Pintathletes

My last few weeks on Pinterest have been an eye-opening experience for me.  For those of you who don't know, Pinterest is an extremely popular website that functions as the virtual corkboard of ideas and inspirations found around the web by internet users, a very specific, highly-desirable subset of internet users--those who control the American family's pursestrings.  Pinterest users, if I may hazard a (completely stereotyped) guess all in good fun, are generally white, middle-class, 30s-ish, Christian American women with children, many of whom teach school or stay at home, and who:

• love tattoos--especially tattoos that say "love" in cursivey-hearts
• express creativity through elaborate fingernail polish designs (I've seen Santas, tie dye, sneaker laces, and hundreds of others)
• have long hair and love braids but don't really know how to braid and so need many tutorials
• want to know how to make the most out of limited wardrobes, like the basic shirt
•  . . . .which can also be made into a reusable grocery bag, a necklace, or a headband!
• feel fat--and want either products like this plastic warp treatment or exercise regimes like this countdown jumping jacks one or make-your-own skinny desserts and 100 calorie snack packs to become thinner
• crave, make, and eat food that might contribute to a weight problem--if you only ate dishes published on Pinterest, you would eat an amazing amount of 1). crockpot meals with cream of fat soup and packages of ranch dressing 2). chicken bakes with 1/2 stick of butter and more packages of ranch dressing or onion soup 3). quick pastas combining jars of both spaghetti sauce and alfredo sauce 4). desserts with Oreos baked inside, covered in white chocolate, or inspiring desserts that look like Oreos or anything Red Velvet---oh, Red Velvet Oreos!!!???
• only want their kids to eat healthy snacks from long lists of pre-approved ideas and lunches made of the same
• express their frugality by DIY home decor projects, home sewn clothes, homemade Christmas presents, and recreated versions of store-bought mixes
• love crafts, especially those with paint swatches, crochet, owls, stenciling, and fun things to do with kids
• but want to make their own bubbles, finger paint, chalk, crayons (hey, that's my pin!), etc.
• really prefer programmed time with their kids--101 activities to cheer up, calm down, explore nature, play with science, learn about artists--often inspired by Montessori
• while I don't see it too often, I figure there are a lot of homeschoolers or homeschooler-wannabes
• . . . . and Mormons
• really love compendiums, lists, sets, collections, bullet-points, and itemization
• obsess about clean houses and how to achieve them with shortcuts using baking soda, vinegar, hydrogen peroxide, and such and projects on de-cluttering their houses in 30 days
• actually, 30-day challenges are big--to draw, journal, be a better parent, romance their husbands
• "Have a sweet, gentle sense of humor," said nobody ever (and love to see such quotes on snarky, sarcastic or ironic postcards with Victorian line drawings and stylish colors or cross-stitched with pretty little flowers)
• but avoid irony and sarcasm in their embrace of inspirational quotes, preferably hand-lettered on chalkboards or canvas, and guides to the Bible and scripture (which is not granola, by the way, so don't just choose the parts you like!)
• worry about how to record for posterity their weddings, pregnancies, and children's childhoods (and school experiences in a Oh The Places You'll Go secretly autographed by teachers for a dozen years!) and so detail memory crafts, photography poses, birth announcements etc.
• prepare for holidays approximately two holidays in advance (and want to put Jesus back in Easter and Christmas, and that ELF)
• don't like Twilight much at all, at least in public, and will poke fun at it (Hermione fought a dark lord, Princess Leia fought an empire, Katniss started a rebellion, and Bella got married.)
• really like 50 Shades of Grey but don't mention it in public often
• also love Disney princesses, without the irony
• not only read and share but create the content shared on Pinterest by writing blogs with interesting ideas and often amazing artistic photography
• know their way around Photoshop, Instagram, Adobe, and other programs/apps
• even enjoy poking fun at Pinterest projects and ideas on Pinstrosity

And in truth, though I type in the third person on the list (and am somewhat snarky about it), most of those apply to me, of which my pins are veritable proof (I mean, how else would I know exactly what pinners prefer??).  I'm not at all embarrassed and am quite enjoying it . . . Besides, I'm sure there's a pin of "Judge not lest ye be judged!"