Monday Blues

It's chilly and blustery here, pouring rain, more like New England spring than yesterday's 70F.  But we need the rain.

I also think of it as the weather sympathizing with the kids being back in school!

I'm home, my first full day at home alone, though I had practice doing several hours alone already.  Fighting some mental boogeymen today.  When I start to have normal aches and pains that come and go, I begin to worry that something bad is happening all over again, though I don't meet any of the criteria set forth by the doctor:  no vomiting, no nausea, no fever, no pain (meaning persistent or unresponsive to meds), no lack of gas or bowel movement.  I'm healing, doing well. Even the infection is drying up. But I still feel relatively mediocre, some days more than others, depending.  I think I've been undermedicating.  I was trying not to need pain pills--perhaps proof that I was healing--when instead it just overwhelmed me to be uncomfortable.  So I'm going to be more diligent about them, to recognize when my body is tired.  And, no, Lambeth, I'm not overdoing it.  No carrying, just walking, can't bend to pick stuff up, no cleaning, no cooking, no chores.  But, even so, it was major surgery and I still hurt sometimes.

It takes some getting used to.

And sometimes, like today, it taps into my deepest fears and anxieties.  Then I have to use all my mindfulness training not to fret about an unknown future, to stay in the present . . . . and sometimes I'm better at it than others.  Which is why I watch a lot of tv!  (Right now, AMC's Revolutionary War show, "Turn.")

"Keep calm and carry on," one breath at a time.

Spring Break Saturday

My in-laws, who returned from Thailand about 10 days ago, came to see us today.  They took Sis to skating and then everybody (well, not me) went for lunch at Bud's favorite sushi restaurant.  I stayed home, eating leftovers and watching the AMC series about Revolutionary War spies, "Turn."  When they came home, we spent the afternoon hanging out, very subdued.  Everybody was pretty tired.  Though, we did gather enough energy that Sis, Bud, and I performed our piano recital pieces for practice.

After my in-laws left, we decided to get pizza and watch a movie.  So with cheese pizza, Hawaiian pizza, chicken fingers, and salad with ranch dressing, we settled in for Transformers: Age of Extinction, a long, loud, violent, fast-paced show.  Perhaps a little too much.  We've let the kids see lots of PG-13s, but Bud took the death of one of the characters very personally this time.  I suppose, circumstances being what they are, that's not surprising.

Tomorrow, we'll probably be even less structured--no lessons, no visitors, just hanging out.

On Her Way, with My Thanks

Gommie is on her way back to Texas this morning.  It has been quite a two weeks, from her arrival just days after I got out of the hospital, through Easter and then spring break, and a lot of good and bad days in between.

Almost five years ago, when Gommie and Pop had stayed with us for several weeks after my initial back injury, I wrote a thank-you post about the gift they'd given me.  In subsequent thank yous--for their help in April/May 2011 for my second back injury, in August/September 2012 for Mama's surgery and infection--I've referenced that post.

And I'll point to it again because it's true.

But I'll rephrase it.

Being a mom is tough.  Watching your kids hurt is hard.  Being helpless is so difficult.  And my mom willingly waded into all of that when she came up here to help us post-surgery.  I'm spoiled by her constant love and support because I never doubted she would come and help; but it has become clearer to me how many people don't have loved ones who will drop everything to help them.  And I know how lucky I am.  I felt that luck every time she packed a lunch, washed dishes, loaded the dishwasher, did laundry, took out the garbage, entertained the kids, tried to cheer me up or distract me, made a few meals, even fed the cats.  She did everything and more that she could do so that Mama could go back to work and not have to do everything on her own, as she had been doing before Gommie arrived.   And she did it all in a house that is more cluttered, smaller, and differently-organized that her own, with two grandkids underfoot who wanted her love and attention.  And not even a room to call her own, sleeping on a bottom bunk with Sis on the floor next to her, all of us sharing a bathroom upstairs.

And with that all, she watched me grimace in discomfort, heard me make difficult phone calls about clots and insurance and prescriptions, knew that I was tired, in pain, totally grossed out and upset about my incision, and sometimes just grumpy because major emergency surgery sucks.  Even last night, just hours before she was leaving, she woke up and saw our light on at 3 am and worried (I was wide awake and very uncomfortable, not pain, just awake and unsettled, and having a major emotional panic.  It happens.  I'm much better this morning.)    She had her own discomfort, too, sometimes, in her knees and back.  We laughed as we shuffled along together.  'Cos what else are you going to do?

But with all that going on, we still had lots of fun.  There was Scrabble and Sushi Go and Camp games, doodling on tiles and shells, making bubble gum from a kit with Bud, playing American Girl doll salon with Sis, early morning cuddles, late night reading, trying Just Dance moves to "YMCA,"  Mario Kart hilarity, watching Battle of Five Armies, watching Neil Degrasse Tyson's "Cosmos," scrambled egg breakfasts, watching "Switched at Birth" and "Little House on the Prairie" with Sis, watching Grey Gardens, "Mr. Selfridge" and "Wolf Hall" and "Miss Fisher's Mysteries" with me, going to the rope obstacle course, going to the coastal bird refuge, going to the natural science museum, dyeing Easter eggs and celebrating Easter, building fairy houses, eating hibachi and then frozen yogurt, eating at the fish restaurant.  And lots more that I'm forgetting this morning, I'm sure.

So, we send you home to Texas with our love and gratitude for these last two weeks and for being you, Gommie, my mom, who gave me yet another gift, or lesson, in generosity, determination, dedication.  In love and motherhood.

Thanks, Mom.  I love you.

The Further Adventures of Gommie and the Kids

Today, the last full day that Gommie is with us, she took the kiddos to a coastal preserve, to walk the shore and see some birds.  Sis took her birdwatcher's book and Gommie took our binoculars.  They saw osprey and piping plovers, neither of which Sis had on her lifetime list.  On a down note, the staff said they'd seen the snowy owl a week or so ago--I'd given up at least a month before that.  Oh, well, hopefully next year.  Besides, I saw the real Hedwig, which has to count for something.

And then they all went to hibachi!  Yum!  The kids love "herbachi," as they used to call it and got their usual favorites--chicken with noodles and fried rice for Sis, shrimp with noodles and fried rice for Bud. They picked up frozen yogurt on the way home and brought me a bowl--I love it with almonds, coconut, and raspberries (though, the tart plain which I usually love is non-fat at this place, new to me, and was pretty disgusting.  Oh, well, the toppings made up for it some.)

It was such a busy day that they only had time to drop off my yogurt before heading to haircuts, which they desperately needed.  Though, now they look like newly shorn spring sheep.  Sis looks much younger than her age for now and Bud looks more his age and no longer looks like a tween with floppy Bieber hair.

Gommie got a well-deserved break (though, she spent it doing laundry and packing) while the kids played zombie attack in the yard for hours.

And so ends our last full day with Gommie.  Always bittersweet.

Treetop Adventures

Yesterday, Gommie took the kids to a rope course, which they'd been to on a GS family outing before.  They were so excited to try it again.  Gommie watched from below as they climbed, zipped, balanced, and navigated all the clips and tweezles, etc., sticking together as a team the whole time.  It was a beautiful day, with lots of sunshine and a stiff breeze, and Gommie enjoyed both watching and enjoying the outdoors.

Meanwhile, I stayed home alone and watched "The Fall," with Gillian Anderson sporting her British accent (she is bi-dialectal, having lived in both London and the midwest US as a child.)  And then I walked to the local deli down the street--just about half a city block--to get my lunch.  All.  By.  Myself.    So excited, so proud.  Best.  Lunch.  Ever.  So a pretty good day for us all.

Still Doing Well

I'm doing pretty well.  Another good day yesterday and a full night's sleep.  A rough bit at bedtime--I'm still redefining bland, non-gassy food--but walking and gingerale helped.  

It's a beautiful day and I'll get lots of nice, short walks in.  The kids are off doing another fun thing with Gommie.  Yesterday, they went to a Samurai exhibit at the science museum, even wrote "sword" in Japanese kanji.   But, I heard more about the gift shop! Bud got Gommie a little purple "amethyst" geode.  Sis got some quartz and some little plastic animals.   And then they had lunch at the fish place.  

We're so glad Gommie can be here to help the kids have a fun and relaxing spring break (because I'm pretty boring!)

More Fairy Houses

And this one is Gommie's . . . .

Beginning Blossoms

I love that I went into the hospital when it still felt and looked like winter and that I came home to spring!  We have snow drops, crocuses, new-to-me glory of the snow, and the very first stalks of tulips and daffodils.  Plus, my favorite, favorite hyacinths!!!  I love these flowers, with their bubbly blossoms and amazing scent.  I'll buy the old past-peak ones on discount at the store and then plant the bulbs for the next year. (See, I have to enjoy my flowers outdoors because the cats will eat them and many plants are toxic.)  I think I have 15 coming up in the yard right now.  And even though it is a dreary day, it cheers me to see them coming.  Soon, I'll be able to sit on my favorite bench, after my "surgical shuffle" driveway walk, and breathe in the lovely fragrance.

Kidbits etc.

Today was the first day of Fairy House season 2015!  The kids were up and at 'em by 8:30 this morning.  What is it with not sleeping in during vacation??  Anyway, it's the second or third day in a row that they've spent significant time outside--swinging, running across the rock wall, playing with a homemade bow and arrow (Sis), swordfighting, biking, and now building fairy houses.  Gommie was outside, too, but didn't build one.  Pretty soon--once the ground temp stays at 50F, which isn't quite yet--Sis will plant some bulbs that my friend Miss D, also our ASL teacher, gave me as a gift for my recovery.

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Another gardening thing:  I learned a new flower.  This is a Glory of the Snow, according to my FB friends.  Ours have appeared randomly in a few parts of the yard, not planted or planned by us at all.  Very pretty.

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A big THANK YOU to Granny Q who sent a lovely Edible Arrangement to the house on Friday.  That was so sweet of you.  And we really enjoyed it--ALL of us, as you can see in the picture of Albus eating the ribbon--it was gone by the end of the day!

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Gommie and I watched "Wolf Hall" episode 2 today, enjoying the characterizations and especially the lovely period details.  Of course, we know how it all progresses (having seen "The Tudors," A Man For All Seasons, Anne of a Thousand Days, etc.), but I'm absolutely caught up in it all.  Really fantastic television.

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Which reminds me that a year ago, we were in England having the trip of a lifetime.  I think of that trip pretty much everyday, in some way or another.  Thank you, Lambeth and Mrs. Lambeth, for hosting us to the most wonderful of visits.  I'm trying heartily not to be too down that we won't be returning this December, instead recalling all the great times we had.

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Today was rather an "eh" day.  Achy, tired, tight.  Not terrible just not great, kind of like last Wednesday (but not quite as much.)  So, if I have a mediocre day every five days or so, I'd say I'm doing pretty well.

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This morning, Miss D, my friend and ASL teacher came for a visit.  Not a lesson, just a chat.  We had a great time talking about our kids, contact lenses, Zentangling, our visit to the British shoppe yesterday, baking, even teaching Gommie how to sign "good morning" (which she kept doing with more of those f**k you gestures, accidentally, making us all laugh.)  She asked me if I had ever talked with a deaf person before her and I mentioned the deaf camp counselor I knew as a teenager 30 years ago.  She was shocked then at my skills when she met me last year and said my signing was amazing, essentially for someone who hadn't signed much at all.  Wow.  That felt SO wonderful.  Sometimes I feel so bumbling--trip up my fingerspelling, confuse signs with one another, can't always follow what she says--but, in total, I'm actually doing really well.  I can't say how happy that makes me.  And how happy I am to have made a new friend.

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As you know, Sis and I like to watch "Switched at Birth" together, the story of the two teenage girls, one who is deaf, who are switched and whose families come together when they discover it 15 or so years later.  We watch it for the ASL (and Marlee Matlin!), though there are definitely bits that are too old for her.  With Gommie, we also started watching "Little House on the Prairie," beginning with the two-hour pilot movie.  It's been so long since I've watched that show . . . and in many ways, it's so dated--the pacing is very slow, the drama more low key than dramas these days, even some of the 1970s hair peeking through.  But I love the history, period details, and wholesome moral tales; and I'm much more interested in what Ma is up to in the show than I ever was before.  Sis, who has read all the books (except Farmer Boy--me neither!) countless times, is enjoying it, too, even if it's not exactly like the books.

And now I've found a show to watch with Bud:  BBC's "Merlin," which I'd watched a few years back.  It's definitely a family tale, with sympathetic teenage Merlin (or maybe early 20s??) finding his path, a monster/crisis of the week, and all those wonderful faux fantasy medieval trappings.  Bud seems to really enjoy it and I like watching it with him.  Plus, he likes identifying all those British actors who were also in "Doctor Who!"

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The basement boys aka NYCats are becoming more bold.  Mojito has been "knocking" to be let out of the basement in the late afternoon almost everyday for a few months.  He even slept on the couch with Mama for a couple of hours yesterday!  But now Mr. Big Tabby is also coming up, ostensibly to eat the upstairs cat food, but also to poke around.  It's very heartening to see the boys come up.  (And since we always quietly lock the Connecticats up, it's a stress-free visit.)  The time-share is starting to work out.

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Gommie leaves on Friday and the sad countdown has already begun, but she has some plans for the week to distract them.  We are so very grateful to her for her help and support these last two weeks.  While we could keep her here indefinitely, I'm gaining strength everyday, can be left alone without any trouble, and can do minor house things with the kids' help (like getting them out the door in the morning.)  It means the world that she's been here, though.

Delicious Dinners

Our friends have been so generous with meals.  We have been gifted with more than 21 weekdays of dinners!!  That's more than four weeks that we don't have to worry about shopping and cooking, which take so much energy.  It's so very kind of my friends--friends from old and new church, the neighborhood, Girl Scouts, and my old playgroup; knowing they're thinking of and helping us means so much.

And the food has been pretty good!  Sure, it's a lot of pasta, but we really like pasta and it's easy because it reheats well and can last for a couple of days.  I've taken batches of baked spaghetti or ziti to dozens of people myself (for the last 8 or 9 years, beginning when all my friends started having second children!)  And they're bringing dinner in disposable or non-returnable dishes which makes it so easy (otherwise, I'll inadvertently never return the right casserole dish.)  It's funny how many vegetables we're NOT getting.  A bag salad once or so, and a few roasted vegetables, but otherwise, we get a lot more bread and dessert.  I usually take a bag salad (plus bread and dessert, sometimes a bag of oranges or clementines), unless I make the pasta with the broccoli in it, but I'm starting to rethink that--I'm not sure people really eat bag salad.  I wonder what else I could take?  My roasted vegetables (green beans, broccoli, cauliflower, asparagus, kale, butternut squash, or brussel sprouts) just don't travel or reheat well.  Hmmm, will give it some thought.  

So a HUGE thank you to all of my local cooking friends, especially Miss B who organized the meals through the meal-sharing website our group always uses.  

For my own meal sharing tips and recipes, see here. 


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I'll add meals as they come.  This week:  meatloaf, French lentil stew, a TBD slow cooker meal, and a lemon chicken bow tie pasta dish.

Miss BA's Turkey Meatballs

It’s my chicken meatball recipe & I think I put one piece of pork sausage in yours, (took it out of the casein).

It differs every time, but here is the basic recipe.

1 lb of chicken

½ cup of parmesan cheese

½ cup of bread crumbs

2 cloves of garlic

½ tsp. salt

2 tbsp. grape seed oil (or olive  oil)

2 tsp. oregano (I usually use Emeril’s Italian  dry mix)

1 egg

And a trick my father in-law taught me to keep the meatballs round, roll them lightly in flour before putting them in the hot oil.

Miss LS's Turkey and Fixin's

"As to the gravy, I use lots of herbs on the turkey itself, so the drippings make amazing gravy. Sometimes I use apple or lemon in the cavity, but I used celery this time. Also sage, rosemary, and paprika on the turkey skin. I can take no credit for the stuffing--it's the only one we could find without chicken stock, organic, too. The veggies were cooked together with butter and basil paste from the produce section. It comes in a tube and is expensive when not on sale, but a great time saver and the kids love it, so we stock up at sale time. The trick to them is all in the size of the cut on each one. Squash has to be pretty large to avoid the mush. We like them close to raw, so I tend to err on that side. I'm sure you'll be cooking again soon!"

Miss JD's Lasagna

 "For the sauce I just roast tomatoes, garlic, onion, with some seasonings...salt, pepper, basil, oregano,  for about 45 min at 375...then I just mash all together with a potato masher...I like it chunky but you can certainly puree if you like it creamier.  

The lasagna is just ricotta and mozzarella and I added spinach ....I always wing making lasagna...never comes out the same.  Sorry I don't have a "real" recipe."

Miss RZ's Butternut Squash Soup

coming soon

Miss PD's Ricotta Dumplings

For dumplings

1 pound whole-milk ricotta, drained

1/2 cup grated parmesan cheese, plus more for serving, if desired

1/2 teaspoon lemon zest

1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil

2 eggs

Baking powder

1½ cup flour, sifted

Kosher salt

For sauce

1 stick unsalted butter

1/2 cup pecans, roasted

1 cup diced pumpkin, roasted, or 1 cup frozen cubed butternut squash, defrosted

1 tablespoon thinly sliced sage leaves

Freshly ground black pepper

Bring a large pot of salted water to a simmer over medium heat.

Combine ricotta, parmesan, lemon zest, olive oil and eggs in a large bowl. Fold in a pinch of baking 

powder, flour and 1/2 teaspoon salt untnil just combined. Transfer mixture into a piping bag or large 

zip-top bag (with one corner cut off to make a quarter-sized opening). Pipe out 1 inch of dough and 

cut with a knife or kitchen shears directly over the water. Repeat until bag is empty. You also can 

roll it out by hand -- it makes for a prettier dumpling.

Cook dumplings for about 1 minute on each side. Drain and set aside.

In separate saute pan, heat butter and pecans over medium heat until butter starts to brown, about

 2 minutes. Add cooked dumplings, pumpkin (or butternut squash) and sage. Season with salt 

and pepper.

Serve with more pecans and parmesan.

Serves 4.

-- Adapted from Janine Booth and Jeff McInnis, Root & Bone, New York City 

Miss LL's Quinoa Stuffed Peppers 

In Freezer Bag:

3 large carrots, grated (about 1 ½ cups)

2 tbsp Wildtree Roasted Garlic Grapeseed Oil

1 ½ tbsp Wildtree Cajun Seasoning Blend

1 tbs Wildtree Garlic Galore

1 package fresh spinach (or frozen), 10 oz

2 cans black beans, 15 oz, drained and rinsed

¾ cup quinoa, rinsed

1 can diced tomatoes, 14.5 oz, drained

1 ½ tsp salt

½ tsp pepper

2 cups water

At cooking time:

4 large (or 6 small) bell peppers, any color, halved lengthwise, ribs and seeds removed

1 ½ cups shredded cheddar cheese

Combine all ingredients in a gallon size freezer bag, “smush” to allow seasonings to distribute.  Place bag in freezer.

To prepare: Thaw in fridge.  Pour bag contents in large skillet, cover and bring to a boil.  Reduce heat and simmer 20 – 25 minutes or until quinoa is tender. Preheat oven to 350. Stir in 1 cup cheese, and season with salt and pepper, if desired. Fill each pepper with quinoa mixture, and place in a baking dish with ¼ cup water in the bottom of the dish. Cover with foil, and bake 1 hour. Uncover, sprinkle each pepper with remaining cheese. Bake an additional 10 minutes, or until the cheese is brown and bubbly. Let stand 5 minutes. 

Miss R's Meatloaf
She uses the pre-made meatloaf from the Big Y butchers!!!  And bakes it with sweet barbecue sauce.  Yum!

Miss Jen's Turkey Meatball Orzo Soup

• ground turkey
• egg
• 2 tablespoons olive oil
• 1 small white onion, peeled and diced
• 1 cup diced carrots
• 1 cup diced celery
• 3 cloves garlic, peeled and minced
• 6 cups chicken or vegetable stock
• 1 1/2 cups (about 8 ounces) orzo
• 1/2 teaspoon dried thyme
• 1/4 teaspoon dried oregano
• 1/4 teaspoon dried rosemary
• 4 cups loosely-packed spinach
• salt and black pepper

Combine ground turkey and egg.  Make into little meatballs by hand.

Heat oil in a large stockpot over medium-high heat. Add onion and saute for 4 minutes, until soft. Add carrots, celery and garlic and saute for an additional 3 minutes. Add meatballs, chicken stock, orzo (pasta), thyme, oregano, rosemary and stir to combine. Bring soup to a simmer, stirring occasionally. Reduce heat to medium-low and simmer for 10 minutes, stirring occasionally, until the pasta is al dente.

Stir in the spinach and cook for 1-2 minutes until it is bright green and wilted. Season with salt and black pepper to taste (if needed). Serve warm.

adapted from Gimme Some Oven

Miss LC's Creamy Lemon Chicken Bow Tie Pasta

• 12 oz dried pasta
• 2 chicken breasts, sliced into small strips (uncooked or precooked)
• 3 cloves garlic, minced
• 3 tablespoons olive oil
• 1/2 tsp dried Basil
• 1 lemon, juiced (or if you use bottled lemon juice, use whatever is equivalent to 1 lemon.  I originally recommended 1/2 cup, but different lemon juices may be more concentrated...)
• 1 cup of half n half or heavy cream
• 1/2 cup grated Parmesan, plus a bit more to top the dish after cooking
• Salt and pepper
• additional adobo and sazon, for flavor
• 1 cup of reserved pasta cooking liquid
• 1 tsp of cornstarch (if needed)

1. Cook the pasta in a large pot of boiling, salted water.  When draining the pasta, reserve about a cup of the pasta cooking liquid.  Keep pasta warm. (To keep the pasta from sticking together after cooking, you can mix in about 1 tsp of olive oil.)
2. While the pasta is cooking, season chicken with salt and pepper. Heat a large skillet over medium high and add 3 tablespoons of olive oil, chicken, garlic to a saute pan with. Cook until chicken is golden and completely cooked. (If using precooked chicken, saute the garlic about 3 minutes before adding the chicken, then cook a minute or to longer until the chicken is thoroughly coated and hot.)
3. Add about 1/2 cup of pasta cooking liquid, lemon juice, Parmesan cheese and cream to the chicken mixture.  Cook over medium heat until the sauce has thickened.  If you want a little more cream sauce, add the rest of the reserved pasta cooking liquid.  (If you want your cream sauce thicker, add a tsp of corn starch to 2 tablespoons of water and mix into the sauce.  Continue cooking until desired thickness is achieved.)
4. Add the cooked pasta to the skillet and turn heat off.  Mix everything together until pasta is thoroughly coated.  Top with dried basil, cracked fresh pepper and additional Parmesan cheese.

Serve and Enjoy!

adapted from Scattered Thoughts from a Crafty Mom

Miss KMc's Chicken and Broccoli Pasta

I'm so glad they liked it! It is a huge hit in my house too
Ingredients: a lb of chicken,3/4 lb of pasta, 1 tablespoon of oil, 2 tbsp of butter, garlic to taste (I don't use too much as my kids will get suspicious if they smell it), 1 chicken bouillon cube, chopped onions (again I only use a little- not even a quarter of onion),1/2 cup water, 1/2 cup of heavy cream, 3/4 cup milk, 1/4 cup of Parmesan cheese, scallions and 2 bunches of broccoli crowns.
Heat the oil and butter with the garlic. Add the cut up chicken and cook on medium until browned.
Remove the chicken but leave the oil.
Add the onion and cook for about 3-5 minutes.
Add the crumbled up bouillon cube and water.
Bring to a boil for 5 minutes.
Stir in the cream, milk, finely chopped scallions and Parmesan. Simmer until heated through and thickened then add the chicken back to the sauce.
Cook the pasta- I add the broccoli in the last 5 minutes. Then drain and mix all together!
Enjoy!!

My First Outing

I went out on my first non-medical outing today!!  I had thought it up on Friday and looked forward to it for two days.  So, not long after Gommie headed to the Mark Twain House and Harriet Beecher Stowe House in Hartford, we headed to the British Shoppe!

(Gommie enjoyed the houses and her time away!)

It's a pretty drive to the store, which is small and manageable.  I was only uncomfortable a few times, when we hit some of the seasonal potholes.  And then we shopped!  Jammie Dodgers, Jaffa cakes, cockles, kippers, and various crisps for N.  All sorts of soon-to-be-banned Cadbury chocolates for Sis.  And then Mama and I got some Elderflower cordial, Garibaldis, milk chocolate digestives, and a couple of tea towels--Irish green with Celtic knots, in honor of Aunt Sis, who loved all things Celtic.  I hang my tea towels on my refrigerator, with two strong clip magnets, almost like a changeable fabric poster.
While we were pursuing the 50%-off giant Easter eggs in all flavors and themes (Iron Man, anyone?), Mama called in our lunch order to our nearby favorite German restaurant.  I wasn't going to be able to sit to eat for a whole restaurant meal, so we were taking it home:  sauerbraten, rouladen, schnitzel, spaetzle, red cabbage, German potato salad, green salad, potato pancakes, and our recent discovery Curry Wurst (think little hot dog rounds in a curried tomato gravy not unlike Heinz baked beans; apparently, they're really big in Berlin, I think it was.)  Because it's starchy and stewy, it lasts just fine in the car and was delicious and hot when we got home.

I was tired for a bit--I guess from all the bouncing on the potholes and just the strain of being out, even if it was mostly riding in the car--but managed a couple of afternoon walks and then a nap.  But the good it did me to get out of the house, see a change of scenery, have some totally different food, and even pick up a few treats to bring home was immeasurable.

I wonder where my outing next weekend will be?!!

I'm thinking something with a less-than-30-minute car ride and a bit more but not a ton of walking.

(The kids are going with Gommie on a few outings this spring break week, but I'll be home.)

All Good

Two check-ups today:  The surgeon says I'm doing just fine.  The infection is in the belly button, one of the dirtiest places, apparently.  But it's not a "bad" infection--superficial--and will go away, most likely, with antibiotic cream and regular washing in the shower.

Otherwise, she poked and prodded and is pleased.  No carrying more than a jug of milk or equivalent for 6 to 8 weeks.  No driving til I'm not on narcotics.  (Stepping down from the Percocet to Vicodin and then later to Tylenol with codeine.)  Just walking, no PT for months; stairs are good.  Regular food.  If I have nausea, vomiting, chills, fever at 101, or abdominal pain, I go to the ER, paging them on the way.  Only down note:  it is possible, in the future, that I'll have another hernia in that messed up belly button area, but for now it's stitched and healing.  I can handle a hernia--know what to look for, even before they are critical strangulated and incarcerated--and, well, I won't be pregnant!

So, that's encouraging.  I like our surgeon.  She can repair all my future hernias!

My second check up was with my therapist, the cognitive one.  The surgery and Aunt Sis's death were a big one-two punch, so it's good to sit with her and discuss fear, anxiety, sadness, even anger and frustration.  It's a lot of work--meditating, recognizing and naming feelings, speaking truth even when it's hard, maintaining perspective, letting go of control and the compulsion to fix everything--to stay grounded and mindful but it really makes all the difference.  I am so much better off--mentally/emotionally/spiritually stronger--than I was four and a half years ago with my back injury.

I'll spend the rest of the day resting from all the poking, physically and mentally.  Gommie and I are watching the Grey Gardens remake, eating chicken and eggplant parms from the Italian deli.

Something Besides Tea

I'm getting tired of drinking water and iced tea.  And so, last night, I perused my homemade soda books, from when Mama got the Soda Stream last year.  I found a few sodas, not super sugary, that I can make to vary things a bit.  I'm thinking of it as flavored seltzer.  And since it's homemade syrup, I can vary the strength.  Yum, not sure which one to make first, Dried Cherry Soda or Almond Honey Cream Soda.  And there's still my old London Fog soda.


Dried Cherry Soda
2 cups water
1 cup sugar
3/4 cup dried sweet cherries

In medium saucepan over medium heat, bring water, sugar, and cherries to a boil.  Remove from heat and steep for two hours.

Using a stick blender, fork, or potato masher, break up cherries til mixture is chunky (do not blend smooth.)  Strain, discard cherries, and let cool.  Store syrup for up to 14 days.

To serve:  fill class with ice.  Add 3 tablespoons syrup and a few dashes of citric acid or acid phosphate (I'm using lemon juice).  Top with seltzer and mix gently.

Anton Nocito, Make Your Own Soda


Almond Honey Cream Soda
Honey Milk
3/4 cup honey
1/4 cup milk
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 teaspoon almond extract

Combine the honey, milk, and extracts, stir until smooth.  This syrup will keep in fridge for 3 days.

To serve:  1/3 cup honey milk and 1 cup seltzer.  Pour syrup in glass and add seltzer.  Mix until just blended.

Andrew Schloss, Homemade Soda



London Fog on Ice

Makes 1 1/2 cups of syrup

1 vanilla bean, halved and split

1 cup sugar

3-4 bags of Earl Grey tea

1 cup water

Soda water

Half-and-half or whole milk

To make the simple syrup, combine the vanilla bean and sugar in a small saucepan. Rub the vanilla bean into the sugar with the back of a spoon until the mixture is fragrant. Add the tea bags and water. Cook over medium-low heat and stir until the sugar has dissolved. Turn up the heat to medium and bring the mixture to a gentle boil. Turn off the heat, and use tongs to remove the tea bags right away to avoid bitterness. Allow syrup to cool before using.
To make the soda, fill an 8-ounce glass with ice. Fill three-quarters full with soda water. Add 1/8 to 1/4 cup syrup, depending on desired sweetness. Top with half-and-half and more soda, if desired.

from NPR piece

Ups and Downs

It's been an okay few days.

Monday found me having that ultrasound.  Turns out, I have both a DVT in my calf and phlebitis in my thigh.  So, I'm staying on the Xarelto.  The clot is better, but I can still feel it.

We've had some more great meals from friends and Gommie also made Sis's favorite chicken, rice, and gravy one of those nights.

And I've had the first visits from friends.  My friend from the historic house stopped by very briefly--she's sick and didn't want to share--to give us some forsythia branches, which will bloom yellow soon.  And Mama Teacher came for lunch yesterday and a nice long chat.  She and I had surgery the same day, the same time (I was actually supposed to drive her to the hospital and be with her and help in the following days.  I'm still so sorry I couldn't be there for her.  She's helped us so much.)--hers was scheduled though!--so we could compare recoveries and such.  She looks great, though she's tired of hobbling around on crutches.  It was good to spend some time together.

Then last night, Sis had sign language class here at the house and so I got to talk to my friend, her teacher.  She had had shoulder surgery two months ago, so we could commiserate.  Signing was a work out for my core, that's for sure.  And I laughed too much, but it was a good visit.  And class for Sis.  Her husband picked her up afterwards and said I looked like I lost 20 lbs or more!  Which is not true.  I lost maybe 5, maybe, which hardly seems fair after no food and the removal of body parts!!!  And I imagine it will come right back with all the lack of exercise and bland, non-raw food. But what I do know and what everyone has commented on is that my stomach is flatter--I guess the bulgy knot/obstruction had been taking up space, at the top of my belly, and growing for awhile.  Even I can see the difference.  Kinda nasty.

My infection comes and goes.  The doctors don't seem that worried (I called to check in yesterday.)  I'm not even on antibiotics.  I see my surgeon tomorrow and only need to worry if I have nausea, vomiting, fever of 101, or abdominal pain, or a lot more drainage.  Ick.  Then I have to go straight to the ER.  I didn't feel great yesterday--probably as much mental as physical (I HATE thinking of the infection and my incision)--but I feel much better than that this morning . . . one day at a time.

What else?  On an up note, I did sit at the piano yesterday and play "Finlandia" my recital song twice through, the first time since my surgery.  Still don't know if I'll play at the recital in two weeks.

The kids have spring break next week and Gommie is planning some fun local getaways, which is perfect.  Don't want them staring at me, bored, all next week.

Okay, I think that's it.  All in all, good.  Happy Thursday, friends!

Four Necklaces

On Friday morning, I gave Mama and the kids each a necklace, with a circular medallion with "I love you" in English and the international ASL sign on each side.  A gift to let them know how much I love them, especially after my surgery last week, and also a gift to commemorate Aunt Sis's life, and death, which I told the kids about on Friday.

We had waited til Friday to give them a chance to recuperate after my own hospitalization and to put as much time between my return and their learning of her death.  We all hugged and cried together.  Sis, who is my aunt's namesake, has taken it hard, quietly.  Bud is also sad, but reaches out for hugs and cuddles, even telling me that he was sorry he hadn't gotten to know her better.  Sniff.  I don't know how much they will recall in years to come, but I will do my best to keep her memory alive.

And so we all wear the necklaces, a little bit of love giving us a hug around the neck.  We need that reassurance of connection these days.

Easter Weekend

One of the reasons we were so excited that Gommie could come up was so that she could help us celebrate Easter this weekend.  And celebrate we did!

The day started with our traditional visit from our non-traditional Easter Penguin, who left a treat near the fairy-door entrance to our house.  I can't even recall what he left--there were so many treats and gifts this weekend (the bunny and penguin must have felt for us.)

Then we decorated Easter eggs.  We had about 3 dozen boiled white-shelled eggs, so one for Bud and Sis separately, and one for me and Gommie to split.  Except then a few cracked in the boiling process so it was about 7 for Gommie and me.  I always read such fantastic and inventive ways to decorate eggs online, but we went with the really straightforward:  Pas colorful tab dyes in vinegar.  Sis likes to play with the colors and takes her dyeing very seriously.  I tried a food-coloring-in-rice technique that I just discovered and that looked easy, except my food colorings are gel not liquid and so it didn't quite work, but it has great promise.  And it got hard sticky rice everywhere!  And finally, we did some doodle, or Zentangle, eggs.  Bud, Gommie, and I really got into this with our colorful Sharpie collection--grids, Cadent, swirls, roses, "Zendala" flowers, spirals, starbursts, etc.  We had such fun.  Though, each of us discovered separately how hard it is to make a grid on an elliptical egg!  Luckily, we're over being egg perfectionists so that it didn't matter that the grids didn't meet well.  And they looked beautiful altogether.

Sis also made the delicious apple crumb cake, while Gommie and Mama threw together the pimiento cheese recipe to set overnight.

Otherwise, we relaxed.  I sat on the couch--I'm mobile enough to be downstairs all day (pain-wise, this is much easier than my back injury; mentally and physically, I know it is really much more serious)--with walking, sitting, and some napping in the afternoon.  We watched Penguins of Madagascar.  Sis went to ice skating.  Bud practiced kung fu.  Gommie put together her very first Lego set all by herself!!! (Really, I'm very impressed--I've never tried to make one.  And Bud was thrilled that she was interested.)  I did a little walking outside, to admire the beginning crocus, daffodil, and hyacinth blossoms. Sis even constructed Easter nests outside, with branches from the boxwood and pine tree, the only green in the yard, and put one of her yard ornament rabbits next to them. And dear Lambeth called to check in--it was great to talk to you!!!  (Then I went to the surgeon, not relaxing, but that was another post.)

At bedtime, Sis put out carrots and apparently left a survey for the Easter Bunny to complete--with questions about what the bunny's name was, what she looked like, how many there are, and if our cats were nice to her!  (Oh, and if she were a boy or girl bunny.)

Sis was up early the next morning, so ready for what she says is her favorite holiday.  They tried not to wake us up before 7, but we could hear their giggling through the walls, especially because the bunny had answered the survey and left them treats in their plastic collecting baskets (vs. their wicker gift baskets.)  We were up and downstairs looking for eggs in no time.

BTW:  Her name is Scamper Cottontail.  She is a girl bunny, specifically a white Angorra bunny, normal-sized but she has magic to manage things.  There are lots of Easter Bunnies, divided by county to get the job down.  She likes to deliver eggs, "glitter pink" being her favorite color.  And our cats were very nice to her.  She even petted Patron's tummy and Mojito purred at her.  Albus followed her about and Hermione is just so sweet!

Okay, there were dozens of plastic eggs all over the downstairs living rooms and the kids made rather short work of finding them all, mostly without fighting with each other over who found which egg (no calling, "I see it, that's mine!").  They were filled with trinkets (post its, little plastic figures) and coins.

And then we retrieved our gift baskets off the front porch.  So many wonderful gifts from the bunny!  At our house, even adults get things.  Gommie got a Zentangle book and Mama got some DS games (and a 3DS player), plus candy (caramels and jelly beans for Gommie) and salty things (something from Trader Joe's like Corn Nuts--yes, Scamper apparently shops at Trader Joe's!), plus Mojito mix!  The kids got pajamas, small Legos, lots of chocolate (the Autism Speaks-supporting Lindt bunnies only!), other treats, figurines for Infinity and Smash Brothers games, and some DVDs (Into the Woods, Hobbit: Battle of Five Armies) and a game (Just Dance 2014.)  I got scarves (one b&w infinity scarf and one pastel Easter egg-colored scarf), a little figurine of a woman holding a bunny, Speculoos cookies and chocolate bar, Prismacolor pencils, and a new sketchbook.  I think Scamper felt bad for all of us!  We were spoiled to the hilt.

By 8 a.m., we let the kids run around outside looking for the dyed eggs, which the bunny always hides outside (can't have cats eating boiled eggs . . . or have us not find one!)  They missed all the really obvious ones (on my windshield and bumper, in the pot next to the front door!) and found the more tricky ones, which was funny to watch.  Apparently, there are two missing eggs still.  I'm guessing our raccoons had a special treat.  And there was yet one more treat in their outdoor nests!  That bunny!  It was a beautiful morning and I enjoyed walking the driveway and front walk (the ground is sometimes too uneven when I don't feel sure-footed.)

Whew.  8:30 a.m. and we felt like we'd had a full day already (or at least, I did!)  We spent the whole day playing with said treats--Gommie and the kids danced "YMCA" on Just Dance.  We all watched Into the Woods, which was good even if they cut some good songs and shortened the second act too much.  It's a very nice show.  Gommie doodled with her new supplies.  Mama had the longest nap she's had in ages.

And we ate.  There was a bit of smoked ham from Nodine's, which we'd saved in the freezer.  Plus roasted potatoes, asparagus, green beans, and carrots. Plus pimiento cheese salad with crackers and dinner rolls.  There was also delicious leftover butternut squash soup, from a friend's delivery on Saturday (we've been getting awesome meals!)  And the apple cake.  It wasn't formal--we huddled around our small kitchen table without even formally setting it.  But we were all their together, which was a treat in itself.

I didn't reflect too closely on Easter themes this year--death, rebirth, renewal, etc hit a little to close to home, between my emergency surgery and Aunt Sis's death.  So we embraced family and fun and creativity and food, life-sustaining, life-affirming activities.  And we were rewarded with a wonderful day!

Monday

Gommie and I are watching tv--lots of BBC like "Mr. Selfridge" and now "Sherlock," alas I didn't set our new cable/DVR system right to tape "Wolf Hall," but I got it for tonight--and resting after a wonderful Easter and several days of intensive activity.  Well, as intense as two wounded folks can do.  Mom's stenosis needs a break and I'm, well, still recuperating.

Especially because there were signs of infection this weekend and the surgeon on call saw me Saturday afternoon.  Instead of treating the minor surface infection with meds, he removed my 20 staples and packed, ugh, the bit that was oozing.  I've got butterfly tape across the whole thing, plus dressing, and my binder to hold me altogether.  It was exhausting.  Plus, he really questions the cardiologist's diagnosis of the blood clot--he thinks it's a vein infection, phlebitis--and so said to call Monday to schedule new tests.

I go for an ultrasound on my leg at 3.  In retrospect, I realize the cardiologist was less than thorough and I would rather not be on the heavy-hitting Xarelto, so I'm glad for the test.  Well, as glad as I can be about another little tick in my recovery timeline.  Still, ultrasounds are easy.

So, that's where we are today.  Lots of rest.

I'll tell you all about Easter in another post.

Well, Just *&$%#

I awoke with a painful, tender spot in my thigh today, clearly red and swelling.  I'd been having pain in my calf, which I thought was a muscle pull.

Cardiologist confirms this afternoon that it's a blood clot, or DVT.

Of course, the only thing I know about DVTs is that they kill you.  But apparently that is quite rare.  Very rare.  Let's just keep going.

Anyway, new treatment is at home, medically, with pill Xarelto.  For 4 months.

No exercise, lots of rest, going to ER if I have trouble breathing or chest pain (pulmonary embolism, that would kill you, rare, though, remember?), calling cardiologist and surgeon if there is any bleeding--it is an anti-coagulant, after all.  Apparently, the heparin and leg cuffs I was on didn't stop the clot.

Typical post-surgery.

But I've had enough.

Lessons from my Aunt

My beloved aunt has died.

It happened while I was in the hospital and so it's taken me awhile to write a proper post.  I have so much I could say, particularly a recitation of all my good memories--learning ASL with her, working at camp during the summer near her, going to college in her town, all of our letters and phone calls and visits in my four plus decades--or a sketch of her personality and character and a mini-bio.

But I've boiled it down, instead, to lessons I absorbed (and will continue to) through our time together. 

• Be creative and make something beautiful.  She sketched, painted, took photographs, made lovely gift tags, wrote beautiful longhand letters.
• Look for the good. . . avoid the negative.  We always said she had rose-colored glasses.
• Take it easy. No stress re world events, future, competition, ambition.  She was mindful before it was a thing.
• Always have good snacks on hand.  She would serve yummy nibbles--special olives, crackers, cookies.
• Have rituals and traditions. She kept a daily weather journal, had a daily 5 o'clock drink, and hosted a big Bay Fest party every year.
• Make the most of the moment and celebrate!  Not just birthdays and bay fests and Christmas, she liked to make littler moments special.  And she would make celebrations last as long as possible (birthdays and Christmas didn't have to be just one day.)  Also, anticipation was sometimes the best part.
• Learn something new and pursue special interests.  Keep reading, thinking, listening.  She loved Renaissance, Pre-Raphaelite, and Pre-Columbian art (especially Botticelli and Michelangelo and Rosetti), Napoleon and French history (being born on Bastille Day and all), Scottish music.
• Plan. Make lists of things you need to do. Save for college, vacations.
• Live simply. No consumerism or materialism, no acquisition of stuff, no interest in brands, trends, fashions, styles.
• Accept and embrace others. She welcomed all--her Catholic monk son, her lesbian niece, Chinese niece-in-law, Downs syndrome granddaughter, all of her deaf and special needs students, etc.  
• Listen and pay attention.  When you were with her, you were the center of everything.  She always made me feel so special.
• Embellishment makes things interesting.  She loved to talk about her Picasso table and our Scottish ancestry going back to the court of Mary, Queen of Scots (including "our" castle.)
• Make your own opportunities (always carry your swimsuit just in case!)

May she rest in peace and may those of us who loved her be comforted.

Thursday's Update

It's just so good to be home.  Yes, I hurt and am very tired, and, yes, it's going to be a long slow road--it is a 10" incision with 20 staples, but a few laparocopic holes for good measure.  But other than that, I feel pretty good.

Of course, we're surrounded by love and support--meals, calls, emails, FB posts, cards, prayers, etc etc.  It means so much, helps so much.  Tomorrow, Gommie arrives to help keep things flowing smoothly.  And to celebrate Easter.  Sure, she's the walking wounded too, with her knee (torn meniscus) and back (spinal stenosis) issues, but any little bit helps, and the kids will bask in the attention.  So will I.

For now, I get my staples out next Friday and will start PT sometime in the next month or so.  My physical issues are complicated at the best of times.  And now I'm back to not having a core, since they sliced right through it.  I'll need to build that up again, best I can, and keep strengthening.  I expect hiccups--maybe even big ones with my back, which relies on my core such as it is--progress is never a straight line, but a series of loop-de-loops.

We have made some hard decisions, though, in deference to my surgery and recovery:

• the biggest:  I'm putting off applying for seminary for a year.  It's too much to think of applying now and being ready to go in August for full-time school and volunteer internship.  It's not a cancellation, just a postponement.
• We have canceled lots of minor activities--tickets to see Helen Mirren on Broadway, our last-minute free getaway Easter in Vermont (found out we could go on the day of the surgery, oh well), spring break visit to Block Island, maybe my piano recital at the end of April.  Bigger trips to Texas this summer and our fantasy of going to London for Christmas are also off the books as well.
• I'm stepping back from all of my usual activities--hospice, Girl Scouts, historic house.  I can help behind-the-scenes some but can't attend those weekly as I have.  I'll go back to them.  But physically, it's just too much right now.  

It's all good, one day at a time, staying home with my family, connecting with my friends. 

I'm very fortunate and I know it.  

And in the coming days and weeks, I'll tell you more of my insights from the hospital, especially with regards to chaplaincy.  

For now, I'm eating lunch and watching a movie with Mama and the cats.

Home

I just woke up in my own bed!!  So good to be home.