Thoughts for the Moment

My mind is running in so many different directions these days--from birthday parties to acute-care facilities, and lots of places in between--that I thought I'd just put up a list of what's on my mind.

• One of my new favorite websites is Lifehacker, which has technological solutions and "hacks" to make life better. One of these is a Google Document to manage "end-of-life" information like who's your lawyer, where are your bank accounts, and when is your cat's annual appointment at the vet. Considering everything, I think it would be handy to have all that information in one, encrypted place accessible to the people who need to know. Like, what's the password to my blog so someone can post if something happens . . . .
• As per the above, see here for "DNR by Another Name," namely "allow natural death."
• The article "How to Talk to a Little Girl" is valuable reading if you ever interact with young (or any aged) girls. Basically, Lisa Bloom posits that we should engage young girls over something other than their looks--not commenting on how they look or what they're wearing but instead asking about what they are reading or like to do.
• The "Oxford" or Serial comma is again under attack, with Oxford University's PR dept dropping its use. I love this comma and use it, despite increasing movements against it. What, you say? This is the comma in a list, before the "and." As in "Mommy, Sis, and Bud," instead of "Mommy, Sis and Bud." I vividly remember my language arts teacher's instructions on this, revolving around a will in a legal case. Siblings A, B, and C were left money in the will, written as, "I leave all my money to A, B and C." A used saying B and C were a unit, not separated by commas and that the money was supposed to be divided between the two units. Meaning more money for A and less for B and C. A won. And I've always used the serial comma since then.
• I haven't done my Italian lessons in a few weeks, but I did watch several Italian movies and some Italian cooking shows, able to pick out words and meanings here and there (and I even noticed when the subtitles were a bit off!). And I've been dreaming about Rome and gelato . . . .
• I've been thinking a lot about compassion, first reading Pema Chodron's book, When Things Fall Apart, and practicing tonglen, and then watching Karen Armstrong's Ware Lecture at the annual UU General Assembly (I'm also thinking of getting her book, Twelve Steps to a Compassionate Life)--definitely worth the watch. Plus, of course, non-violent, or compassionate, communication. Compassion for self, compassion for loved ones and acquaintances, compassion for strangers. Feeling the connection, acting on the empathy. Because, I wonder, is compassion actually compassion if you do nothing? If I feel for someone but never do anything, does it matter that I felt it? In fact, without the action, can the feeling really be compassion? Doesn't compassion, real compassion, really compel us to act? Which begs a question: can you be too compassionate? You can't possible act on all your feelings of empathy, can you? I'm realizing that compassion is an extremely important concept for me and I have been surprised, even disappointed, when I have not readily or easily found it in others. Is there a reason why people reserve or restrict or withdraw their compassion?
• I talk and think a lot about "teachable moments," grasping the right time to instill a lesson. But reading Karen Maezen Miller today, I had my own moment. Bud and Sis draw their own lessons from their emotions and experiences and don't need my banging them over the head with what I think they should learn. Sure, manners and questions they ask me, I'll address. I will even ask about their difficult moments after the fact, just to check on what they were feeling and thinking. But interrupting their crying jag when one doesn't get invited to a party that the other does or their angry tantrum when one earns a trophy or medal the other doesn't? No discussion at that point is going to matter, much less help; it might actual inhibit their own personal teachable moment. Because there are some things Mommy can't teach you, some things you have to learn for yourself. (Though, Mommy can learn lots of things from other people!)