Free to Be

Johnson & Johnson's ad about how babies change everything is patently obvious.

But I forget how even the things least affected by having children have changed for me. Take Bend it Like Beckham, a movie we really like. We were watching it last weekend and I wondered, what would I do if one of the kids wanted to be something I didn't support? Not a soccer player, mind you, good luck to them (which they'd need if sports are a goal). But athletics was a real challenge for the Bamra family in the movie, who did not approve at all.

What would the kids want to become (or find out they are) that would send me into fits? Gay? This might be a problem for many American parents, but, um, not us. Been there, done that. The opposite on the continuum--a priest or nun (okay, I use "opposite" loosely here, folks)? A murderer? A pro-life activist? A Republican?

Okay, okay, seriously (Before readers get upset, I'm not saying those things are synonymous, mind you, just on the opposite end of the continuum from us, each in its own way). How do you handle when your kids take the opposite path you did? I guess it happened to my parents, though I don't think of me being in opposition to them. They are great and accepting about my being a lesbian, about Mama, and the kids. It's a non-issue. Even to say they are great about it seems to indicate there is a problem; there isn't. They are amazing people that way. But still, I didn't turn out the way any of us, including myself (though, as you have probably heard me say, looking backwards, many more things make sense now. Duh.), expected. Mama didn't either. And I have relatives, not even Catholic relatives, whose son is a monk. Would I be able to accept that? Just as the Bamras eventually do in the movie? And my parents have? Even as Mama's parents have now. I hope so. I think so. It's the first UU principle: respect the inherent worth and dignity of every person. Even if they do become Republicans (sorry to pick on the GOP today. Well, no, not really).

It just occurred to me, as I was about to wrap up this post, that many young children's books are about this very theme: Mommy, will you love me anyway? My favorite of the genre is Mama, Do You Love Me? where the young girl imagines greater and greater trials she could present her mom, from breaking eggs to running away to becoming a terrible polar bear (it's set in Alaska). In response to each imagined ordeal, the Mama responds that she still loves her daughter.

I will love you forever and for always, for you are my dear ones.