Yesterday, we went out to lunch at a restaurant we should boycott for their previously homophobic employment policies (which are totally legal because there is no federal protection for sexuality in the U.S. The restaurant chain has recently changed the anti-gay policy), but we like the "home-cooking" and the little store in front is a great distraction for restless kiddos.
We were seated next to a family with baby twins, probably about 6 months; I'd guess fraternal twin boys. There they were with their two bucket carriers propped up in chairs. But the babes were both in arms, one with each parent. Each was actively shoving a rattle into his little toothless mouth. And before they began to eat, their parents spread plastic sticky placemats on the table. We had those, with Sesame Street characters--which at the time we couldn't identify because we a). didn't watch tv and b). didn't talk. I don't remember what the kids ate, though I saw bottles. By the time they were eating I was too distracted with my own kiddos. But I did lean over, having been caught staring for the umpteenth time, and say "It gets easier."
They said, "You're the first one to say that."
But it's true, sort of. The sheer physical challenge of twins--feeding at the same time, holding at the same time, anything at the same time--abates with age as they can do things for themselves. Then the, let's call them, discipline problems start. Because twins are always in each other's space and the fact that they can't developmentally think their way to sharing yet makes life difficult. So, you constantly deal with taking turns, physical aggression, waiting, and patience, and all the meltdowns that occur when they can't handle those things appropriately. When my toddlers attack, usually over some toy that one had and the other, who couldn't have cared less, decides he or she wants, my friends shake their heads and mutter, "I don't know how you do it." Well, most of them have babies right now (or hope to soon), so they're going to find out eventually (and they're seeing more of it during playdates and such). But having to deal with these issues is less stressful for me because at least we're learning life skills in the process; there was no real lesson being learned if one baby had to cry on the floor or in the swing while I held the other crying baby. It would break my heart. But, now, when one pushes the other, my heart doesn't break as I worry about future ramifications of such behavior (realizing meanwhile that it's age appropriate and not really an indication of future problems) and I know what to do--we do timeouts for any physical aggression--no warnings, instant "in the timeout spot." Any other transgression gets warnings and appropriate repercussions.
Anyway, so I told those twin parents that it gets easier--which is what dozens of twin parents told me when they'd see that double stroller. It always made me feel better to know that someone understood.
And so, I turned away from the babes in arms to my own kiddos, whom DP had taught the spoon trick to--the fact that you see yourself upside down in the bowl of a spoon. DS looked a bit and went right back to his cereal in book game (which we'd bought at the church booksale that morning--he liked to turn the page with the cereal still there and only later decided to eat the Os), but DD was fascinated and started making faces. Puckered lips, bared teeth, lopsided grin. She tried to put the spoon down to stretch out her mouth with both hands, so I held it so she could see. And then I flipped it over and she was right-side up. Wow. She couldn't get over that and kept flipping the spoon over and back and making these great funny faces.
Yeah, much easier than holding her on my lap. And much more fun.
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