New Affirmations and Accomplishments

Looking back through old posts, it looks like it's been two years since I've written up activities and experiences that challenged me.  And since it's been a REALLY big two years, I need to record the really big ones:

• Thailand.  Everything about Thailand was challenging--long flight, language barrier, meeting new family, staying with in-laws, heat, activities--and I persevered.  My in-laws and their relatives were great and I treasure all the experiences.  Big ones:  the flight, the heat, Ayutthaya, climbing stairs at various temples, trying new foods, tons of walking, staying calm when I had an upset stomach.
• Italy.  Like Thailand, this was a big trip, though not nearly as challenging.  I loved showing Mama and the kids the places I've loved.  Biggest challenge:  all the walking, especially 10 miles in Pompeii on a hot day!!
• Texas trip.  I was proud that I managed it with a messed up foot and the extreme heat.  I also was proud that I managed to do Schlitterbahn for a full day, even if all I did was float in a lazy river.
• Seminary.  I took two seminary classes in spring 2019.  Both on Christianity, which is nowhere near my strong suit.  But I aced both classes.  Balancing class and parenthood was the real challenge; last time I was in grad school I was single, with nothing else to focus on.  Not anymore.  But I can do it.  Which is good because I applied for the Master of Divinity program and was accepted!  Yep, I finally decided that I did need to pursue my MDiv to be a credentialed chaplain.  And now I am starting that part of the journey.  I'll take three classes in the fall, two online and one in person.  Very exciting.  Very nerve-wracking.  But I am a great student, a good scholar, and a quick study on unfamiliar topics.  Which is good because fall entails Islam, sociology, and quantum physics!!
• CPE.  I don't think my 1 unit of Clinical Pastoral Education made my last list of Affirmations, though it was a full 18 months ago (winter 2018.)  It was very challenging--300 hours of clinical work at hospice, 100 hours of study and engagement, my first online course, and some real conflict with my supervisor who was a very judgmental fundamentalist, perhaps even Pentecostal, Southern Baptist.  He told me that I would never know joy unless I were a Christian and then complained that I had a bias against Christians; well, I definitely had one against him!  But I finished the course and got the credit.  Whew.  And at the end of the whole thing, I was hospitalized for 5 days on a trip to NJ with severe and inexplicable abdominal pain.  Goo jumped in, along with his folks, to take care of the kids and oversee the kung fu competition; Mama stayed with me.  And this was after a trip to our local ER a week earlier, where they found nothing wrong (within 10 days, I had 2 CT scans, x rays, etc. Later, I had ultrasounds and a colonoscopy.)  There was one more instance of severe pain a few months later, but it's nothing like it was 4 years ago.  Probably scar tissue + perimenopause and a possible partial obstruction.  I've been feeling better now for almost a year.  And I know what to look for (so that when I was violently ill with a bug in the winter, I knew it was an infection not something surgical.)
• Also on a medical note:  my partially-torn tendon with resulted in 2 weeks in a boot and then 6 weeks in a non-weight-bearing plaster cast.  I had to use a scooter because I was rubbish on crutches.  Hardest part:  not driving, because it was my right foot.  Also hard--stairs and showering (couldn't stand or get cast wet.)  At least I had a parking sticker, which I only used sometimes, but it helped at the BTS concert and a few other trips.  I liked my scooter and used it all over NJ (Memorial Day kung fu tournament), Texas (our trip to see my family), and local activities, like BTS at Met Life (which was AMAZING!!!!)  I learned that people are awkward around medical devices--they would cut in front of me or stumble/bumble--but most were very helpful.  There aren't enough parking spaces--often all would be taken up by people with stickers (I never experienced being blocked in or kept out by ableist drivers.)  And many entrances and bathrooms and spaces are just not scooter/crutch friendly.  My foot still hurts off and on, but I'm working on it in PT.

Recent Affirmations

Here we go from the last few months.

For the old lists, see my original list of Affirmations 
from March, April, October 2015, then March and June 2016, and June 2017 and here, and January and February 2018.

• Challenging CPE moments:  standing in for the priest for a Catholic family whose dad died unexpectedly; helping a teen whose father was dying; comforting a woman who wanted me to proselytize to her sister; ministering to a homecare patient on the phone until she trusted me to visit; the day the power went down and I stayed 9 hours straight; picnic table lunches with the chaplain; attending different IDT meetings;
• driving Bud to Quassy by myself and staying all day;
• more driving and errands, without my brace even;
• attending three orchestra concerts in one week;
• another Indigo Girls concert, with dinner first!
• attending compass class--and reading the compass!
• spending an evening at the Met alone with Mama to see 4 exhibitions!
• sitting through almost 3 hours of Infinity Wars;
• helping to shovel some snow and clean off the cars;
• outdoor cooking with Girl Scouts;
• taking the cats to the vet by myself;
• field trips to new worship communities for RE--AME, Hindu, Muslim;
• birding in the parks and at the beaches;
• Mindfulness retreat with Mama Goose at Copper Beech;
• finishing my online modules for my CPE, all 60 hours of them;
• grief over Murphy moving "home";
• another Zentangle retreat at Copper Beech, with my crazy and inspiring walk in the snow and ice to see the labyrinth, and all that drawing;
• Recovering from my Feb. 13 back muscle strain in about a week;

• Last but not least, ITALY!! (these are just the challenges, not just a list of fun parts, which is here.)
• long flights to and from Italy;
• walking on all that cobblestone;
• on average, 10 miles of walking a day!!!!
• traversing the slippery stairs to see the cats;
• all those stairs at the Vatican as we tried to see all the highlights!
• all the new places we went and things we tried (horses, cats, museums, restaurants, and churches);
• POMPEII by train and then by foot, all those stones, all that up and down, and it was the warmest day;
• pulling suitcases on cobblestone;
• riding the trains;
• the Duomo Museum, Uffizi, and David all in one day in Florence;
• going up and down those Venetian bridges--with suitcases!
• the steep stairs to our room in the palazzo;
• tripping on a step and yet still saving my gelato panini!
• riding in a gondola (the idea always made me kinda nervous);
• all the stairs at the Doge's palace, particularly in the "new" prison;
• speaking Italian;
• navigating the streets that were once so familiar;
• eating 20+ flavors of gelato--with NO guilt!!

Affirmations

Here we go, more achievements and affirmations:

• part-time hospice work (about 15 hours a week, for 300 hours in 5 months)
• starting CPE modules and unit cohort work (about 200 hours)
• Zentangle retreat--DRIVING myself, lots of tangling, walking to the very icy labyrinthe!
• Driving--30 minutes to hospice, 40 minutes to see a play with Girl Scouts, 55 minutes to Zentangle retreat--new personal records all in one week!
• Girl Scout overnight--archery, sleeping on the floor, walking on snow in dark
• bike riding on a few warm days in a row, going fast (for me)
• treadmilling at my highest rate yet!
• applying, interviewing, and earning spot in CPE spring unit!
• Speedskating weekend, including:
• driving farther than I have since my back issues
• driving after a blizzard (though the roads were great!) at night
• lugging all the supplies for the competition
• taking care of Sis by myself out and about for the whole time (pretty easy, but still!)
• overseeing the hospitality room at the competition
• working the hospitality room for 10 hours!
• driving home despite being tired
• and then driving to church the next morning!!!!
• our trip to DC, with very cold weather and full day spent at museums
• holding down the household when Mama had the flu
• braving a back spasm in October and recovering after a few days
• not wearing my brace for hospice, shopping, birding, piano playing, zoo, etc.
• restarting my treadmill habit!
• walking in ice and snow, which usually scares me
• wearing jeans (which have bothered my back, in the past)
• and a few I didn't ever list from last year
• all the sightseeing in NJ in the awful heat
• Hog Island Camp, especially the full-day hike!!!  
• Opera, Broadway shows, and lots of movies (all that sitting)

For the old lists, see my original list of Affirmations is from March, April, October 2015, then March and June 2016, and June 2017 and here)

2018 Affirmations

Here we go, more achievements and affirmations:

• applying, interviewing, and earning spot in CPE spring unit!
• Speedskating weekend, including:
• driving farther than I have since my back issues
• driving after a blizzard (though the roads were great!) at night
• lugging all the supplies for the competition
• taking care of Sis by myself out and about for the whole time (pretty easy, but still!)
• overseeing the hospitality room at the competition
• working the hospitality room for 10 hours!
• driving home despite being tired
• and then driving to church the next morning!!!!
• our trip to DC, with very cold weather and full day spent at museums
• holding down the household when Mama had the flu
• braving a back spasm in October and recovering after a few days
• not wearing my brace for hospice, shopping, birding, piano playing, zoo, etc.
• restarting my treadmill habit!
• walking in ice and snow, which usually scares me
• wearing jeans (which have bothered my back, in the past)
• and a few I didn't ever list from last year
• all the sightseeing in NJ in the awful heat
• Hog Island Camp, especially the full-day hike!!!  
• Opera, Broadway shows, and lots of movies (all that sitting)

For the old lists, see my original list of Affirmations is from March, April, October 2015, then March and June 2016, and June 2017 and here)

Affirmations--Adding to My List

I've leveled up!  Bud's been checking my fluency with videogame parlance.  So, achievements unlocked:

• going for a boat ride!
• swimming in the bay!
• riding a ferris wheel!
• driving ever further (30+ minutes)
• first day with my new badge at hospice
• hiking to the chapel at Trapp Family Lodge
• hiking along the ridge of Mt. Mansfield
• hiking up the rock/root scramble at Moss Glen Falls
• wading in the stream at Moss Glen Falls!
• exploring the gunboat at Lake Champlain Maritime Museum
• went for mammogram (clean!)
• driving to hospice (30+ minutes)
• driving to deliver a church meal (30+ minutes)
• gardening--clearing the back and front beds
• juggling with and without brace
• three shifts as snack supervisor at the play
• 5 days in auditorium seats!
• working town festival

For the old lists, see my original list of Affirmations is from March, April, October 2015, then March and June 2016, and June 2017.

New Affirmations

Starting a whole new list of things I'm proud of doing, things that challenge me:

• hiking to the chapel at Trapp Family Lodge!!
• hiking along the ridge of Mt. Mansfield!!
• hiking up the rock/root scramble at Moss Glen Falls!!
• wading in the stream at Moss Glen Falls!
• exploring the gunboat at Lake Champlain Maritime Museum
• went for mammogram (clean!)
• driving to hospice (30+ minutes)
• driving to deliver a church meal (30+ minutes)
• gardening--clearing the back and front beds
• juggling with and without brace
• three shifts as snack supervisor at the play
• 5 days in auditorium seats!
• working town festival

For the old lists, see my original list of Affirmations is from March, April, October 2015, then March and June 2016, and June 2017.

BIG Affirmations

Affirmations Continued

Here's another update to my Affirmations list  (my original list of Affirmations is from March, April, October 2015, then March and June 2016.) 

As you know, every now and then I need a confidence boost.  You have probably figured out that I often underestimate my abilities, am hard on myself, and get anxious about it all.  So here is my list of times I overcame all that, proof that I can do it again!  New bullet items are in bold.

I have not had severely debilitating back pain since 2010.  Three years ago, Memorial Day 2014 when I had back pain, I still functioned and did things.  My surgery was almost two years ago, and, despite a weight gain caused by steroids etc., I am so much better.  

Recently, I have successfully navigated:

• going into NYC for 13 hours by myself!!!!  Swaying trains, lots of walking, awful conference chairs--no back pain or much anxiety!!!!!!  SO PROUD!!!!!  I love NYC!
• walking the Bronx Zoo for three hours with no back brace!
• driving 30+ minutes both ways to new hospice place!
• INTERVIEWING for new volunteer hospice position (twice--volunteer coordinator AND senior chaplain)--and getting the position!!!
• middle school orientations and all the end-of-year activities;
• going to the doctor on my own without much anxiety;
• doing a big, busy weekend all by myself (Mama was on retreat), with lots of driving, a horse show, and speedskating;
• managing conflict without avoiding it;
• singing alone and acapella in front of 30 students and a voice coach;
• Kripalu Yoga Dance; 
• walking the Kripalu labyrinth without a brace; 
• volunteering at an all-day speedskating event;
• teaching a Zentangle class to 22 students;
• attending the opera despite a mild stomach bug;
• conflict and confrontation at a meeting;
• hiked Sleeping Giant for 2+ hours, starting off without my brace;
• hikes at the Appalachian Trail, Thundering Brook, Quechee Gorge, Webb Mountain, East Rock Park, Roosevelt Forest, and others;
• riding in a wagon at a parade, waving to crowds, for more than an hour;
• exploring the top of a mountain, Mt. Equinox;
• extended walking on ice (in new great boots!);
• Hawk Watch 2016 at Audubon Greenwich and elsewhere;
• Snowy Owling walks;
• Just Dance with Bud;
• morning walks at the zoo without brace;
• baking challah with hospice patient over two visits;
• three-hour schooner ride in LI Sound;
• walked the High Line;
• our big Florida trip--Universal Studios Harry Potter World!!!!;
• a long 5-day workshop to become a Certified Zentangle Teacher;
• a retreat at Kripalu;
• my piano recital of "Greensleeves";
• explorations of Providence (before CZT), Philadelphia (before a friend's installation), Northampton/Western Mass (with Historic Deerfield, Magical Wings, and Webs Yarn Store!!);
• a nighttime Owl Prowl and a hike up a mountain to see wolves; 
• Gong's citizenship ceremony;
• a Taize service;
• volunteering and attending the school play for three days;
• festival at historic house with games and activities;
• giving several historic house tours;
• filmed historic house video;
• teaching my very first Zentangle class to adults and then my first class to students;
• purchasing and riding a bicycle;
• visiting Connecticut Hospice;
• HAMILTON!
• extra driving to and from play, to doctors' offices, etc;
• gone to the movies;
• pushed a cart at the store without my brace;
• evening performances at Lincoln Center and Broadway;
• the all-day rehearsal time and then performance of Bud's kung fu at Lincoln Center;
• walking 10 blocks, eating in a restaurant, and walking back 10 blocks;
• back-to-back museum exhibitions;
• test driving and buying a new car;
• conducting various GS meetings (including Bronze Award!) and standing at the GS cookie booth;
• being in charge--rides, meals, chores, etc.--as the only adult for the whole weekend;
• parented alone for a whole weekend, with all the driving and meals etc;
• complete a huge crocheted blanket;
• passing my CPR test, with 3+ minutes of demonstration of compressions, etc.;
• driving Bud to a performance, staying to watch, and driving home;
• walking the marsh and the beach to look for the Snowy Owl;
• lightsaber sparring with Bud; 
• cleaning the porch with Mama;
• pick up dear Mr. P and carry him when he was ill;
• walked on rocky/shelly beaches looking sea glass (home and Block Island);
• attending a weekend knitting retreat (with lots of sitting!);
• walking labyrinths (at retreat and Block Island);
• walking on wooded paths, where I saw an owl (retreat);
• attended several parties;
• sat through SW7 three times (once followed by dinner!);
• Chinese New Year, with several sessions of kneeling to pray;
• regular doctors' appointments;
• one word:  colonoscopy;
• and more that I can't even remember.

Affirmations Continued

Here's another update to my Affirmations list  (my original list of Affirmations is from March, April, October 2015, then March and June 2016.) 

As you know, every now and then I need a confidence boost.  You have probably figured out that I often underestimate my abilities, am hard on myself, and get anxious about it all.  So here is my list of times I overcame all that, proof that I can do it again!  New bullet items are in bold.

I have not had severely debilitating back pain since 2010.  Two and a half years ago, Memorial Day 2014 when I had back pain, I still functioned and did things.

My surgery was almost two years ago and I am so much better.  

• I can drive as far and more than I did before my surgery.
• I can do so many things without my brace:  go on outings, play the piano, cook dinner, push the cart around the grocery store, fold the laundry, unload the dishwasher, watch tv from the couch, sit to meditate, sit at the dinner table, clean the litterboxes, meditating on my zafu/cushion, and do all of my stretches and exercises.  And I can do several of these in a row in one day without any problem, most days.  Some of these were hard before surgery; my PT thinks my core might be stronger than before.
• I know what foods most upset my system and can work around them.
• I am more skillful at staying in the present when I have pain or anxiety.

Recently, I have successfully navigated:

• singing alone and acapella in front of 30 students and a voice coach;
• Kripalu Yoga Dance; 
• walking the Kripalu labyrinth without a brace; 
• volunteering at an all-day speedskating event;
• teaching a Zentangle class to 22 students;
• attending the opera despite a mild stomach bug;
• conflict and confrontation at a meeting;
• hiked Sleeping Giant for 2+ hours, starting off without my brace;
• hikes at the Appalachian Trail, Thundering Brook, Quechee Gorge, Webb Mountain, East Rock Park, Roosevelt Forest, and others;
• riding in a wagon at a parade, waving to crowds, for more than an hour;
• exploring the top of a mountain, Mt. Equinox;
• extended walking on ice (in new great boots!);
• Hawk Watch 2016 at Audubon Greenwich and elsewhere;
• Snowy Owling walks;
• Just Dance with Bud;
• morning walks at the zoo without brace;
• baking challah with hospice patient over two visits;
• three-hour schooner ride in LI Sound;
• walked the High Line;
• our big Florida trip--Universal Studios Harry Potter World!!!!;
• a long 5-day workshop to become a Certified Zentangle Teacher;
• a retreat at Kripalu;
• my piano recital of "Greensleeves";
• explorations of Providence (before CZT), Philadelphia (before a friend's installation), Northampton/Western Mass (with Historic Deerfield, Magical Wings, and Webs Yarn Store!!);
• a nighttime Owl Prowl and a hike up a mountain to see wolves; 
• Gong's citizenship ceremony;
• a Taize service;
• volunteering and attending the school play for three days;
• festival at historic house with games and activities;
• giving several historic house tours;
• filmed historic house video;
• teaching my very first Zentangle class to adults and then my first class to students;
• purchasing and riding a bicycle;
• visiting Connecticut Hospice;
• HAMILTON!
• extra driving to and from play, to doctors' offices, etc;
• gone to the movies;
• pushed a cart at the store without my brace;
• evening performances at Lincoln Center and Broadway;
• the all-day rehearsal time and then performance of Bud's kung fu at Lincoln Center;
• walking 10 blocks, eating in a restaurant, and walking back 10 blocks;
• back-to-back museum exhibitions;
• test driving and buying a new car;
• conducting various GS meetings (including Bronze Award!) and standing at the GS cookie booth;
• being in charge--rides, meals, chores, etc.--as the only adult for the whole weekend;
• parented alone for a whole weekend, with all the driving and meals etc;
• complete a huge crocheted blanket;
• passing my CPR test, with 3+ minutes of demonstration of compressions, etc.;
• driving Bud to a performance, staying to watch, and driving home;
• walking the marsh and the beach to look for the Snowy Owl;
• lightsaber sparring with Bud; 
• cleaning the porch with Mama;
• pick up dear Mr. P and carry him when he was ill;
• walked on rocky/shelly beaches looking sea glass (home and Block Island);
• attending a weekend knitting retreat (with lots of sitting!);
• walking labyrinths (at retreat and Block Island);
• walking on wooded paths, where I saw an owl (retreat);
• attended several parties;
• sat through SW7 three times (once followed by dinner!);
• Chinese New Year, with several sessions of kneeling to pray;
• regular doctors' appointments;
• one word:  colonoscopy;
• and more that I can't even remember.

Affirmations 2016, Continued

Here's another update to my Affirmations list  (my original list of Affirmations is from last March, April, October, and then March 2016.) 

I have not had severely debilitating back pain in almost 5 whole years (my major episode was 6 years ago!)  Two years ago, Memorial Day 2014 when I had back pain, I still functioned and did things.

My surgery was more than a year ago and I am so much better.  

• I can drive as far and walk as much as I did before my surgery.
• I can do so many things without my brace:  go on outings, play the piano, cook dinner, push the cart around the grocery store, fold the laundry, unload the dishwasher, watch tv from the couch, sit to meditate, sit at the dinner table, clean the litterboxes, meditating on my zafu/cushion, and do all of my stretches and exercises.  And I can do several of these in a row in one day without any problem, most days.  Some of these were hard before surgery; my PT thinks my core might be stronger than before.
• I know what foods most upset my system and can work around them.
• I am more skillful at staying in the present when I have pain or anxiety.

Recently, I have successfully navigated:

• a long 5-day workshop to become a Certified Zentangle Teacher;
• a retreat at Kripalu;
• my piano recital of "Greensleeves";
• explorations of Providence (before CZT), Philadelphia (before a friend's installation), Northampton/Western Mass (with Historic Deerfield, Magical Wings, and Webs Yarn Store!!);
• a nighttime Owl Prowl and a hike up a mountain to see wolves; 
• Gong's citizenship ceremony;
• a Taize service;
• volunteering and attending the school play for three days;
• festival at historic house with games and activities;
• giving several historic house tours;
• filmed historic house video;
• teaching my very first Zentangle class to adults and then my first class to students;
• purchasing and riding a bicycle;
• visiting Connecticut Hospice;
• HAMILTON!
• extra driving to and from play, to doctors' offices, etc;
• gone to the movies;
• pushed a cart at the store without my brace;
• evening performances at Lincoln Center and Broadway;
• the all-day rehearsal time and then performance of Bud's kung fu at Lincoln Center;
• walking 10 blocks, eating in a restaurant, and walking back 10 blocks;
• back-to-back museum exhibitions;
• test driving and buying a new car;
• conducting various GS meetings (including Bronze Award!) and standing at the GS cookie booth;
• being in charge--rides, meals, chores, etc.--as the only adult for the whole weekend;
• parented alone for a whole weekend, with all the driving and meals etc;
• complete a huge crocheted blanket;
• passing my CPR test, with 3+ minutes of demonstration of compressions, etc.;
• driving Bud to a performance, staying to watch, and driving home;
• walking the marsh and the beach to look for the Snowy Owl;
• lightsaber sparring with Bud; 
• cleaning the porch with Mama;
• pick up dear Mr. P and carry him when he was ill;
• walked on rocky/shelly beaches looking sea glass (home and Block Island);
• attending a weekend knitting retreat (with lots of sitting!);
• walking labyrinths (at retreat and Block Island);
• walking on wooded paths, where I saw an owl (retreat);
• attended several parties;
• sat through SW7 three times (once followed by dinner!);
• Chinese New Year, with several sessions of kneeling to pray;
• regular doctors' appointments;
• one word:  colonoscopy;
• and more that I can't even remember.

Affirmations 2016

My affirmation list has gotten longer and I realized that it desperately needed an update (my original list of Affirmations is from last March, April, and then again in October.)  So, I'm making a new one, mainly for this year.

I have not had severely debilitating back pain in almost 5 whole years (my major episode was 6 years ago!)  Two years ago, Memorial Day 2014 when I had back pain, I still functioned and did things.

My surgery was almost a year ago and I am so much better.  

• I can drive as far and walk as much as I did before my surgery.
• I can do so many things without my brace:  go on outings, play the piano, cook dinner, push the cart around the grocery store, fold the laundry, unload the dishwasher, watch tv from the couch, sit to meditate, sit at the dinner table, clean the litterboxes, meditating on my zafu/cushion, and do all of my stretches and exercises.  And I can do several of these in a row in one day without any problem, most days.  Some of these were hard before surgery; my PT thinks my core might be stronger than before.
• I know what foods most upset my system and can work around them.
• I am more skillful at staying in the present when I have pain or anxiety.

Recently, I have successfully navigated:

• evening performances at Lincoln Center and Broadway;
• the all-day rehearsal time and then performance of Bud's kung fu at Lincoln Center;
• walking 10 blocks, eating in a restaurant, and walking back 10 blocks;
• back-to-back museum exhibitions;
• test driving and buying a new car;
• conducting various GS meetings (including Bronze Award!) and (soon) standing at the GS cookie booth;
• being in charge--rides, meals, chores, etc.--as the only adult for the whole weekend;
• (soon) parented alone for a whole weekend, with all the driving and meals etc;
• complete a huge crocheted blanket;
• passing my CPR test, with 3+ minutes of demonstration of compressions, etc.;
• driving Bud to a performance, staying to watch, and driving home;
• walking the marsh and the beach to look for the Snowy Owl;
• lightsaber sparring with Bud; 
• cleaning the porch with Mama;
• pick up dear Mr. P and carry him when he was ill;
• walked on rocky/shelly beaches looking sea glass (home and Block Island);
• attending a weekend knitting retreat (with lots of sitting!);
• walking labyrinths (at retreat and Block Island);
• walking on wooded paths, where I saw an owl (retreat);
• attended several parties;
• sat through SW7 three times (once followed by dinner!);
• Chinese New Year, with several sessions of kneeling to pray;
• regular doctors' appointments;
• one word:  colonoscopy;
• and more that I can't even remember.

More Affirmations

I posted a list of Affirmations I use to buck up my confidence back in March, actually a week before my surgery, and again four weeks later in April.  I realize I could add several big things to it.  So, here we go, my recent list of accomplishments:

I can walk.
I can pick stuff off the floor.
I can shop and push the cart.
I can drive all the way to church, 25 minutes.
I can play the piano without wearing my brace briefly.
I can take a bath.
I can get dressed all by myself. 
I can unload the dishwasher.
I can wash dishes.
I can cook dinner
I can do the laundry and even fold it.
I can blog.
I can crochet.

I have not had severely debilitating back pain in almost 4 whole years (my major episode was 6 years ago!)

Last Memorial Day 2014 when I had back pain, I still functioned and did things.

My surgery was seven months ago and I am much better.

I know how to cope with pain.

I know how to cope with fear.

I know there will be pain and fear and I am ready.

I can be calm in a crisis.

I can accept that I am not in control.

I have compassion for myself.

I have the tools I need--meds, heat pack, brace, stretches, rest.

I have great support and understanding in Mama and the kids, my parents and my sister.

I have the time and resources to take it easy.

I've survived and thrived:

• On trips to
• ENGLAND! and Cardiff!
• Girl Scout overnight, on the floor, at Old Sturbridge Village!! (this one gets forgotten because it was three days before my emergency)
• Girl Scout overnight, sleeping in a ship's berth at Mystic Seaport (and carrying my gear to the ship and then walking around for hours)
• Disney World (even though EPCOT was hard, I got through it)
• Washington DC
• Boston
• Philadelphia
• Houston and environs
• Block Island (twice!)
• our nano-honeymoon in NYC (twice!)
• Experiences such as
• doing my hospice work, sitting at people's bedsides and holding their hands
• lighting a fire and cooking over it
• going swimming
• teaching RE
• taking GS outdoor class Food, Fire, & Fun
• taking archery and becoming certified as an instructor
• passing First Aid and CPR--I can give mouth-to-mouth and use an AED
• riding on parade floats and giving a lecture on costuming in full corseted costume
• giving historic house tours
• sitting and standing for hours at kung fu competition
• sitting at the piano and play "Finlandia"
• learning ASL
• going on retreat by myself for two nights all alone--including sitting at length, creating art, taking yoga
• winning 4 stars on Just Dance, dancing to "Bang, Bang"
• playing basketball with the kids
• playing water basketball with the kids at the Y
• going to long movies
• going to Lion King, Phantom of the Opera, Les Mis, Wicked, Vagina Monologues, Fun Home, Spring Awakening, Matilda
• walking all day at Comic Con (and other long walks--at Trunk or Treat, fairy houses, Mystic, NYC, etc.)
• building fairy houses and nature mandalas
• wandering around museums
• eating in restaurants at night
• walking in the snow
• making snow angels
• going canoeing
• I can do 
• laundry
• baking
• unloading the dishwasher
• walking on the treadmill
• sitting on the floor with the cats
• taking a real bath

I did all that.  I can do what comes next.