Friday, February 21, 2014

Sex, VD, and Porn*

Or, the topics of three conversations I've had with the kids in three days!

That's the blessing and curse of being an ask-me-anything parent.

First it was the mating penguins at the aquarium.  Then it was a t-shirt in Boston that said, "I got crabs in Boston."  Finally, it was an unfortunate internet search.

At least, since we've been having such conversations for years (and here and here and see "THE TALK" below), so a.)  I almost never blink anymore before launching into the information, managing (almost) to keep it age-appropriate and not talk too much, and b.) they don't flinch at hearing whatever and soon grow rather disinterested.

Besides, we've realized that whatever they ask, it's just better to answer--they'll find out one way or another and we'd rather give them correct information and our family values upfront.

Which included, this time, always wear protection!

(*Can you imagine the hits I'm going to get with that title?!?)

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THE TALK

I can't believe I never blogged this--maybe because it happened the day before we left for Disney World last year.  I did put it on FB though, and here's what I said:

OMG, I just had THE talk with the kiddos, over lunch, completely inadvertently (you know how I talk and get on tangents--but they asked directly and there was nowhere to go but through it!). I'm not sure I can look at fries and onion rings the same again--and I didn't even use them as props. (No worries, classmates' parents, I told them not to share their new knowledge. And they're pretty good about that.) Though, in truth, I'd rather have this talk than the Santa Claus one.

Continued in comments . . . .
 I guess time will tell how it went. It's promising, though, for now: Bud said "ewh!" Otherwise, I did probably talk too much, as I often do--just after the talk, when they asked about the athlete Pistorius on tv, I ended up talking about apartheid and violence in South Africa! But how it started: we were talking about our "mom" calendar and how it excluded 2-dad families, then we moved on to birth dads, and thus birth. And they asked directly how women get pregnant, both in our case (easy--doctor's office!) and usually. So I launched into the explanation--sex, egg, semen, sperm, vagina, penis. They very pointedly wanted to know how the sperm got to the egg (previously, when discussing this, we'd mentioned "ingredients" coming together generally to make a baby--like cooking! Easier. But kinda silly.) I also made some references to safe touches (via the program at school), safe sex and disease, menstruation (they do have 2 moms, after all), and even pleasure--but only for loving and consenting ADULTS!  I told them we'd be talking about this again and again as they got older as it was important, that they could ask us or their uncle anything, and had a right to privacy and to talk about it alone without their twin around. They had no more questions and ran off to play "Phantom of the Opera." Whew. Truthfully, it was easier than talking about cancer or Newtown.
 

2 comments:

  1. I agree about answering their questions honestly yet appropriately. The one thing that I am still a little amazed is about my daughter, we discussed so much and she knows you need a male to make a baby, she knows babies grow in the uterus, she knows how they are born (both naturally and c-section), she knows about periods, but the one thing she has not yet asked was how the baby gets there too begin with. I find it interesting and i don't believe she actually knows. I think her mind hasn't "gone there yet" She just hasn't thought that far, I guess??? Who knows? My oldest son knows the whole deal from us and school and the other is too young and hasn't brought anything up yet.

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  2. The most important thing is to emphasise LOVE and to try to tell them the difference between that and animal lust. Over here any 18 year old is an adult but the age of consent is 16, plenty consent before then and it is probably years before they get the feeling of true love. Dont worry too much, every parent has the same problem. My parents and many others solved the problem by saying nothing, we, boys and girls, found out together and great fun it was too. But there was no 'pill' and the girls were all very cautious.

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