People rarely believe the comments we get out in public sometimes, specifically when people don't recognize Mama for who she is, namely, my wife. But here are three, from the last month:
1. Mama went shopping on her lunch hour with a co-worker who is not much older than she is. The clerk intimated that Mama was her son. (Okay, this was a co-worker and not me, but it's the same principle.)
2. We were being seated at a restaurant and were asked if we wanted THREE kids' menus, including one for my son.
3. We met the family of our GP at the movie theater and apparently later that night the teenagers in the group asked about my teenage son!
. . . so not only does Mama look like a boy (which, admittedly, I can see) and my child (harder to see, since I'm only 4 years older), but she must be cute enough to be cruised by some teenage girls.
As I told the restaurant server, I can only hope she goes gray before me so that people realize I'm not her mom.
Showing posts with label lesbian. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lesbian. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 19, 2016
Tuesday, June 30, 2015
Rainbow Love and Marriage
As you can well imagine, Friday was a wonderful, emotional day of us here in the Hungry household.
And I had barely remembered that the SCOTUS would be handing down their ruling, except I saw something about it that George Takei posted on FB about it. So I posted on my timeline a letter to SCOTUS asking for them please to give legalized same-sex marriage in all 50 states to Mama for her birthday, which was that day.
Less than an hour later, I picked up my phone and saw the NYTimes breaking news alert.
The kids were playing a computer game, when I burst into tears. Both ran over to see what was the matter. When I told them, we all hugged.
I called Mama crying; she hadn't heard. I think she was as surprised as I was. Truly, I figured the court would vote against it. I never expected that they would pass it. Sure, 5-4, but a miss is as good as a mile, my dad says.
I called Gommie and Pop, who I knew were in a media black-out at the bay--they hardly even get signal, much less news (and who would want to, with the burning of 6 black churches and the massacre of 39+ tourists at a beach in beautiful Sousse, Tunisia--I was there in 1990 and am so saddened by the extremism attacking their country.) They cheered and we all got sniffly and they promised to celebrate. They are so amazingly supportive of us and have rooted for same-sex marriage and rights all the way. Thanks, Mom and Dad, and Hannah, for your constant acceptance, love, support, and enthusiasm. Fly that rainbow flag!
We immediately decided to make another rainbow cake, like we did two years ago on Mama's birthday to celebrate the federal approval of same-sex marriage in states that had legalized it, including our own. We got cake mix and ice cream at the store, deciding to make it a pineapple upside-down cake, which is one of Mama's favorites. A rainbow pineapple upside-down cake!
I spent the rest of the day checking FB off and on, sharing everything remotely rainbow: a cartoon of the lowering of the Confederate battle flag and the raising of the rainbow pride flag; a compilation of photos of all the buildings lit rainbow, including the White House and Disney Castle; a collection of rainbow pride ads; thank-yous to the various plaintiffs; the photo of the running of the interns to take the decision to the waiting media; the LOTR-inspired "I am NO Man" meme of the three female justices; a gathering of FB memes including Obama on a rainbow unicorn; the meme about the battle between Skittles and the Confederate flag; the Star Wars meme about "a million homophobes cried out and were suddenly silenced"; the funny conservatives "moving to Canada" meme (where there has been gay marriage for 10 years!); the SCOTUS decision haiku; the cartoon of God out of lightening strikes to destroy gays--"All we have in stock are rainbows"; a link to Obama's speech; a link to the full 100+ page decision; a pic of Ben & Jerry's I Dough, I Dough honorary flavor; the "can we just call it 'marriage' now?"; and the exploding FB rainbow computer meme, plus many others. And yes, I changed my profile picture to a rainbow image of Mama and I where we met. Yep, I was a part of the social media rainbow. And the glow is still with me.
When Mama got home, we celebrated both her birthday--with lots of rainbow-wrapped presents--and of course, the ruling with the gay cake (beautiful but not all that tasty; it was a box mix that used egg whites instead of full eggs probably to preserve the color, but it made a tasteless, light cake.) Lots of hugs, some more tears, and occasional sharing of rainbow FB posts. I'm not even sure I can articulate most of what I'm feeling and why. We've been lucky to have this kind of support from our families and community for years; it was great to see it backed up legally and to have gay and lesbian folks receive this legal support for the first time and hopefully their loved ones and families will come around--in fact, the first lesbian I knew and the first woman who kissed me can now marry her longtime girlfriend!
And I'll admit that I was not just a little happy that SCOTUS delivered a kind of "f**k you" to conservative homophobes. The fact that some will now willingly disregard the ruling (I'm looking at you, Texas Attorney General Paxton) because they don't like it and are sore losers makes me crazy (insert meme comparing Christians who want their brand of religion to be the rule of the US to the Islamic Sate. Quippy but true.) But I'm still glad we won. (It has been a pretty good week for liberals, for a change.)
We're still thrilled, of course (and perhaps a little amazed) and I have been ignoring, for the most part (see previous rant), the negative reactions. Just basking in the win . . . .
Twenty years to the week after I first met Mama . . . . . Happy Birthday, Mama!!
It just got better!
And I had barely remembered that the SCOTUS would be handing down their ruling, except I saw something about it that George Takei posted on FB about it. So I posted on my timeline a letter to SCOTUS asking for them please to give legalized same-sex marriage in all 50 states to Mama for her birthday, which was that day.
Less than an hour later, I picked up my phone and saw the NYTimes breaking news alert.
The kids were playing a computer game, when I burst into tears. Both ran over to see what was the matter. When I told them, we all hugged.
I called Mama crying; she hadn't heard. I think she was as surprised as I was. Truly, I figured the court would vote against it. I never expected that they would pass it. Sure, 5-4, but a miss is as good as a mile, my dad says.
I called Gommie and Pop, who I knew were in a media black-out at the bay--they hardly even get signal, much less news (and who would want to, with the burning of 6 black churches and the massacre of 39+ tourists at a beach in beautiful Sousse, Tunisia--I was there in 1990 and am so saddened by the extremism attacking their country.) They cheered and we all got sniffly and they promised to celebrate. They are so amazingly supportive of us and have rooted for same-sex marriage and rights all the way. Thanks, Mom and Dad, and Hannah, for your constant acceptance, love, support, and enthusiasm. Fly that rainbow flag!
We immediately decided to make another rainbow cake, like we did two years ago on Mama's birthday to celebrate the federal approval of same-sex marriage in states that had legalized it, including our own. We got cake mix and ice cream at the store, deciding to make it a pineapple upside-down cake, which is one of Mama's favorites. A rainbow pineapple upside-down cake!I spent the rest of the day checking FB off and on, sharing everything remotely rainbow: a cartoon of the lowering of the Confederate battle flag and the raising of the rainbow pride flag; a compilation of photos of all the buildings lit rainbow, including the White House and Disney Castle; a collection of rainbow pride ads; thank-yous to the various plaintiffs; the photo of the running of the interns to take the decision to the waiting media; the LOTR-inspired "I am NO Man" meme of the three female justices; a gathering of FB memes including Obama on a rainbow unicorn; the meme about the battle between Skittles and the Confederate flag; the Star Wars meme about "a million homophobes cried out and were suddenly silenced"; the funny conservatives "moving to Canada" meme (where there has been gay marriage for 10 years!); the SCOTUS decision haiku; the cartoon of God out of lightening strikes to destroy gays--"All we have in stock are rainbows"; a link to Obama's speech; a link to the full 100+ page decision; a pic of Ben & Jerry's I Dough, I Dough honorary flavor; the "can we just call it 'marriage' now?"; and the exploding FB rainbow computer meme, plus many others. And yes, I changed my profile picture to a rainbow image of Mama and I where we met. Yep, I was a part of the social media rainbow. And the glow is still with me.
When Mama got home, we celebrated both her birthday--with lots of rainbow-wrapped presents--and of course, the ruling with the gay cake (beautiful but not all that tasty; it was a box mix that used egg whites instead of full eggs probably to preserve the color, but it made a tasteless, light cake.) Lots of hugs, some more tears, and occasional sharing of rainbow FB posts. I'm not even sure I can articulate most of what I'm feeling and why. We've been lucky to have this kind of support from our families and community for years; it was great to see it backed up legally and to have gay and lesbian folks receive this legal support for the first time and hopefully their loved ones and families will come around--in fact, the first lesbian I knew and the first woman who kissed me can now marry her longtime girlfriend!
And I'll admit that I was not just a little happy that SCOTUS delivered a kind of "f**k you" to conservative homophobes. The fact that some will now willingly disregard the ruling (I'm looking at you, Texas Attorney General Paxton) because they don't like it and are sore losers makes me crazy (insert meme comparing Christians who want their brand of religion to be the rule of the US to the Islamic Sate. Quippy but true.) But I'm still glad we won. (It has been a pretty good week for liberals, for a change.)
We're still thrilled, of course (and perhaps a little amazed) and I have been ignoring, for the most part (see previous rant), the negative reactions. Just basking in the win . . . .
Twenty years to the week after I first met Mama . . . . . Happy Birthday, Mama!!
It just got better!
Monday, January 5, 2015
Not Harry Potter's OWL
Our kids began OWL classes.
No, much to their disappointment, this was not Hogwarts's Ordinary Wizarding Levels. Instead, it was the Unitarian Universalist Association's Our Whole Lives curriculum on sexuality, identity, and health for elementary school kids, including tools on coping with the expression of these in popular culture. (It's not the mysterious film we watched in segregated groups in 5th grade that was nothing more than a Kotex ad.) Mama and I were thrilled this was a topic that the UUA addressed and knew the kids would be taking it before they were even born. Our first congregation hadn't offered it in years, just one of the reasons we switched.
And so Sunday morning, before church, found them sitting in the OWL class.
No, I don't know how it went. "What happens in OWL, stays in OWL." They can tell me what they learned but not what other kids asked. The two teachers--especially trained by the UUA, a man and a woman--had given us parents a detailed handout about the different sessions (on such topics as puberty, sexual orientation, "lovemaking," health and safety, decision-making), complete with vocabulary list so we all used the proper terms.
Of course, hearing that many of their peers and classmates hadn't discussed sex or the like with their folks (and these are UUs! I expected it of my Catholic friends, who have begged me to tell my kids not to say a word to theirs, to preserve their "innocence."), we wondered if we had said too much too soon. Being a non-traditional family that created their children in a less-than-natural way, however, the topic arose pretty early. They asked; we told. In fact, they both read the main book of the course, It's Perfectly Normal, last year. (I highly recommend it; that, and the American Girl one, The Care and Keeping of You 1 & 2.) Now, as fully informed as any fourth graders, they just roll their eyes at me when the topic arises.
Most of the time.
"Mom," Sis asked on Friday, "why do all the songs on the radio talk about sex?"
Um . . . because it's geared to (and often performed by) hormonal teenagers who are exploring their bodies, identities, and relationships and/or adults nostalgic for (or stuck in) that phase?? Sis thought the song "Animals" must be about fluffy bunnies or something--not people smelling and preying upon and "eating" (I kid you not) each other--because she couldn't understand the lyrics.*
OWL came just in time.
-=-=-=-=-=-
*excerpt from "Animals" by Maroon V
Baby, I'm preying on you tonight
Hunt you down eat you alive
Just like animals, animals, like animals-mals
Maybe you think that you can hide
I can smell your scent from miles
Just like animals, animals, like animals-mals
No, much to their disappointment, this was not Hogwarts's Ordinary Wizarding Levels. Instead, it was the Unitarian Universalist Association's Our Whole Lives curriculum on sexuality, identity, and health for elementary school kids, including tools on coping with the expression of these in popular culture. (It's not the mysterious film we watched in segregated groups in 5th grade that was nothing more than a Kotex ad.) Mama and I were thrilled this was a topic that the UUA addressed and knew the kids would be taking it before they were even born. Our first congregation hadn't offered it in years, just one of the reasons we switched.
And so Sunday morning, before church, found them sitting in the OWL class.
No, I don't know how it went. "What happens in OWL, stays in OWL." They can tell me what they learned but not what other kids asked. The two teachers--especially trained by the UUA, a man and a woman--had given us parents a detailed handout about the different sessions (on such topics as puberty, sexual orientation, "lovemaking," health and safety, decision-making), complete with vocabulary list so we all used the proper terms.
Of course, hearing that many of their peers and classmates hadn't discussed sex or the like with their folks (and these are UUs! I expected it of my Catholic friends, who have begged me to tell my kids not to say a word to theirs, to preserve their "innocence."), we wondered if we had said too much too soon. Being a non-traditional family that created their children in a less-than-natural way, however, the topic arose pretty early. They asked; we told. In fact, they both read the main book of the course, It's Perfectly Normal, last year. (I highly recommend it; that, and the American Girl one, The Care and Keeping of You 1 & 2.) Now, as fully informed as any fourth graders, they just roll their eyes at me when the topic arises.
Most of the time.
"Mom," Sis asked on Friday, "why do all the songs on the radio talk about sex?"
Um . . . because it's geared to (and often performed by) hormonal teenagers who are exploring their bodies, identities, and relationships and/or adults nostalgic for (or stuck in) that phase?? Sis thought the song "Animals" must be about fluffy bunnies or something--not people smelling and preying upon and "eating" (I kid you not) each other--because she couldn't understand the lyrics.*
OWL came just in time.
-=-=-=-=-=-
*excerpt from "Animals" by Maroon V
Baby, I'm preying on you tonight
Hunt you down eat you alive
Just like animals, animals, like animals-mals
Maybe you think that you can hide
I can smell your scent from miles
Just like animals, animals, like animals-mals
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
The Wait is Over
The wait is over.
And so is (some of) the inequality and discrimination.
The Supreme Court has struck down DOMA, making same-sex marriages in states where they are legal also legal on the federal level.
Mama and I are well and truly married.
I cried on the phone with Mama and with Pop. Then went to school for the last-day party and was teary when I got hugs from several of the teachers (who asked if I were teary for the last day).
And then I told the kiddos and cried some more.
It's all good. And now I'm baking a big celebratory rainbow birthday cake! Thank you, Supreme Court, for Mama's wonderful birthday presents.
And so is (some of) the inequality and discrimination.
The Supreme Court has struck down DOMA, making same-sex marriages in states where they are legal also legal on the federal level.
Mama and I are well and truly married.
I cried on the phone with Mama and with Pop. Then went to school for the last-day party and was teary when I got hugs from several of the teachers (who asked if I were teary for the last day).
And then I told the kiddos and cried some more.
It's all good. And now I'm baking a big celebratory rainbow birthday cake! Thank you, Supreme Court, for Mama's wonderful birthday presents.
Waiting
I'm waiting to see if we're legally married and legally a family on a federal level today. It's weird. And really rather helpless feeling.
Early this week, Sis asked if the Supreme Court could make a family move, could make them separate. She was asking because she knows about the two cases before SCOTUS. I assured her that, no matter what, we were a family, we were staying together, that the Supreme Court didn't have that kind of power.
Yes, thank heavens we live here in Connecticut.
Even if both cases don't go our way, the worst we suffer, practically, is the continued loss of thousands of dollars in taxes. That and a continued sense of inequality. And righteousness.
Still, it would be wonderful if DOMA were struck down.
I've been saving some rainbow paper goods to celebrate. And it's Mama's birthday. Wouldn't striking down DOMA be a great birthday present from the Supreme Court?
Early this week, Sis asked if the Supreme Court could make a family move, could make them separate. She was asking because she knows about the two cases before SCOTUS. I assured her that, no matter what, we were a family, we were staying together, that the Supreme Court didn't have that kind of power.
Yes, thank heavens we live here in Connecticut.
Even if both cases don't go our way, the worst we suffer, practically, is the continued loss of thousands of dollars in taxes. That and a continued sense of inequality. And righteousness.
Still, it would be wonderful if DOMA were struck down.
I've been saving some rainbow paper goods to celebrate. And it's Mama's birthday. Wouldn't striking down DOMA be a great birthday present from the Supreme Court?
Thursday, October 11, 2012
The Sinner and the Sin, Or National Coming Out Day
I don't often post about being a lesbian. It's no secret, of course, and I'm not ashamed or uncomfortable. It just doesn't come up as a subject in ways that make interesting posts, at least compared with life with twins or the craziness that was our summer. I can only tell you for the umpteenth time that Mama was mistaken for my son--happened at the Ren Faire on Monday when a booth staffer tried to get my young fella to try his hand at a tomato-throwing game--or that I had to correct someone about the kids having two moms and not a dad--happened recently when a cashier remarked that the kids should tell their dad.
And I can only rage about the homophobia of the Boy Scouts so many times. (Though, I could tell you about the young man who realized he was gay and came out, only to be denied his earned Eagle Scout award! Or about the Greenwich, CT den mom who was kicked out when news got out of her den that she was a lesbian! It's a discriminatory organization--if you support it, you support and encourage its discrimination against me. Period. Don't tell me it's convenient or a tradition or your den isn't like that. Because that doesn't change that the Boy Scouts have fought all the way to the Supreme Court to be able to discriminate against me.)
But I've recently been confronted with a new kind of challenge: love the sinner, not the sin.
Yep, I have a Mormon friend.
I don't want to go into it too much, as we have a delicate friendship built on mutual interests and tolerance, but will say that my friend absolutely believes and agrees with her church's stance against same-sex relationships and also practices the LDS stance of tolerating--but not condoning, accepting, or approving--LGBTQ people--you know, that whole love the sinner, not the sin teaching. I guess I do something of the same--tolerate her faith while recognizing her own inherent worth and dignity (UU principle #1)--just like I love my friends even though their sons are Scouts. I should say that, while I knew she was a Latter Day Saint, until recently I figured she might be like my Catholic friends who are fairly "cafeteria" in their selection of the Vatican's (happy 50th anniversary, Vatican II, by the way!) teachings, supporting women priests, married priests, same-sex marriage, birth control, and abortion while still taking communion and sending their kids to CCD. Or like the liberal Mormon feminist Joanna Brooks, author of the Book of Mormon Girl, which I am reading for insight into the faith and its followers and those who have trouble following some of it (see her blog here.)
It all reminds me of the recent NYTimes Op-Ed, "We're Here, We're Queer, Y'all!, which made me mad, or sad, or a combo of the two. Essentially, the author, Karen L. Cox, said that being LGBTQ in the rural South was okay . . . because they don't beat you or burn your house down.
They only call adults by silly terms like "Uncle Poodle" to denote their "light in the loafer"-ness.
And refuse to openly or publicly acknowledge your relationships by calling your long-time partner just your "friend."
And disagree vehemently with the concept of same-sex marriage.
And think your homosexuality is an abomination.
I'm pretty sure I could not live somewhere (read Texas) that the majority of people felt like that about me. It's challenging enough to have one person in my life that I know feels like that (my in-laws are a complicated, different story), though I can't articulate why or why I do it. And I think I feel guilty, hypocritical, surprised, upset, incredulous. It's very personal. Which, as we all know, is very political.
Maybe, beyond the ordinary pleasures of friendship, I had hoped that I could facilitate some kind of teachable moment.
Is that how LGBTQ people in the South feel, how they get through it? There just aren't many easy answers.
Sometimes, coming out is the easy part.
And I can only rage about the homophobia of the Boy Scouts so many times. (Though, I could tell you about the young man who realized he was gay and came out, only to be denied his earned Eagle Scout award! Or about the Greenwich, CT den mom who was kicked out when news got out of her den that she was a lesbian! It's a discriminatory organization--if you support it, you support and encourage its discrimination against me. Period. Don't tell me it's convenient or a tradition or your den isn't like that. Because that doesn't change that the Boy Scouts have fought all the way to the Supreme Court to be able to discriminate against me.)
But I've recently been confronted with a new kind of challenge: love the sinner, not the sin.
Yep, I have a Mormon friend.
I don't want to go into it too much, as we have a delicate friendship built on mutual interests and tolerance, but will say that my friend absolutely believes and agrees with her church's stance against same-sex relationships and also practices the LDS stance of tolerating--but not condoning, accepting, or approving--LGBTQ people--you know, that whole love the sinner, not the sin teaching. I guess I do something of the same--tolerate her faith while recognizing her own inherent worth and dignity (UU principle #1)--just like I love my friends even though their sons are Scouts. I should say that, while I knew she was a Latter Day Saint, until recently I figured she might be like my Catholic friends who are fairly "cafeteria" in their selection of the Vatican's (happy 50th anniversary, Vatican II, by the way!) teachings, supporting women priests, married priests, same-sex marriage, birth control, and abortion while still taking communion and sending their kids to CCD. Or like the liberal Mormon feminist Joanna Brooks, author of the Book of Mormon Girl, which I am reading for insight into the faith and its followers and those who have trouble following some of it (see her blog here.)
It all reminds me of the recent NYTimes Op-Ed, "We're Here, We're Queer, Y'all!, which made me mad, or sad, or a combo of the two. Essentially, the author, Karen L. Cox, said that being LGBTQ in the rural South was okay . . . because they don't beat you or burn your house down.
They only call adults by silly terms like "Uncle Poodle" to denote their "light in the loafer"-ness.
And refuse to openly or publicly acknowledge your relationships by calling your long-time partner just your "friend."
And disagree vehemently with the concept of same-sex marriage.
And think your homosexuality is an abomination.
I'm pretty sure I could not live somewhere (read Texas) that the majority of people felt like that about me. It's challenging enough to have one person in my life that I know feels like that (my in-laws are a complicated, different story), though I can't articulate why or why I do it. And I think I feel guilty, hypocritical, surprised, upset, incredulous. It's very personal. Which, as we all know, is very political.
Maybe, beyond the ordinary pleasures of friendship, I had hoped that I could facilitate some kind of teachable moment.
Is that how LGBTQ people in the South feel, how they get through it? There just aren't many easy answers.
Sometimes, coming out is the easy part.
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