The Visit, Edited for Content*

Where there is art, there are nudes. And today proved no exception, especially because we visited the "Art and Love in Renaissance Italy" exhibition at the Met today. I had given them a quick talk before we entered, beyond "quiet voices" (special exhibitions are always so much quieter than the permanent collection), about how they were going to see a bunch of naked bodies (and yes, yes, I could expound on the differences between naked and nude, but not here, not now). No big deal. Everybody has a body and artist like to paint them. Here we go. I probably should've just waited 'til we came across one because they excitedly asked where the naked people were throughout the first few clothed galleries. But then Sis saw one: two toddler boys pulling on each other's penises, a painting on a childbirth tray. I wasn't there when she spotted it, but apparently she said, "They shouldn't do that." And then came and found me to show me the art. And ask for an explanation (Mama just stood by, curious to see what I'd come up with.) Bud immediately wanted to know, in a loud stage-whisper, why the boys were doing that. Because little boys do that, I said, you do that, and the whole room was about children (or childbirth and the works of art associated with it). Let the fun begin.

We talked about penises until we came across all the naked ladies. Sis said, "there are lots of mommies with no clothes on." This was the room with the Prado's Titian of Venus with the Organ Player and Dog, as well as the Met's Venus and Cupid by Lotto. And lots of other "naked mommies" (can't wait for the visitors who google that and show up here!). As I stood looking at the Titian, Sis queried, "why is that man staring at the naked lady?" And the man next to us seemed to leave rather quickly, while others turned to us bemused. Not ready to delve into the art history of it, I simply said, "Well, we're all looking at her because she's pretty." It's true, isn't it? I tried to interest Bud in other aspects of the painting--the organ, the peacock near the fountain, the deer in the park--but the glare on the painting ("all the white dots") made it and many others hard to see from his vantage point (something for me to remember when I start lecturing, I mean talking, to my kids about what we're seeing).

As interesting as all the nudes were (and I was really glad to have seen the show, even if I didn't get to linger at all), they weren't the best parts. Those were, predictably:

1. the cafeteria (chicken nuggets and fries in a paper taxi cab holder!!! "Mom, I've never eaten from a taxi before!" Sis exclaimed)
2. the elevators (and the broken escalator we didn't get to ride), even the ones where guards got to push the buttons instead of the kids
3. the automatic flush toilets (how have they not seen these before??)

There was some art in the top five, thankfully:

4. "the room with the building it in" (i.e. the Temple of Dendur gallery)

5. the jousters and horses (Arms and Armor)

Notice that the museum education program we specifically came to attend was not in that list? Actually, the program was pretty good (though I will fault their publicity materials for not providing any details about the structure of it, which would have helped in prepping the kids the night before). We all gathered with the lecturers and discussed the rules, old hat to my two by then and to many of the regulars in the group (of which there were several; made me wish we lived close enough to be a Met regular. But I don't have the quirky fashion sense of these urban mamas, and there wasn't a "Titanesque" one among them!). Then we moved to the modern art wing to discuss--get this, Dr. American Modern--Georgia O'Keeffe! Yep, our first museum program was about her paintings of bones, starting with a children's book called Georgia's Bones by Jen Bryant. Bud and Sis were entranced with the paintings, even with just being in the space, and so sat still and quietly while the lecturer read the story and started talking about the paintings. Then we moved on to an art project, coloring a piece of paper background and adding a cow's skull in the foreground. The kiddos loved flopping on their stomachs on the gallery floor to color on sheets of paper and weren't quite ready to stop when we moved on to talk about another painting. Sis, without being told, knew the painting was of a flower and she was the one--of all those kids--who raised her hand and correctly identified it. Mama especially was so proud. The kids soon became fidgety (the lecturer should've wrapped up but kept adding a few things and was losing her crowd. Old habits die hard, so I did thoroughly analyze her tour--good interaction with the kids, smooth transitions, nice pacing, varied activities--but I would get her to tighten it up a bit, both in length and in theme--I mean, she started the book, stopped to talk about the art, and never finished the book!) and we headed to lunch, only to find the cafeteria didn't open for 30 minutes.

Never, never, never try to see a museum with hungry kids. Oooooh, that was a long 30 minutes. And so, we pulled out all the stops, changed our itinerary, and headed to the Temple of Dendur, stopping to see the blue hippo/mascot William along the way. We'd gone to the shop while waiting for the program to begin and had bought 6 postcards of works of art that I thought we would be able to see during our visit: William the faience hippo; the Temple of Dendur; a Tiffany window; a suit of armor; Goya's portrait of a little boy with animals; and a Degas of dancers. We actually managed to visit all of them but the last. Both Sis and Bud had fun matching the images to the works in the gallery, Sis always being the first to spot the one we were searching for. Sis really liked little William and even chose a stuffed one as her souvenir of the day. Bud wasn't that interested. And while both admired the temple, neither wanted to get particularly close, being more interested in the sphinx, the water, and the crocodile with the broken tail.

We saw many other things: the Christmas tree in the Medieval Hall being dismantled behind barricades; several nativities and statues of Mary and the baby Jesus (still a favorite of Sis's); paintings of musical instruments (but not the real instruments, next time); the "new" Greek and Roman installation that Mama hadn't seen yet. We played lots of "I Spy," finding dragons, white horses, pianos, but no bunny rabbits. We couldn't squeeze in China, not wanting to give it short shift, nor visit the closed American sculpture court. As we kept repeating, to them and to ourselves, there is so much to see and you can never see it all. So we bought a stuffed hippo and a ukelele (for Bud), plus a few books--You Can't Take A Balloon into The Metropolitan Musuem of Art and Museum Shapes--and headed to the wonderful underground parking garage (which meant we didn't even have to carry in our coats, much less check them) and home. Inspired by our day, and ready and willing to come again.

****Title changed so people looking for porn quit coming to this post.