A Sticky Divorce

No, not us.

Come on, we've only been married a week!

I read the NYTimes article on keeping new year's resolutions (and the dismal success rate) and one of the interesting approaches is to consider the break with the old you as a divorce:

Recovering alcoholics, for example, have a higher chance of success if they reframe their sober life as a divorce from a tumultuous love affair with drinking, because they can then look back at their old life as a romantic adventure, rather than a sinkhole of regret.

It's just one of several steps in a progression to success, according to Alan Deutschman, author of Change or Die. The series includes:

1. Start with big changes, not small so you can see immediate success.
2. Act like the person you want to be.
3. "Reframe" the situation (as in the divorce technique).
4. Don't do it alone, a la WW or 12-step programs.

I'm fascinated by the divorce scenario, or really the idea of old and new me. I've been wondering why I've been so successful at being a vegetarian, not eating out, and not watching much tv, all activities that require a certain amount of discipline or self-control, while I'm not always a successful dieter. I think it's because, as a vegetarian, it was very clear-cut: I'm a person who doesn't eat animal flesh. Or, we're a family who doesn't eat out much. Or watch much tv. It became an inherent part of my identity. Independent decisions on what to eat and not eat don't create a coherent whole, only an endless series of conflicts, resolved or not. As an identity, "I'm a dieter," doesn't have the same positive message, so what if I reframe it? Think of myself as the person I want to be? Something like, "I'm a healthy eater so I won't eat _____." It's already worked this morning--I didn't nibbled off the gingerbread house when the kids demolished it. Because I don't eat candy like that anymore. Any mind trick that works, right?

Regardless, it's a struggle, which is why Oprah is the focus of the article, having lost and gained weight recently. As the article concludes, she's embracing self-acceptance this year. A good plan.

Especially if it's the new, divorced me.

(for more resources of healthy eating, see the Well blog's list of websites).