"I Hate Mondays"

It's apropos, really, that Bud is home sick today.  His new favorite character hates Mondays.

Yep, Garfield.

The kids came across some Garfield books at a shop on Saturday and have since then been devouring all of the comic strip collections that they can get their hands on.  They laugh at his teasing Odie and Jon, agree that Mondays are awful, understand how great staying in bed is, identify with his love of his stuffed bear Pooky, but are mystified by his preference for lasagna.

I think we're going to have to make some lasagna.

Anyway, there has been giggling and guffawing since they found the books.  They compare favorite strips. They recount narratives to me. Bud's even trying his hand at drawing the fat cat during his day home today.

Mama and I both fondly remember reading Garfield as kids.  I'd get a new collection with practically every book order; I had several different-sized stuffed Garfields.  Mama still recalls her favorite cartoon with Garfield squeezing Pooky too tight.  So it's been fun to rediscover him.  Of course, he's very grumpy, the original Grumpy Cat.  And pretty much thematically monotone, with little change over decades of cartoons.

Which is why he seems to appeal to elementary school kids across the generations.

Things that Make Me Go "HaHaha"

Mama presented me with a little bag of goodies yesterday--a selection of books from the humor section of the bookstore.  There's LOLcats, FAILNation, Stuff White People Like, and P.S. I Hate It Here!  Letters from Camp.  With some selective reading for child-friendly content, these had us all in stitches yesterday.  The kids especially liked LOLcats and started making up captions for our own cats as they wandered around or slept!

Of course, many of the books come from popular blogs and you can check them out yourselves for a laugh, plus a few others that bring a smile to my face.

LOLCats
FAILNation
Stuff White People Like
Cake Wrecks
Awkward Family Photos

One of my favorites from LOLCats

(See also Jabba the Cat and Pizza Hostage)

April Fools

Our cats have had kittens.

It snowed last night.

There's a penguin in the pond nearby.

Merry Christmas!

Sis and Bud are loving April Fool's Day today.  Practically everything they've said has been a joke of some kind.  They got even more ideas from a man at church whose mom loved the holiday--sugar in the salt shaker, pant legs sewn shut, short sheets!   Even the choir got into the act, singing "Old MacDonald" operatically!  

It might become one of Sis and Bud's favorite holidays!

I'll have to get an earlier start next year if I'm going to keep up.

On A Lighter Note . . .

Check out some hilarious cartoons by David Sipress about Buddhism, meditation, and mindfulness.

Joke of the Day

Humor was our theme for today (actually, for several days now)--knock-knocks, riddles, silly jokes--I told several to Sis every time she took a sip as an incentive.  It especially worked when I found a page of bunny jokes!  There were also dinosaur jokes and food jokes and lots of knock-knock jokes.  So Bud was in on the joke, too, I put one in his lunch and folded it so he didn't accidentally read the punchline first.  He loved it!  It certainly does help to inject some humor into difficult days--I'll need it again tomorrow, too, as Sis isn't well enough to go to school yet (the medicine for her sinus infection, leftover from her cold three weeks ago, is making her nauseous and might need to be switched) and bud misses her in their class.

So, please send your favorite joke (one that I can share with the kids!) . . .

Tea Party of Five

The neighbors who cared for our cats while we were in Boston came over for a tea party today.  The kids spent the morning cleaning the living room, setting the table, and creating place cards. There were even places for Mr. Big (the stuffed penguin) and Felicity, Sis's American Girl doll.  And Bud decorated the table with nesting penguin figurines.  Sis places the gifts we'd gotten them at their spots--a penguin mug for Miss K and a bracelet and some chocolate for M.  We'd made brown-sugar shortbread the day before.  But we added some chewy pralines, jam thumbprints (from the store), and freshly-popped popcorn.

We had a delightful time chowing down--few people can say no to popcorn!  We talked about our trip to Boston and M's new school.  And the young people took turns telling jokes.

• What's black and white and red all over?  A sun-burned penguin!  (If you said newspaper, you are behind the times 'cos papers are in color now!)
• What do you call a baby martial artist?  Young Fu Fighter.
• Why did the chicken cross the playground?  To get to the other slide!
• Imagine you are in a car teetering on the edge of a cliff--what do you do?  [Refute all guesses about backing up, jumping out, etc.]  Stop imagining!
• You are a school bus driver.   You pick up six kids.  You let off three.  You pick up five.  You let off four.  What is the bus driver's name?  Yep, your name.
• You are in a mansion and the power has gone out.  You can go through four doors--pink, blue, yellow, green.  Choose one.  Now you see a hallway with two doors--in one is a monster that might kill you and in the other is an electric chair that will kill you.  Which do you choose?  Yep, electric chair--because the power is out!

And those were the good ones!  The rest were some made-up ones.  But I think those might have made us laugh harder (but since they made so little sense, I can't relay them here!).  We all cleared the table and then the kids went out to play while Miss K and I talked a bit, so nice to get that chance.  

Only the cats were no shows, to our surprise, considering how much they liked our neighbors.  I guess they were upstairs recovering from having us home again!

Did You Know . . .

. . . that gas is the funniest thing in the world?

And therefore my kids are the funniest kids in the world?

Oh, my.  They were laughing hysterical and shaking their tushes and tooting on purpose.  And then starting singing about it!  First, the standard, "Beans, Beans the musical fruit," but then they branched out with their own composition (oddly, part of the tune of the "Candyman" song in Willy Wonka.  I can't explain it.):

"Mango lassies . . . will make you gassy!"

Oh, and if gas and gassy kids are funny, gassy songs are the funniest!!!!

How do first graders toot on command?

And then I had to go and give them ammo for tomorrow, with greasy Chinese chicken dumplings for dinner!

But you know what?  I was laughing and singing too.

But that was it.  I don't have that skill.

Humor: Goodnight, iPad

Thanks to Mommy Goose for finding this jewel.

More Holiday Humor

If you have an Elf on the Shelf and have ever forgotten to move it, read "Overachieving Elf on the Shelf Mommies" at People I want to Punch in the Face.  It's hilarious!

Good for a Laugh

Holiday preparations getting to you?  Have a laugh over at Toni Bernhard's blog, Turning Straw into Gold.

It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad Lib!

The kids love'em.

And if I stretch, I can consider Mad Libs educational--now they sorta know what nouns, adjectives, verbs, and adverbs are!

Here's my favorite one so far, from a Star Wars Mad Lib:

Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to (verb ending in -ing).

We came up with:

Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to tooting.

We've laughed for two days!

Knock-Knock

In honor of April Fool's Day, I'll share with you a few of our knock-knock jokes at dinner last night.  Mind you, we made them up and thought they were hilarious, even if they didn't make a ton of sense.  These were the best:

Knock-knock.

Who's there?

Boo.

Why are you crying?

(yes, they skipped a line!)

Knock-knock.

Who's there?

Atch.

Atch who?

Bless you!

(this was hilarious)

Knock-knock.

Who's there?

Willaby wallaby.

Willaby wallaby who?

An elephant sat on you!

(you have to know the song)

Knock-knock.

Who's there?

Yah.

Yah who?

You've got mail.

(funny, right?  They didn't get it.)

A Mom's Letter to Santa

[from a recent email]


Dear Santa, I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned and cuddled my children on demand, visited the pediatrician's office more than my own doctor, sold sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on the school playground. I was hoping you could spread my list out -- over several Christmases.

Since I had to write this letter with my son's red crayon, on the back of a receipt in the laundry room between cycles; and who knows when I'll find any more free time in the next 18 years, so now - -
*** Here are my Christmas wishes ***

* I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache (-in any color, except purple, which I already have) and arms that don't hurt or flap in the breeze; but are strong enough to pull my screaming child out of the candy aisle in the grocery store.
* I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh month of my last pregnancy.
* If you're hauling big-ticket items this year, I'd like fingerprint resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music; a television that doesn't broadcast any programs containing talking animals; and a refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone.
* On the practical side, I could use a talking doll that says, 'Yes, Mommy' to boost my parental confidence, along with two kids who don't fight and three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the use of power tools.
* I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting, 'Don't eat in the living room' and 'Take your hands off your brother,' because my voice seems to bejust out of my children's hearing range and can only be heard by the dog.
* If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd settle for enough time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being served in a Styrofoam container.
*If you don't mind, I could also use a few miracles to brighten the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare ketchup a vegetable? It will clear my conscience immensely.

*It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the house without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an organized crime family.
Well, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing, and my son saw my feet under the laundry room door. I think he wants his red crayon back. Have a safe trip Santa, and remember to leave your wet boots by the door, and come in and dry off, so you don't catch cold. Help yourself to cookies on the table, but don't eat too many or leave crumbs on the carpet. Yours always with love and appreciation, A Mom
P.S. One more thing . . You can cancel all my requests, if you can keep my children 'young' enough to believe in Santa.