One Day at a Time

See demons as demons: that is the danger.

Know that they are powerless: that is the way.

Understand them for what they are: that is deliverance.

Recognize them as your father and mother: that is their end.

Realize that they are creations of the mind: they become its glory.

When you know these truths, all is liberation.

--Milarepa, 12th-century Tibetan poet and Buddhist figure

This week has been stressful.  Mama Hungry's back has bothered her all week, even with meds and PT.  She has been mostly house-bound and hasn't been comfortable driving.  She feels better and we hope she is improving.  However, we also know from repeated experience that recovery from back pain is a tricky business, so we're taking one day at a time.  

I've been thankful that I'm mobile and strong enough to pick up some of the more necessary things that Mama does, like local driving and grocery shopping, cooking and cleaning.  I can't easily do the laundry, but we're recruiting the kids for more chores as their contribution to the family.  

But I've also been scared:  it's hard to see someone I love in pain.  It's hard not to be able to help more.  I know how dependent we as a family are on her, not only for her paycheck (thank heavens her company is generous with days off, medical insurance, short-term disability, and the like), but also her strength, determination, and caretaking.  I'm trying to fill some of her shoes, but don't quite fit.

And it's hard because I'm reliving the many times when I've felt exactly the way she feels now (literally, she has many of the same issues, we've discovered).  I see her wince when she moves, hold and rub her back, wonder aloud why the pain changes, take tentative steps, curl up in a ball looking for relief, try different meds and rubs and positions and heat and ice and rest and mild activity.  

And the stress and the additional work makes my back hurt.

So we reassure one another.   Make adjustments to our plans and activities.  Meditate.  Focus on the mind-body connection.  Stay in the moment.  Be grateful.

One day at a time.