WeddingMania

Weddings do odd things to people.

As I've mentioned, we're going to get married on Christmas Eve, with both sets of our parents here. Just something really small.

Or, well, that was our intention. But the more people we tell, the bigger it gets.

What is with people and weddings?

I must say, I'm not one of those gals who ever gave much thought to weddings (or marriage, for that matter), even as a child. No plans about dresses or food or flowers or music or location. Now, my sister who just got married in a beautiful, very well-thought out and well-planned ceremony this summer, had weddings on the brain as a child. She even worked in a bridal gown shop in high school and took lessons in cake decorating because she liked white wedding cakes, as I recall. But I guess all the thoughts (and year's worth of hard work) paid off; it was lovely.

I think I might have been relieved to be a lesbian because, at least for awhile, that freed me up from weddings. Even before it was legal, Mama and I had pretty much decided we wouldn't do it or anything like it. We're too cheap or selfish in the end, preferring a trip to Europe (or several, or even around the world, considering the cost of weddings) to a wedding. I think we're also a little shy, a little embarrassed about the fuss. That's why our civil union was held during a regular church service with no advance warning to anyone but our folks and a friend who helped set up the cake and coffee, and was also coupled with the baby dedication.

But we want the marriage for the legal rights and a(nother) picture for the kids. And we have a minister. And my folks will be here. And I'm always up for cake. So, we thought we'd call it a wedding.

Well, it's getting bigger now. Every friend we've told wants to know when the party is, where we would register. When I laugh this off, saying this is our third time down the aisle so to speak, they insist that we must, that it would be fun, that they would come. A woman at church wants to help with the spread. Friends have offered to help me plan the party. They've even chosen mid-January (or mid-March, even, so Miss T can be here and we'd have more time. Time?? Oh goodness. We need time to plan?) for the reception, acknowledging that we really should have the wedding part when my folks are here. Though a few have even intimated that they would be able to attend a wedding on Christmas Eve!!

And I'm nothing but touched, plus a little surprised. What I saw as not much of a big deal is huge to all these women (it's been all women we've talked to this far), who have been married themselves (though not all in weddings, or big weddings, since I guess anytime you get married is a kind of wedding??). It's like joining a club, something akin to having a baby, I think, a rite of passage. And I'm tickled that they are excited that we're joining up, even if we've been together for 11 1/2 years and it seems odd to me to celebrate in a large fashion. So call it a celebration of you're-still-together, one said.

But I think the wedding fever is catching because I actually had thoughts about how we would do it. It wouldn't be typical, more of an afternoon playgroup/party similar to Applepalooza or Groundhog's Day, except probably at church in the big hall. When I balked at plans, someone even suggested it could be potluck. I could see appetizers and cake, not a meal. Very kid friendly. But would we have to talk? Would there be toasts? Would my family want to be at the reception too? Would I have to buy another dress (I'm still challenged to think about something for Christmas Eve!)? Would we need to print invitations? Is it greedy to register for gifts this late in the game? It all feels so . . . odd.

And that's when I get cold feet and think we won't do anything but the paperwork with our minister and folks after all.

Who knows.