Thank You: Closer to Fine

I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountain
There's more than one answer to these questions
pointing me in crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive
The closer I am to fine.

Indigo Girls, "Closer to Fine"

Mama has played that song for me for more than 16 years, and I think I only now really get it. Maybe it's because I am turning 40. Maybe it's having children. Maybe it's having a spiritual practice. Maybe it's just that I'm not a lyrics person. But last night, watching an Indigo Girls' concert on DVD (on our new, gigantic 32" tv--our 15 year old 15" with picture tube tv just couldn't keep up with technology anymore!) and hearing that song, and really listening to it, I got it. I don't know what I used to think it meant, though it was always one of my favorites. But now I know.

It's questions without answers, different paths on the same journey, a desire to seek and search and know. Except I now believe you can't know. And by not seeking, not believing I can know, I am enjoying the journey more.

At least, that's what it means to me now. Who knows what I will think 16 years from now.

Thanks, Mama, for sharing the music of the Indigo Girls (and the journey) with me all these years: "I took us for better and I took us for worse/And don't you ever forget it."