Light at the End of the Tunnel

Well, there was definitely a tunnel. A very small one. But I don't know if there was any light at the end because I never opened my eyes. For 25+ minutes in the MRI machine, I practiced counting my breath, completely unable to convince myself that I was, say, with the panda bears or walking around Rome, or something--mainly because the noise of an MRI machine is a cross between the funky techno sounds of some dance club and the loud and unexpected whirrs and thuds and such of a construction site. Nothing hurt, and I could even say that the vibrations of the machine were kinda comfortable--I mean, how often do I just lie around? Worst part was that my legs, which were bent to support my lower back, got tired and jumpy and so I had to work hard to hold them still; otherwise, no worries. They said I did a great job, but I'm guessing they say that to everyone. Still, it would've been harder, I think, had I opened my eyes because it really was a very small tunnel (but, oddly, air conditioned, I think!). If I ever have another MRI, I want to remember to:

• wear clothes without metal--because I was in sweats and a t-shirt, not much else (not even my brand-new lift-and-separate-and-support-er that has garnered compliments and makes my back feel better. Not so much my wallet--can you imagine $40?? But at least I got, count them, three not two letters!! Because they don't do E anymore. TMI?), I didn't have to change into a gown.
• have pants with pockets, in which I stashed my hands which kept my arms from being jumpy..
• not open my eyes.
• not bother to try to pretend I'm somewhere else but just practice my meditation breathing--because you're nothing if not fully present when you're in that tunnel.

I actually have a CD-Rom now of my upper back, but I'm not going to look at it. I mean, I can't read those things and who needs to get worked up about blotches and spots I don't understand. Mama says she's going to look at it. Fine. So, my doctor will get the images and the report probably by Wednesday and I'll go see him after that to hear what's up. Then maybe I'll look and see some light at the end of my tunnel.