Compassionate Presence

This post is dedicated to two women at church who are in crisis: Miss D, who is battling complications from lymphoma, and S, a young woman who had surgery today on a tumor. Peace to them and their families.

"Working Definition of Good Spiritual Care: The ability to be compassionate in the face of pain, with the courage and willingness to stand in the presence of suffering, offering a radical hospitality toward those who are in despair." --interfaith handout at workshop

I am a coordinator of pastoral care at church, a new role into which I have only just recently stepped. As a pastoral caregiver, I support the minister in her outreach to congregants by organizing meals, rides, visits, errands, and sending cards. The group (there are two of us) is new and we're working out exactly what we should and can do, as there has not been much of a system in place. I'm interested in this work for several reasons, one of which was the great care and love I received from friends at church when I was pregnant, had the twins, and later had surgery. So, for the last three weeks, I have attended an interfaith caregiving workshop to learn how to offer compassionate presence to people in crisis. This mainly involved an in-depth discussion of listening, the act, or the gift even, of being a present, engaged listener.

I thought I was a good listener. My mom is a great listener, though when she told us as teenagers about "active listening"--with its "I" messages and reflective or rephrasing talk ("I hear you saying that . . .")--we thought she was, um, annoying and teased her about it. But it worked. And works. She's the person you call if you need to talk--no judgment, no interruptions, lots of sympathy and empathy. And I've always wanted to be just like that.

But I have some bad listening habits, as I learned, mainly in my head when I listen--the rushing to figure out what I'm going to say next, trying to solve the problem while the person talks, identifying to such an extent that I don't hear their details. But at least, I don't usually say these things. Which is a good step in the right direction, as I also learned.

Short of repeating the whole class in writing here, I would just say that I learned so much. We learned how to implement listening techniques: with our hearts (being present, being attentive); with our bodies (by making eye contact, mirroring body position and voice tone, using touch); and with our own words (by repeating or mirroring what we heard or allowing silence). We discussed the importance of leaving ourselves out of the conversation, except as a way to connect with the recipient--this is the core of being present for them, for their sake. We learned ways to draw out people's feelings, encourage their own exploration of difficult topics, how to utilize and appreciate silence. We shared our own experiences with being heard, and not heard, and the needs and feelings involved. We considered how we could be "wounded healers," when our own experiences echoed that with which we were faced. Many of the concepts presented in the training drew from two different paradigms: radical hospitality, or the usually spiritual notion of generously and unselfishly giving of oneself in an inclusive and welcoming way; and nonviolent communication, and its understanding of needs and the resulting feelings when they are met and not met.

And the last session, because this was an interfaith training, focused on the "holy." Mind you, this word was used because the majority of participants were UUs (and how odd is that?); if it had just been Christians, no doubt, they would have used "God." But we learned what a minefield religion can be in a caregiving situation and how to include it without infringing on others' beliefs--this intrigued me. We talked about food, meditation, art/music, readings, touch, gifts like my prayer shawls. We even talked about how to pray with someone. Though I'm not sure I see myself doing this, it was fascinating to learn about constructing a prayer. And so here it goes, my prayer for our new caregiving ministry:

"We came together in these weeks to learn how to serve others in our community. We talked, we shared, we learned, we listened, we were inspired. We hope that we can take these lessons through our congregation and bring the gifts of presence, the gift of this radical love, to our friends and fellow churchgoers in need and in crisis. Thank you for giving us this space, this time, to learn. Blessed be."

Day is Done*

Dinner: grilled cheese sandwiches, fruit cocktail, ice cream, jelly beans.

Bathtime: with bubbles. And DD had a full array of mixed berry pies, strawberry shortcake, tea, and, um, vitamins for us.

Storytime: a sweet British book of months which title I can't recall.

Bedtime: our new addition to the good night ritual: "1-2/I love you. 1-2-3/You love me." Shake hands to the rhythm and repeat.

Good night.

-=-=-=-=-

*I hope. By the way, it's best to read these posts "backwards," starting with Today's Big Blow-Up.

Is This What Winning Looks Like?

They have both fallen awkwardly and absolutely asleep watching "Chinese Disco." DD is sitting up leaning over the arm of the couch, face buried in Shirt. DS is on the floor on his back, with his elbows behind his head and his lovey in his mouth, snoring away.

Let's Get Physical

It is hard to parent.

It is harder when you have no physical power.

I can't pick up my kids, to love or to discipline them. I can't put them in timeout if they won't go willingly. I couldn't put them in their room to nap until they went on their own. When they fight, I can't get them off one another easily. I can't get them into their carseats unless they help.

Sure, some would say the lack of physical power is healthy, that parenting shouldn't be about physical power and coercion. Might doesn't make right. And intellectually, I absolutely believe and aspire to that.

But sometimes, when you can't reason, or rationalize, or convince a two-and-a-half year old, you need to be able to move them.** And I can't do that right now. And they know it.

And I'm losing.

-=-=-=-
**I'm not talking about hitting, spanking, shaking, dragging, pulling or other physical violence here. I don't do that. I don't think it's right. Ever. I'm not a relativist when it comes to physical violence. I'm mainly talking about picking up an unwilling child, which I can't do.

I can't even pick up a willing one.

Elapsed Time*

Exactly 14 minutes before there was an injury.

Plus another 2.5 minutes for timeout for the perpetrator.

And a few minutes to post about it as electronic therapy.

The day goes really slowly in such small increments.

-=-=-=-=
*It helps if you read this series of posts backwards, starting with "Today's Big Blow-Up."

I've Locked Them Up

In my continued blow-by-blow of this difficult Monday, I admit that I have locked them in their room. I left the Little Bear book on CD going. And I have the monitor on.

Oddly, I can hear them but not the CD. But I'm not going upstairs to check on why that is.

Because no one is crying or injured.

Yet.

-=-=-

N.B. Just in case DCFS reads blogs, I will note that "locked" is hyperbolic. There are no working locks in this house, except on the external doors.

They just can't get out.

A Low Point

After we got home from playgroup, where we vacillated between entertained and exhausted, DS decided he wanted to play at my feet in the kitchen while I made lunch. And so he got out several of my pots . . .

. . . and proceeded to fill them with crumbs of food and who-knows-what that he found on the floor.

Reversal of Fortune

Well, after much crying--me in the bathroom, DS outside the door, and DD sprawled on the living room floor--we have all calmed down some. Maybe that's what we needed.

And we baked cookies for playgroup (and will freeze half for church).

A family that bakes together stays together.

-=-=-=-=-

Chocolate White Chocolate Chip Cookies

2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
2/3 cup cocoa
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 cup (2 sticks) butter or margarine, softened
3/4 cup granulated sugar
2/3 cup packed brown sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 large eggs
2 cups (12-oz. pkg.) white chips

PREHEAT oven to 350° F.

COMBINE flour, cocoa, baking soda and salt in small bowl. Beat butter, granulated sugar, brown sugar and vanilla extract in large mixer bowl until creamy. Add eggs, one at a time, beating well after each addition. Gradually beat in flour mixture. Stir in morsels. Drop by well-rounded teaspoon onto ungreased baking sheets.

BAKE for 9 to 11 minutes or until centers are set. Cool on baking sheets for 2 minutes; remove to wire racks to cool completely.

Nestle White Baking Chips bag

Today's Big Blow-Up

Well, it's Monday morning after a week of being sick and we're all cranky and tired. The tv is already on and I have no hopes of an engaging, active day.

Especially because the one attempt at play the kiddos made ended in a feud.

DD and DS were fighting over what kind of pretend cookies they were making in the play mixer: DD wanted orange-juice flavored and DS wanted cinnamon.

The mixer is in time out, the kids are all cried out, and I'm hiding in the kitchen.

Happy Monday.

Easter Solstice

People who visit my house often marvel at the amount of toys. On the porch and in the living room, there are blocks, bricks, Lincoln Logs, puzzles, a play kitchen with dishes and food, baby doll stuff, FP Little People things, dress up clothes, a work bench, and tons of musical instruments and books.

But there are not toys in the kids' room. That's right. There are two toddler beds, a dresser, and a bookcase with books, plus the stuffies in their cribs. But no toys. Why? Well, because we spend most of our day downstairs since it used to be too much to haul them up and down. Because toys in the bedroom might interrupt bedtime--as distractions, as agitators, as weapons, as something to crawl up on.

And tonight I had a real glimpse of what life without the downstairs full of toys would be like. And it would be fine, good even. Tonight the kids played Winter Solstice after bath, decorating their beds with loveys and pajamas and blankets, talking about snow angels, even chiming in for the song (you need to have seen Little Bear to understand, probably):

"The night is long
the snow is deep
Mommy loves the winter
Mama loves the winter . . . "

"And I do too."
"And I do too."

They helped each other decorate, crawling in and out of both beds, DD taking particular care to help DS. And they laughed, so happy that it was Winter Solstice.

And DS then said it would soon be Easter Solstice.

Even though the play was tv-inspired (it's my favorite episode), they adapted it to the materials at hand. And played together. Happily. Making it up as they went along.

It's not that I'm against toys, obviously, but I liked the way they played without them. And I'll certainly keep that in mind the next time we're buying toys (come summer birthdays). Open-ended, sturdy, long-lasting toys (perhaps with fewer pieces and parts). Though, that's a lot of what we have.

But it still might be time to clean up and out the downstairs some . . .

Quips and Quotes

DD now insists every time that I say "little" that she is a "big girl."

-=-=-=-

DS has discovered "why?" He loves it. I can't even think of a single example right now because it happens so frequently. I usually cut him off after three.

-=-=-=-

DS is constantly counting on his fingers, up to five. But today he was perplexed--how do you do "6"? So I showed him but he was not interested in using both hands. I'll just have to teach him how to do it in ASL (which only uses the 1 hand).

-=-=-=-

DS is also into "yet," as in "is it ready yet?" and "are we there yet?" And he repeats this almost as often as he says, "why?"

-=-=-=-

DD is always very concerned about which McD's we're going to eat at--brown roof or red roof. I didn't know there were different ones. But she's absolutely right.

-=-=-=-

Actually, they both like to "picnic" at McD, getting takeout and eating it in the car. Unless we're at the red roof McD, and then they like to eat inside.

-=-=-=-

"Pay out" is "check out." And everything always costs "twenty dollars." Even a single plastic carrot. I'm glad someone else checked us out at Target today or it would be too costly to take them shopping. As it was, we came home with more markers and chalk than strictly necessary.

-=-=-=-

There is a feud at the "Mermaid Bakery," i.e. our bathtub at night. DD wants to "bake" cupcakes while DS insists they are muffins.

-=-=-=-

Difference of Opinions

Today, we went out for the first time this week. Nothing like a little retail and fast food therapy to make us all feel more, well, American, er, I mean, human.

And the kids were marvelously well-behaved. At Target, they played hide-and-go-seek in the children's clothing section up front, after asking if they could (can you imagine--they asked if they could run off?!). It was pretty contained, mainly because I said they had to hide together and because another woman was keeping a very close eye on our proceedings and kept pointing out where they were. They came as soon as I said the game was over and then helped out with the shopping (we needed eggs and poster board, and I had promised rice krispie treat makings).

Because I'm still not picking them up, and because we only got the 1-seater cart, they hung off the outside. Most shopper-women smiled, knowingly. But one grandmotherly woman went into hysterics at me. "That is very dangerous."

And instead of noddingly politely and telling the kids to get down, or even just moving on, I replied, "Yes, well, it would be more dangerous if they climbed in and out of the cart and since there is only 1 seat there isn't anywhere for them to sit, is there?"

Stunned, she meekly asked if they were twins.

Yep, I was the badly behaved one at the store today.

And just to illustrate how differently people see things, right after this encounter we saw a mom pushing one cart with one child and a grandmother pushing another cart with the . . . same child. Yep, more twins. The mom stopped me--twin moms always recognize each other!--and was astounded at how well-behaved mine were, how they didn't run off.

She didn't care about how dangerous it was. Because twin moms have a whole 'nother standard!

I've Got Mail

It's been a banner day or two around our household as far as packages go. I love getting mail, especially packages, but I rarely look for them anymore. Back when I was what we would now call a tween (I was just a "kid" then), I had about a dozen pen pals and got letters and packages regularly.

Yes, a dozen: a few relatives (mainly my dear Aunt P); three friends from the Star Wars fan club; a pen pal in Greece through the International Pen Friends Association (I'll include her name here, Martha Bitsopoulou, in case she ever finds me--we got separated after years of correspondence and even two trans-Atlantic visits); friends from summer camp counseling; and finally a few friends who had moved away. And this was before email.

I had boxes of different cards and sheets of stationery, rubber stamps, stickers, return address labels, my own embosser. I'd write notes sitting on my bed with my lap desk (either my rainbow one or my blank of wood one from, get this, Vacation Bible School, during the one year or so I was a Southern Baptist. I should post about that sometime.)

But high school, then college, grad school, and beyond decreased both my correspondents and my correspondence, so that today I'm lucky if I mail Christmas cards and birthday notes. Though, I'm okay enough on email (somedays).

But I still love to get mail. I get excited when it's magazine week (all dozen of my subscriptions seem to arrive the same week, creating quite a backlog; I wish it were more spread out). I like my mail from England, often with interesting articles or info about places I'd love to visit (Lambeth, I really liked that page with the cooking things--the train cake mold is cute, and I can get it here). My Aunt P still writes me real letters frequently and I love to send her beautiful handwriting on a card. My mom and dad's cards now go to the kids but I like watching them get excited about mail so we always make a big deal of it, especially because they can now recognize (7 times out of 10) which name is theirs (mind you, they share 3 letters. And no, not "D").

And this week I've gotten a ton of packages: 4 from a friend in Chicago who has sent along some of things from the estate of our friend who died of breast cancer--some books, an afghan I'd made for her partner (the partner kept the afghan I'd made for the woman who was ill), and a poster about ways to subvert the patriarchy (this last will be framed and go in our bathroom, the only dykey thing in the whole house--and our dear Chicago friend loved theme bathrooms! Hers had fishing and fish.); then we got a new battery for my laptop, just today, which will hopefully improve its performance (and let us do webcam with Gommie again); also, my Pampered Chef stuff showed up (okay, technically it didn't come in the mail, but it was delivered to my house); and, finally, my church cookbook starter kit came (I'm heading up the church cookbook, no surprise, right?). I think there was one other one but I can't recall. I just know there have been a lot--it's practically like Christmas with UPS, DHL, and USPS coming to the door.

I might have to start sending more real mail--that's the best way to get some--because, as much as I like getting email, real mail, especially packages (even if I've paid for them), is best.

Writing on the Pages

I don't like to write in books, generally. DP still teases me about the fill-in-the-blank millennium book that I just couldn't bear to write in. Hmmm, maybe that's why I haven't finished (or even progressed well) on the baby books.

In K-12, we weren't allowed to write in books. Maybe that's where I get it. By college, when I owned the book, I could sometimes bring myself to highlight, but that's about it. I like pristine copies of books--no folded pages, no writing, no bent spine. Which is contradictory, because I (intellectually) love the idea of a well-read, well-loved book. I guess I just don't like the way they look. Maybe that's because most of the books we're talking about are cheap paperbacks that get ratty before they are loved, not good hardcovers with gorgeous bindings and endpapers that can stand the test of time. But I'm not sure I'd write in those either.

Which is why it's odd that I'm writing in a cookbook, our Greatest Cookie Ever Made Book. I've inscribed it (something I rarely do with gifts because you never know if they're going to be returned) and started to make notes on the pages we've baked from, like a scrapbook for the kids, without all the extra paper and effort. I noted that DD likes butterscotch no-bake cookies, and that we all liked putting sugar sprinkles on the sugar cookies. Hopefully, we'll work our through the book.

And cover the pages with words describing the fun.

But I write in the book when the kids can't see--I really don't want them thinking they can write in books.

So we'll all have the same neurosis.

Day Three

Well, no fevers this morning, just coughs and drippy noses (and a sore throat for me). But we're still home and inside.

A kind and sympathetic friend brought over her son's Cars video today. Several people had told me that DS would like it because he likes trains and trucks and such. Well, neither of them made it through the opening credits.

So we made cookies instead. I was hoping for the easy boil-on-the-stove variety but DD had her heart set on frosted sugar cookies. And since she's been disappointed a lot recently (she keeps thinking Gommie is showing up today or tomorrow), I gave in.

We tried a new sugar cookie recipe from our new Greatest Cookies Ever book. It made 2 dozen. In batches (and fits and starts, since it really isn't an easy kid activity), we rolled them out and made hearts and stars. Some got colored sugar sprinkles, some got jam (strawberry and apricot, for DS and DD respectively), and some were plain for icing later.

There are now sprinkles all over my floor, a full bowl of lemon-flavored yellow icing on my table, and a plate of uneaten cookies calling my name. DD decided she liked them plain--no sugar, no jam, no frosting, though she ate the confetti sprinkles on the side. DS, as per usual, didn't eat any baked ones (they had shared dough from bowl scrapings).

Now their back to the tv, which is fine--cookie baking took up a good hour plus, I think. Now, I just need to clean up (which is why I'm blogging instead).

Maybe DP will want to watch Cars tonight.

-=-=-=-=-=-

Sugar Cookies

1 stick butter, softened
3/4 cup sugar
1 egg
2 teaspoons vanilla
1 1/2 cups flour
1/4 teaspoon salt

Preheat oven to 375F.

Cream the softened butter and sugar in a large mixing bowl.

Add the egg and vanilla to the creamed butter and sugar. Blend the ingredients well.

Mix the dry ingredients in another mixing bowl. Add this dry mixture to the wet mixture. Blend it well. You have dough!

Chil the dough for (at least) 15 minutes, and then rool and cut the dough. Place the dough on the greased cookie sheets.

Bake for 8-10 minutes.

Allow the baked cookies to cool before decorating or eating them.

Rose Dunnington, The Greatest Cookie Book Ever


Aunt J's Cookie Icing

powdered sugar
milk
1/2 teaspoon extract (we used lemon, optional)
2-3 drops food coloring (optional)

Combine sugar and milk to desired consistency. I like it thick so it doesn't run (probably 1/4-1/2 cup milk to 2-3+ cups sugar). Add extracts and food coloring, if desired.

It's That Time of Year Again

No, not March Madness . . . .

Girl Scout cookie time!

For most of my life, the advent of GS cookie season has been a big deal. First, as a brownie, then junior, and then cadet, I sold cookies. I remember that we'd get a glossy bi-fold brochure with colored graph to sell cookies to neighbors. Thin Mints, peanut butter sandwich cookies, sometimes an oatmeal frosted, Trefoils (those shortbreads in the shapes of girls' profiles), lemon cremes, later Tagalongs and the ever-popular gooey Samosa. I understand that there are 3+ GS bakeries in the country and that the offerings vary slightly, but I haven't noticed too much change from South to Northeast, or over time.

Except that cookies are now $4 a box!! And I remember selling them for 75 cents. I swear.

For every box of cookies sold, we earned rewards. Each year had a different animal theme. I strongly remember the panda bear year and worked so hard to get beyond the patch (either 50 or 75 boxes sold, which is what I usually did), to 100 so I could have the mini stuffed animal.

The sale would start on a Saturday morning and girls were not allowed to start before then. I sometimes headed out with a friend but usually went alone. Selling in pairs doesn't really work. I was allowed to go to neighbors we knew and people in the nearby area. There was no selling at grocery stores then. And we didn't have a church. Dad didn't like to take the sheet to work because, as boss, he felt that it pressured his employees. But some of them always asked about cookie time and bought a few boxes. Mom and Dad bought the remainder I needed to get the patch or stuffed animal.

Thin mints were my favorites, though I did go through a Samosa and Tagalong period for awhile. DP still loves Samosas but I'm back to Thin Mints. DD loves the trefoils (only because we haven't given her any others yet) and I even bought two extra boxes at church this Sunday to ensure our supply for awhile. Because now, you can buy cookies after they've been ordered, not just as advanced orders. And no one, no one goes to the door anymore. It was a lean period when I didn't know any Girl Scouts--I bet I went for a decade while in college and grad school without any cookies. Once we started going to church, though, the supply line was reestablished.

And eventually, it's fun to think that DD will sell them. She'll take the sheet to church and neighbors to solicit donations--do they even still do rewards? Our house will be filled with colorful rectangular boxes for distribution and we'll buy more than we need. They freeze well, though who ever really lets boxes linger? And I know there are lots of websites and even official handouts on how to cook with cookies (like trifles or Thin Mint crusts), but I like my cookies unadulterated. They're too rare to waste on crust.

One day, I'll reminisce at length about Girl Scouts (and mourn the fact that DS will not have such an experience, as Cub/Boy Scouts are a sexist, homophobic, theocratic lot, at least officially)--I was one for years, from brownies through to being a camp counselor for a GS special needs camp. I loved the uniform, the badges, going to summer camp, the songs, the arts and crafts.

And of course, the cookies.

Sicko

The kiddos are sick. We knew it was coming. DP has been coughing and miserable for a few days. And the kids coughed a lot Sunday night. But last night took it to a new high. And they awoke with fevers, obviously exhausted and miserable.

We're missing Chinese class and have canceled two playdates (today and tomorrow) already. And we won't go to school tomorrow either. Probably not playgroup on Thursday. It's going to be a long week.

Especially because I woke up with a sore throat too.

Kumquat Queen

Do you like kumquats? Have you ever even had one?

I first had them candied for Chinese New Year last year but didn't know what they were (because, hey, when it's been candied, how bad could it be?). This year I found out. They are so citrus-y.

And when fresh, uncandied, they are extremely sour. At least the inside pulp is--the exact opposite of an orange. Because the outer skin is sweet. DD ate the pulp; I ate the skin.

DS ate strawberries.

I'm going to see if I can find how to candy them myself. Who wants to wait til next year?

-=-=-=-
From Chowhound.com:

Hi slowfoodgrrl. I've not seen candied kumquats around town, but have made them before for use in a cake. They're easy to do. The recipe I have calls for 5 cups of sugar and 2 pounds of kumquats and has both sliced and whole kumquats.

Cut three quarters of the kumquats into 4 slices each. Combine 5 cups sugar with 3 cups water in a large saucepan; bring to a boil. When the sugar has dissolved, add the sliced kumquats, return to a boil and allow to simmer for 8 to 10 minutes or until kumquats appear translucent. Remove from heat and allow the fruit to cool in the syrup for 30 minutes. Remove kumquats with a slotted spoon. Add the whole kumquats to the syrup, bring to a boil, and simmer for about 1/2 hour or until kumquats begin to collapse. Allow to cool in syrup for 30 minutes. Strain and reserve syrup.

New Billboard #1

by DS, on guitar:

"Will you be my family?
("faster, faster")
My family, my family!"

Let Them Eat Crust

What is it with the crust of bread? Is there some kiddo gene that identifies it as poison? I spend half my mornings dealing with crust. See, I have one who abhors it and one who only eats it. Can you guess which is which?

Yep, DS wants his jelly sandwich sans crust, while DD goes out of her way to eat the crust (as opposed to the seeds, which I have to cut off the top) first. And no, they won't split one sandwich because they like different jellies.

I understand this is just one of the standard toddler food issues. We have another: the anti-sauce stance. DD won't eat anything that seems to have sauce, i.e. spaghetti and meatballs, any kind of casserole. Though, she must have gravy on her baked chicken or mashed potatoes. Gravy is not sauce, regardless of the regional Italian dispute about the meanings of those words.

We also don't like using one plate for the whole meal. This hasn't actually been called a "no-food touching" rule but that's what it is in essence. Except instead of just co-existing on the same plate without touching, food must be on separate plates.

How in the world is that an evolutionary safeguard? What Neanderthal was worrying about plates? I mean, I get that evolutionary biologists believe that toddlers become picky because in the past, when they were free-range, they needed that instinct so they wouldn't eat the deadly red berries. But crust? I don't think there were many baguettes back then.

Actually, I think I understand the crust thing: have you eaten the crust of plain ol' whole wheat bread recently? It's bitter. And kinda toothsome. It's fine if your mouth is big enough to get some of the rest of the bread in there, with fillings, but otherwise, it's not great.

Well, except to DD.

There's always one.

A Miss is as Good as a Mile

Today was paint-your-own-train day at our local craft store. So, after the zoo and then lunch (at the "bear restaurant"--DD's request, as she remembered the manager once gave them packets of Teddy Grahams), we headed to "arts and crafts."

But DS fell asleep, his first nap in, well, like a month. So DD and I went in while DP waited with him. We got inside, walked up to the craft table, and were handed the second-to-last train they had. Oh, whew, we had just made it. But DD hadn't--the last train was given to the child behind us (mind you, this was 30 minutes into a 2 hour event and there were irate moms and sad children behind us)--we couldn't procure one for an absent child, which is totally understandably.

DD painted her little wooden car green, pink, and yellow. I added a face and her name. And she was happy but shy. At least she got one--she loves arts and crafts and had been talking about the trains since we left for the zoo.

But all's well that ends well. DP went into the store when we were done and picked up a Trevor train that DS had wanted. He can't paint it, but he didn't wake up empty-handed.

It's a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood

Wow, it's lovely today--sunny, mild, not too windy--and this after a wet, foggy night and morning. So, we headed to the zoo.

DD is scared of peacocks. Doesn't like that they roam the zoo freely, doesn't like their caterwaul cry, really doesn't like how they spread their colorful tail feathers and shake them. She talked about the peacocks on the way over. DS tried to comfort her: "The prairie dogs are nice. The otters are nice. The tigers are nice. And they will be happy to see you." This last bit from a new nighttime story we read, Tell Me Something Happy Before I Go to Sleep. Then DD asked us to please quit talking about peacocks. We did, DS kept telling her that they were nice.

We got to admissions and were given peacock stickers (which are supposed to encourage kids to be nice to the birds). We've gotten them before and have told DD that they actually ward peacocks off. All she need do is wear her sticker and say, "No peacocks!" and she'll be fine. Which she was. Though DP and I have a fine-tuned system worked out as we maneuver the zoo. "12 o'clock, moving to 1, in the trees." "Yep, hey hon, let's go that way instead." Until DS chimed in, "there's a peacock!" But we soon had DD distracted by the tigers. Whew, a close call.

And then the darned turkeys appeared. Fluffing their own tailfeathers. Bother. Hadn't prepared her for turkeys, which aren't usually there. Luckily, otters are very enticing and we got away, albeit with DD in arms.

We heard the peacocks as we left but by then we were safe and she was very proud to have survived the peacocks. Especially because it meant she had ridden the carousel, twice. But she took the sticker off her jacket as soon as we cleared the entrance!

String Theory

Today was art group and we painted with colored glue and string on paper plates. There was lots of creativity, from little string sculptures to using the string as ad hoc paint brush. I should've taken pictures. Next time.

To make colored glue, pour about 3 tablespoons of white glue into a bowl, add about a teaspoon of paint (washable is preferrable--some "recipes" call for food coloring, but this can be bad for clothes). Stir until combined. More or less paint will change the color.

Another trick with paint for this summer: add dishwasher liquid to thin (about 1:2 parts dishwasher liquid to paint). Then you have window paint. It will wash off with a hose or the rain.

Thinking of You

Just wanted to let Mommy Goose, Geek, and little Goose know that we are thinking of you and glad that your grandad is doing much better.

End Quote

Today, while making Blueberry Orange Bread for playgroup, DD spilled some flour on the floor.

"Oh, what a mess," I said.

And DS explained to his sister, "We're making bread, not a mess."

-=-=-=-=

Blueberry Orange Bread (pretty good, though not at all sweet really)

Dry Ingredients
3 cups flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 cup blueberries (fresh, frozen, or drained canned)

Wet Ingredients
1/4 cup honey
grated rind and juice of 1 orange
1/2 cup milk
1/2 cup oil

Do NOT preheat oven.

Combine the dry ingredients and stir to blend thoroughly.

Beat together the wet ingredients.

Pour the wet ingredients into the dry and stir until the dry ingredients are moist. Spoon into a large (9 x 5") well-greased loaf pan (I used a 9" round) and let it stand for about 15 minutes.

Bake at 350F for 1 hour.

Let the bread cool for 10 minutes before removing it from the pan.

Note: I dusted the pan with sugar and spread sugar on the top for crunch. The authors note it is good hot but better the next day.

Howard Early and Glenda Morris, Quick Breads

If Looks Could Kill

I think DD is a lot like me. Yesterday at school, she spent playtime arranging all the large plastic animals in pairs, just like a little Noah-ette: two lions, two giraffes, two elephants, two horses. All lined up side-by-side in a row on a tabletop, looking out over the playroom. She made sure the babies were next to the parents and would re-orient the whole line if she found another matching animal. The girl likes organization.

And then an older girl took two horses and a baby elephant. You should have seen the look. But of course--this orphaned a baby horse and left childless elephant parents. It took all my self-control not to get involved, except to calmly, maturely state that the toys were for everyone and we had to share, even if the older girl should have asked.

DD did just what I would have done in the same situation: said nothing, and glared.

Actually, that's what I did, too.

It doesn't work.

So DD calmly put several animals in a basket and took them away to feed them.

Very mature.

Better than what I was ready to do, had I been younger and shorter: grab them right back!

So much for being the adult.

O, Reader! Where Art Thou?

Didn't anybody see/get/laugh at my April Fool's Joke?

Hint: I haven't ever seen David Letterman.

Oh, well, I tried.

Favorites

I love those questionnaires that you get via email from your friends and are supposed to answer and send back. I think it's the narcissist in me. So, I'm posting a conglomeration of the "favorites" questions here, and answering them. And I'm answering them for DD and DS. And you, my friends with blogs, I ask that you put the questions on your blog and answer them. Those of you without blogs can post answers to the comments or send them to me privately.

Tag, you're it!

(And no, DP won't be playing. She doesn't like these. I'd be tempted to answer for her, and probably could quite accurately, but I won't.)
-=-=-=-=

Mommy
Book: right now, I'm enjoying The Short Life and Long Times of Mrs. Beeton
Movie: hmmm, all time: Gone with the Wind
TV show: I like Top Chef right now
Song: right now, Natasha Bedingfield's Unwritten--it always seems to be on when I need inspiration
Musician: Indigo Girls
CD: Cher's greatest hits always makes me happy
Color: purple
Number: 12
Food: Chocolate. Dark chocolate.
Flavor: see above. Though, I also love cardamon or rose flavors in things
Animal: cats, panda bears, koala bears
Day of the Week: Saturday or Sunday
Flower: rose, lavender
Ice Cream: mmmm, Haagen Dazs's sticky toffee pudding or B&J's Black and Tan
Magazine: I'm enjoying Brain, Child's essays on parenting right now
Restaurant: Bloodroot
Toy/Thing: my computer, my crochet hooks
Poet: I'm seeing the wit of Dr Seuss more now; otherwise, I like Elizabeth Barrett Browning
Author: Jane Austen, followed by George Eliot and Elizabeth Gaskell; modern-day, Sarah Waters
Thing to do: cook with the kids, Sunday drives with Mama, adult time with friends, blogging, crochet
Place to go: Old Sturbridge Village, Mystic Seaport, Hancock Shaker Village--all the local history museums
Saying/Words: "Mama's home!"


DD
Book: The Bear series, by Jane Chapman
Movie: Monster Inc
TV show: all Little Bear, Dora
Song: the "bubbly nose" song, or Cobbie Cailliat's "Bubbly"
Musician: Laurie Berkner
CD: Laurie Berkner CDs or Raffi
Color: green
Number: who cares!
Food: Snap Peas, lollipops,
Flavor: vanilla or chocolate
Animal: cats
Day of the Week: Saturday or Sunday with Mama
Flower: snow drops
Ice Cream: chocolate (with candies)
Magazine: I'll take whatever mom is reading
Restaurant: Friendly's for the ice cream, 99 for the popcorn, Duchess for the hot dogs, and McDonald's for the happy meals
Toy/Thing: chef's set with apron, hat, mits;
Poet: Dr Seuss, especially Green Eggs and Ham
Author: Eric Carle
Thing to do: cook with Mommy, arts and crafts (paint, handstamping)
Place to go: local playspaces and museums, "parties!"
Saying/words: loves to talk about her "favorite"

DS
Book: Mother Goose nursery rhymes,
Movie: not usually interested in movies; Nemo is okay
TV show: Little Bear or Ni-hao, Kai Lan
Song: "Shakalaka Baby" from musical Bombay Dreams
Musician: Laurie Berkner
CD: zydeco instrumentals
Color: doesn't really matter
Number: 3--love to count and esp to make the number 3 with fingers
Food: strawberry yogurt or ice cream, blueberries
Flavor: any fruit
Animal: BUGS!
Day of the Week: weekends with Mama
Flower: Mommy likes roses
Ice Cream: strawberry
Magazine: whatever Mommy is reading
Restaurant: Ruby Tuesday's for the salad bar or Longhorn for the fried onions
Toy/Thing: Mommy's recorder flute, drums, actually any musical instrument
Poet: Mother Goose
Author: Eric Carle
Thing to do: play music
Place to go: backyard, to the sandpit or swingset; "drive" the car; feeding the ducks at the farmer's market
Saying/words: "no, thank you" (after being asked to do/not do something)

Red-Light Recipe District

Did you know I am a recipe whore?

I'm sure you've noticed. I love recipes. If someone makes something that I like, or even just mentions something promising, I want the recipe, I need the recipe, I must have the recipe.

I'm sure it's annoying to people, but my friends usually humor me and send along the recipe (no little task because they usually type it all over again and email it to me). This is much appreciated.

I don't do it to "steal" anyone's signature dishes. I think it's like collecting souvenirs. I don't even always use them, but store them in my cookbook cum scrapbook for the memory of it. Though, some of them, like the cutlets in the previous post, I make right away and add to my repertoire.

Of course, being a recipe ho, I am also very willing to share recipes. I figure it's good karma. Pay it forward, you know?

So, if there's some recipe of mine you'd like, don't be afraid to ask.

Just be ready to share!

Another Winner

We have another winner on the dinner front. Before tonight, there were two reliable standards: baked chicken with rice, gravy, and peas, and meatloaf (with a variety of flavorings, the most popular being ketchup).

Now we have a third: chicken cutlets.

I should start by saying I had never made a chicken cutlet before tonight. I like them, well enough, especially on a hero with cheese from delis in NYC. But I hadn't tried, mainly because I figured sauteing them would be a mess.

But you can bake them.

At the Pampered Chef party on Saturday, the consultant, demonstrating the trays, mentioned that she made cutlets all the time. So I asked her how. Her answer is below.

And tonight, with a few alterations, I tried it. And both kids liked them. Not as much as baked chicken with gravy (the gravy being the big selling point), but more than recent meatloaves. So, definitely a do-again.

Whew, I needed something new. And it's another 30-minute meal, great with steamed veggies.

-=-=-=-=-=

Another J's Chicken Cutlets

Never made chicken cutlets?! OMG! I live on them! And so easy...

I buy the thin sliced cutlets. Simply:

(1) Rinse them in water (pat dry).

(2) a. My addition: In the first bowl, I started with a seasoned flour dip, as per the PC catalog recipe

b. In another bowl place an egg and a tiny bit (1/4 cup?) of milk; stir so egg breaks and mixes with the milk.

(3) In the third bowl place bread crumbs (J uses 4 C; I used crushed corn flakes for the crunchy effect).

(4) Coat the cutlet in the flour, then the milk/egg combo, and then coat in the bread crumbs.

I bake approx. 1/2 hour on 350 or you can fry them in a skillet. If you get thicker cutlets, just check them after 1/2 hour to gage how long they need.

And, you will see after trying to finagle long cutlets in a bowl, how great the trays can be! In addition, I bake my cutlets (as does yet another J) on my stone - they stay juicy and taste amazing!

Lastly, for a twist, follow the steps above, but prior to baking, roll 'something' in the middle and stick a toothpick through - and it still bakes the same. My favorite is fresh mozz and roasted red pepper. Other J uses ham and cheese...my husband likes cheddar and broccoli.

J, the PC consultant

What You Don't Know . . .

It's a good thing that the kiddos don't know what "burned" is, because their grilled cheese sandwiches today were. And I just smiled, didn't say a word, scraped off the black bits, and cut them into hearts with my pretty cookie cutter--voila! Yummy lunch.

Knowledge is a dangerous thing.

Pie Served Here

Last night, we watched the movie Waitress, about a small town, pie-making waitress who becomes unexpectedly pregnant by her awful husband and how she transcends her unhappy state. Once you realize it isn't a romantic comedy of the usual kind, you know she won't end up with the OB with whom she begins an affair. Indeed, looking back, it was patently predictable, from the death of her grumpy beneficiary to her declared independence from men (both husband and lover) on the birth of her daughter. The only unexpected thing was her anti-pregnancy, anti-motherhood stance which was a breath of fresh air in an otherwise mother-obsessed popular culture. Now, as many of you know, I had a difficult and relatively miserable, though entirely wanted, pregnancy. I was very glad when the babies were born, if only because I was so relieved not to be pregnant anymore. Those first 3-6 months of twins were very hard and I'm sure we seemed like grumpy moms. Even though our situation was different than the waitress's, it was refreshing to see something besides angelic, beatific pregnancy and dreamy, romanticized thoughts of motherhood. But this movie is a fairy tale (I'm not being sarcastic, I'm talking genre)--with the heroine held captive by a evil man and difficult circumstances and, in the end, despite all her protestations, she saves herself, through motherhood.

I loved the pie! I liked her creativity with pies, from ingredients to titles ("Bad Baby Pie" or "Naughty Pumpkin Pie" or "I Hate My Husband Pie"; her devotion to pies, an art passed down by her mother; her love of pie, and dreams to win a contest and open a pie shop. It reminded me of a more cheerful celebration of pies, Humble Pie, a great treatment of an author's devotion to pie and its role in community. Both the book and the movie made me want to bake pie. Now, I make a decent apple pie, pecan pie, and berry (either blue or mixed) pie, but with storebought crust. Which, in my heart, I feel is cheating. I would love to perfect my own crust. And then make my own fillings. Perhaps even with great titles, like "It Was Raining Today Pie" or "We Were Out of Ice Cream Pie." I think it would be such fun. Especially, if like the last scene of the movie, I made them with my kiddos, sharing the love and joy.

Maybe motherhood saved me too.

"Baby don't you cry,
gonna make a pie,
gonna make a pie with a heart in the middle.
Baby don't be blue,
gonna make for you,
gonna make a pie with a heart in the middle.
Gonna make a pie from heaven above,
gonna be filled with strawberry love.
Baby don't you cry,
gonna make a pie,
and hold you forever in the middle of my heart. "

--Adrienne Shelly (who acted in, wrote, and directed the film and was murdered before it was released, I think)

Yet?

We all remember the question, "is she walking yet?"

Then "talking yet?"

Now, "potty-trained yet?"

We're not potty-trained. Someday, DD goes in the potty. But usually only once. And never more than a day or so in a row. She'll even outright say she wants to pee in her diapers.

Of course, several of our little (girl) friends are potty-trained now--I should note outright that DS isn't even considering it, nor are any of our little (boy) friends. But I'd be happy if only 1/2 of us were potty-trained. I know better than to force the issue and make it something we have to argue over.

But I am so ready. And I am ready for her to be ready.

But we're not.

Yet.

Celebrity Sighting

Well, just when I thought there weren't any famous people here in Connecticut (though, I've heard that several of them live here), we saw someone today: David Letterman.

Yep, after Chinese class, we met DP for lunch at a diner down in Greenwich that is popular with moms and kids, and in the booth behind us, there he was. With his son. DD kept turning around to talk to the little boy and when I turned around to apologize, well, no mistaking who he is (though I don't watch the show--on much too late for me. I used to watch some, when I lived in Times Square and it was down the street, per se). Anyway, it was just really casual. We exchanged a few words about kids and eating habits. Nothing else.

Wow. Funny that I never saw him in NYC, though my sis almost went to a taping of his show during the big blizzard of 96. I did see others: Jerry Orbach (L&O), Al Pacino, Steve Martin, Jackie Mason, Bill Cosby, hmmm, never women. Wait, didn't I see Julie Andrews in a baseball cap? Yes, yes. Couldn't I have bumped into Glenn Close (born around here, I understand) or Meryl Streep (oh, wait, she used to live in CT)? Oh, well.

But it all might make me watch the show again, just for kicks.

Nothing Specific

I don't have a pre-composed (or at least considered) post for this morning. It's rainy, for the second day, and we're about to head to Chinese class. And hopefully meet Mama for lunch.

Yesterday, the older woman two doors down was taken away in an ambulance because of trouble breathing. I hope she's okay. We used to be friends--she was wild about us in the beginning, "her girls," she called us, seemingly no problem with having lesbians down the street. But having children was another story. How could we bring children into a world without a father? Her own husband suddenly died when they had a 3 and 2 year old and she never remarried. She hasn't spoken to us since we told her we were pregnant, but we've been hearing for two years the things she thinks about us now (through mutual friends). It varies from disgust to sadness to regret. She's apparently had breast cancer in the last two years (which is what killed her daughter 3 years ago). And is not doing as well as hoped. And, so, even though she doesn't talk to us anymore, I hope she's okay. I think she'd die if she even knew I knew she was ill.

Otherwise, my back is twinge-y but better than it could be. We'll see how it survives a long commute and sitting on the floor this morning.

Which reminds me to get. So we aren't late. The rain will make it an even longer drive.

But that will give me some time to compose my next post. Possibilities include: Indigo Girls, potty-training, and art.

Suburban Foodways

Today epitomized food in suburbia, or more specifically, the food habits of (particularly) SAHMoms. Or, at least, me.

It started with my WW meeting (I lost 1.6 lbs!! Yay. Core is really working for me). And as I sat there, my leader talked about how, for Easter, instead of having a traditional bakeshop cheese and fruit danish, she made a diet bagel, with diet cream cheese, with sugar-free jam. And it was "delicious."

Maybe this is why I struggle to lose weight. You cannot EVER convince me that those two items taste remotely like one another. And I would almost rather not eat than choose B over A. And that's basically what I try to do: quality over quantity. Sometimes, though, I forget the quantity thing, and, well that's where the problem lies. But, I just don't like the fake stuff. And I'm convinced that the huge amounts of mediocre, processed, fake food laden with chemicals we can't identify or pronounce (and trust the government--because they're so trustworthy--to vet for us) is a huge part of the reason that we can't recognize quality anymore--and thus just eat more of the really bad, really unhealthy foods. And end up at WW, trying to convince ourselves that the diet versions of the mediocre foods are actually "delicious." When, really, if we'd just eaten one bakeshop danish once in awhile, we would've been okay.

(Don't get me started on artificial sweeteners.)

After that (and despite my rant, I still value my meetings), I went to a Pampered Chef party, almost the complete opposite of my WW meeting. There, the same bunch of women (literally, 3 of them were my WW buddies) learn about food gadgets to make preparation of meals simpler/easier/quicker and hostess items to make presentations of said meals, particularly for all the hostessing we're imagined to be doing, more aesthetically pleasing (though considering the mean age of all our children, there should be more plasticware for serving in the PC catalog--I only entertain with kids and can't use ceramic dishes. And since we cook together too, I generally need stainless steel, not glass, prep ware). This is all about the enjoyment of food that you make yourself--hand chopped, baked in stoneware, served on glass platters. And the party was interactive--the consultant had us do everything ourselves, which was much more fun than sitting and watching (and I bought more this time). Interesting thing about PC, though, is it assumes, really, that we don't like the task much and need to get through it quickly. So, at WW food is a danger, at PC it's a chore. Both can be overcome with the right a). mindset and b). products.

If anything, what both of these activities prove is that food is a problem for women, because that is the overwhelming audience for both of these gatherings. It's a problem to prepare, a problem to eat. I do spend a lot of time in one day thinking (worrying) about what I'm going to eat so it's healthy, what I'm going to serve the kids so it's healthy and they'll eat it, and when in the world I'm going to have time to cook dinner (and how there are about a million other things I'd rather do than make a meal under this pressure). So, I went to my WW meeting and am jazzed about another week on Core and hopefully losing another pound or two. And I liked the PC party (the hostess, friend J, is a hostess par excellence and her friend the consultant was entertaining, low-pressure) and bought a new chopper at PC because, really, my knife skills are poor and it slows my food prep down (DP says my knife skills won't improve if I don't practice. I say knife skills are not one of my life's goals. She has excellent knife skills). Plus some covered custard cups. For the fat-free, sugar-free mediocre, processed diet food that I eat because I want something and can't eat a danish every night. Obviously, I'm conflicted: intellectually I see the manipulation at work here and, as a feminist, object to it; but as an actual, practicing SAHM, I value what is being offered. I'm working to reconcile the dichotomy inherent in all of it.

And so how did the day end? We all went to Friendly's for ice cream after a nice trip to the nature center where we saw animals and played on the incredible, castellated wooden playground. DS chanted all the way to the restaurant "strawberry ice cream, chocolate candies." DD fantasized about "chocolate and chocolate candies." And we got there and they ate their sundaes with obvious relish.

And I had one too. And we all had a grand time.

But it all starts again tomorrow.

At least I got a nice recipe from PC, that I can turn Core for WW!!

-=-=-=-=-=

Cheeseburger Salad (from memory)

2 hamburger buns
1 lb ground beef
1 red onion, chopped
pickles, chopped (I don't recall how many spears--4-6?)
3/4 cup ketchup
1 tablespoon mustard
lettuce, chopped in bite-size pieces
1 cup cheddar cheese


Cut hamburger buns into slices (though cubes would be easier to eat). Toast hamburger buns (can be done in 450F oven til brown).

Brown ground beef.

Combine onion, pickles, ketchup, and mustard. Add beef.

Layer lettuce, cheeseburger mixture, cheese, and hamburger bun croutons.

Serve.


Hey, I was very close. Here's the "real" recipe:

4 sesame seed hamburger bun tops

1 small red onion (1/2, sliced into circles for the salad, 1/2 chopped for meat mix)

2 plum tomatoes, sliced for salad

3/4 ground beef

1/2 cup finely diced dill pickles

3/4 cup ketchup

1 TBL yellow mustard

8 cups thinly sliced romaine lettuce

1 cup (4oz) shredded cheddar cheese

The quick directions:

~slice and toast the hamburger buns (@ 8min on bar pan at 425 degrees)

~set out platter and put sliced lettuce on platter

~brown meat

~mix chopped onion, diced pickles, ketchup and mustard together with browned meat

~spread meat mixture over lettuce

~top with sliced onions, sliced tomatoes

~sprinkle with cheese and put toast sticks around the platter

It Was Exactly 48 Hours

Yep, I spoke too soon. The flavor didn't last.

I re-injured my back exactly 48 hours after my last med and thus I took 4 ibuprofens last night and again this morning. But I'm doing better and it doesn't look like it will be as bad as, say, 5 and then 4, and then 3 weeks ago!

Happy Birthday, J!

Happy 3rd Birthday to our little friend, J, who is up north with his mom T and brother A. We're thinking of you on your big day and can't wait to celebrate with you when you get back.

Trying Something New

As many of you know, I am cautious about anonymity in my blog, which is why I never include pictures. But several of my friends do and, well, my blog looks boring in comparison.

So, a compromise. I'll post pictures that are artsy, outdated, or unidentifiable.

Like the one above . . .

(and to think we swore we'd never dress them in pink and blue. But, hey, you can't see--maybe DD is in blue and DS is in pink!)

The Pot and the Kettle

Heard in the bathroom at the grocery store, one stall over:

[flush] Woman on a cell phone: "That is so tacky."

Uh-huh.

Mommy Still Has It

Just when I thought I didn't have any more tricks up my sleeve, I convinced DD that I swallowed several whole cat toys and then coughed them up! With a sleight of hand and the turn of my head, she really was fooled and asked me to repeat the trick over and over.

And then she tried it. For real.

Guess it wasn't so smart after all.

And so I showed her how.

Now, I don't have any more tricks.

Candle of Concern

Our thoughts go out to our dear friend T who has traveled northwards across the border to see her ailing Omi.

We're sending warm thoughts your way!

36 Hours and Counting

For the first time in FIVE weeks, I have gone more than a day without some kind of medication for my back (usually OTC, but for about 10 days, the Rx stuff). Wow. It's been a long time since I felt good enough to do any real moving around. But now, with a lift in my shoe, new stretches and exercises, and a lot of rest (thanks to DP who has done all my housekeeping chores and to the kiddos who haven't had "uppy-up" in a long time), I feel closer to being my "normal" self than I have since that fateful snowstorm, some snow shoveling, and a bad lift.

Now to get back where I was--about to "graduate" from PT--and even better!

No-Bake Cookies

We just finished making cookies and I've decided that the stovetop is scarier than the oven. Yes, yes, I know, the boiling point of water is 212F (milk is about the same), while we operate most ovens at 350F. But the oven is contained and the stovetop has pots of scalding liquid that can be spilled.

That said, this morning's cookie making--on the stovetop--went off without a hitch. The recipe comes from a new book that I bought when I got DD's chef's set--The Greatest Cookies Ever, by Rose Dunnington. Mind you, I have thousands of cookie recipes, but I liked her layout, the creativity in cookie design and decoration, the child-friendly voice and design. I think it's a book we can grow with.

And so, this morning we made No-Bake Cookies. I wanted to use semisweet chips; the kiddos opted for white. Ugh. I think it made the cookies--with their 2 cups of sugar--too sweet. But they liked them and we ate them. In fact, the texture reminds me a little of my favorite pralines by Southern Candymaker in New Orleans, which I know uses cream, sugar, and butter, plus nuts (actually, my favorite favorites are the chocolate pralines, so I'll have to experiment with cocoa because I don't think they use chocolate chips). But that's a recipe for after the kiddos are in bed.

We'll be taking these cookies to playgroup tomorrow, so it's probably just as well that we didn't make the flavor I wanted!

Stay tuned for more experiments from this fun cookbook!

-=-=-=-=-=-

No-Bake Cookies

Ingredients
1 stick butter
2 cups granulated sugar
1/2 cup milk
3 cups rolled oats (not instant oatmeal)
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 cup baking chips (your choice)

Equipment:
measuring cups and spoons
mixing bowls
mixer, or fork and spoon
4-quart pot
oven mits
wooden mixing spoon
waxed paper

The method for these is totally different from regular cookies. For starters, you don't bake these cookies, so don't bother to turn on the oven. But make sure you're allowed to use the stovetop.

Grease the inside rim of the pot with butter. Then put the rest of the butter in the pot. This greasing step will prevent any boiling-over disaster.

Put the sugar and milk in the pot. Put the pot on the stove on medium heat.

Bring the concoction to a boil. You'll know when it's boiling. It really bubbles up! That's why you need the big pot.

Let the concoction boil for exactly one minute, then take the pot off the heat.

Add the oats, chocolate, and vanilla. Stir it all up.

Plop spoonfuls of the mixture onto waxed paper. Be careful! Don't touch the hot dough, no mattter how delicious it looks!

Let the cookies sit for about 20 minutes, until the cookies get hard. Simple, huh?

Rose Dunnington, The Greatest Cookies Ever

How Do You Learn?

School has been a frequent topic of conversation here--private vs. public, the different kinds of private, what we want from a school, what else we want for our children (i.e. extracurricular activities, a SAHM, trips around the country and the world).

But learning didn't figure into the conversation much. I've been watching and thinking about the kiddos and how they like to do things, and it struck me this week that they have two completely different learning styles. Actually, I had known that DS was a visual and an auditory learner--all that music, all that looking at pictures of musical instruments. He's more interested in words, letters, and numbers right now. I remember that his PT suggested that he learned that way because he was a late crawler.

Meanwhile, I hadn't pegged DD's learning style. But I should have: she's a kinesthetic, or physical learner. It hit me over the head this week. She wanted to tell me a story; I wanted to change her "soggy-soggy." Not mutually exclusive, right? Wrong. She needed to run around to tell me. She physically couldn't stand still to tell her tale. And so we changed the diaper and then she ran back and forth telling me her original tale:

"Once upon a time there were two kids. DD and DS. And they went into the woods. Then they saw a Mommy Bear. And she laughed. Ha ha ha. And then they saw a Mama Bear. And she laughed. Ha ha ha. The end."

Painting. Hand-stamping. Coloring. Playing with stickers. Playing with magnets. Baking cupcakes in the bathtub. Dressing (or undressing) her dolls. These are her favorite activities. She likes to do things. She always has. She must touch, explore, try it out, on her own.

Realizing this, I'm going to have to give some thought to how we do letters and numbers--physically counting things, writing our ABCs, playing with shaped letters and numbers to spell things and count. Not just looking at picture books, which is how DS likes to do it. I also went right out and got her a little chef's set--it's always been easier to buy DS things because he has discernible interests like trains, whereas she was rather muted in her interest in one thing--and she wore the apron and hat around the house all day, rolling out with her rolling pin and baking me butterfly and egg cookies. Bingo.

Now, as an educator, I have long realized that kids prefer to learn in certain ways--that's not to say they can't learn in the other ways, but that they have preferences. I'm not really sure what kind of learner I am. DP is probably a kinesthetic learner. I probably lean to the visual. I know my mom does. Of course, I have read some of the discussion, and criticism, of the theory of Howard Gardner's learning styles or, more specifically, multiple intelligences as researched at Harvard's Project Zero, but I think it is at least a helpful tool to encourage parents and teachers to vary the way they teach and a good way for students of any age to be self-aware of how they do things (and how they would need to adapt to doing things outside of their comfort zones). As a mom, I'm not particularly interested in the academic debate about psychology or methodology.

I'm very excited about this new way of thinking about the kids' learning, and their personalities in general. I spent years thinking on these issues and utilizing the concepts in my museum work. It's like my two worlds collided. Funny, how it took so long. But at least it's not too late.

Where the Money Goes

People often ask me--those who have seen my kids eat, anyway--how much my grocery bill is. It's a rhetorical question because they guess it's high--the kids have healthy appetites AND we eat organic as often as possible.

An illustration: yesterday, we went through a loaf of bread. A whole loaf (100% wheat, at least). And that was before lunch. I was making jelly sandwiches for our trips to and from Chinese class. So they wanted a sandwich then (4 slices). I made one sandwich each for the ride down (4 slices) and two sandwiches each for the ride home (8 slices). That left 1 little slice and two heels.

And they ate all of it.

Going, going, gone.

-=-=-=-=-=

Yesterday, we were playing in the car. Parked in the driveway, so they could pretend to drive. DS turned to me and asked for money. So I asked him what he needed money for.

"To make the car go."

Huh?

"Like at the mall."

Ahhhh, those little rides by the playspace. You put two quarters in and the vehicles shakes and shimmies.

I get it now.

That's why he's been stuffing the spare change in my car air conditioning vents and CD player for months now.

It makes perfect sense.

And in a way he's right--you need money to make the car go, it's just a lot more than 2 quarters these days.

Pooping is Contagious

Warning: I'm talking about poop here.

I have a theory that my friends who just now have two kids will soon get to test for me: when one kid poops, the other one does.

This has been happening here for a long time now. Sure, they eat the same diet, pretty much, and do the same activities. Though, the diet has changed some--DD eats more starch and meats; DS eats more fruit. But they poop within 2 minutes of each other. Always. Like just now.

I think the smell triggers it.

Like scatological pheromones or something.

Trying Again

I'm a great beginner at things--new hobbies, my dissertation, diets--but eventually the novelty wears off and discipline kicks in. Or doesn't. I start things very well but often don't continue or finish well, or in good time (i.e. that Ph.D. took awhile). And I'm finding the same thing with my diet right now. I know, I know, I'm not supposed to call WW a diet. But, well, it is, even if I'm suppsed to call it a "lifestyle" (according to others, often conservatives, I have another "lifestyle"--as if being a lesbian were a fad or a phase--I HATE that word. Is being married to a man a lifestyle? So, I actually prefer "diet").

Anyway, I've been gaining and losing the same darned 5 lbs for several months, mainly because I lose focus on weekends, do well on M-W, and then lose it again for T-F. Ugh. One week up, one week down. I know why it happens, I know how it happens, and I know how to fix it.

So, I'm trying again. "Try again" is a mantra in this household, when we can't do something or something doesn't work out quite right. I think it's important for kiddos, and for myself, to keep trying, even if we have to keep trying over and over. It's hopeful. And it works with blocks, putting on t-shirts, and pouring water into cups. So, it should work with dieting.

And eventually, I'll do it.

"Tis the Season

This evening after dinner, as the holiday weekend wound to a close, we told the kiddos that the Easter stuff would be going away tonight and we wouldn't see it until next year. We were totally prepared for disappointment, begging, and even tears, but not this, from DD:

"So, what season is it next?"

DS answered her, "It's summer."

Sign of the Times

We're travelling back in time here. This weekend we rediscovered our first favorite show, Signing Times (yes, that's right, the show that the 17-month old baby who can read was allowed to watch, as featured on the Today Show). We watched it when the kiddos were about a year old so that they (and we) could learn some sign language. I had learned a lot of Signed English as a child, from my dear Aunt P, and then taken ASL as an adult, but wanted some help teaching it to the kids. And the show came highly recommended. With Rachel, Alex, and Leah we learned playtime signs, animals, colors, and our pleases, thank yous, and mores. The kids loved the show and I loved the refresher course.

And so, this weekend, flipping channels, we came across it again, long after we thought it had quit showing on our PBS station (when it stopped, we started getting the videos from the library and then Gommie bought us a set). And the kids are mesmerized again. DS never did stop signing "helicopter" but now he's standing in front of the tv relearning shark, dolphin, and octopus. It's like we've gone back 1 1/2 years to when they were just learning language. And truthfully, we credit the show, and the sign language, with our kids' early talking and now their (what I would call good) command of English for their age. Oddly, in the beginning, they signed some words and spoke others, but these rarely overlapped. I'd say, at the height of it, they knew upwards of 100 signs, from the show and others that I taught them. Eventually, they dropped the signs, and, caught up in toddlerhood, so did we.

But I'm hoping to revisit it--what's another language (plus Thai and Mandarin), right? I loved being able to sign to my aunt (especially because no one else knew what we were saying, a benefit I guess my kids won't have!) and I even considered going into deaf ed. I took ASL as an adult so that I could welcome hearing impaired audiences into the museum and someday I hope to be good enough to give a tour. I was excited recently to learn that one of my new friends also knows some ASL and is willing to talk to me. I've signed some with the SAHDad who is hearing impaired at the playspace, but that is little and far between. I could use more practice. Despite years of ancient Greek, Latin, some French, and less German, and now some Thai and Mandarin, it's really the only language I would say that I can communicate in, besides my first one.

Interestingly, my ASL teacher thought baby sign language was a fad, and offensive to the deaf community as a whole because it wasn't the real use of the language. I don't know if that's a common opinion or not, but we try to be respectful in our use of it. Regardless, it's strange to watch this show again. I'll be singing the song all day.

And I don't mind a bit.

Earth Hour

On Saturday, March 29, 2008, turn off your lights (and computer!) for one hour beginning at 8 pm to observe Earth Hour, along with concerned citizens in Adelaide, Atlanta, Bangkok, Brisbane, Canberra, Chicago, Christchurch, Copenhagen, Dublin, Manila, Melbourne, Montreal, Odense, Ottawa, Perth, Phoenix, San Francisco, Suva, Tel Aviv, Toronto and Vancouver, as well as Sydney where it all got started last year. We'll be doing it, so don't look for a blog post from me that night!

By Bread Alone

I've been thinking a lot about bread recently, again. You might remember that I was having gluten-ous thoughts at the end of last year. Well, I've been growing a sourdough starter given to me by the founders of Bloodroot restaurant and gave some to Goo yesterday. He had, as well, been thinking a lot about bread and brought a loaf of the no-knead kind. He's made it 6-7 times and really likes it. I'm ashamed to say that, despite an email from the originator of the technique even (my apologies), I have yet to try it. But then, I haven't baked any bread since I first thought about it. But I liked Goo's loaf and am tempted to try it. The kiddos are getting better with helping in the kitchen and, more importantly, can have bread now. We've made Irish soda bread, brown bread, and I've made some other quick breads (my chocolate-orange Amish Friendship bread, frozen in the freezer, was a hit at church this morning). As for my sourdough starter, since I don't really like sourdough bread much, I'm going to try a chocolate sourdough cake I had at church at few weeks ago. It was incredible. And my little sous chefs liked it too.

-=-=-=-=-

Chocolate Sourdough Cake

6 tablespoons butter
1 cup sugar
2 eggs
1 cup sourdough starter
¾ cup milk
3 oz melted semisweet chocolate
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 ¾ cups sifted all purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
½ teaspoon salt

Preheat oven to 350F. Cream butter and sugar thoroughly. Add eggs and beat. Stir in starter, milk, chocolate, and vanilla and beat well. Sift together flour, soda, and salt. Fold the flour mixture into the batter and stir until smooth. Pour into greased pans and bake about 40 minutes for one square pan or 25 minutes for two round pans. Sprinkle over this moist cake sifted powdered sugar or mini chocolate chips.

Joy of Cooking

Happy Easter

The Night Before Easter

We had such a good time dying eggs yesterday (we celebrated a day early). While I had bought three different egg dying kits (I loved the marbled ones as a child and the new tie dye ones looked neat), we stuck with the traditional tablet in vinegar. I had remembered to boil the eggs the day before (Easter takes even more forethought than Christmas--and by next year we'll actually have to be sneaky about it all and hide things!) to let them cool overnight. With smocks on and paper everywhere on the table, DD and DS each got a set of cups with pink, yellow, and blue, plus a dipper which they ignored, and got to "painting" eggs. And of course they did it totally differently. DD liked to soak her eggs in a single color until she achieved a rich saturation; rarely did she even mix to make a solid orange or green. Her eggs glowed like jewels. DS, on the other hand, moved eggs from cup to cup before it could even get totally wet. His eggs came out these wonderful amalgams of color--pink with yellow and orange a tinge of blue and purple--rather like a muted sunset.

After dying eggs, and then cleaning up the downstairs of strewn toys, we set up all of our goodies on the porch: our empty baskets, the carton of dyed eggs, 4 carrots (one from each of us), and the cards the kids had made for the Easter Bunny. DS brought his drums and sang a "happy Easter" song. DD organized everything and danced along. And then, having read Gommie's bunny books, we were happily off to bed.



Baskets Full of Easter Joy

It will surprise no one in my family that I was up first. Eventually, we all made it downstairs (DD actually slept in until almost 8! But then they'd excitedly chatted until almost 9:30!) We went out to the porch, though DD noticed eggs in the house immediately, and set upon our filled baskets. DS noticed right away that the bunny had eaten the carrots. They loved the bags full of marshmallows--chocolate for DS and colored bunnies for DD--and tore into those pretty quickly, ignoring new pajamas, books, sugar eggs, and a big egg of plastic animals (though they eventually found those and began to play). DP had her favorites, Peeps, and I had mine, mini Cadbury eggs, plus previously mentioned spices from Penzey's! And a huge sugar scene egg, which I've always really liked. But mainly they ate and shared marshmallows while we ate our own candy. There were lots of spontaneous "thank you, Easter Bunnys" and "Happy Easters" as we sat on the porch.

Fifteen marshamllows later, we headed back inside with new plastic buckets because carrying the tall wicker ones was impractical. They saw a note that the Easter Bunny had written on the chalkboard--"Happy Easter! Thank you for the carrots. From " There was a drawing for carrots, and so DS returned again and again and could read the rebus note. DD isn't as interested in reading, letters, or numbers (more on her as a kinesthetic, or physical, learner later).

Let the egg hunt begin! The plastic eggs, with little animals, were all over the house. DD was really good at finding eggs. And even when we gave DS a few hints, DD got there first. Okay, DP tells me that sounds like he didn't find any, but of course he did, even some of the hard ones. But since they shared all the little plastic animals, when they eventually cracked them open at the very end, it didn't matter. Later, when Goo, Gong, and Ma arrived, we did our dyed egg hunt outside: DD wouldn't keep the few cracked ones, but handed them to DS or Gong, and once she encouraged DS to climb into our planter to fetch an egg for her! And he did. We also played with our cascarones, or confetti eggs, which I remember from living in San Antonio--you could buy these hollowed eggs filled with paper confetti during Fiesta and crack them on people's heads. Lo, and behold, the eggs were available at the grocery store this year. And so I bought two cartons. At first, DD just carried the box around but then we convinced her to open it and hit Mama on the head. Colorful confetti and cracked egg shell rained everywhere. Then the rest of us were baptized, sans DS, and paper littered the grass. It was lots of fun.

Then it was pretty much eating for the rest of the day, plus sometime inside play. We made blueberry punch again and DS did his best to devour the entire bowl. Mercy, that boy loves blueberries. We also had cha siu bao (or steamed pork buns), don tot (or egg custards), plus a lunch of chicken and rice, with bat chay (kinda like Napa cabbage). We read some of our new Chinese books, with Ma and Gong, as well as sang some of our songs, like the panda bear song and the little cat song. Ma had brought some eggs that slowly hatched little bunnies in water and we watched those crack as the afternoon passed. We also made a block-zoo with a lake and mountain for our little animals. Otherwise, I napped the afternoon away while they played bunny hop inside and pirate ship outside, with DD apparently telling Gong to get out of her way because she was looking for animals not people!


Easter, Take Two
On Sunday, we headed to church for our big egg hunt. Before leaving we made cards for the nursery lady, our minister, and one of our church friends. DD put stickers on folded paper, colored them, and glued down cut-out paper eggs. Then DS showed up to help. And we made a card for Gommie and Pop. We passed our cards out at church, put our Easter Lily on the altar for the service, and headed to the nursery. Then it was egg hunt time (though, DD had noticed the eggs right away when we arrived and was ready to go right then). Each child could find 12 eggs and so we headed out into the sunshine--but, even though we saw the plastic eggs everywhere, the kiddos were picky about which eggs they picked up. Eventually, we got our quota and headed inside to eat the candy. Lots of chocolate candy. They both unwrapped every piece and put them into their new bunny baskets, which church had given them to keep. It's now hours after church and they're still carting around the baskets full of unwrapped chocolate candy. We've had ham dinner with mac and cheese, though my odd kiddos don't like mac and cheese and just ate the ham and some corn. Later today, after rest time, we're going outside to clean our rock wall and sprinkled our packets of seeds. We've already found our tulip sprouts and growing crocuses, so spring is obviously on it's way.

Happy Easter!

The Wonder Years

Generation To Generation

In a house which becomes a home,
one hands down and another takes up
the heritage of mind and heart,
laughter and tears, musings and deeds.
Love, like a carefully loaded ship,
crosses the gulf between the generations.
Therefore, we do not neglect the ceremonies
of our passage: when we wed, when we die,
and when we are blessed with a child;
When we depart and when we return;
When we plant and when we harvest.
Let us bring up our children. It is not
the place of some official to hand to them
their heritage.
If others impart to our children our knowledge
and ideals, they will lose all of us that is
wordless and full of wonder.
Let us build memories in our children,
lest they drag out joyless lives,
lest they allow treasures to be lost because
they have not been given the keys.
We live, not by things, but by the meanings of things.
It is needful to transmit the passwordsf rom generation to generation.

Antoine de Saint-Exupery


Having read the first few sections of Parents as Spiritual Guides, by Roberta and Christopher Nelso, a UU book about whole-family spirituality, I've been thinking about some of the questions posed to parents. The first few exercises involve the definition of spirituality, why it's important to the parent, and the role of wonder in spirituality. And so, as I mentioned earlier, I'm going to journal about them here.

The book utilizes Dr. James Fowler's theories about spiritual development, from the undifferentiated faith of infants, through the mythic-literal faith of symbols and storytelling, to the Individuative-Reflective faith with its personally-constructed meanings, and, where I think I am now, the Paradoxical-Consolidative faith of recognizing the complexities of life and living with them (there are other stages and I don't know any of them well; this is just a quick mention of them). Apparently, for Fowler, the family is at the center of faith development, being the place where humans experience shared meanings and rituals, among other essential needs.

What is spirituality to me and why do I want to bring it to my kids? Spirituality, for me, is the valuing of things of the spirit, i.e. not consumer goods, not products, not posessions, but emotions such as love, wonder, gratitude, appreciation, responsibility, compassion, a feeling of connection to all living things, the questioning of the nature of the universe, a sense of a picture bigger than the here and now, my place in it all, as well as my contribution to it. What is that saying on coffee mugs? The most important things in life aren't things. In UU terms, it would be Principle 7, I think, the interconnectedness of all living things, plus Principle 1, the inherent worth and dignity of all people.

Such things haven't always interested me. For a long time, I confused and conflated religion and spirituality, rejecting both as I rejected Christianity, but they are not necessarily the same thing. I can be an atheist but still engaged in a spiritual quest. And so, several years ago, I began to consider such ideas. It has taken me away from a pessimistic and aggressive atheism, through a personal Wiccan interest in natural cycles and pagan traditions, to Unitarian Universalism, where I'm still an atheist with Wiccan leanings.

I should've noticed earlier, but my father, who never readily enters a church or finds much value in organized religion, is one of the most spiritually-alive people I know. He is a modern-day Thoreau, finding his communion with the universe in nature, respecting the world around him and taking care of it. He is particularly interested in ideas, reads a great deal, and engages in the issues of the day (he is one of the most well-informed people, as far as current events and political issues go). I remember as a child that he would exhort us to look out the window in the car at the world around us--look, there's the beaver dam on the way between Houston and Dallas--but I often didn't, of course, because children don't always. But of course, I want my children to look, too (see Dad, I was listening and learning, after all. Just a little late).

Do you know the joke about UUs? They are atheists with children! And that's exactly how it started. DP and I knew we wanted to have children and knew we wanted a spiritual community for them. She had been raised in a Buddhist household but sent to Catholic school for 12 years, not fitting in well either place; I was left to discover my own spiritual path and followed my mom's, but later in life, this atheism left me yearning for something else (for clarity: I don't regret not being raised with religion--I sampled lots of churches with friends--I just wished I'd found my spiritual home sooner. And thanks to art history and Cecil B. DeMille, I can identify many Bible stories). And so we checked out the local UU church, even before we were pregnant. And it's one of the best decisions we made--our specific community of friends who care for and encourage one another, our minister who has supported us with wisdom and kindness through many stressful times, the larger movement itself with its focus on liberal religious teachings and social justice. We go to church almost every week, leaving the children in the nursery for service and then spending fellowship hour together talking to friends. We had them dedicated there and are happy that they feel comfortable, happy, and loved there. And so now, as they get older, we're thinking of how to encourage their own innate spirituality. And for children, much of this centers around the concept of wonder--being able to recognize and appreciate the specialness and uniqueness of the world around them.

Nature is our path to wonder right now. The actual, physical world holds so many marvels for them, which in turns makes it marvelous for me: the tiny snow drop flowers pushing up out of the dried leaves; the tulip shoots starting to peek through next to our mailbox; the way the water rushes down the "waterfall" in the stream by our house; the half-moon visible during the day; the red tail hawk soaring overhead; birds' nests now visible in bare trees; squirrels chasing each other up and down our trees; a full rainbow in a rain-drenched sky; the way the wind dances in the trees; how gently-falling snow tastes on your tongue. We try to point out the world around them.

And last night it was the gorgeous full moon in a mostly clear and windy sky. It rose over the house next to us as we were getting the kids into bed. And so we watched it glow next to a tall pine, sometimes blocked by clouds, other times illuminating the sky. We checked back on its progress during storytime (we read Grandfather Twilight, about the man who carries a small pearl that grows larger and brighter as he spreads twilight around, until he puts the pearl into the night sky and goes to bed), and sang all our moon songs to it before we went to bed--"I See the Moon," "Sister Moon, Sister Moon," and "Moon, Moon, Moon."

The first thing we heard this morning? "Mommy, we don't see the moon. It's too sunny."

It's wonder-ful.

Two Cooks in the Kitchen

You've heard me talk about how much DS loves music. Well, it has just occurred to me what DD's obsession is. I mean, she likes animals, reading, playing food, but her most favorite thing to do is cooking. I can absolutely make her face light up by asking her to help me bake something. And in the last few days, she's gotten very serious about it. She asks if we're going to be working on the counter (for Penzey's Cinnamon Snack Cake as well as sugar cookie dough) or on the table (for rolling out sugar cookies and making both Irish brown and soda breads) or at the stove (for Rice Krispie treats and also wonton soup) or at the sink (for washing vegetables for Turkey Chowder)--yes, we've made a lot of things in the last week.

She likes to help me carry ingredients to the right location; she loves scooping with the measuring cups (if DS joins us, and he usually does about 1/2 way in, she lets him do the things with the measuring spoons); she loves turning on the Kitchen Aid mixer (with adult supervision, of course); she loves mixing the dry ingredients by hand; and she loves tasting. Then she'll check in on it periodically as it cooks, reminding me immediately to turn the oven light on. Today, when I told her we were making cinnamon snack cake, she even knew we needed flour and sugar. She then actually opened all the ingredients, like unscrewing the top of the cinnamon and opening the cannister of flour, so that they were ready (she does, however, draw the line at unwrapping butter, which she did last week and didn't like--made her hands too sticky to touch Shirt). And she often asks me what the recipe says, or where I got it, i.e. whose food is it (Gommie and Ar-Ma rank highly and are unquestioned in the kitchen). It's such fun, even when we make an absolute mess or have some trouble (like today, neither kiddo wanted me to bake the cake--they just wanted to eat it raw but I wouldn't let them).

I guess it's taken me a long time, too long, to figure out that this is her favorite activity, her hobby, just like DS loves anything with music (like watching Barney's episode with a brass quintet on demand, which we saw for the first time yesterday, and which was not on the menu today. Oh, how he cried. Oh, how that made DP and I want to cry). So, I think I'll get her some little spoons and cups of her own, maybe an apron and a kitchen towel--not the fake ones sold in a set for kids, but ones she can really use. And we can make her own cookbook with pictures of ingredients for her favorite recipes (she tends to like to bake, or, at least, I do, so that's what we do). And, of course, we'll cook more together.

Hmmmm, I wonder if she'd like to watch cooking shows on tv?

-=-=-=-=-=-

Just this morning, DD said to me, "Can I bake a cake by myself?" Then she stood up and said she was taller now. And could learn to drive a car.

Cakes are much safer.

-=-=-=-=-=-

Penzey's Cinnamon Snack Cake
This is the cake DD and I made today; she loved the crunchy topping (I've never cornstarch in a cake before--very light and fluffy).

1 Cup butter (2 sticks)
1 Cup sugar
1 tsp. PURE VANILLA EXTRACT
2 eggs (if you want to throw caution to the wind, 3 are even better--we used three)
1 Cup flour
1 Cup cornstarch
1 tsp. CHINA CINNAMON
1/2 tsp. baking powder
1/4 Cup milk

Topping:
2 TB. butter
1/3 Cup flour
1/4 Cup sugar
1/2 tsp. PURE VANILLA EXTRACT
1/4 tsp. CHINA CINNAMON

Preheat oven to 350°. Grease an 8x8" glass pan. In a large bowl, cream together butter and sugar, blending on high speed until well mixed. Add PURE VANILLA EXTRACT and eggs one at a time, blending well after each addition.

In a separate bowl, sift together the flour, cornstarch, CHINA CINNAMON and baking powder. It is particularly important to sift cornstarch. Add to the large bowl about a third at a time, blending on low speed to combine. Add the milk and blend until smooth. Pour or spoon into the baking dish and sprinkle on the topping.

To make the topping, cut cold butter into small pieces, combine with other dry ingredients in a small bowl, sprinkle with PURE VANILLA EXTRACT, and rub between your fingers until crumbly and blended. Bake at 350° for 45-50 minutes, until top springs back when lightly pressed or a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean.

Yield: 16 pieces.
Prep.time: 15 minutes.
Baking time: 45-50 minutes.

Penzey's catalog

Here, Mommy

We were upstairs today, playing, in the late afternoon, and DD was rifling through various parts of our room. Then, she walked over to me and said, "Here's some strawberry jelly." Before I could even look up and process this statement fully, I thought, "what is this girl talking about?"

But there she was, holding a jar of, well, actually Raspberry Enlightenment, a seasoned glaze from Penzey's.

Apparently, DP had stashed my Easter basket present in the clothes hamper.

I have told myself over and over never to doubt that girl; she's always right.

(Mom, it's Cave Canem, Second Generation!)

A Very Merry Unbirthday to You

I'm already thinking birthday parties, and the kiddos have summer birthdays! But birthday season among our friends has started, with two in the spring and the real rush beginning in June. For about 6 weeks, there will be a party almost every week. And that doesn't include 4 family birthdays between February and June.

I won't say birthday parties are a competition. I think we're all pretty level-headed about them, actually (for stories about people who are not, and ideas to combat party excess, see here). There have been several home parties, a few theme parties at special locations but nothing that seems exorbitant or outrageous for toddlers. But, with all the parties in our group, we do try to a). not have them the same weekend (this is harder than it sounds, especially with Memorial Day and July 4th) b). not do all the same activities and c). have a theme that represents our child(ren) and doesn't duplicate someone else. So, the "Princess" theme has just been beautifully executed, with foamy crowns to decorate, crown-shaped cake, and cute invitations. And a tour of a firehouse (okay, that last part was an anomaly but it was held in a firehouse--Dad is a volunteer--and he took the kiddos, both Princes and Princesses, down for a tour. DD had on her frilly party dress and her plastic fire hat, backwards, as she drove the big rig! The trend in favors is simple--and perfect--an iced, shaped theme cookie (these were crowns) and a molded chocolate lollipop (I'm convinced this last part is for the moms). Easy, no cheap Chinese plastic choking hazards, and cute. Later this spring, we're going to Build-a-Bear, which will be fun. The kids will make an animal of their choosing and then have cake in the mall. We're not to the performative present-opening yet, which is nice, and parties tend to last about 1 1/2 hours.

So, I'm thinking about ours. Last year, we did a backyard bubble theme, with tons of bubble wands and solution; there was even a bubble machine blowing out bubbles for decoration. Favors were more bubbles. We did it in the middle of the week, which meant no second parents (i.e. dads) and we could invite more kids (space and numbers are always a concern). We could do backyard again, weekday or weekend, even with bubbles, because they liked that so much. But I'm also thinking of our local nature center which lets you interact with a small animal, reptile, or bird; there is plenty of space to run around outside too. A friend of mine had a party there last year and says it was great--you can invite 12 friends, more than enough, and they will have lots of fun. We could do an animal or bird cake, similar cookies, easy, easy. I'll probably call pretty soon about a date, another reason to get a start this early.

I always had such fun at my own birthday parties--my mom (and sometimes even my dad--I'm thinking of the trip to the science museum to see the planetarium show) always made my parties fun (I didn't usually have my party on my actual birthday and for my birthday we usually went out to dinner as a family). We did planetarium shows, a movie trip (to see Yentl, of all things), backyard campouts in an actual tent (in December! It was Texas after all and not cold at all.), slumber parties, as well as the usual party with games, cake, and ice cream. I remember picking out the invitations and matching paper goods weeks in advance. And cake toppers! I once had the plastic Cinderella with white carriage, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, and perhaps, best of all, actual Star Wars action figures one year. It wasn't about the presents, though I do remember that opening them in front of everyone was a thing--fun for me, probably boring for everyone else-I'm so glad the toddlers aren't at this stage yet.

I'm sure you'll be hearing more about this in the next few months. I hope it's not as boring as watching other people open presents!