Writing the End

During my daily perusal of the NYTimes (and BBC online and the Guardian), I came across a wonderful article on a woman, Jane Lotter, who had written her own obituary, which has now been published (she died of endometrial cancer) and has been making the online rounds.  And then I read the full obituary in the Seattle Times.  It's worth a read, not only for her direct words and tender sentiments, but also because I invariably started wondering what mine would say.

I think it's an interesting exercise to consider or actually write your own obituary.  I'm pretty sure very few people would say they were proud of keeping their houses clean.  Some things I might say, a la Lotter:

I was born in a small Texas town and, though I don't really remember it, lived in 7 places before my folks settled in suburban Houston.  While I'm glad to have spent my adult years north of the Mason-Dixon line in more liberal and urban parts of the country, I am proud to be a fifth-generation Texan of Irish, Scottish, English, French, and German descendant. 

Loving school, which is good because I went for a long time, I am proud of a variety of academic achievements, including my 5th-grade Citizenship award, my 8th-grade Service award, my 4.something GPA, going on the archaeological dig in Tunisia, Phi Beta Kappa, passing my Orals with distinction, and being chosen to give a "Frick talk."  (And while it wasn't academic, my time as a camp counselor for children with special needs.)   

Oddly, finishing my Ph.D. in art history was not as much of a pride thing as a chore.  I'd say I'm sorry I spent the time on it, but it took me some great places--friends, colleagues, behind-the-scenes in art museums, knowledge, travel, and, best of all, Mama, whom I met while I was in grad school in NYC.  I didn't know it when I met her (she swears she did, but that's a long story that changes with the season), but we would fall in love.  And what a love it has been!  Mama, I love you so much and am so proud of you and am so grateful for the family and life we've made together. Sis and Bud, you are the lights of our lives. I am so proud of both of you and cherish all our days together (even the ones when there was yelling.)  I love you all to the moon and back. Always, just like Snape said.  I wish I had some inspiring words--love and help one another and yourselves. (There should be more here about them, but I leave it at that for now.  I can't fathom how to sum it all up in words.)  For more, read my blog and remember our times together and in that way we're together again.   

I like reading, baking, reading about baking, crocheting, volunteering (especially Girl Scouts, hospice, and the historic house), art museums and living history museums, costumes, Ren Faires, eating out, and blogging.  I think I'm pretty funny (but like Lotter notes, it's hard to get that across in an obit), often either dry or dirty.   

Two things I can say I'm sorry about:  all the time I spent hating myself for my weight and judging the state of our house.  And never learning another language, though that's not quite in the same category. We all will have regrets, though, and these aren't hard ones.  I wish sometimes I'd been more sensitive or attentive in some of my relationships; I'm sorry for the times I wasn't.   

Opposite of regret is gratitude. I am grateful for Mama, Sis, and Bud.  Also for my parents, who have loved, accepted, supported, and been proud of me; and  my sister, who has put up with a lot from me, and her family; all my extended family and friends. Thank you.  Also, for chocolate, cats, rainbows, groundhogs, bunnies, penguins, snow, roses, the scent of baking bread, Christmas lights, fall leaves, the first snowdrops, boat rides, meteor showers, singing, poetry, the Indigo Girls, and New York City, among so many others.   I am especially grateful for my late-in-life conversion to Unitarian Universalism as well as the four Noble Truths of Buddhism, which have given me a much deeper understanding and connection to this good life that is so hard to leave.  I like to think that we are all connected somehow, but how that all works is an unknown mystery, that perhaps I know more about now.  Love, Mommy Hungry

Okay, not too bad for a first draft!  But it would be expensive.  Good thing blogs are free.

Let's hope we don't need this for a very long time.