A Parent's Worst Nightmare*

A week or two ago, two different sets of neighborhood kids were allowed to walk across our main street alone. The first set--two 12 year-old girls--were allowed to cross the street directly to a deli under the watchful eye of a mom who even advised them on traffic patterns. About an hour later, another mom, walked away from the main street as two 10 year-olds pushed a youngster in the stroller and were accompanied by another little kid as they crossed the street and headed to the center of town by themselves.

I try to balance "helicopter" parenting and "free-range" parenting, seeing issues with both. I believe children need to be protected but also need independence to learn to protect themselves. I understand that the world is not actually any more dangerous than it has ever been, but that we hear about it more because of 24/7 "infotainment." I read that families and friends are actual more likely to hurt a child than a stranger. But I remember a pervert at our little neighborhood park trying to entice us to his car when I was about 10, so I know that when they exist the dangers are real. Even so, I tend to be more casual; Mama, who grew up in NYC during the rather rough 1970s and early 1980s, tends to be more hovering. So we balance each other out and have agreed on what's appropriate. Our six year-olds don't walk anywhere unaccompanied but can "get ahead" as long as I can see them and be heard by them. They can be in our backyard if I can see and hear them from the kitchen. If they're in front, I try not to leave them alone (but have, on occasion, to run inside for water or the phone, etc). And still they must be in a pair, not by themselves. They know our neighbors; we keep an eye on a list of local registered sex offenders. We've had the talk about strangers, though I never called it "stranger danger." They know not to go anywhere with anyone unless they know our family password. They don't take anything from strangers. They know that strangers shouldn't touch them. Anywhere. And that they can always tell Mama and me anything. We've role-played scenarios and have them practice yellling no and running away and the like.

And I'll be reviewing all of that with them in the next few days.

Because the tragedy of the 8 year-old boy kidnapped and dismembered in Brooklyn on the first day he was allowed to walk a few blocks by himself chills me to the very core (though, I am not saying that his parents are in any way at fault for letting him try or that any of the above would have helped him; only that I can't think of any other response and talking with my kids will at least keep the terror at bay and give me the illusion of protection) . My thoughts and prayers are with his family and his entire close-knit Hasidic community.

*There are several versions of this nightmare of the death of a child. This is another one.