Again

Looks like I'm behind again!

With the kids asking me not to post much if anything about them here and the rise in my use of FB, I just don't post as much as I used to, though I know that several friends and family members read this first.  So I'll try to do better.

Let's see.  Today, Bud is home with a cold.  I think it's his first sick day in a year or so.  In fact, if the rest of the week weren't so big--school field trip, chorus concert, piano recital--I would have sent him to school.  But as it was, I didn't want to risk his getting worse.

Now I'm just hoping Sis doesn't get it, because she also has the field trip and concert plus a giant two-night Girl Scout "glamping" weekend at a resort.  Wish us all luck.  The weather has been damp and warm, the trees and such have exploded, and everyone seems to be sniffling.

So, what have I been doing?

Well, I went up against the BOE and school administration with other parents in town and defeated an initiative to unlevel middle school, meaning cancel honors classes.  I've composed a long post about this in my head several times because I'm still quite conflicted.  See, there's a huge achievement gap in our town, meaning African-Americans and Latinos score very much lower than their white and Asian counterparts; they are also less represented in said honors classes.  I recognize this as a social justice issue and know that such scores likely indicate albeit unintentional systemic/institutional bias and even racism.  The Democrat, social liberal, and Unitarian Universalist in me wants to rectify this.  But then there's the mom in me that fears that my children's academic achievement would be stalled by a non-leveled class, especially because they've been in the special gifted and talented class for three years (and are still not very challenged academically--how would they fare in an unleveled class??!!)  Certainly unleveling can succeed if properly prepared for, but the district was trying to rush the measure through without invovling parents (without even really telling them) and with little preparation for the changes.  Their instructional plan for high achievers in "regular" classes?  "Raise expectations, provide support, provide understanding."  BS.  That's not a plan.  They also mentioned an honors option, which is really just more homework and projects AT HOME--meaning they don't get instructional time with the teachers and the bulk of their education is independent learning (tough for 7th graders!)  AND then there were mentions that the accelerated learners would help the typical kids.  Great.  Social nightmare for everyone and then my kids would still not be getting their instructional time with the teacher.  So, the parent in me rebelled, took to FB, organized letters and phone calls, and helped convince the BOE not to unlevel until there is a better plan.  We need a better plan and we need to help the students who are being failed by our district.  But I'm still very torn about defeating the unleveling, which is supported by the National Education Association (NEA) and other groups, though several studies say it doesn't change the outcomes for slower learners.  Probably because middle school is way too late to affect monumental change.  It needs to start in preschool!  So . . . . so.  So, we're not homeschooling or sending our kids to private school next year.  And if the district votes to unlevel with a better plan after next year, I will stay informed and involved and maybe even support the plan.  Or take a "gap year" for 8th with my kids and travel around!!

What else?  On Saturday, a friend and I went to a wonderful mandala workshop at Copper Beech Institute in West Hartford and had a lovely, creative, inspiring day.  We walked the labyrinth and had a picnic lunch before class and then made a freehand mandala and a literal gratitude mandala in class.  And I learned how to make colored Zen Gems!  So much fun!  I spent Sunday practicing my new-found skills.

Last week, Mama's office hosted a special "Take Your Child to Work" Day program and so the kids spent 13+ hours following along her usual day!  They were up at 5:30 a.m. and home a bit before 7 p.m.  They had a tour, a special talk on what the company does and how the US's financial system works (they even got money from all over the world.  Ours got Cambodia and the DRCongo), and then went with Mama to her meetings.  They also played Nerf battles with her co-workers, which was their favortie part.  I think they had new-found respect for Mama's long work day and challenging work life.  Sis said, "I'll never think waking up at 7 a.m. for school is early again!"

The next month or so wraps up the year's extracurriculars, for the most part, as well as their time at elementary school.  There will be several special events and middle school orientations.  Plus the school play.  But I'm anxious that it's all coming to an end.  I've really loved their elementary school, especially their teachers, and am nervous about the move to middle school, particularly because most of the kids of my informal moms' network are going to the other middle school.  Which means I sorta start from scratch, just like the kiddos (though, several of the kids in their special class will move on to honors at the middle school; I just don't know those parents as well.)  But we have the summer to get used to the transition.

And I won't even get into all the summer plans . . . .

Woodworking Weekend

Mama had a big weekend!  She was gone for more than 48-hours at a weekend-long woodworking class at Old Sturbridge Village.  She's exhausted--she thinks her arms will fall off--but she brought home a gorgeous "hope" chest.

See, even the cat likes it.

• It's bigger than I thought--3' long, about 2' tall, more than a foot wide.
• The instructor led them through the OSV collection and then a slideshow on the history of the chest to give them ideas for their own.  Points of interest:  long chests are probably older; chests then started to have a drawer underneath, then more drawers, then it was a "chest of drawers"; the backs weren't usually finished, because they were never seen; cabinetmakers made fancy furniture with polish and inlays and carpenters did rougher work.
• The course focused on historical woodworking, so there were no power tools and, when possible, they did everything by hand.
• While the instructor had cut many of the pieces beforehand, Mama still had to saw the legs all on her own.  And the details that she included with the legs, which included two overcuts and some lovely scrolls so that it kind of looks like a star.
• The nails were provided (apparently, nails are really hard--with the sturdy point and the head), but she made the rivets at a forge herself.  This turned out harder than she expected.  And she even burned her hand a bit.  
• She scalloped the edges with a chisel and made a molding along the top rim to make it fancy, both techniques she saw in the historical examples.
• There's a till, or little box inside. 
• And a secret compartment!
• And she sanded the whole thing by hand.  She desired a rustic look, including some rough bits and cracks, which don't affect the structure of it.  
• She made the paint herself--some parts shellac, some parts denatured alcohol, some parts red coloring, which is natural (the Prussian blue, however, was the first synthetic color; she painted the till blue.)
• And there are some mystery letters stamped around the box, only visible if you really look.  
• Finally, her maker's mark is on the lower right front corner.

We love it.  She's so proud.   (Though, she's not yet sure that it will be her new hobby.)

Now, only to find the perfect spot for it . . . . 

My Inner Marlee Matlin?

My ASL class is going really well.  I enjoy the one-on-one format so that I can go at my own speed.  We do a few units each class, from Learning American Sign Language, covering about 75 new words.  Because of my childhood knowledge of signed English, I usually know at least half of the words or more, with some minor changes (ASL is a living language and changes often.)  So we're going pretty fast.  Though I do have the tendency to reverse hands or directions (can I blame that on cross-eye dominance?)  I'm better at signing than reading my teacher's signs and so she suggested I watch videos on ASLU. 

More entertaining is Marlee Matlin in "The L Word."

Learning to Be Legolas

Or Merida.  Or Katniss.

Last night, I sat in the old wooden lodge at the local camp for my first archery facilitator lesson as the wind danced in the trees.  It never rained, but we never went up to the range.  It was all rules and procedures we have to memorize for our Level 1 certification as archery instructors with US Archery.  I haven't studied for a test in 16 year!  Can you come up with a funny sentence for this?

Stance
Notch
Set
Set-Up
Draw
Anchor
Hold
Aim
Release
Follow-Through

I did learn something fascinating:  I am left-eye dominant and, because I am right-handed, this is cross-dominance.  This means I should shoot the bow left-handed, meaning holding the bow in my right hand and pulling back the string with my left.  About 25% of the population is cross-dominant, and apparently the majority of them are women.  I checked Mama last night and she has no real dominance, Bud is right-dominant, but Sis is also cross-dominant--left-handed and right-eyed.  So she should shoot right handed!  If you want to check yourself, here are some tests (we used the Miles test, where you create a small opening with your hands and focus on something in the distance.)  I'd love to think this opposition explains my poor spatial reasoning and sense of direction, but I imagine it doesn't have anything to do with anything else beyond which hand to shoot with.

Tonight, regardless of weather unless there's lightning, we'll be up on the range, learning how to set up, shoot, and encourage young archers.  Then we'll take the aforementioned test and, hopefully, next fall I can teach our Juniors troop about archery.

A Good Day

I had looked forward to Saturday for weeks:  my first meditation class!   With Sharon Salzberg!  To prepare, I talked with other meditators and the studio to check on accomodations for me (could I stand in the back?  were there places to lie down?  do they have breaks?).  I practiced getting up and down off the floor, tried to extend my sitting time, read Sharon Salzberg's Real Happiness, even practiced meditating without falling asleep (harder than you think since I meditate lying down on my side!).   I got a yoga mat, put on my comfortable black pants, packed my lunch of apple and granola bar.

And then Saturday was here!  Mama and the kids dropped me off at the studio in Hartford and then they headed to lunch at the Rainforest Cafe and then to the Connecticut Science Center.  I was immediately in an environment quite alien to me (not "ancient astronaut alien," but still  unfamiliar).  First, I took off my shoes right at the front door and walked around the whole place in my very white socks, just like everyone else--even the bathroom!  I was surprised that my socks were still quite white at the end of the day.  I wandered the boutique, filled with stylish yoga clothes and accessories, which were modeled by many of the other class participants. Tight, stretchy black pants, earthy-colored fitted shirts, rolled-up mats of various kinds carried in special bags with the latest Gaiam pattern, green smoothies and tea drinks in various bottles, Mother Goddess and Chakra jewlery.  I felt a little intimidated and out of place because it was all so unfamiliar to me. 

I quickly found a good spot in the large studio, against the back wall where I could spread out my yoga mat and positioned a chair so I can get up and down.  There were about 100 other people, mostly women, mostly white, mostly older than me, but still some men, people of color, and younger people.  I got to chatting with a woman who is studying to be a yoga teacher and was attending this class as part of her training.  We continued to chat at each break.

In walked Sharon Salzberg, renowned Buddhist meditaiton teacher, co-founder of the Insight Meditation Society in Barre, MA, and author of several books. She wasn't in robes (I don't believe she holds a dharma lineage, though she has studied in Burma and India), nor was she exceptionally earthy (no beads or shawls or such).  What preconceptions I had!   I was reminded that there is the Buddha inside everyone  Because she looked like she could be my neighbor.  She has a very soothing voice, neither high nor low, and not breathy like NPR presenters, and with enough character to keep you focused.  I had been listening to her guided meditations on CD and her voice was exactly like that in person.  

In fact, she told us several stories, including one about her voice.  People often tell her that they like her voice and she likes that.  But she recognizes the Eight Vicissitudes of Buddhism (pain/pleasure; gain/loss; praise/blame; fame/disrepute) and knew that with fame came disrepute.  She was told by the teachers of a class that she was to visit that the members of the class had said her voice was annoying; the teachers couldn't bring themselves to announce her upcoming visit!  "Good voice, bad voice, one voice," she laughed.

There were lots of stories and lessons:

• discussion the rural origins of Buddhism and the use of farming metaphors ("cultivating the ground")
• the oral origins of Buddhism and the use of lists for memory (a list of lists at the bottom here)
• definition ("what you place your heart upon") and types of faith (bright, verified, and abiding)
• the connectedness of concentration, mindfulness, and lovingkindness
• how meditation does not require beliefs, is portable, and . . . one other thing I just can't recall!
• Buddha's advice for sleepiness during meditation, including open your eyes, tug your earlobes, and take a nap!
• the wise cabby who got stuck in traffic taking her to a Thich Nhat Hanh lecture, for which she apologized to him.  He said, "You did not cause the traffic.  Neither did I.  It just is."  "Why did I need Thich Nhat Hanh?!" she wondered.  Though she told us that someone else ponders, when stuck in traffic, "I am the traffic."
• proliferation as the unencumbered multiplication of thoughts or add-ons
• the meaning of mindfulness, which is paying attention to current circumstances and our reactions so that we do not act out of conditioned habitual responses, or "small moments many times" and "looking with quiet eyes."  
• beginning meditators and mindfulness, who asked if, when they hear the fire alarm, do they just note it and continue meditating instead of having aversion and acting in response?  She said, "I'd get up."  Apparently, when she began meditating 40 years ago in India, it wasn't fire alarms but elephants walking towards you on the road!   

Most of this can be found in her books and my short list does not in any way do justice to her explanations or delivery; it only captures the breadth of what she touched upon.

In between it all, we had breaks and lunch.  I purchased some tidbits in the cafe--crackers, coconut water, oat and fruit protein bar--and ate them with my apple; later, I got a coconut-almond-rice milk shake by Amazake.  I browsed in the shop, picking up a new book, a new bolster, and a bracelet.   The bolster I had tested during meditation, which I spent on the floor either on my side or on my back (I stood for her discussions and Q&A, pacing some on my mat, but without my shoes, on the hard floor, I didn't last that long; the bolster supported my bent knees--other people sat on them, or put their legs on the chairs, or lay flat, or knelt on cushions, almost as many postures as people.)  I even spoke to Sharon during the first break, thanking her for offering the teachings.  

Most powerful were the five sittings we did, each about 20 minutes.  She guided us through the first one, just as on the CD and we did three more on our own.  The last one was metta, or lovingkindness, meditation, again guided by her, like on the CD.  I'm not even sure I can put my experiences into words, only that it was some of the most centering, energizing, inspiring meditation I've done.  Sure, my mind wandered from my breath and the phrases frequently--so much stimulation in the day (and there were 100 other people coughing, shifting, etc)--but I brought it back each time.  "That is the practice," she repeated, "the moment of starting over is the practice."  I got a lot of practice!  More importantly, I've meditated each day since then, so the class revitalized my practice.  "If you described your Saturday--I watched my breath and started over  when I got distracted--that's a good day," she said.

It was, both physically and spiritually.  And I can't wait to try something like it again.

Kung Fu Fighting

The kids took a trial martial arts class today, their very first group lesson of any kind (not counting Chinese, because that included parents at all times). And I think it was stressful for us all, in different ways. In fact, Bud admitted to being nervous even beforehand because he wasn't sure what was going to happen.

This is what transpired: the kids removed shoes and socks and lined up inside the studio in front of the teacher (Lao Tse), who led them through a recitation of the school's motto, stretches, and beginning forms. There were about 10 kids in class, which was then split into the more accomplished kids and the newer kids. Our kids were in the latter group, working with the master on the "fighting style" pose and some punches and kicks (which he counted out in Mandarin--and we understood him!). Sis could follow along almost immediately, but Bud had more trouble following some of the forms. And both often switched their left and right. They also had trouble staying far enough apart and the teacher had to keep moving one off the other. But the teacher was amazingly patient and encouraging with all the kids, even when Bud at one point did a bit of his (unbeknownst to him) Bruce Lee impression.

I was mortified. Which I totally didn't expect. I was embarrassed that Bud was being a bit silly (or not paying perfect attention) but also worried that the teacher would be harsh on him (which he wouldn't understand). Luckily, nothing happened and Bud stopped pretty soon. And then I felt bad that I felt bad (I'm sure I was feeling self-conscious because the kids are half-Chinese and this is martial arts with a Chinese teacher and I feel, irrationally, like they have to prove themselves. Not because of the racist view that Asians are supposed to be good at such things, which is ridiculous. I'm not sure I can explain it. Or understand it myself). Ergh. But after class Bud and I talked about respect, which meant listening to the teacher and not playing around. I'm sure it'll happen again, though.

I was also amazed at how much Sis, whom the teacher called "smart girl," really got into it. She beamed proudly as she punched and kicked at the teacher's pads. She's tiny but tough.

At the end, the class gathered together and watched some of the routines of the older kids who are going to competition next week. They did a few more stretches. And then the teacher reviewed class, giving praise and suggestions, before asking them to bow, first to him, "Xie Xie Lao Tse," then to the assembled parents (who all stood and watched the whole time). Clap, clap, class over.

And so I think we'll go back. Both kids liked it a lot, especially the punching. And the uniforms. Bud especially liked the lion head costumes on the wall, which we'd seen at the Chinese New Year celebration. One day, he'd like to be a lion dancer, which requires lots of martial arts training, apparently. We can call him Bud Lee.

How to Choose an Art Program for Children

As summer approaches, several parents are considering options for classes and programs (both single and multiple sessins) for their children this summer. Some suggestions:

• Choose a program that will allow your child to attend a free session or will provide a refund after the first class if the program just isn't a good fit. What might sound great on paper might not be in person.
• Ideally, art programs should foster creativity and not merely churn out reproductions of the example.  
• While programs for younger children should focus on exploration of various media, programs for older children can focus on particular skills, such as drawing or sculpting.  Cartooning and animation are very popular.  
• Classes with multiple projects instead of a single sustained project might be better for younger children, while older children might benefit from a final project.
• Programs that combine looking at works of art with art-making, such as those in art museums, can be very inspirational for young artists.   

Other things to consider:

• Are there hidden fees for materials or is the tuition all-inclusive?
• What is the student-teacher ratio? 
• What training do the instructors have?   Are they artists or art teachers with experience teaching children?
• Is there a final exhibition of artworks made during class?

Final things to note:

• Pick a class that works for your child's schedule.  It might be a great program but if it's at a time of day that your child isn't active or receptive, it won't work.
• Don't force your child to participate or perform right away.  Likewise, don't assume they aren't learning if they aren't participating.
• If it's a multi-generational program that includes parents or grandparents, be ready to get messy!  And avoid saying, "I can't do this.  I'm not an artist."  Your child will internalize this low self-esteem and negative attitude.
• Talk to your child about the works made in class.  
• Proudly display works made in class by either hanging them at home or creating digital reproductions to send to family and friends (via the internet or digitally-created calendars and notecards).
• Have art supplies on hand at home to continue the creative process outside of class.
• Go to museums often for inspiration.