My Parenting Rules

It is said by "experts" that my kiddos are in the testing phase (or isn't that every age?), where they test boundaries and rules, trying to understand their world or at least their parents. And so we've been talking a lot about our seven Unitarian Universalist Principles recently. I find they're a great touchstone, especially when we are discussing difficult situations or concepts. We even have them posted on the fridge and regularly sing them to remember what they are:

(Sing to the tune "Do-Re-Mi")

One, each person is important.

Two, be kind in all you do.

Three, we're free to learn together.

Four, and search for what is true.

Five, all people need a voice.

Six, build a fair and peaceful world.

Seven, we care for earth's lifeboat.

And that brings us back to

Me and U-U!

One . . . . . (repeat ad nauseum)

It certainly makes parenting easier, in the sense that I have clear guidelines that I believe in to guide my decisions and to explain and support my answers, instead of "because I said so" or "because that's what we do." Like when we were talking about why we don't mess up a spider's web (Principle 7: Caring for Earth's lifeboat) or why it's not nice to hurt someone (Principle 1: Each person is important) or even why they have to go to school (Principle 3: We're free to learn together). Hopefully, it also gives them some guidelines to consider their own actions when faced with difficult choices (like when I'm not there. Like when they're in public school next year. Gulp). It also brings our faith's teachings into our daily lives, instead of just in church school on Sundays.

(Okay, so the UU Principles don't answer or address any spiritual issues along the lines of "Is there a God?" or "What happens when you die?"--nothing like the Nicene Creed, for instance--but I'm good with that, especially as I believe the cosmic mystery is inherently mysterious, unknown and unknowable. That's a hard parenting stance sometimes so I'm glad the Principles make other parts, mainly the here and now, easier for me.)

In shorthand, I often talk about "health, safety, and respect," the basis for things that don't obviously fall within the Principles, like why we don't run across the street, climb the piano, "give the guinea pig a bath" (to borrow something I heard a friend warn her kids about yesterday!), write on the car (ask Bud why he isn't allowed pens in the car right now!), etc etc etc. Sure, you could make connections to, say, the inherent worth of each person (i.e. take care of your own body!) or taking care of the web of life (for the poor guinea pig), but that's pretty abstract for a preschooler. And where would, say, writing on the car fit in? Is it involved with my dignity? Theirs? Health, safety, and respect are easy and concrete (especially because I have often defined respect as "nice" for them, for now). And now they've heard these words so often that they just give up and give in, mainly because it's something they can understand.

So, I'm realizing why lists like the Ten Commandments or the Noble Eightfold Path or the Wiccan Rede or our Seven Principles are at the basis of many religions: it's not about God, it's about parenting!

No wonder young parents often seem to return to or seek out faith.

(Which brings up one of my favorite UU jokes: What do you call an atheist with children? A Unitarian Universalist!)