Happy Valentine's Day

In honor of Valentine's Day, here are 14 questions about me and my spouse:

1. Where did you meet your other half?  Shelving books at the university library

2. How long have you been with your significant other?  Since 1994

3. If you're married, when did you say "I do"?   August 1997.

4. What song did you walk down the aisle to? We had a whole playlist for the second wedding (or the first wedding, after the civil union.)  There were Indigo Girls songs and maybe Lover's Waltz by Jay Ungar.

5. Do you have any children yet? Twins and, in total, 5 cats (currently, Albus, Hermione, and Mojito, plus Mr. P and Morgan.)

6. What's your favorite thing about your other half?   Kindness, loyalty, caretaking, tenderness, intelligence and curiosity, creativity and inventiveness, organizational skills,   But best of all, we have such a good time together and laugh a lot.  She's so cute when she laughs.

7. Were you and your other half high school sweethearts?
No, but she was 19 (a few weeks shy of 20) when we met.

8. Where was your first date?
Early on, we went to "Rent."  She brought roses and we went out to O'Lunney's afterwards (or was it peppermint schnapps hot chocolate at the Marriott Marquis?)  Before that, we ate breakfast and lunch together everyday of the summer of 1994.

9. How long were you dating before you said "I love you"?
Hmmm, we were dating without knowing we were dating.  We said "I love you" as friends pretty early on (I wrote a long treatise on it in a book dedication!)  As more?  August 23, 1997.

10. How long were you dating your other half before he/she proposed? 4 years  We kinda proposed to each other, in the midst of an argument over the book, Bar Stories, on the phone between Chicago and NYC!!  I said, "What would you do if I told you I loved you?  and she said, "I'd buy you a ring."  Done and done.

11. Where is your favorite place you have traveled with your other half?  We have fun near and far, but some of the best trips were our first trip together to Galena, two trips to Door County, our Great Lakes lighthouse tour,  our "nano-honeymoons" in Union Square, London and environs three times now, two trips to New Orleans, three trips to Disney World, even just Old Sturbridge Village, Mystic Seaport, and Hancock Shaker Village, and all the lighthouses and living history museums.  I know I'm forgetting somewhere.

12. How do you and your other half plan to spend Valentines?  She hates Valentine's Day and so we never do much.  We're going into NYC with the kids.  I have some candy for everyone but didn't get to doing the Zentangle gifts I'd planned.

13. What does your favorite 'date night' consist of?  Now?  Locally, dinner and maybe some bookstore browsing.  Grandiose plans would be our overnights in NYC with a Broadway show or a museum exhibition and a meal or two.

14. What is the best gift you have received from your other half?  Early on, she gave me a beautiful silver hair clip.  It was always so romantic.  But exchanging rings (from Tiffany's) in front of the fountains at the Plaza Hotel is a favorite memory.

From My Valentines

Look what I came home to last night after my historic house board meeting:  the kids made valentines and decorated the downstairs with them!!!!

Sis designed the punny ones--I love "Valentime Lords!!"--and Bud did the drawings; Sis also made the Valentine interactive sculpture at the bottom.

Best.  Valentines. Ever.

A Happy Hearts Day

From my box of chocolates picked out by Sis because it's one of her favorite phrases

We had a delightful, if low-key, Valentine's Day.  There were cards--penguin for Bud, "Thumb Bunny" for Sis, an otter for me, cat, hedgehog, and panda for Mama--and little tokens of affection--a book of hearts, Pokemon cards, and a box of chocolates.  They finished taping the candy to their class valentines on the off chance they got to go to school today, which they did excitedly.  We have more cards at home--for grandparents, aunts and uncles and cousins--belated but well-intentioned.  Besides, my grandmother would say that the best holidays are the ones you stretch out.

A Card for You

That Robin-Blue Box and Other Treats

Mama doesn't like Valentine's Day. Like many of the older, long-married people quoted in a recent NYTimes article about gift giving, Mama resents being told when to show her love, preferring to spread gifts around throughout the year. Additionally, many of her gifts aren't physical objects, but gifts of time, generosity, thoughtfulness--letting me sleep in, unloading the dishwasher before I get to it, bringing my shoes inside before I go out in the cold, finding just the right show ("Downton Abbey"!!!!) to watch on Netflix.

Except this year.

Because Friday night, she nonchalantly said to me, as we were preparing tea and scones for our "Downton Abbey" marathon, "I did get you something for Valentine's Day. Do you want it now or later?"

Surprised, and never one to delay gratification, I laughed and said, "What, chocolate? A little blue box?"

And it was!

There was a little robin's egg blue box from Tiffany's, with a pair of dangly, rose quartz earrings. Beautiful. Unexpected. Special. Surprising. Typical of her. Especially because we'd agreed, as usual, not to bother, and so I hadn't, beyond a homemade card. It reminds me of my mom's story about one of my dad's most romantic gestures: as they were heading out to dinner around Valentine's Day years ago, he reached under the car seat and handed her a much-desired Swatch watch.

I guess you do look for someone like your dad. Even if he's a she!

Otherwise, we had a relatively low-key Valentine's Day. The kids barely finished making their 20 cards for class--Sis made foamy-sticker covered cards, with pencils attached when she learned that other kids would be giving treats, while Bud signed his name to paper-airplane valentines from the store, since I remembered how hard it was to get him to make cards last year.

At church, the kids had made several cards for the congregation, which they helped distribute Sunday morning before their own party. One of the little wooden baskets my kids had decorated with their names on it went to another young mom in the congregation, I noticed. I had (more than) half-hoped she'd offer it to me, since her child had made one for her specifically as well (which I actually made sure she got after service, it having been left on the table), but she didn't. I'm trying not to care.

In perhaps true twin fashion, the most important valentines for the kids came from each other, cards they'd both worked on at school and were eager to exchange. Bud also made a giant paper heart with other hearts for Mama and I, which he'd kept under his pillow all week as a secret. We had cards for them, plus fleece scarves in pink and blue. Sis wondered where the chocolate was!

They got enough of that at school. Even though Bud was borderline sick, with runny nose and a sleepless night, he didn't have a fever and so I wanted him to be able to participate in that important school rite: the valentine exchange. She'd decorated a shoebox, he a bag, and they passed out their cards (a fair-to-everyone unlabeled batch of 20 to prevent them from favoring one child, ignoring another) in an impressive ritual. But they couldn't sort the loot until they got home, dumping it out on the table and exclaiming over all the pencils and candy hearts and chocolate kisses and lollipops and fruit-by-the-yard and tattoos and gift baggies and stickers and . . . and . . . and . . . figuring out what was from whom, who liked Princesses and who chose Spiderman. The collection was much more impressive than I used to get. And clearly just as awe-inspiring and impressive.

Eating the treats off and on throughout the day, the rest of our Monday was pretty routine until they hit exhausted meltdown midday. So we didn't call anyone, didn't finish the cards we were behind on for the whole family, didn't refrain from greedy-grabbing and throwing and crying, except long enough to rest while watching Ratatouille.

With bedtime at 6:30 because of all the tears, Mama and I had plenty of time to continue our "Downton Abbey" marathon, this time with orange-chocolate truffle cake. All in all, a pretty good Valentine's Day.

Our Six-Word Love Story*

Following the trend this Valentine's Day, here's one for us:

Summer friendship warms women long after . . . .

What's yours?

(*It's more cheerful than, though not nearly as evocative as, Hemingway's famous six-word story: "For sale: baby shoes, never worn.")

Rainbow-Colored Valentines

It's Valentine's Day, at least in the schools. And my kiddos left preschool today with a bag full of friendly pink-and-red, chocolate-covered, lollipop-laden, toy-topped cards and notes. Some were handmade (ours were finished yesterday afternoon, accompanied by mini-playdoughs), some were favorite-themed store bought. All came from excited and proud kids who each took turns delivering them to cubbies.

As soon as they could, my kids dumped their stashes and waded through the loot, which included bubbles, a bracelet, tattoos, candy, and, perhaps their favorite, prismatic glasses that create rainbows when you look at the light (I had a silver-gray pair that I was immensely fond of as a kid). They wore them all through lunch and were just astounded at the colors everywhere.

Unlike last year, the kiddos could identify some of the names written so carefully on the cards, just as they could in turn write their own whole names on their own cards. And I think they understood that these valentines are expressions of friendship.

Now that the school cards are done, we have a few more to make, mainly for all of our family members (which, considering I haven't managed to finish Christmas cards, practically makes us early!). They're looking forward to doing that this afternoon. Until then, happy early hearts day to you!

Snow Emergency

We're now looking at 12-18" of snow over the next 36 hours.

And what does your average Connecticut suburban mom rush to the store for on the eve of such a blizzard?

Classroom valentines!

I was just at the store and I'd say about 25 moms, kids in tow, were scrounging around the valentine section, desperate to find the perfect box of cards and bag of treats.

But I get it. Tomorrow will be a snow day--NYC has already cancelled classes, which is almost unheard of--and Thursday will be messy. Friday is the day for classroom parties. Now is the time to prepare.

So forget milk and eggs and bread. Go grab that last bag of SweetHearts! It's not too late ( if you're brave and not choosy).

Valentines Redux

I'm trying to avoid Valentine's mania here again this year, trying not to go overboard with the cards for the kids' class. In fact, I'd been pretty certain that I'd take them to the store and let them choose a box o'cards to sign and pass out, maybe include some playdough or stickers. But Sis beat me to the punch: she wanted to make cards again. And so today, she begged me to pull down all the pink and red and heart-shaped art supplies I could locate so she could get started on the approximately 18 valentines she'll need for school. Bud gamely played along and happily punched and stickered and markered a pile of hearts (because this year, instead of folding cards, I have just cut out a bunch of different colored hearts for them to decorate). Sis decided to paint hers and completed just a few before deciding she wanted a snack. But the ones she made are lovely. I'll want to keep them all for myself! But apparently there will also be valentines for me, Mama, grandparents, aunts and uncles, and Babysitter, too. And her stuffed bunny Amy.

We'll see if we get the full 18, plus extras. But I'm proud of her for wanting to make them. Maybe a bit . . . what's the word? . . . . justified (avenged? relieved? what is the word?) for the commotion I caused last year by having them spend days and days making cards, faking a few myself there at the end when we came up short. Apparently, it wasn't such a bad idea after all (well, faking it was a low point).

Though, it's good to start three weeks early, too! That's only one card a day most days! And if we get tired, there will still be boxes of cards and candy at the stores, I'm sure.

Valentine Bonanza

We've been building up to Valentine's Day, or more specifically the celebration at school, for almost 10 days now. First, we painted hearts on our house in anticipation of the big day. Then we started to make the 17 valentines each kiddo would need for class, including 4 for teachers. We had to start early because no 3 1/2 year old is going to be able to sit down and create 17 cards in one sitting, or even two, or, to be honest, even three. In the end, I made about 5 valentines each, mimicking each child's distinct valentine style: foamies for Sis and doilies with rubber stamps and/or punches for Bud. We even had a practice run, throwing our own Valentine's Day playgroup on Monday, where we decorated bags and exchanged cards (well, we gave out playdough). And swapped the chocolate heart cutout cookies we had made.

And so this morning was the big day. The kiddos took their zipper bag full of valentines--unaddressed for easier and fairer distribution--and a container full of heart cookies to school. Immediately, Bud got that zipper bag open and tried to give Mrs. Director a card to go with her cookies. But passing them out had to wait. I'm sure it was a long day for them.

Just as it had been a long week for us moms. I had been set on us making our valentine's cards because I thought it was a good way to show that we cared, but I might have been overreaching and, well, vain in that my-kids-made-their-cards/we're-too-good-for-storebought-cards kind of way. Since they can't sign their names yet, I didn't want to be the one to choose a store card set, sign their names, and get them ready to give out without any of their own input. They could have, however, signed their letters and colored envelopes and actually chosen the set, which would have involved them and put them imprimatur on the activity. I just hadn't thought of that. Next year. Because, in the end, making that many valentines just ceased to be a pleasurable activity by the third hourlong+ session.

I know other moms gave just as much thought to their Valentine's Day treats. Mama Teacher spent all last Friday, and another evening besides, making cards for her son's class--complete with stamps and punches. And I think there were going to be some treats too, right? Another mom had decided to take corn muffins to her child's celebration but had those vetoed by her husband as not celebratory or appropriate; she was calling me for advice on royal icing and ideas where to find merengue powder (I hope those turned out, Miss J). Lastly, another Miss J was whipping up a batch of chocolate chip cookies for her daughter's class, a new class that the daughter just joined a week ago and so the mom wasn't even sure she had the class list or was supposed to address the cards. We've all been giving this a lot of thought. Heck, even the moms whose kids aren't in school yet were asking questions about the whole thing!

Is it worth it? Well, my kids were thrilled beyond belief, tickled "pinkalicious," to bring those Valentine's Day bags filled with cards and treats home this afternoon. Bud had eaten two lollipops from his stash before we were halfway home. Did they look at the cards? Sure, to color in the coloring pages with the little markers they had gotten. The cards were shiny and glossy, with neat tabs for closing or slots for candy or stickers or pencils--lots of cars and princesses and Thomas--boy, valentines have gotten more sophisticated since those generic, perforated cartoon cards in little envelopes that we had. But there wasn't a single box of Sweethearts! So, progress isn't everything . . . I liked looking at how each child, when they did so, signed his or her name. Something about being able to write their names makes the kiddos seem so grown up. It's such an accomplishment to be able to write your name, to mark ownership, to forge identity. My kids are so proud of writing their first initials--wait til they can write the whole thing!!

I think I had forgotten the magic of the holiday. Mama and I have often made it special for each other, but it is a small, intimate holiday now (even though Mama despises it as an artificial, commercial holiday, but she humors me and plays along). But I remember the sheer delight of choosing valentines, making boxes (aways shoeboxes, I think), getting cards, eating candy--the happiness of the big pile. I never remember any angst of who gave me what and who didn't. And this was before the days of you-must-bring-one-for-everybody. But I think we did. Or if we didn't, I just didn't care. It was just happy. As their teacher said today, there just aren't any expectations so the joy is rather pure and unsullied. Even for those of us moms full of expectations and working behind the scenes to make it happen, I'd say it was worth it.

Happy Valentine's Day!