Ennui and Inertia

I'm not sure what to write, really. But I feel like I should. Like maybe it would help. Though I'm not sure what the "it" that would be helped is. I'm sad about the woman who died this weekend, variously feeling for her, her partner, and her mother (it's odd because though I've been aware of her for decades, we only corresponded off and on, but I instinctively liked her and am sorry that she is gone). I'm frustrated with the kiddos, who continue to get just a little less sleep at night than they need and have been amazingly whiny and grumpy in these amazing spurts and outbursts only to turn around and be sweet and fun and creative. I'm annoyed at the weather, of all things, which is predicted to have thunderstorms everyday but then is just hot and humid, which leaves me even more annoyed. Obviously, I'm up and down, though I guess I haven't described any "ups." An up would be all the good cooking we did this weekend--green beans, black-eyed peas, fried green tomatoes, onion rings, oatmeal scones, peach crisp. And getting the kids' new beds all arranged. And all the great thunderstorms passing through in the last week--I love a good thunder and lightning show and there have been several! And the luxury of reading three good books at once (Reading Lolita in Tehran, The Interpreter of Maladies, and . . . ) And learning more about zazen by reading The Three Pillars of Zen and even getting to practice some, which was exhilerating because I managed to count my breaths to 10 more times than I have before and was less distracted by other things. And going to church yesterday, during which I lit a candle for the woman who died and her family and then wept through the entire service about Standing on the Side of Love, having a catharsis akin to going to her funeral and feeling supported by my church friends. Looking forward, I'm glad to be going to PT this afternoon, excited about going to the museum tomorrow, even more excited about going to see the Harry Potter movie on Thursday, and thrilled about my bridal shower on Friday! And I know there were other things but I'm forgetting them now.

Just typing those last few, however, has lifted me up again.

Which is (one of the reasons) why I blog.