It was Cleaning House: A Mom's 12-Month Experiment to Rid Her House of Youth Entitlement by Kay Wills Wyma. It's certainly not my usual read, though I have been reading some self-improvement, parenting, non-fiction books in the last few years.
But I don't think I've ever read one that has a blurb from Focus on the Family on the cover. Or that was written by a person who worked in the Bush White House. A woman who decries the socialism of our current government and the entitlement of the welfare state, all while exploring why her youngsters don't pick up after themselves and she had let them get away with it.
Yeah, that's equivalent: food stamps and unemployment vs. kids thinking it's their mom's job to clean the house. Why do I think no kid in public housing would ever say that to his or her mom??
So, right away, my spine is up about the author's politics. I just wanted to read why and how she went about encouraging older kids to be more pro-active in household chores.
And I'll admit, Republican Tea-Partyism aside (and I feel quite proud of myself that I can read a book from across the aisle, so to speak!), I liked her idea about the $30 jar. Essentially, kids are giving a jar with 30-$1 (or 31 or 28) bills in it at the beginning of each month. Everyday that they do their assigned clean-up in their rooms, they get to keep their dollar; however, in the event that they leave clothes, toothbrushes, toys out and about, they lose the dollar.
I have a pile of ones ready for April.
I was curious to see what she did the other months--each month was a new household chore like laundry, cooking, gardening, etc. I wonder what 12 chores I'd want to train the kids in--opening cat food cans and scooping the litter box? taking the recycling out? dusting? washing windows? They already unload the silverware (they can't reach any of the dish or glass cabinets), "shark" the kitchen floor, and help with feeding the cats and with laundry. With no remuneration because we firmly believe it's part of their responsibility as members of the family. But we also realize that the time has come for a bit of an allowance, which they can earn. We're also prepping them to take care of their own spaces as we get ready to put them in separate rooms this summer (which will involve moving about 1000 books, dressers, a bed, etc, and has repercussions across 2 floors and the basement.)
She also wrote about how, while she was taught responsibility and had chores (though, she admits not many because she had sports and studying, and, speaking of entitlement, she got a BMW for her Sweet 16), she hadn't required any of that of her four kids. I'm particularly interested in this because I had no chores or responsibilities as a child: I did not help with dishes, laundry, the yard, garbage, feeding the pets. Nothing. My mom had me mow a row of grass once but decided she didn't like how I did it and thought it would be easier to do herself. I figure I got out of all the work that way. Otherwise, I kept my room impeccably clean because I liked it that way. I did my homework and made As because that was my only job (but I'm not even sure how expected that was; I never really talked about grades with my parents, probably because I had good ones. They certainly never inquired about much less looked at my homework.) But I left for college never having handled money because I had no allowance (but had perfected begging and borrowing to buy whatever), never having done my own laundry, etc etc etc. And when I had my own apartment, I scrubbed toilets and tubs for the first time, unsure how to do any of it.
My kids aren't going to be that lucky. Though, in retrospect, I'm not sure that's what you call it.
You had it easy, but you were a girl. I Had to chop firewood and get 'shopping', buy cigarettes, cycle 2 miles to school and generally try to be useful. I did not get around to toilet cleaning until I hit the army, then 2 of us shared cleaning 3 toilets every day 'serving' about 50 young men. Now I always tip a lavatory attendant, saying' I used to do that job but I gave it up and became an drainage engineer, better paid but often dangerous and sometimes just as dirty'.
ReplyDeleteWhatever the reason you are a gentle caring mother, friend,daughter etc. Stay as you are.
Your mowing experience reminded me of ours with our girls. Each one took over mowing when the older one left for college. But Robin wanted to begin before Carolyn left. I explained to her that if she started it, it would then be her job until she moved out. She was eager to start; in her mind -- riding mower --how could that be a job? It should have taken about 3 hours. With Robin it took considerably longer -- days, at times. She would mow a while and then come in for a lengthy rest in front of the tv with a snack before heading out again. Her mowing was "creative", making lazy circles and figure 8's -- basically meandering around the yard until it was "all done." Unluckily for her, I had no problem with how the job was executed. I informed her that I didn't care how badly she did it, the job would remain hers. It kept her busy and it kept me out of the heat.
ReplyDeleteSame as you. My mom never asked me to do a thing. But it didn't change what kind of home I would have and have as an adult. I want the chores done and done well. Mike and I share those responsibilities and are slowing introducing small chores for the kids to help us with. I want a clean house and order so often I will do things myself just to get them done! Like you, my bedroom growing up was very neat and tidy although I can't say ahem, that my grades were!
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