- Kindergarten stress: Everyone here is talking about kindergarten and stressing about the process (which is admittedly opaque, archaic, and seemingly random). For some, kindergarten starts in the fall; for us, it's another year off. But even those of us with a wait are bemoaning it. And why not? We've spent 3+ years carefully watching over these little kiddos and next year we are asked to abandon that care and just throw them into the public school system willy-nilly, with no say in school, teacher, or the like. Sure, private school. But that's $40K a year for us. Not gonna happen (I got my Ph.D. for less, at least the tuition anyway). Anyway, no wonder we're all talking about it all the time. As the superintendent said, it's the most stressful transition until they enter college. Maybe we should start worrying about that now.
- Mama Teacher and I have been having a discussion about education recently. She's overwhelmed by various rubrics and metrics and testing of her position. And as she was talking, I realized that the source of her frustration is that, metaphorically, she is not a scientist, but an artist. Teaching is an art, a craft. It cannot easily be boiled down to hypothesis and reproducible results, essential questions and data and goals, or whatever the buzzword is this week. There are too many variables. But outsiders--psychologists, educational theorists, politicians--get involved and impose from above all these standards and measurements, borrowed from either the scientific or business world, while eliminating, both figuratively and literally the art in teaching, and, well, we have all children left behind--children who hate school by first grade and tenured, seasoned, senior teachers who now absolutely agree with them.
- Like teaching, which it absolutely resembles, motherhood is a craft. And I'm just an apprentice. Except there are no articles of apprenticeship, no clear path to journeywoman status. Not even a handbook. You are always learning (and boy that learning curve is steep in the beginning), always practicing, only later (maybe as grandmothers?) are you a mastercraftswoman. But it is an institution (I'm thinking of medieval craft guilds but using the word "institution" to piggyback on David Brooks's recent essay) with a history, with other practitioners, with its own practices and traditions. I guess raising kids is like raising a cathedral (a la Chartres or Pillars of the Earth)--lots of work which forces you to focus on the present especially because you will never know the final outcome of your labor. But isn't it glorious?
- F***book, or "I'm just not that into you": I've been giving a lot of thought to why I haven't joined that popular online social networking site yet. Why the hesitation? Obviously, I have no problem with publicly sharing personal information. Though, I am bothered by using my real name. Sure, if you didn't know me and wanted to find where I live, I think you could locate me pretty easily by perusing these seemingly anonymous posts. I'm not naive about identity security on the net, even if I use aliases for us all. But to post my real name with photos and include all these "status updates" seems uncautious to me somehow (yes, yes, my techie friends get telling me all about the security settings). And then everyone tells me how great it is to get in touch with their friends from the third-grade playground. But I'm just not that interested in reconnecting with people with whom I've lost touch. We lost touch for a reason. Or we weren't much in touch to begin with. But what about all the people I do know? Why not connect with them in an easy and popular way? For that I much prefer email, a one-on-one connection when I'm thinking of a person specifically. I also like blogging--I'm pretty sure that's the narcissist (and frustrated academic) in me. But that's what makes the web great--there's something here for all of us. If I ever eat my words and join the site, you can just unfriend me.
- PRG: No, I'm not pregnant. I'm in a Personal Renewal Group. But I can't tell you anything about my group specifically--what happens in group, stays in group--only my personal thoughts on the subject. So, why am I in this group? Mainly, I like talking and listening to my friends. And I am interested in working on who the "new me," i.e. the "mommy me" is now. I've changed with kids, mostly for the better, or at least in new directions. I'm in touch with a whole range of the human experience which I knew nothing about before and am therefore more in touch with my fellow humans, the human condition, humanity itself. That's a big thing. And so I'm working through some of it. And I've realized a few things: Mama needs this course more than I do, if only because I think I balance (or at least define) the self-mommywork seesaw better than she does. She's the typical guilty working mom. I don't have much guilt about taking care of myself or doing things for myself. If I use the kids as an excuse not to do stuff, it's usually because I'm being lazy. I'm inherently lazy (it's my natural state), even about things that are important to me. I lose sight of my priorities and forget to work towards them (I'm a great starter, but a terrible finisher because I get distracted). Bemoaning my lack of academic or professional outlets? What am I doing with my 12 childfree daytime hours a week? Why am I not doing something about it when I think it would be so fulfilling? That was my epiphany at our first PRG meeting. I think I've finally satisfied my inner loaf after a full semester of kids-in-school and am starting to consider real alternatives (having abanodoned the prospect of teaching earlier this year in favor of more book reading at the coffee shop, well, and for logistical reasons). But this group is reminding me who I am, who I want to be, what I value, and what I want, for me, for the kids, for the family. And that's great.
There are more--several alone on spirituality--but I will save those for another post.
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