The Four Things

Please forgive me.
I forgive you.
Thank you.
I love you.

Dr. Ira Byock, in his The Four Things that Matter Most, posits that these four simple phrases, when addressed to your loved ones, will often transform your relationships for the better.  Byock has worked in palliative and hospice care throughout his career and has extrapolated the Four Things from those experiences, particularly the radical changes wrought when they're used by families facing death.  I read the book for my hospice work, as most of the examples are deathbed conversations.  But I can absolutely see how I could use them now, though I'm not currently at death's door.  As he says, why wait, because you never know . . . . (and I think, right now, one of my bigger fears is dying unexpectedly, like in a car accident.)

I can see that the forgiveness bits would be the hardest, particularly as "please forgive me" verges on "I'm sorry," without, specifically, the actual apology (though you can do that, too, if you mean it).  As in, "Please forgive me for being gay" is not the same as "I'm sorry for being gay."  (This is the most obvious example  . . . and not one that actually really speaks to me personally.)  Forgiveness, as Byock repeatedly asserts, is not acceptance or a condoning of the past action, but a way to leave the past in the past while acknowledging the pain once and for all.  You can still be angry, hurt, offended, whatever, but you are saying this no longer has hold over me.  Or, I know this caused you pain, hurt, offense and I'm sorry you suffered (even if you're not sorry about the action).  I realized, though, that saying something like, "I forgive you for being a terrible ______" might be more hurtful than helpful.  I guess you'd have to watch how you phrased it.    You've seen them here on this blog before.  Forgiveness seems more personal because it addresses pain.  Regrets, mistakes, affronts, poor decisions, inadvertent injury.  I think I'm better at "thank you" and "I love you."  Byock also indicates that forgiving ourselves is also extremely powerful--forgive yourself for not being perfect, for being human and flawed.

It's an easier system to remember and to try to follow than, say, the formal statements of non-violent communication.  Byock even acknowledges that working through them on your own can help, if there is not an opportunity or a positive reception to saying it to someone.  It's not a magic spell, even if he recounts the wonders it has worked.  And really, what relationship can't be buoyed at anytime by these Four Things?

So don't be surprised if you hear some of these phrases come out of my mouth more often.

Today!

Today starts another Whole Food Kitchen experience, with Heather Bruggeman.  I've taken this before, as well as her 30-Day Vegan (twice), and enjoy the recipes, information, and community spirit of the other participants.  So why do it again? I didn't get to focus on the last WFK as much as I had hoped because of Mama's back injury and such.  Now, after our rough summer, Mama and I are looking forward to continuing our focus on the simple things.  We've had a lot of couple and family time and now we are turning our renewed attention on simple, healthy, whole foods.  And you know how I love recipes!  Unfortunately, I can't share any of them here, but I will tell you about the experience as it progresses.  It's another part of my fall start.

My Own Hospice 101

I've been attending hospice training these last few weeks, finishing up this morning, and absorbed wonderful information and inspiration.  Without going into too much detail about HIPAA law and OSHA protections, I wanted to pass along what has interested and touched me the most.

Death and Dying
We spent a lot of our first meeting exploring our own notions of death and dying:  personal experiences, religious beliefs, fears.  I realized that death has usually been on the periphery of my life--(almost in order) grandparents, cousin, aunts and uncles, co-worker, young man at the school where I worked, a Chicago friend, church friends, playgroup child, friends' parents, pets--but always there.  I have never been present at a death and not even too near.  I would say this was lucky, and of course I'm grateful not to have a regular or close acquaintance with death, but I think it leaves in its place this uncertainty, even fear.  We never really talked about death when anyone died--not about where they went (because as atheists, we believed that answer was "nowhere fast") or how we felt or what death entailed, beyond perhaps a recitation of Kubler-Ross's stages and the recognition that funerals were for the living.  Even my childhood nightmares of dying were met quite practically with "you're not going to die tonight."  Perhaps that is one of the reasons I'm exploring this now. So I was fascinated to read the very plain, not very morbid, descriptions of physical death--about changes in breathing (including the so-called "rattle"), how hearing is the last sense to go, how extremities lose heat, how skin becomes mottled. I also liked answering the probing, philosophical questions like, "Would you like to know when you are going to die?"  Yes, I said.  To know, so I can both prepare and quit thinking about it.

What is hope?
How would you define hope?  I think of it as optimism for the future, looking forward to/towards something.  I hadn't given much thought to hope as part of hospice, but that's because my definition of hope was narrow, i.e. a cure, more time.  But it can also be hope for freedom from pain, hope for a serene or dignified death, hope for reconciliation or the fixing of regrets.  As a hospice volunteer, we can try to help achieve those hopes and  to provide comfort and companionship during that process.

Cultural Approaches to Death and Dying
One of my favorite handouts of training concerned the different cultural approaches to death and dying, from Buddhist and Hindu concerns about being mindful (often without medication) to Jewish and Muslim quick burial practices.  Just this morning, I recalled a fascinating exhibit I'd seen at the MCNY, on burial practices of different cultures in NYC:  the photographs/portraits of the deceased of Russian or Eastern European origin; the stones on the graves of the Jewish dead (famously shown at the end of Schindler's List); the need for Chinese graves to face a certain way (I can't remember the specifics--Mama's ancestors are as close to the top of the mountain, but looking out from it, as they can be positioned in Thailand).  We also talked a lot about death and dying in the U.S. and how it (interesting like pregnancy before it, though that has changed recently) has been shuffled off to hospitals and distanced from "normal" and ordinary life through medical intervention.  This creates unfamiliarity, discomfort, and fear.  Hospice hopes to allow people more comfortable, dignified, less frightening deaths through information and support.  But, even now, people only routinely enter hospice 16 days before they die, though they can qualify approximately 6 months beforehand.  Hospice is still seen as giving up hope and is often avoided.  As I mentioned about hope, it's a different kind of hope.  Because people are uncomfortable with death, they often avoid the dying and so patients can be isolated and alone (I saw this with just my own back injury, realizing of course, that people do have other things going on, but that isn't all it is).  And so we hospice volunteers are surrogate friends (and might become, in a way, real friends)--sitting with, talking to, comforting, helping dying people.

Meet Them Where They Are
One of the catchphrases of training was "meet them where they are."  This means if the patient and family do not want to acknowledge the process of dying or discuss death, we don't.  Denial is normal and can be appropriate.  We're just visiting, there to support them wherever they are.  If they are angry, we listen.  If they have questions, we try to answer and reassure them.  But we don't proselytize for our own beliefs, though we can discuss them if asked.  We can't fix things, obviously, except perhaps little things like fetching items, applying lotion, bringing music or flowers.   Mainly, we listen.

Anticipatory Grief and Reactive Depression
There were several informative charts and lists of stages and theories; two of my favorite terms were anticipatory grief and reactive depression.  Anticipatory grief is the sadness/anger/guilt you feel as the person grows ill, even before they die, but it is also what the patient feels during the dying process.  Reactive depression is contrasted with clinical depression, in that it is based on a particular event and has limited duration.  It is normal, as is anticipatory grief.  The appropriateness of reactive depression is why experts were upset that grief is being added to the new DSM V, defining it as an abnormal and therefore treatable condition.

Nearing Death Awareness
One of the books I've read in conjunction with my training (but not required by it) is Final Gifts by Maggie Callanan and Patricia Kelley.  These two hospice workers explore "nearing death awareness," or the ability of the dying person to recognize his or her condition as well as the similarities dying holds for many people, including communicating their needs for connection or closure, sometimes identifying the day or time of their deaths (often metaphorically, i.e. "I'm going to a party on Wednesday."), and/or seeing comforting visions often of deceased loved ones.   It's a wonderful book for hospice volunteers, in that it outlines many of the different conversations or experiences we might have with patients.  Recently, at church, we heard a sermon on companioning the dying, or vigilling, and the sacredness of it.  The speaker, Carol Rizzolo, recounted numerous literary accounts of dying, particular from Gilgamesh and ancient Greece.  She also mentions, without calling it "near death awareness," the visions people see close to their deaths.

Other Sources
I've read a few other books in the last few weeks, including Joan Didion's Year of Magical Thinking,  and Mitch Albom's Tuesdays with Morrie and Five People You Meet in Heaven.  Of course, these aren't textbook theories on death and dying, but personal experiences, both non-fiction and fiction.  Totally different personal experiences, from Didion's journalistic exploration of her reactions to her husband's shocking death during their daughter's own illness to Albom's emotional, spiritual, personal lessons from his dying professor.  I liked Albom better, though Didion's writing is more literary, if only because her memoir is so much more personal and painful. I also read Leo Buscaglia's The Fall of Freddie the Leaf, which I recall Gommie discussing years ago.  The metaphor of the life of the leaf through the seasons is obvious but touching, though I was surprised that Freddie felt no anxiety or sadness when his friends fell off the tree.  For kids, I like the animals of Badger's Parting Gift, which includes both Badger's own experience of dying and the reactions of his friends.  I have several more books on my list--by Ira Byock, Roshi Joan Halifax, Judith Viorst, George Bonanno, even C.S. Lewis--and I'll let you know when I've read them.  And if you have a favorite, please let me know (I know several of you took death and dying courses or bereavement training.)


Now that I've finished training, I'll shadow a chaplain or social worker on visits to patients and then start visiting on my own, probably once a week for as little as 15 minutes or up to an hour or so.  HIPAA regulations will prevent me (and protect the patients) from sharing any but the most basic experiences (i.e. "my patient died today.")  But I know I will be blogging about lessons learned eventually.

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UPDATE (February 22, 2017):  I would add a resource, Hospice Net, that has lots of great information about hospice, but particularly how to talk to children about death.    Also, other good ones for kids include:  For Heaven's Sake (about a grandson wondering where his grandfather has gone, ie.  where is heaven?), and Water Bugs and Dragonflies (a different perspective on transition, death, and any kind of afterlife.)

For adults, I find both books by Maggie Callanhan--Final Journeys and Final Gifts--to be helpful.  And those You Tube videos and books by T. Bathi, including Facing Your Fears: Straight Talk about the Dying Process (very hard to find sometimes.)   If you need a different kind of way to explore these issues, see the cards My Gift of Grace (a card "game" for living and dying well.  Finally, perhaps for future reference for discussing these issues with your loved ones, see Five Wishes, a series of forms recognized as legally binding in many states.

See also my post, "Hospice Help," an excerpt of which I include below to have all the advice in one spot.

. . . . here are my notes, with some alterations in order and a few additions, on death and dying for caregivers. 

Signs to look for:

·         Sleep is so important, sacred even at this time.  Patients will sleep more, coming in and out of consciousness.  Sometimes they see or hear things that no one else in the room does.  These visions are often comforting.

·         Eating:  people’s bodies will not need much food at the end and patients lose their appetites.  It can be so hard to allow someone we care about to stop eating—but encouraging or cajoling them into eating can actually hurt them physically (constipation, even feeding just a cancerous tumor), so not feeding them can be a gift.  

·         Drinking:  Patients often don’t need a lot of liquid.  Natural dehydration actually helps the body by eliminating excess fluid that the heart has trouble dealing with.  Excess liquid can cause swelling in hands and feet and discomfort.  Signs of natural dehydration include eyelids won’t close all the way and ear lobes begin to droop.  Ice chips or wet swabs can help with dry lips, also lip balm.  *It is important to note  that patients don’t die because they aren’t fed or hydrated but because they are ill with something else; not eating and drinking is a symptom of dying, not its cause. 

·         Other signs:

o   Breathing:  can become labored (Cheyne-Stokes breathing, with lots of time between breaths)—but it doesn’t hurt the patient; natural chemicals released by body can reduce pain and panic.  If there is some difficulty breathing, angle a fan at the side of patient’s face, which relaxes the facial muscles and helps ease breathing.  Also, if you breathe slowly that helps the patient.  Finally, so-called death rattle is loud and can bother listeners but again it doesn’t hurt or bother the patient.

o   Hands and feet can become cold or even mottled (like purple bruises); looks disturbing but isn’t bothering patient.  Often a sign that death is very near (days or even hours.)

o   Lazarus Syndrome—an unexplainable surge of increased energy and interaction near the very end; death often follows within hours or a day.

What you can do:

o   Talk, sing, pray—hearing is the last sense to go.  Tell family stories.  Say what you’ll remember most.  Sometimes it helps to give patient permission to go.  “I’ll love you, but I will be okay.  You can go.”  (See my post Hospice Poems and Songs)
o    Take photos, cards, and signs to decorate their room and nightstand.  This gives you and other visitors, even the hospice team, something to talk about besides health and the obvious.  Photos especially are a nice jumping-off point for bringing up good memories and loved ones.

o   Touch is important—brush hair, rub lotion, touch arms and hands, even crawl in bed—ill and elderly patients can be very isolated physically

o   Question to ask yourself, “What’s the most important thing today?”

o   Think of loved one’s energy as finite amount of money to spend each day, save it for what is most important—ill or elderly people’s pulse can be like that of a marathoner (normal is around 60 bpm; theirs can be 90-120+bpm; tire quickly, even just dressing)

o   Remember to take care of yourself:  eat, drink, sleep, get fresh air, take breaks.  You help the patient more when you help yourself.

o   Patients often have some control over the time of death—after a special date or visit, when everyone is nearby or when everyone is gone.  If your loved one dies when you are not in the room, it was probably their choice, to make it easier on themselves and on you.

Peace be with Her

The daughter of the doctor who delivered our twins died of pediatric brain cancer last week.  May her family be comforted.

Happy Moon Festival!

Right Now

Brightest rainbow I've ever seen...and it's a double!

Kidbits

Including several from the August with Gommie and Pop:

As I've mentioned, the kids are obsessed with Pokemon, thanks to Mama and Goo (who was obsessed himself, years ago).  I know enough about Pokemon to identify Ash, the major Pokemon, and the basic plot of the tv show (we're not playing the card game yet).  I even have a favorite:  Snorlax, the giant sleeping cat.  But recently, the kids have decided I'm a different Pokemon--Smoochums, the huggy-kissy one!  So instead of our usual "huggles" or cuddles, we now have "Smoochum attacks!"

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Bud, in telling us about a trip to the fitness room at Gommie and Pop's hotel, said, "I picked up 5 ton weights."  We didn't have the heart to tell him differently.

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Last night after the Brownie ceremony, Sis and Bud were having so much fun playing and Mama and I were so ready for bed that we said they could stay up and lay and then camp out downstairs!  And they did!

But around 4:30 a.m. they both ended up in our bed after a spate of nightmares, snuggling up between us.  But because Bud had left Mr. Big below in his rush for safety and comfort, he would roll to one side and hug Sis and then roll to the other side and wrap his arms around me.  At one point, he said, "You don't feel like Mr. Big."  And so I gave him one of my stuffed penguins (yep, I sleep with two; they're big and support me, like those long pregnancy pillow things) and he said it didn't feel right.  i told him it was a penguin and that seemed to satisfy.

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When Bud broke out in a rash from too much fresh fruit (a holdover from babyhood), I said, "No fresh fruit, Bud.  How about some ice cream?"  Best.  Mom.  Ever.

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Bud on dressage during the Olympics, "Is that a real sport?"

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When Pop tripped on a basketball and fell in the driveway, scraping his knee (but not hurting himself otherwise), Bud panicked, "Did you get blood on the driveway??!!"

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At some point, and I forget the whole story, Gommie and the kids were talking about what if you didn't hear with your ears.  Gommie lifted up her shirt, as if her bellybutton were listening, and said, "Whadya say?"  The kids now randomly lift up their shirts and repeat her question, breaking into hysterics!

Happy Moon Fest

Today during their visit, Ma and Gong reminisced about the celebrations of the Mid-Autumn Moon Fest in Thailand during their childhoods.  They would make paper lanterns by hand, carefully folding special paper with the aid of a pen knife and a ruler (they demonstrated, roughly, with notepaper.)  At night, they would process gingerly with lit candles inside the delicate lanterns to celebrate the moon and the harvest.  Often, the lanterns would catch fire before too long.  They would eat Chinese mooncakes, stamped with images and writing, filled with lotus seed paste or nuts, seeds, and citrus  They also remember it as a holiday for women, with the Buddha's altar decorated with handicrafts, cosmetics, brushes, and other feminine articles.  It was a holiday, they recall, associated with Kwan Yin (or Guanyin)--or in Thai, Kuan Im--the goddess of mercy and compassion.

They told us these stories, demonstrated how to make lanterns, roughly, with a piece of notebook paper, and gave us mooncakes and pink and blue lanterns for our own celebration tomorrow.  We'll eat the mooncakes (or the rest of them; we started early!  Sis likes the lotus paste.  I eat both, but not the egg yolk inside.  Mama likes them all; not Bud.) and head outside at dusk with our new lanterns. We'll also read some of the stories about the Moon Rabbit, who (I think) lives in the harvest moon and Kwan Yin.

Happy Moon Fest, everyone!

Soup's On

It looks like soup weather outside, rainy and dark, but it's warmer than I would expect for almost October, hovering around 70F during the day.  And so we've made a few batches of soup:  a Polish-inspired adaptation of Hunter's Stew (bigos) and a Spanish lentil soup like one I make in the slow cooker.  They were delicious (Bud even liked the Hunter's Stew) and perfect for the weather.  The first of many soups this season, I think.

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Hunter's Stew
1 onion, chopped
1-2 carrots, chopped
olive oil
1 head cabbage, shredded
4 cups vegetable stock
1/2 can diced tomatoes
bay leaf
2 cloves garlic, minced

Cook down the onion and carrots in olive oil.  Saute the cabbage briefly.  Add 4 cups vegetable stock and 1/2 can diced tomatoes.  Add a bay leaf and some minced garlic. Simmer until cabbage reaches desired tenderness. Season to taste.

Mama Hungry

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Stovetop Spanish Lentil Soup
1 onion, chopped
2-3 stalks celery, chopped
1-2 carrots, chopped
1/2 red pepper, seeded and chopped
olive oil
3 cups kale, de-stemmed, washed, and chopped
3 cloves garlic, minced
1 1/2 cups brown lentils, picked over and rinsed
1 teaspoon sweet Hungarian paprika
6-8 cups water
red wine vinegar

Saute onion, celery, carrots, and red pepper in olive oil until tender.  Add kale and garlic and saute briefly.  Add lentils, paprika, and water.  Season with salt and pepper to taste.  Simmer about 20 minutes or until lentils and vegetables are tender.  Serve with a splash of red wine vinegar.

Mommy Hungry, inspired by Bloodroot and adapted from a slow cooker recipe

Reviving an Old Tradition

On almost every evening that we know I was pregnant, Mama read a story to the kiddos in utero.  Guess How Much I Love You by Sam McBratney and Anita Jeram.  It was a tender, touching moment in an otherwise very uncomfortable pregnancy.

Then, on the day the kids were born, Mama went upstairs to the NICU to visit Bud, who stayed there most of his first five days on a CPAP, the biggest baby there (we were so grateful).  And the first time Mama visited him, she began to recite the text of the story and he grasped her finger, recognizing her voice.

For two years, Guess How Much I Love You, about the love of a father nutbrown hare for his little nutbrown hare, was the last story we read to them, almost always with Mama doing the reading.  Mama often changed the gender of both the parent and the child back and forth to accommodate our family.  But they slowly started to pay less attention to the story and, hurt, Mama quit reading it.

Tonight, we were looking at baby pictures and talking about their babyhood and I mentioned the book ritual of long ago.  The kids were excited, especially Sis because of the bunnies (do you think that's how the bunny thing got started??), and so we dug up a copy of the story in an anthology and Mama read.

She read it twice.

And it was as tender and touching as seven years ago.

Twist and Shout!

"Twist me and turn me,
and show me an elf.
I look in the water
and see--myself!"

Sis bridged to Brownies tonight!  My co-leaders and I spent three hours this afternoon setting everything up at a local hall--the actual bridge complete with tablecloth "water" and mirror, chairs, computer projection, and table for snacks.  All while the town was flooding around us.  Seriously, main streets closed and buses home were delayed . . . all while we blissfully hung balloons and arranged tablecloths!

But the streets dried and the sixteen Daisies turned out to exchange their blue Daisy tunics with rainbow petals for their brown Brownie vests, with official flag, CT council insignia, rainbow bridging patch, and membership insignia.  We saw a great slideshow of their last two years together--horseback riding, poetry at the assisted-living center, historical-house tour, Audubon tour, grocery store tour, firehouse tour, Garbage Museum tour, Mother's Day tea, Nutcracker party, Gingerbread party, Bounce U party, beach party, pool party, pumpkin picking and hayride, yoga, art lesson, game-playing (and that's not even all!)--we've had a great time!

Then they heard the story of the Brownie Elf and each walked across the bridge and saw themselves in the mirror.  A family member waited on the other side to switch them from their Daisy tunics to their Brownie vests while we all clapped.  I got to twist and turn Sis and then stood as Mama put on her tunic.   Bud gamefully sat in the audience (reading a Pokemon handbook)!  Once they were all done, we had them turn their Brownie membership pins upside down until they completed three good deeds.

And then we all had brownies--my plain chocolate ones as well as blondies and cheesecake brownies.  Everyone seemed to have a great time, especially those of us who remembered our own bridging years ago, before there were even Daisies, back when you bridged from Brownies to Junior Girl Scouts.  But there was the same elf story and the same bridge and twisting and turning (the only difference was the pledge, which included "mankind" back then; it's "help people at all times" or something--I never remember, even if I prefer its inclusive language.)

But no beanie hats!

Congrats to our new Brownie, the third (maybe even fourth, if my grandmother, Bammie had been a scout as a child, before she was Gommie's troop's leader--which makes me a third-generation leader!)-generation Brownie in the family!

I'm Lovin' It

Okay, despite surgery/infection in August, I'm loving having Mama home all these weeks.  I mean, how many couples get to spend their days together for weeks on end before retirement?  Sure, there's been lots of crap--and I'm not sure I'd willingly have chosen our August so that we could spend time together.  But it's a really nice side effect.  The best one, really.

It just means I'm not blogging much these days because we're doing other things, even if it's just movies at home with take-out.

The Change?

I thought it was just the stress, but my PT suggested something very different.  "How old are you again?" she asked  inquisitively.  (And we know how that question never precedes happy medical information!  And I've gotten it from my eye doctor and ENT in the last year.)

"No," I said. "Noooooo!"

'Cos I'll be 42 in less than 3 months.

And I was told I might hit menopause early because I only have one ovary (I have only heard this once, from my surgeon.  Wait, now I see it discussed anecdotally here and scientifically here).

So I just checked the Mayo Clinic for perimenopause:

(TMI warning!)

• a change in cycle by more than 7 days (I've lost 4 in the last 12 months; today, I'm more than 10 days late.  And I'm always exactly on time.);
• a change in, shall we call it, intensity? of the period (length, strength, etc);
• sleep trouble;
• mood changes (I'm irritable and prone to tears more than usual, but I chalked that up to August);
• other issues (I'm just not going there here).

The only thing--the stereotypical symptom--I don't have is hot flashes.  Well, beyond my usual intolerance of summer, which was worse this year with all the humidity.  Mercy, is heat sensitivity a symptom?

Though, any of those could also be related to my back issues and the stress we had this summer.  Right?  Right?

Blog readers, BEWARE!  We might be entering new territory.  Thankfully, I have an appointment with my new gyn in about 2 1/2 weeks (and hopefully she'll tell me I'm overreacting.  Not that I'm worried or upset really; just maybe surprised).  

Outta There

Good news:  my beloved Aunt Sis is out of the hospital!  She's moved, temporarily (I think) to a nursing facility for physical therapy.  Wishing her quick and easy healing!

Bummer

It's a small loss but poignant nonetheless:  the kids' beloved little red wagon was damaged and we had to throw it out.  Sure, insurance will cover a replacement, but the new models are different than our bulky, red plastic with fold down seats and juice box holders, plus even a canopy and trailer!  We had such good times in that wagon--we'd walk around the neighborhood most days when they were toddlers, getting Cheerios in every crevice.   As an older kid, Sis delivered her Girl Scout cookies from it.  I couldn't bear to see it tossed haphazardly in with all the junk . . . even though I'll always have wonderful memories.

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On a related note, HUGE thanks to Miss BA, who came over in a pinch to help with the heavy lifting, and to Miss B and Miss S who waited in the wings.

A Fall Start

If August was for illness, injury, and accidents, then this fall is a time for healing and clean-ups.  And the dumpster arrived today!  The garage door has been dismantled and placed in it; tomorrow, the inventory people arrive to help us with the damaged goods, sorting between the dumpster and a soon-to-arrive POD.   The contractors will start repairing the back and front walls once the stuff is gone.

In about a month, a team of tree specialists will come fix our 70' silver maple, which is healthy but a bit too big to be nestled amid three houses.  They're going to take off about 15' and cable the four large branches together.  The cabling will last about 20 years, the pruning around 10.  It'll make us feel better about weathering the storms which are increasingly blowing through CT safely.

And then, during all this, our washing machine started making awful noises, like a jet engine taking off.  Thankfully, it's on maintenance, because we're looking at a new drum and other repairs.  And if they can't fix it, they'll replace it!  It still runs enough to keep us clean, but we've switched to paper towels and napkins instead of cloth towels and napkins for now!

I'm keeping an eye on Mama, and myself, so we don't overdo it.  In fact, we've rested so much today that we've taken in almost three movies!  Tangled.  Ferris Bueller's Day Off.  Bend it Like Beckham.  (Okay, that implies that we haven't moved around at all; we did that in between).  Yep, we've got free movie channels and are enjoying them immensely.

We also cooked at home a lot today, delicious, healthy whole food:  a cherry kefir smoothie, our knock-off of Bloodroot's marinated tofu salad, and Mama's own version of a kale-mushroom saute I've made, but served with a fried egg.

This day of recovery ended with a night at school to celebrate reading--in pajamas!  The kids wore dinosaurs and sheep pjs, respectively, along with Perry the Playtpus slippers and carried Tango and Amy the Bunny.  They heard several stories sitting on the carpet with their classmates.

A great day and a good start to fall!

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Cherry Kefir Smoothie
2 cups plain low-fat kefir
2 cups frozen sweet cherries
2-4 tablespoons agave nectar or honey
water to thin, as needed

Blend ingredients together and serve.

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Marinated Tofu Salad
Dressing:
1/2 cup grapeseed oil
1/4 cup tamari (we had soy sauce)
2 tablespoons roasted sesame oil (we had regular sesame oil)
2 tablespoons rice wine vinegar (we had rice vinegar)
squeeze of half a lemon

Salad:
extra firm tofu, sliced thinly
lettuce or Napa cabbage shredded

Marinate tofu in some of the dressing until chilled.  Arrange tofu slices over bed of lettuce or cabbage and dress with remaining marinade.

adapted from Bloodroot

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Mushroom-Kale Stir Fry

portobello mushrooms, in chunks
onion, chopped
1 bunch kale, chopped
3-5 cloves garlic, minced
soy sauce

Saute kale in a bit of water and garlic.  In another skillet, saute mushrooms and onions until soft.  Combine and continue to heat until tender, adding soy sauce.  Serve with a fried egg.

adapted from my own adapted version of Heather Bruggeman's Potato-Kale-Portobello dish

Fill in the Blanks

A recent spate of driveway art (Can you guess who was whom?  We took some hilarious pics with us in them!) :

Jedi Alien says, "Protect you, I can!"

Guess Who?!  (The blue bit is the cottontail and the pink is an egg being carried.)

Pirate, with cutlass, parrot, and treasure

Thanks, Gommie and Pop

It's always hard to say goodbye, especially after a 2-week visit evolves into almost 6 and our lives merge together more like daily life than the hyper-spastic-ness of vacation.  Certainly, it was a normal month and a half, with numerous hospital visits and medical crises, but Gommie and Pop made it as normal and as easy as possible for both the kids and us--untold numbers of rides, meals, dishes, loads of laundry, errands, and the like.  Plus as much fun as they could squeeze in.  I know the kids are going to miss them; Mama and I are going to miss them, too.  It's been a great visit.  I don't even know how to thank you, again, Mom and Dad (at least not better than this).  Except to say this:  if Mama and I get to be grandparents some day, I hope we can be like you.  And when Sis or Bud need us--and when you do, too--we'll be there like you have been for us.  We love you!

Summer Fun: Gommie and Pop Camp

With Gommie and Pop heading back to Texas tomorrow, our summer has truly come to an end.  It's been, on one hand, a great five weeks, especially for the kids.  Because here is some of what they've done:

• Fishing in ponds and rivers--the kids have their own poles now and are learning how to cast
• Kite-flying at the beach
• Swimming--they'll go one last time for a swim at the hotel pool today when we pull them out of school early!
• Sleepover at the hotel!
• Aquarium
• Audubon trail walk and bird-watching with binoculars
• Nemo 3-D
• Lots of yummy meals, in restaurants and at home--chicken and dumplings, ham, special pancakes, Chinese, grilling pork chops, hamburgers on the grill, bacon-onion-pickle-cheese open faced broiled sandwiches, beef beef and more beef
• Ice cream--I think they went to at least 3 or 4 different creameries
• Celebrated Pop's birthday
• Arcade games
• Putt-Putt golf
• Bowling
• Batting practice
• Scooters and bike riding
• Girl Scout swim party
• Gymnastics, piano, and kung fu lessons
• Lunch at school and the bookfair (later today)
• Basketball
• Studying dragonflies
• Played American Girl Doll (and ordered some accessories)

And I don't think we took a single picture!

(Gommie and Pop managed to have "camp" on their own, too, with hiking the Appalachian Trail in CT some and then a jaunt up to Burlington and also Rutland, VT with a swazu to Lake Champlain and Fort Ticonderoga!  They said next time they'll get a cabin in VT for the month and just come to CT on weekends!  Maybe we'll go to them in VT . . . .)

In the Kitchen with Gommie

In just over a month, Gommie has managed to add a few new meals to our kids' repertoire:  round steak with rice and gravy, rump roast, King Ranch Chicken, and even chili!  That means beef, a casserole, and something with tomatoes!  This is huge.  (Okay, sure, I'm a bit ambivalent about beef, but it's ok once in awhile for them.) And in their spirit of adventurousness, they also tried and loved cheese tortellinis (added to a chicken soup with veggies)!  In her last few days here (I think they're hoping to head home on Friday since we survived, and even thrived, while they were up in VT), Gommie has talked about trying zucchini bread and Aunt Banana's tomato-less vegetable "Garden-Style" lasagna.  Even if they don't take to those, Gommie's cooking has been a boon.

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Rump Roast

3-4 lb. rump roast

salt and pepper

1 cup water

            Preheat oven to 500°F.  Salt and pepper roast.  Sear uncovered in oven for 10-15 minutes.  Add 1 cup water, cover and reduce oven to 350°F.  Cook for approximately 2 hours.

            Make gravy and serve with rice.

                                                                                                                       

Gommie Hungry

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Round Steak

1 round steak, tenderized

1 onion, sliced

½ cup flour

beef bouillon granules + water

¼ cup oil

salt and pepper

            Cut steak in serving-size pieces.  Season and coat with flour.  Brown in oil over medium heat until brown on both sides.  Remove and drain oil leaving 3 tablespoons and drippings.  Add 3 tablespoons flour to oil and make a roux.  Add water slowly.  Add onion and seasoning.  Cover and cook over low heat for 30 minutes.  Serve over rice.

Gommie Hungry

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King Ranch Chicken

1 chicken, cooked and cut in pieces (or, bake 3 breasts in oven at 350°F for 30 minutes)

2 cup grated cheese

1 dozen corn tortillas, torn into fourths (Gommie used corn chips)

1 onion, chopped

Sauce:

1 can cream of chicken

1 can cream of mushroom/celery

1 cup chicken broth (or bouillion cube and water)

½ can Rotel tomatoes/chilies

            Spray 9 x 13 pan with Pam.  Layer tortillas, chicken, onions, sauce, and cheese.  Bake 350°F for 30 minutes.

Gommie Hungry

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"Chili Jambalaya" for the Kids

This chili combo is based on a dish served at my elementary school cafeteria, with chili over rice and lettuce with cheese.  I added the Fritos, a la Frito Chili Pie.  But this is not served in the bag!  And while it was my recipe, it was Gommie's idea to try it now.  Of course, Fritos were a large part of its success.

1 lb. ground turkey
1 medium onion, chopped
1-2 teaspoons Penzey's chili con carne seasoning mix
1/4-1/2 cup diced tomatoes
Fritos
shredded cheddar cheese

rice

lettuce

Brown the ground meat, draining fat if necessary. Saute onions. Add chili seasoning and tomatoes to meat and onions. Add water if necessary (I like my chili soupy, so the Fritos can absorb some). Simmer. Serve over bed of white rice with a layer of iceberg or romaine lettuce, Fritos, and topped with lots of cheese.

Mommy Hungry

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Zucchini Surprise Bread
4 eggs beaten
1/2 cup oil
1 clove garlic, minced
dash pepper
1/2 teaspoon Italian seasoning
1/2 teaspoon Lawry's seasoning
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons parsley
1/2 cup parmesan cheese
1/2 cup chopped onion
1 cup bisquick
3 cups zucchini, sliced.

Mix in 9 x 13" pan.  Bake 30 minutes at 350F, until brown.


Gommie Hungry