Can You Say "Jealousy?"

We learned a new word in our emotional inventory today: jealousy. Not that they hadn't felt it before, just that I'd never had such a clearcut example of jealous behavior to work with before today.

Bud was playing. Sis was not. Sis asked for cuddles and climbed into my lap contentedly. Bud, who had been oblivious to Sis or me, immediately hopped up and ran over to me demanding cuddles, trying to climb into my lap. He began to push. Sis began to push. Screaming and crying ensued.

Jealousy.

So, we had a talk. Jealousy is when you want something that someone else has. It's not a good feeling. It's like anger and grumpy and sad, which are often the words they use to describe this feeling. And so we gave more examples, like if I gave Bud a big piece of chocolate cake but not Sis (and then Bud said, "but I don't like chocolate cake.") or vice versa. I think they get it.

We talked about how I love them both but how we have to share and take turns with Mommy, just like a toy ("you're not a toy, Mommy," Bud said. I said I was more fun than a toy). And so we now have a plan: if one kid wants mommy time while the other is getting it, they just ask for a turn--no fighting, no screaming, no grabbing. And it worked, at least in our practice trial. The trick will be whether it works tomorrow when they've forgotten the whole thing. And for the rest of their lives . . .

Jealousy. A word all siblings come to know eventually, finally giving a name to something they've experienced long before.