Thing is, in doing this by myself, I'm not exactly sure what I'm supposed to be thinking. I read Karen Maezen Miller's post at Shambala Sun on keeping a pencil and paper next to her while she meditates so that she can jot things down when they occur to her and then just let it go.
And my first thought was "isn't that against the 'rules'?" Are you allowed to write? I think I must imagine meditating as one big "quiet" game--you know, the game parents try to trick kids into playing so they don't talk. Only for meditating, I had imagined it was don't talk, don't move, don't think. I'm just not sure that's right. Tonight, I meditated to the sound of rain and thunder, but I kept meditating on meditating. Is this normal? Then my cat jumped in my lap, twice, and I gave up completely.
Hmmm, "right." "Allowed." "Normal." Is there a "supposed to" or "should" in there anyway? Obviously, I'm feeling a bit at loose ends when it comes to meditating, not sure exactly what to do.
But I know why. Lambeth had asked why, since I must not have clarified why I'm practicing meditation. I'm looking for a spiritual practice to center myself everyday, just as I do in church on Sundays, something to extend that Sunday spirituality to my work week, so to speak. I like the quiet meditation at church--I sit and look at the very tall tree visible out the highest window and think of it blowing in the breeze, changing with the light, the weather, the season. And I just think on the various candles of community, of the people around me, the people in my life. It's not quite meditation in the Buddhist sense (though, we're UUs, so it's probably derived from there), I guess, but I enjoy the quiet, present, mindful quality of sitting with myself, especially surrounded by other people.
And I've read about how meditation has such positive physical and mental benefits, including here today on Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche, the Tibetan lama who has logged tens of thousands of hours of meditation, sometimes in years-long retreats, and is often called “the happiest man in the world.” My main goal is spiritual, but in truth I'm aware of the possible artificiality of the Western mind vs. body paradigm and embrace that they really are all aspects of the same me. And meditation seems to be good for all of me.
Even if I don't feel like I'm actually doing it yet. It is called a "practice" for a reason, I suppose.
No supposed, no should, no should not. Thinking is the function of the brain. To suppress thoughts is to reinforce them. Letting go of thoughts (not developing them) is the practice of meditation. It is simple, not easy. You are diving - go deeper and the bubbles will disappear by themselves. I really recommend reading Yasutani Roshi's instructions in the first half of Three Pillars of Zen. You're on the path!
ReplyDeleteWhich I interpret as allowing your mind to go blank...thinking about nothing. That may be good for the mind, rather like resting the body ready for the next tranche of work. But the old truism, 'Use it or lose it' can surely apply to the mind/brain; as I see things one has to find a balance, as in most aspects of life, with the result that what suits one will not necessarily suit another. Nevertheless I try to keep an open mind and am open to correction or adjustment. Try to keep this one going.
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