As the Bus Rolls

We've had our first bit of school drama.

Involving Sis and two girls at school.

Apparently, they're all friends. Sis has played with both and even both together, I gather. But yesterday, the other two didn't play with Sis, wouldn't sit with Sis on the bus. And she came home distraught, unable even to say what was wrong. It was over lunch that the hurt and sadness came spilling out.

And then what can you say?

Ask to play. Keep trying. Be friendly to them, even if they aren't to you. It's not you. There are other people to play with. You can be friends with more than one person. We love you. It's going to be okay.

It all sounds so lame. Even to her 5-year old ears.

So I checked in with my teacher friend and another friend with a first-grade girl. The latter said, and I quote, "Girls can be such bitches." (And, heaven help me, that's not what I'm saying these two girls at school are!) She said her daughter went through about 8 months of such friend drama, almost the whole kindergarten year, but that it has lessened somewhat. Mama Teacher, while not quite as colorful, said the same thing: in her first grade classes, inevitably, the girls start having these social issues but it never touches the boys. She recommended talking about how words and actions can hurt and to encourage Sis to tell them that they hurt her feelings when they wouldn't play with her (which Mama Teacher acknowledged is very, very hard for a child--hell, even for adults--to do). If it persists, she suggested to at least alert the teacher who could then be able to step in or redirect or encourage or advise. I hadn't wanted to be that helicoptering but if Sis comes home crying again I might just give the teacher a heads up. Not to force those other girls to play--that is both counter-intuitive and counter-productive--but to guide Sis in coping, to help her perhaps find someone else. Because that was Mama Teacher's last word, though she acknowledged that you can't really say it, and I paraphrase, "If they don't want to be your friend, screw 'em. You don't want to be their friend."

I'm actually friends with one of the moms and wouldn't know how to broach the subject, even if I thought that was a good idea, which I don't. Especially because, no doubt, the tables will be turned soon, if not today, then next week. It's just how such playground things go, if memory serves (though, I also don't remember the pain lasting longer than a day or so--at least until junior high, when it seemed to last forever!). I'm not even convinced that at this age it's personal. They're just trying out roles, learning how to be friends, figuring out what to do.

It's just a really steep learning curve.

Especially when it's your daughter at the bottom.

(Though, I might even bet it's worse if your daughter is at the so-called "top.")