Just as an op ed appeared about "recess coaches" and the loss of childhood not only in the U.S. but in many industrialized nations, our kids have been rediscovering, with the thawing of the weather, the neighborhood kids down the block. These kids are mostly older--mostly late elementary but with one kindergartener and one preschooler--and have grown up together, gone to the same school, carpooled, shared meals, had sleepovers. It's a wonderful group of about 12 boys and girls. And it reminds me a lot of the group of kids I ran with, playing ball in the street or "Little House on the Prairie" and Star Wars in the yard, putting on plays, sharing carpooling or later bike rides to and from school, our families having weekend parties; I even think we vacationed with a few of the families at the beach once or twice. It was one of those idyllic childhoods, the kind we wanted for our kids.
But my kids are mostly on the outside fringe of this gang, not only because we live around the corner but also because the they don't have older siblings as an entre or go to the same schools as the younger ones. Not that they've ever been excluded: these are the kids who took Sis and Bud snow sledding this winter. And everytime Sis and Bud appear down the street, they are welcomed and included. Last week, it was an invitation to join the other boys and girls climbing around the rocks of the nearby creek. Then there was a game of basketball, some rides on a scooter, and always lots of jumping on the trampoline. Sis and Bud are always a bit hesitant but the older kids always help them out, by holding their hands as they traversed the rocks of the creek, by giving them a turn with the basketball or scooter. Sis and Bud, in turn, have shared their tricycles, which intrigued the older kids one afternoon because the trikes are so small (nostalgia in elementary school?) and also brought over their flying discs for a game of toss.
You can tell, though, that Sis and Bud aren't perfectly comfortable yet. First, I'm the only parent hanging around, the others inside trusting their kids to both behave and watch their younger siblings (besides, these are parents with older kids, much more experienced in this, not as "helicoptering"). Though, I try not to get involved unless it's a safety question (like when the older kids wanted to climb through the storm drain tunnel last week). Second, my kids just don't know these kids as well, and vice versa, so that my kiddos are a bit reserved and shy, unsure, despite the encouragement from all sides. In the end, Sis and Bud need to learn to navigate the gang by themselves. As Elkind writes in that article,
For children in past eras, participating in the culture of childhood was a socializing process. They learned to settle their own quarrels, to make and break their own rules, and to respect the rights of others. They learned that friends could be mean as well as kind, and that life was not always fair.
Now that most children no longer participate in this free-form experience — play dates arranged by parents are no substitute — their peer socialization has suffered. One tangible result of this lack of socialization is the increase in bullying, teasing and discrimination that we see in all too many of our schools.
And so, we keep an eye on when the older kids are in their yard, an ear to their laughs and squeals, now that it's warm enough to play outside for extended periods, and we head down the street to play. Once I get them to the group, I sit on the steps and try to disappear, not quite ready to join the other parents inside--the kids aren't the only ones getting used to this.
Just think of this idyllic (and idealized) childhood as the human version of "Franklin" or "Little Bear": the friends have great adventures together, learning about themselves, each other, and the world around them; no parents appear unless there is a crisis, which is then always easily fixed; and they don't watch television! Because you can't have a childhood through tv. And with schools dropping recess for academics and kids spending 7 hours or whatever a day by themselves in front of various electronic media, having even some traditional childhood is more important than ever.
(For the parents, too!)
Do you want to hear about the time my cousin and I were kidnapped by neighbouring children, we never told our parents.
ReplyDeleteOr the times, many times, I would go, alone, to a nearby shop to by cigarettes for my parents.
You will never entirely get lost in the background but you are sure wise to be there. Kids and adults have been drowned in storm drains, just went in to get out of the rain.