Talk Softly and Carry No Stick

Motherlode has recently run a list and a link to things you want to teach your children before they leave home. The one that struck me the most (and I suppose that's not an apt metaphor) was one put forth by a commenter, "If you have to raise your voice, you are probably wrong; truths are loud enough even contained in a whisper."

Mainly because on Monday I found myself yelling at the kids that they shouldn't yell.

Uh, right.

I'm not usually much of a yeller. But I've discovered newly that summer doesn't bring out the best of my parenting. Previously, before they started preschool, summer was really no different than the rest of the year (though I'm not implying I was therefore a great parent all year round). But even though they were only in school 2 days a week, the lack of that routine has changed things in the Hungry household. Mind you, in the beginning, I tried to implement a schedule--playdates on Monday, library on Tuesday, outside in the morning, art in the afternoon, field trips somewhere new every week. It sounded good but took the relaxation and spontaneity out of the summer and was, in the end, too artificial to maintain.

Not that all of our summer habits need changing: some are good; some are not so good. We spend more time just playing around. We wreck the house more building forts and penguin enclosures and then don't clean it up for days. We forget to brush our teeth more than we used to. And spend more days completely in our pajamas. We've eaten more vegetables but also more ice cream; we've eaten more homemade meals but also more homemade treats.

And there have been more agruments and fights, more time-ins and time-outs, less non-violent communication on my part with more threats and ultimatums to get undesirable things, like cleaning up toys or getting ready to leave the house, done. Probably because we are together more with fewer distractions--no school, no extracurricular activities, fewer playdates, less times the babysitter comes to give me a few hours off. Which means our house is a 1300 square foot pressure cooker in this 90F weather. And we're in a holding pattern until school starts in a month, which seems too far off to coast. That would be too much yelling. It's not how I like to parent.

I'm not sure how exactly I'm going to change paths midway--especially because a recent article in the NYTimes talks about how stressed rats don't use effective tools but instead fall into rote paths, I guess indicating that stressed adults don't make the decisions they otherwise would but instead continue to make a circle of poor choices, like yelling--though, the last few days have been better. I'm not sure why, especially with illness and injury. Perhaps with those, I've been trying to focus on the positive aspects of summer, the fun, play, and relaxation, while trying (out of pity and more patience) to downplay the negative.

Though, we still didn't brush our teeth yet today. I guess I have 4 weeks to get us up to speed again . . . . and if I get it in before bedtime, I think it still counts. Right?