off all of the Prilosec (mainly because I couldn't take it before tomorrow's injection because of its effects on platelets, according to the pharmacist). And I won't be going back. Of course, there are many doctors who won't even mention diet and lifestyle changes to patients, much less herbal treatments (do you think my ENT had even heard of DGLicorice?) before prescribing anti-inflammatories, antibiotics, pain killers, antihistamines, cholesterol drugs, blood pressure medication, and other meds. And I know that many doctors don't have any knowledge of alternative treatments, though an article in the NYTimes recently indicates that many GPs are also starting to believe that their patients are overtreated (see also an article on how vinegar can identify cervical cancer, an alternative way to identify it which is often much more reliable than pap smears!) I know that some of those doctor-patient conversations would not be easy, or even usually effective (and it's obviously taken a long time for certain conversations to sink in with me), but I believe as patients we have the right and responsibility to know what else we can or should do. (Proud of you, Vegan Pop!)
I've been exploring some of the alternatives to our American medical-pharmaceutical complex, investigating traditional Chinese medicine (TCM) and other techniques in an attempt to find anything to help (like the computer game SuperBetter that I posted about yesterday!). I've got references to cranio-sacral therapists, hypnotherapists, a reiki practitioner, among others. And I must say, there are some . . . unusual . . . ideas out there. I stumbled onto something called EFT, or Emotional Freedom Technique. It's energy healing. Accomplished through tapping your fingers on your face and body while repeating phrases about your pain. As I understand it, it's based on TCM's theories of meridiens and qi upon which acupuncture is based, but the non-medical founder of the technique has said that tapping yourself pretty much anywhere will work because there are meridiens everywhere. The tapping clears the emotional-electrical-energy blockages that cause pain (though EFT people will repeatedly point out that they don't claim to heal medical problems, just the emotions surrounding them). It's like acupuncture-lite, without the historical background and clinical trials. Skeptical yet? I'm learning all sorts of scientific terms--like the importance of falsifiability (mainly, that to be able to test something, it has to be able to be proven wrong; if any meridien spot works, you can't ever prove EFT wrong), the idea of regression to the mean (or that many people, with pain, anyway, will return to health without too much intervention), and the placebo effect. The Skeptical Inquirer tore EFT to bits on these and other grounds.
It's actually not that far off from another theory that has a few more medical credentials, that of Dr. John Sarno of NYU, who identified (invented?) TMS, or tension myotitis syndrome, and is supported by alternative medicine gurus Dr. Andrew Weil and Dr. Mehmet Oz. TMS is basically muscle inflammation caused by stress; in other words, it's all in your head. And the "all" is a lot: pain from herniated discs, plantar fascitis, scoiliosis (yes, I mention "my" three up front for a reason), fibromyalgia, TMJ, carpal-tunnel syndrome, pretty much any pain that has a musco-skeletal origin is TMS even if there is an injury! The cure? Listening to his lectures and doing his emotional work. Yep, you can clear back pain by processing, or just even acknowledging, your repressed emotions (mind you, you have to pay for the lectures and books). Because again, emotions (this time not electrical blockages but the brain reducing blood and thus oxygen flow to muscles, tendons, etc) cause pain. (In the 20/20 video Sarno disingenuously states that nothing has changed about the American back in the last 20 years that the nation has seen an uptick in back pain, which he correlates to people's brains choosing back pain instead of the less-trendy ulcers now--except he forgets that we're more obese and sedentary. One big change in the American back in 20 years? How about more sitting at the computer?? Interestingly he also admits that all of his patients--with whom he is successful in the 90% range!--are pre-screened.). There's a psychoanalytic twist to this one: the emotional work delves into your relationships with your parents, childhood trauma, and the like. It's received a lot of press because several stars have been cured by Sarno--it's the Scientology of back pain theories. Though, even Sarno (proudly) acknowledges that 99.9% of medical doctors reject TMS.
That's not to say I don't believe there is a mind-body connection or that alternative theories aren't useful or helpful. I just don't think it's as simple as just saying that my back pain is only from my emotions. In fact, our ideal doctor would combine both Western and alternative medical theories . . . and we've found her. She's our pediatrician! (Is it coincidence or causality that she's Russian, with a background in both folk medicine and medical school?) She prescribes arnica and garlic mullen and humidifiers and cold air along with cortisone cream and amoxycilin. We even ask her for advice on our problems (she pointed me to acupuncture). Otherwise, I've long seen the value in breath work--I used to be able to lower my blood pressure and heart rate through breathing during numerous prenatal checks (I'd be hooked up to a monitor for 30 minutes and I'd work on my breathing to see the numbers change; yes, it was boring). I have also seen the value of Jon Kaba-Zinn's Mindfulness-Based Stress Reductions for the acceptance and reduction of pain. In fact, I just read Dr. Weil's Spontaneous Healing and loved his support of less traditional (or, actually, more traditional!) treatment--many of which my naturopath had already given me--and his wariness of invasive American medical treatments (which, again, can be very valuable for certain conditions and issues). I'm going to try his 8 Weeks to Optimum Health, with its suggestions for supplements, dietary changes, spiritual work, etc.
But I will add this: I did some of the tapping last night, as part of a free "world pain relief summit" and also thought on Sarno's psychoanalytic approach, reiterating that I know that stress makes my back pain worse.
And I sat for a whole minute last night and this morning. That's about 56 seconds longer than I can usually tolerate.
Was it EFT or TMS? Or the cortisone shot I had last week? Or my continued use of supplements? Or weight loss? Or my hour of exercise everyday? Or regression to the mean after almost exactly 6 months from the second disc injury? Or even some early placebo effect from tomorrow's injection? Or even the dream I just had about being healed by my favorite physical therapists?
I don't know what it was (or how I can continue it). It was, in many ways, "spontaneous."
I just hope the healing continues.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Wishing a Speedy Recovery
. . .to the two children with pneumonia and other kids we know who are sick this week!
Getting SuperBetter
It's not open to the public yet, but I've signed up for when it is. I'm really excited. If you have a health goal you're working towards, check it out.
Grubby Hands
"Mom," Sis yelled excitedly, "it's another grub! That's three grubs and a worm!"
Covered in dirt and digging in the wet ground, the kids were elated to find such wiggly critters.
They even enjoy our two resident Orb Weaver spiders, one on each side of the house, spinning beautiful and elaborate webs.
And yes, we call them both Charlotte.
But thankfully we didn't name the grubs.
Monday, October 3, 2011
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Oh, Well.
So we canceled Applepalooza because of a 60% chance of rain.
And it never rained a drop.
Sigh.
But we didn't want to risk having it inside or making lots of food and then canceling.
Still, we were disappointed not to have the party or the rain.
We made do with Legos and games and leftover Chinese take-out.
There's always next year.
And it never rained a drop.
Sigh.
But we didn't want to risk having it inside or making lots of food and then canceling.
Still, we were disappointed not to have the party or the rain.
We made do with Legos and games and leftover Chinese take-out.
There's always next year.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)