Today's Political Post

 A few more thoughts:

--Thinking of the family and friends of Capitol officer Brian Sicknick. May they be comforted. (And lower the flag even if #45 doesn't order it!)

--Impeachment! In fact, I can't believe it takes a second impeachment to implement the loss of his benefits and ability to be elected again.

--And charge all those who spoke at the rally to incite violence and insurrection.

--While many of the images I've seen of the attack are of costumed white men acting up--carrying podiums, sitting at desks, taking selfies, wearing horns--and some of the stories have been infantile (smearing feces everywhere), make no mistake that the real intent of many of the rioters was deadly. Reports indicate they were looking to execute VP Pence and the threats to Democratic lawmakers like Pelosi and AOC were real. So were the bombs and molotov cocktails discovered elsewhere. Some of the terrorists now claim that they merely walked through an open door at the Capitol, just to look around, and the Capitol Police should have done a better job of keeping them out then! Don't let them gaslight us with what we know many were there to do. That some people just followed along is no defense. Arrest and charge them. I'm not a lawyer, but it has to be criminal trespass or something, even if they weren't armed. And for those caught on video chanting threats within the building, press the more serious charges. And find who killed Officer Sickkick.

--I'm glad to see that there are other consequences, namely losing employment, for those captured on video or TV interviews. And I support those who are working to recognize the terrorists. For people who cite the First Amendment, it is surprising they don't know it--free speech is ONLY protected from government oppression, not private or commercial enterprises. This has been supported at the highest judicial levels numerous times (again, not a lawyer and can't quote precedents.) Breaking into a public building and threatening violence and wrecking destruction are not free speech. Yes, they can be fired for such terrorist activities. Yes, I think they should be.

--Same for #45. I think it was about time that social media blocked him. He has a whole fucking press corps who could carry his messages. But the platforms weren't going to do it because it made money for them by attracting followers and they wanted the cover from his and his followers' retribution. I'm glad he's off Twitter, etc.

--I won't even dignify all those "It was Antifa" excuses. Nope.

--And, yes, this is "who we are"--racist, violent, narcissistic, close-minded, stubborn. We are also those who decry such activities. But many of those opposed to #45 and broader white supremacy etc have not been active or loud enough in opposition, myself included. This must change. It's never to late to stand up and so "no more."

--Those "Jesus saves" signs surprise some Christians. It is very little surprise to those of us outside of Christianity. Christian identity has long been in lock-step with American exceptionalism and nationalism. We need to strengthen the separation between church and state and go after the protected, non-profit status of congregations whose pulpits brazenly preach politics.

--I am grateful for Heather Cox Richardson. She is light in the darkness with her explanations of events and historical precedents, even if oftentimes her news is still awful.

Political Musings

 

Some thoughts on Thursday, January 7:

--White privilege was on full display at the Capitol yesterday. BIPOC protesters would have been slaughtered.

--This was clearly another battle of the Civil War, which has not ended in the minds of so many. I hated seeing the Texas flag along side the Confederate one, but not surprised. I was actually surprised there wasn't more Neo-Nazi insignia (though, there was the Camp Auschwitz shirt.) And the Vikings were there, too. It was a free-for-all for any white Christian Nationalist identity that appeals to 20-40 yo white males (and yes, some women.)

--25th Amendment for #45 and sedition charges for terrorists.

--Yes, terrorists.

--It's too little too late, Mitch McConnell. You get no points.

--Why are there videos of Capitol police opening the barricades to these terrorists? Were there some sympathizers? I'd like to see more about what happened. But clearly the Capitol police were outmanned and most did a courageous thing in trying to protect our Capitol.

--I imagine the win of the two GA senators and the idea of Garland for AG were fuel to the fire.

--It could have been so much worse and I expect we will see more violence around the country in the months ahead. Part of me believes that as a nation we are at or approaching rock bottom and that this violence will have turned some away from #45 and his ilk (and not just his wife's social secretary!) In many ways, I think the terrorists will have defeated their own cause.

--There's more swirling in my head but this will do for now.

Here, this morning, I am saddened but not shocked. I am angry and somewhat desirous of punitive, retributive justice. As a family, we had solemn discussions of white supremacy and racists systems, treason and terrorism, and my kids know more about government than I ever did. But day before yesterday, Bud spoke truth to power when one of his teachers used a slur for the virus and the teacher apologized. I have faith in the younger generation, but I'm sorry we've created so much mess and chaos and division for them.

My thoughts this morning, Friday, January 8, 2021:

--In the 21st century, we do not need 2 months between election and inauguration so people can travel by horse or rail to get to DC. Shorten the time! It was shortened before.

--All those resigning cabinet members who have been complicit in #45's misdeeds are only leaving so they don't have to invoke the 25th Amendment and betray their master. They are not having an attack of morals but the need to protect their own skins. No points for you, Elaine Chao. And buh-bye Betsy.

--Where are all of the arrests?

--You go, Nancy Pelosi. Impeach #45 again and disqualify him from further office or we will be facing his return in 4 years. And hearing about it everyday until then.

--Too little too late, Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. Especially Twitter letting him back on in 12 hours. Still, so far, these are the only repercussions he's faced for sedition.

--What to say about the terrorist who was killed? I am sorry for her family and friends. But, she was knowingly invading a government building in order to interrupt and prevent a Constitutionally required certification, which goes against her oath as a member of the armed forces to uphold the Constitution; this wasn't a question of first amendment protection here. And then she did not comply with orders from law enforcement. Isn't that what white supremacists always say about black people who are shot, suffocated, etc for driving, sleeping, walking, shopping while black? I don't know where it comes from, but I'm hearing a lot about "play stupid games, get stupid prizes." But you can't bring guns and bombs and Molotov cocktails to a protest and expect impunity . . . unless you're white, which is the only reason she was the only terrorist killed. I'm sorry there was any loss of life--particularly now that we are hearing that a police officer has died from injuries.

--I want #45 and all his bullies arrested and tried. And no self-pardons. I think he shouldn't be able to pre-emptively pardon everybody, much less himself. (In fact, the whole presidential pardon thing needs to be re-evaluated.) And I don't want Biden issuing a pardon to heal the nation like Ford did. Nope. I want hearings and I want justice. It's not on the same order of the Nazis, but the Nuremberg trials were important for justice being seen to be done, from the top officials all the way down to the guards. So, from the administration all the way down to complicit Capitol police and that newly-elected WV lawmaker.

Okay, that's my mental purge for this morning. And I haven't really even read the papers yet this morning.

All's Well That Ends Well

Let me begin by saying that everything is fine.  The threat was only perceived, no real.

So, here's the story.

On Monday, when I picked up the mail, there was a playing card in the mailbox.  A Barack and Michelle Obama playing card, the ace of spades.  I thought this was odd and wondered what was going on.  Bud, who must have been reading about mushrooms, told me it could be laced with mushroom bits that would seep in my skin and kill me.  Huh.  Of course, then I thought of the anthrax scare in the mail that killed a woman here in Connecticut after September 11th.  But Bud didn't know any of that.  Still, I laughed and put the card in the recycling.

On Tuesday, I came home from taking the kids to the doctor for vaccinations and noticed the flag on the mailbox was up, which I would swear it hadn't been when I left.  There, inside, was another playing card.  Barack and Michelle Obama, king of spades.  What the hell was this?  Who was leaving these?  What did it mean?  We've lived here 15 years, have had no trouble with the neighbors.  But, when I posted my question to FB, most of my friends encouraged me to call the police and the postmaster, viewing it, like I did, in a suspicious light.  It wasn't kids--kids were at school during the day.  Why spades?  The ace of spades, I learned quickly, was not only a racial slur but a folkloric indication of death.  Was it a countdown, from aces to king to . . . ?  What would happen at the end of the suit?  But why black racism?  I would understand something to do with our being lesbians and a bi-racial Chinese-Caucasian family, but spades?  Was it a general comment on our being Democrats?  Only people who know us know that--there were no political signs or bumper stickers outside our house.  So, did this person know us?  Questions swirled, fears grew.   It escalated.

The police came and made a report, also being suspicious and cautious.  They handled the playing card very carefully but said there was nothing they could do.  Yet.  The postmaster was shocked and concerned, promising to alert the postal authorities and our mail carrier.  These kind of things often get escalated to the FBI because the mailbox is federal property.

Meanwhile, on FB, concerns and suggestions mounted.  Mama came home and installed web cams so we could find out who was leaving the cards.  We pondered options, decided not to alert the children that we'd received a second one; we wanted them to feel safe in their own home.  I spoke to the school social worker, as a precaution; she was worried.  I contacted our minister, who suggested we leave the person a note.  I called my parents, who were ready to come at a moment's notice; grateful, Mama and I debated when that would be.

It was a restless evening, though I think we faked it well.  Early the next morning, I got a text.  A mom had spoken to a child to see if anything odd was in their own mailbox.  Like what, the kid wondered.  A playing card.  Information came out.  Two friends on the way to the bus stop.  A card found on the way.  Placed in our mailbox, because we are the bus stop house, and I didn't notice right away that it was there.  Another card the next day, again placed in the mailbox, flag up.  I didn't see the flag until later.  The mom read the child the riot act, but I was relieved.  The friend confirmed it at the bus stop.  Two different cards, two different days.  An innocent act that sparked a wildfire of anxiety and concern in the dangerous conditions liberals know that we live in.  Had we acted too hastily?  What if it had not been random and meaningless?  When do you know you are in danger?  To you risk it, with children?  We could have spared ourselves much anxiety if we hadn't worried.  What will we do next time?

We were relieved.  We told everyone that it was okay.  We didn't identify the children.  We were just glad.

And yet.  This was just a taste of the threats, insinuations, discrimination, prejudice, inequality, and violence that many people in minority and religious groups face now in our country, led by the man who leads our country.  We had a whole community of support, here and across several states; we had resources; we had the cooperation of the authorities; we had options.  This is privilege.  Many aren't so lucky.  The mail carrier told me she'd been through a similar incidence with a Muslim family in town receiving threats in the mail.  What happened to them, I wonder?  And we only had 48 hours of it--long enough for us, and it was innocent--some have a lifetime.  This is not the America I want.  And so my family will take this opportunity to commit ourselves to those who are threatened, harrassed, intimidated, and hated.

Week One

It's been quite a week.

• The immediate ban on refugees from seven Muslim countries
• Bannon on National Security Council, Chairman of Joint Chiefs out
• The gag order for the EPA, USDA, National Park Service
• The ban on funding for international health programs that offer abortion
• Pulling out of the Pacific Trade partnership
• Building the wall
• Restarting DAPL
• Gutting "Obamacare"/ACA
• Government hiring freeze
• Deleting the LGBT page and climate change page from wh.gov
• Going after the NEA/NEH, Corporation for Public Broadcasting
• Also the Endangered Species Act
• Obsession with size of his inaugural crowds and voter fraud
• Ignoring the Women's March
• Not divesting from his companies
• Not releasing his taxes
• "Alternative facts"

And those are just the ones I'm coming up with right off the top.

I know that dear old Mr. Rogers said, in times of emergency, to look to the helpers.  Here are just a few:

• Dan Rather's News and Guts
• The 2.9 million people at various Women's Marches in the U.S. (and on all seven continents!), including numerous people I know
• Plans for marches by scientists, LGBT pride, and more.
• The alt nps twitter feed
• New Yorkers rushing to JFK to help detained Muslim travelers
• #cuteanimaltweetoff

And so, the first week is over.  I wonder if all of his announcements and executive orders are a strategy to overwhelm and exhaust democrats, liberals, the opposition.   And I am overwhelmed and exhausted by the election and the new presidency.

And I haven't yet figured what to do exactly, besides petitions and phone calls and donations.  But I'm still paying attention.

And I won't be silent.

Stay woke, as they say, people.

Anger and Depression

I'm still mourning the presidential election.

I've definitely worked through some of the so-called (and debated) stages--denial, anger, depression.  I'm stuck there; I doubt I'll ever get to acceptance.  At least not acceptance in a positive way.  I accept that he has been elected president and that no electoral college or even impeachment will change that.  

In fact, I am extremely cynical.  I see all these calls for petition signatures and phone calls to elected officials to object to his cabinet nominees, his lack of divestiture of his holdings, his probable treason in cooperating with Russia, and I admit to laughing at the naiveté.  Seriously, if the liberal, democratic population mobilized for months to elect Clinton--and managed to win the popular vote by 3 million--and yet he is still being sworn in even while admittedly breaking ethics laws, supported by a spineless GOP who didn't like him during the election but is doing nothing to oppose him now (because winning trumps everything, right?), and appointing people with little experience or even understanding of their positions who also already break ethics laws and seem on their way to confirmation,  while firing immediately many of the people who have kept the government moving (embassies, etc.), what do we really think a few petitions--even a giant march on Saturday--will do??

And yet.

And yet, I acknowledge that silence isn't the answer--I've read about the "good" Germans who didn't object to Hitler.  So I know my cynicism cannot be a long-term plan.    I just haven't found what I think will work.  But I do know that I am against racism, sexism, homophobia, anti-Semitism, ableism, and discrimination based on sex, gender, religion, race, creed, ability.  All those phrases floating around now--Black lives matter.  Water is life.  Women's rights are human rights.  Love is love.  Science is real.  No human is illegal.  Kindness is my religion.--I believe those.  Even if the new president and his incoming officials don't.

Oh, I'm going to miss Obama and his family and the society he and his officials tried to create.  The change he brought.  The hope he stood for.  I remember watching his first election night speech and his first and second inauguration with the kiddos. Seriously, how do you explain to kids that the class bully is now in charge?  That they have to follow rules and be kind but the president won't?

Tomorrow, I'll be in mourning.  I won't watch the inauguration.  Perhaps I'll even wear black.

Actually, I'll be on retreat all weekend, away from the news, resting and rejuvenating.

Peace.  Hope.  And then change.

Stuck

Thanksgiving is next week and, while I know I have so much to be grateful for, I'm just not feeling it yet.  I'm irksome.  I'm rather disillusioned and disgusted with the whole shebang right now.  I can barely get through my FB feed.  Or the newspaper.  (Though, as a side note, I'm loving all the mischievous  Biden memes.) All the talk of coming together and love on FB is annoying me.  "Love always wins"--yeah, except, you know, the election.  Sometime shit does actually happen and I think we do ourselves a disservice to pretend otherwise.  Random acts of kindness do not erase the real effects of racism, sexism, intolerance, violence, income inequality, environmental collapse, and the like.  For now, I feel like they are pablum to make us feel better that we're not doing more.  And frankly, they make liberal white women (because that's where it seems to be coming from) look silly.  Now, I'm not saying go be an asshole like the President-Elect.  And buying a stranger's cup of coffee is good.  And I do like the safety pin movement because, as a lesbian with biracial children, I appreciate knowing who would support me in the event of conflict.  But I'm looking for a little more practicality and realism than "love."  Especially because that is NOT the game the other team is playing.

I've given this some thought ever since I read an article about why Martin Luther King, Jr and later Barack Obama both looked at Unitarian Universalism and rejected it--its embrace of inherent worth and the search for truth and justice was too positive and didn't address the real losses and real suffering of many communities, particularly African American, both urban and Southern.  The UU focus on the goodness of humans can leave followers at a loss when faced with people who behave dishonestly, selfishly, immorally, violently, illegally, etc.  There have been discussions of why UU kids have trouble when they realize not everyone believes in inherent worth, the interdependent web, and acknowledging the importance of various sources of knowledge, etc.   I think it might be the reason so many UUs now embrace Buddhism--myself included--because it acknowledges suffering and how to address it skillfully.  I think that's one of the reasons I'm frustrated with all the "stronger together" talk now.  I'm sure I'll find a middle ground.

Still, I haven't decided what I want to do about it all.

Well, I have--I'm planning my Thanksgiving menu.

Zentangle on the Brain

I've been practicing Zentangle everyday, both for my own personal edification and in preparation for upcoming classes.  It's still my favorite way to start the day (even if sometimes, I get so caught up in it that the actual start is delayed!  Some of those tiles take awhile.)

My thoughts o Trump and the RNC

Today's tiles, inspired by a tile I saw online.

A serendipitous photo of one of the tiles with a rainbow from my prism.

And, then quite by happenstance, I came across this bag on clearance at the store.  It's perfect, inside and out, for lugging my Zentangle supplies to and from class.  Can't wait to try it out this week!

Allegiance

We took a break from our kitty hospice here (we had someone feed the patient, though) and went into the city last night to see Allegiance, the musical about Japanese-American internment camps during WWII inspired by the life story of actor and cultural icon George Takei.  We had been on the fence about going anytime soon, but the closing of the show was announced and I realized how much I wanted to see it, especially after a few friends really recommended it.  So, Mama found this great opportunity through her audience rewards membership (for frequent Broadway attendees, and we're not all that frequent) to attend a Q&A with the tree main cast members, George Takei, Lea Salonga, and Telly Leung.

Musically and structurally, it is not the strongest of shows--I've seen worse (Whistle Down the Wind, anyone?)--but emotionally it was extremely powerful, especially in light of current world events with Syrian refugees and the vitriol spewed against them (and Mexicans and Muslims and women and people with disabilities) by Trump.  The musical follows one Japanese-American family's experiences and reactions to its experiences when they are incarcerated in miserable circumstances after Pearl Harbor; the son is very patriotic and joins the Army but the daughter comes to resist the internment, pulling their family apart and separating them for the rest of their lives.  Gaman, a Japanese word from Zen Buddhism meaning "to face the unbearable with dignity and patience"--a kind of mindfulness in the face of crisis--is a key tenet (and song.)  The show also addresses the worth and dignity of all human life, the importance of social justice, the scourge of racism, difficult decisions in times of war, standing up for one's beliefs, the nature of loyalty and allegiance; you could say it's a very Unitarian Universalist musical.  But it doesn't give easy answers--both the patriotic son, the resistant daughter, and ancillary characters are often sympathetic--and, even though there is a technically happy ending (when the now aged son is reunited with his niece), as Bud put it, "it wasn't a very happy show."

The performances were marvelous, though.  Takei, of course, is best known for Star Trek and his work as a gay rights advocate and now leading cultural figure.  He was in turn funny as the old grandfather and touchingly tragic as the aged Army soldier son.  Salonga, whom Mama saw in Miss Saigon some 22 years ago, has an amazing voice and sings many of the show's most touching songs.  And Leung was an exuberant and then devastated young man.

Best yet, we got to hear from all three of them after the show!   It was fascinating to hear them talk about the different iterations of the show. Apparently at some point there were two brothers and no sister, a mama, the nurse was actually just the daughter of the warden, Sammy was a minor character with asthma who only had one song. Leung talked about all the changes in the six years he's been with the workshop and the show. Salonga talked about how her Chinese-Japanese husband has relatives who managed not to be sent to camps because they moved to Colorado where the governor refused to lock anyone up. And of course Takei talked about the seat he is leaving open for Trump  to come learn about the very real effects of discrimination and racism in our world today (Trump even recently said he would have supported the camps during WWII.)  I saw the seat--it was down the row from us during the talk-back--and it had remained empty.  It wasn't very long, but it added an extra-dimension to the narrative and to our understanding of the process of the creation of musical.  

On another note, beyond my beliefs in social justice and anti-racism and my appreciation for Takei's work (I've donated to Takei's legacy project), I was just so glad to see a musical about, created by, and performed by a mostly Asian team.  No other show has that.  And with my two half-Asian children, it's very important to me that they see beyond stereotypes (of Asian doctors, science geeks, straight A+ students, prodigy violinists, and wimpy conformists who always follow the rules) and also that they see strong role models standing up for what's right in the world.  

And so, while I can't hum any of the songs this morning, the story and images will stick with me for a long time.

-=-=-=-=-

I'm going to try, later, to fold the origami flower that played such a role in the show.  

Stand Up for the Lookout

The hateful rhetoric and violent actions in the US these last few weeks and months disturbs me.  More than that: infuriates, disgusts, frightens me.  

I have Martin Niemoller's quotation* in mind:

First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Socialist.

Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out— 
Because I was not a Trade Unionist.

Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out— 
Because I was not a Jew.

Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.

Except, today, with Trump spewing vile, you could substitute Muslims, Mexicans, African Americans, people with disabilities.  Include the vitriol of his followers and add LGBT folk, women, and more.

I don't talk much about it to the kids, except in the most general terms regarding San Bernardino, Planned Parenthood, even Paris.  They know there is hate and violence; we encourage them to look for the good, for the helpers, as the meme about Mr. Rogers encourages. 

It's hard to have hope.  I'd love to turn away from the news, but somehow I feel called to witness what is going on--I am so fortunate not to deal with violence or hatred directly so I don't want to ignore it just because I can.  Even if I don't think it helps much.

Last week, I saw a swastika painted on a lamppost in a local parking lot.  I was horrified.  So hateful, so close to home.  I talked to the store manager; I called the local police.  I called again.  And I went to the precinct.  And I called the management company of the shopping center.  I posted a lot of it on FB to enlist the help and support of my friends to help me get it painted over.  We had plans to paint it ourselves before the first night of Hanukkah.  I had my minister's cell phone number on speed dial in case we got arrested while vandalizing vandalism!  And in 48 hours, it was gone.  The police must have gotten through to the management company who put on a fresh coat of paint.

But town feels a little tainted for me now, just like the country does, with Trump resurrecting horrific ideas reminiscent of the Holocaust and Japanese internment.  It turns my stomach and so, in my own way, I will not be quiet.  Because, sooner rather than later, I belong to one of the groups that the extremists would wipe off the face of the earth.

How will you stand with me?

-=-=-=-=-

*The origins of this poem first have been traced to a speech given by Niemöller on January 6, 1946, to the representatives of the Confessing Church in Frankfurt. There are numerous versions.

Piano Guys and Gals

This morning, Sis lay down on our piano bench and played "Old Susanna" upside down--just like Mozart in the movie, Amadeus.

Why?

Because she was inspired by the Piano Guys concert we attended last night.

Similarly, Bud was practicing cello first thing this morning, even thumping the body and spinning his instrument.

All because of the Piano Guys.

Bud also loved that they played "his" song from the Peanuts Gang . . .in a nursing home (they showed a video), just like he will on Sunday with the piano club.

I'm not sure when we first heard of them.  I think perhaps it was a FB video of a Star Wars cello duel. 

But pretty soon, they were everywhere.  Mama seemed to come upon them separately, knowing a video where the musicians pluck and bow the inside of a grand piano.  One of the young ladies in our piano club played some of their songs, including "Waterfalls" and "Secrets."  And our piano teacher then mentioned that they were going to be in concert nearby.

So we got tickets.  And went last night.

They were fabulous!  Mixing Christmas carols with pop tunes, original compositions with well-known tunes, sometimes played traditionally, but more often than not, played more originally with loops, thumping, plucking, using their heads, elbows, and even toes and feet!!  Though it was well past their bedtimes, the kids were enthralled.

And all Mama and I could think of was Mormons.

See, unbeknowst to us, the musicians are members of the Latter-Day Saints (LDS.)  As you probably know, the wealthy and powerful (and growing) LDS church contributed funds and power to overthrowing California's Proposition 8, regarding same-sex marriage, which they are firmly against.  On a personal level, I know only one Mormon, who is also against same-sex marriage; we've discussed it briefly--in my house, of all places.  She has stated that she respects the love I have for my family--and so we manage, as co-Girl Scout leaders.  Conversely, I respect her beliefs and support her right to them . . . up to the point that she wants to take away mine (as far as I know, she isn't a social activist per se.)  It's a tenuous friendship, where we try to stay far away from these issues.  A real case of agree-to-disagree.  

Anyway, I tend not to support organizations who actively support conservative causes, i.e. Wal-Mart, Hobby Lobby, Chick-fil-a, Domino's, Wendy's, Cracker Barrel, ad infinitum.  And so at the very first, I was a bit disappointed that some of my money, by way of tithing, must have gone to the LDS coffers.

And as I sat and listened to their beautiful music, I reflected on how prejudiced I would be if I lumped all Mormons under one roof or dismissed them out of hand.  I know it's not a monolithic group, ranging from the Fundamentalist LDS polygamists to a strong believer like my GS co-leader to the LDS feminists and even those who support gay rights.  What did I really know of the Piano Guys?  Besides their amazing talents?

Well, they made one Mormon joke--about "that's one wife per person, something you have to explain if you're Mormon"--and testified a few times (which mostly fell flat here in Connecticut.)  It dawned on me how secular CT really is, especially the circles I run in.  As a kid, I'd hear prayers to Christ at football games; there are always a few celebrities thanking God at the Oscars and Super Bowl.  But that's about it.  And, considering the proselytizing culture of LDS, it was pretty mild at the concert--just some gratitude, some witnessing of the divine that we all can feel "no matter your beliefs," one said.  I don't even think there was a table of information anywhere. 

But I still thought about it and apparently Mama did, too.  When we discussed it later (after a brief but convoluted discussion with the very sleepy kids), Mama quoted Pema Chodron on how we're all looking for enlightenment and that we should recognize that in each other; if we are bothered by other people's searches, it's probably because we're not there yet either (or something to that effect; it was late for me, too!)  As UUs, we covenant to support and promote the inherent worth and dignity of all people. And I really want to live that, even when it's somewhat challenging.  Because I do have a knee-jerk reaction about religious conservatives, perhaps particularly Mormons because of their recent political successes and increased visibility.  So, it's a practice for me, particularly to focus on the individual, not making assumptions on some stereotype of the group they belong to (like my GS friend, who is in many ways, besides religion, my doppelganger--they were at the concert, too! )--just as I want myself and family to be treated as people, not stereotypes of lesbians or Asians or Texans or whatever label fits preconceived notions. Also to be treated with respect and kindness and compassion, regardless.   It works for me and my co-leader, for whom we are each the other's teachable moment, I think.

And, I suppose, even if I am opposed politically, personally, it is best--to borrow a biblical phrase--to turn the other cheek.  I would not want to turn around and do what I don't like in return.

Though sometimes, if I do feel a bit attacked personally or in general, besides remembering the UU principle, I comfort myself that conservative LDS are losing the culture wars, much the same way Mitt Romney lost the election (even if we do seem to be backsliding, having a serious backlash to liberal politics in some realms.)

And so I sat back and enjoyed the music, especially as we all sang "Silent Night" together at the end.  Because it is that shared humanity, which we affirmed together, that matters most to me.  And we all have our own paths to it.

(Though, Mama and I agreed, if the Piano Guys used their platform and campaigned against us, per se (like Cracker Barrel used to), we probably wouldn't be buying anymore tickets or CDs.)

Election Day

The only thing I remember about Election Day from my childhood was that we ate our lunches at our desks while the cafeteria was being used for polling.  Sometimes, this meant fetching your cafeteria train and returning to your desk and then taking it back.

I missed voting in Bush v Dukakis by about a month and so cast my first presidential ballot for Bill Clinton.

And I've voted pretty much straight-ticket Democrat since then.

I know, I know, vote for the person, not the party.  But I find that by aligning themselves with a party instead of being independent, politicians are making very clear statements about who they are.  And they eventually support that party, especially in important party-line votes. And when Republicans do it, they vote against my interests--women's rights, gay rights,gun control, higher minimum wage, maternity leave, national healthcare, education, environmental protections (against coal, fracking, Keystone, emissions), voting rights, regulations for banks and financial institutions, separation of church and state . . . . I could go on and on and on.  Anyway, I don't mind voting for a Democratic ticket because I can't ever, ever vote for a Republican.

So, I woke up several times in the night to check the returns for Connecticut's gubernatorial race, but it was too close to call until lunchtime (when the Republican finally conceded.)  Bud, who has asked a lot of questions about elections and politics, asked me this morning, "Mom, will a Republican governor say you can't be married anymore?"   ( He also asked if Mama's job or our lives would be affected if there was a change in minimum wage or healthcare laws.  Gratefully, no.)  Despite all of our assurances, he worries about such things (and so maybe I should quit raging about politics in front of them.)  Thankfully, such things are probably unlikely here in Connecticut.  But the same can't be said for other places, like my home state of Texas.

And so, politics is very personal.  And I will always vote for Democrats.

(But I will say, as such, this election cycle was pretty hard to take.)

Election Day

"Mom, what's an abortion?" she asked.

How do I always step in it?

We were leaving the polls where I had just voted a straight party ticket and then bought them baked goods from the fundraising table out front.  They asked me why I voted Democrat.  And I said I won't vote Republican.  I know that in local politics the big social issues of LGBT rights, abortion rights, national healthcare, welfare, food stamps, unemployment benefits, the social safety net, maternal leave, fully-funded schools, separation of church and state, all in all the ability of government to be a positive force in people's lives when they need it, etc., rarely come up.  But I believe that, even though local politicians decide on trash pick-up, zoning, pensions, etc and not the other issues, they still opt to side with the Republicans and accept and agree to the national political platform--they choose to be Republicans, when they could be Democrats or even Independents.  And so I won't vote for them because they align themselves with beliefs I can't believe in.  Period.

And so I mentioned abortion.  And had to explain myself.  I'm not sure they really got it and hope they aren't picturing the Massacre of the Innocents.  I focused more on women's rights to control their own bodies.  And the irony of the Republican desire for small government except when it came to women's bodies and whom you could love.

Sure, they're probably a little young for that speech, but it's the one I believe.  What better time to give it than on election day?

Especially because, with one exception, every single Democrat, everyone I voted for, in our town lost.  (But I was glad to see NYC's and VA's results.)

Dark Day

This morning, our bus-stop friend's mom wasn't dressed for work.  She can't go because her childcare center was shut with the shutdown.  She'll be home with the kids instead of earning money to support them until she can work something else out; and instead of getting a head start with early childhood education, they'll be home alone.  The family loses in many ways.

See, it's not a theoretical debate, the budget and the shutdown, but something that affects real people in real ways.  But some of those millionaires in Congress don't really care; for them, it's an ideological battle of Right vs. wrong.

How is it that people who ARE the government despise the government enough to shut it down?  Perhaps they should consider other careers--no doubt their choices aren't affected by a recession, sequester, or shutdown.

I cannot even begin to express my anger, disappointment, shame, and frustration with Congress, specifically the GOP.

And I think we should quit calling them the Grand Old Party.  How about Grand Old Idiots?

Lastly, on a silly note, I'm angry that Panda Cam at the National Zoo has gone dark.  I know this is not important in the grand scheme of things--they'll still feed the pandas and take care of them--but we'll miss that bright spot in our day as we watch the mom and cub.

And I imagine the Panda Cam is very important to the now out-of-work people who operated it and all those other hourly workers at the concession stands, shops, and booths at the National Zoo.

So, taking a cue from the wise Karen L.R., I'm taking a break from the news and FB today.

An Election Reflection

Okay, so I haven't really gloated about the election.  No high-fives, no I-told-you-so.

Well, except with other Democrats.  

But there are so many of us up here that we just all walked around smiling and nodding to strangers.  

Well, until about 12 hours later when the hurricane hit.

Besides, we're a kinder, gentler electorate and didn't want to pain the disappointed Republicans up here.  

All six of them.

But enough is enough. I've now read article after article about how Karl Rove was surprised, how Linda McMahon was surprised, how even Mitt Romney was surprised.

Don't they read Nate Silver??

No, it seems the GOP had their proverbial heads in the sand this year.  

Or glued to Fox News.

And still do.  Because everything I read tries to guess at why they lost--urban vote?  minorities?  young people?  gays?   Were they too conservative?  Or not conservative enough?  But they had all that red space on the map!  How come they still lost by 126 electoral college and approximately 2 million popular votes?  Apparently, Romney told his backers this week that Obama won because he bought the vote of special interest groups like gays and young people and minorities with his stances on same-sex marriage, college debt, and the Dream Act.  

Can 10% of the population be a niche special interest group?

Are white, conservative, Christians a single special interest group?  And wasn't the GOP trying to buy their votes?  With all of Sheldon Adelson's money?  

See, the thing is, the fact that the GOP doesn't understand how and why they lost is exactly how the Democrats won.  The Republicans are out of touch.  And apparently, based on all the reactions, more so than we Democrats could have possibly dreamt.

For some wonderful reflections on this, see (I'm sure there are more, but these are my recent faves):

• Maureen Dowd on for whom Romney is President 
• Christian Right failure to sway voters
• The best titled article on the election, "Cry Babies and Sore Losers." 
• On Rove out of touch

In the Trenches

I'm in the trenches of the Mommy Wars.

SAHM vs. working moms.

Ann Romney vs. Hilary Rosen.

Mother vs. child, sister vs. sister, neighbor vs. neighbor.

But are we actually fighting?

I've written before about my choice to be a SAHM (here and here):  how it wasn't a path I would have ever chosen for myself until I was already on it and didn't want off, how I've been repeatedly told that I am too smart to stay at home, how I realize that my ability to stay home is as much a result of white, educated, upper-class culture and privilege as personal choice (though I'm learning that now the majority of SAHMs are working-class Hispanic women.  Also here.), and the like.  And I've read so much about the Mommy Wars--how working hurts kids and how working encourages kids; how staying home encourages kids and how staying home hurts kids.  Pick a side and find a study.

Is it cliche to say that some of my best friends are working moms?  It is equally true that the majority of my friends by virtue of having the same schedule I have are SAHMs.  I don't choose SAHM friends because I value them more or believe we are "right."  They're who is around when I want to play.  And because our lives are similar, we can discuss and debate choices.  But the friend I speak to the most works full-time and has a life-structure totally different from mine.  Yet we still find mutual support, value, respect, inspiration, and enthusiasm.  We just have to work harder to schedule talking about it!  And any bittersweet cravings for the other way of life are met with knowing nods.  It does not, however, make us enemies.

But I'd be naive not to admit that the groups are different--not so much from the outside or in any tangible child-rearing way, but in what we worry about when we discuss some of our fears.  And mind you, these worries about ourselves come behind our worries about our children and school, behavior, development, friends, etc.  Then it's our marriages/relationships. Or maybe our houses/housework.  And finally, only after we get all that out, stereotypically, do we talk about ourselves.  And even then it's about our work/not work as it affects our children.

My working friends, if I may speak for them, feel disconnected from the community of the playground, mourn their inability to attend all of the school-day functions or volunteer their time regularly, stress about the double workload of home and profession squeezed into the same 24-hour day, and envy the more relaxed days of the SAHMs.  At the same time, they also feel great pride in their professional accomplishments, are happy to model their work ethics and feminism, and not-so-secretly glad to escape the tyranny of the home at least part of the time.

Similarly, my SAHM friends, if I may speak for them, worry about their languishing professional skills and declining ability to re-enter the workforce anywhere near where they were, wish they contributed in a tangible economic way to the family especially in these challenging financial times, wonder if their children will understand or respect their "opting out," and miss intellectual and professional stimulation. However, they also generally love their time with their kids, at their kids' schools, and in their homes, creating enriching activities and environments, and in many ways are grateful to have escaped the less-glamorous aspects of working (office politics, long hours, bureaucracy, whatever your bugbear was).  But neither group seems hostile to the other, even if at times the grass sometimes seems greener in our neighbor's yard (especially if the neighbor is child-free!).

Actually, the majority of my SAHM friends work part-time, either because they want to or can't find full-time to compensate for childcare (or even at all).  They squeeze in work in their fields off-hours--library work at night, social work during school hours, substitute teaching, real estate.  And a few are direct marketers for products like WildTree and Tupperware, those uniquely mom jobs.  And I think, perhaps, these part-timers embrace many of the positives and few of the negatives in my list above.  Some of us--mainly me--are volunteering in our field, which provides the intellectual stimulation without the economic benefits while still affording flexibility.

All of us roll our eyes at specifying "works outside the home," recognizing as few of the pols or pundits did in the recent skirmish, that the accepted cultural definition of work implies for pay (now, we can get into value and free-market economics some other time), even if what SAHMs do is work of a different kind.  We don't get hung up on those semantics when we're hanging out.  If I say, "Mama Teacher works," I don't have to say "for money."   I've noticed that the only times my SAHM friends protest that they work is when they're talking about tasks they don't like; curious, no?

I think, however, speaking for myself, what I see in these Mommy Wars is the fight for respect, support, and choice for all women.  Neither side feels helped, valued, or even heard.  Working moms don't want to be demonized by the "if you wanted to work, why did you have kids?" brigade.  They want equal pay.  And, most likely, affordable childcare and maternity leave, maybe even public preschool.  And co-parenting and co-houseworking, which is still not the national norm, even if it is increasing.  Similarly,  SAHMs do not want to be judged as lazy or stupid just because they made the choice to stay home.  They want tax breaks for caregivers.  They would like affordable child care and preschool, too.  In fact, if there was more governmental support, more SAHMs might work and more working moms might stay home, because their decisions to do either are not always free but determined by economic factors often outside their control.

And when women, both SAHM and working, don't get to choose at all, they want the power to do so.

So maybe we've misunderstood the meaning of "Mommy Wars."  Maybe it's the battle women with children wage against the forces that demean, denigrate, and deny them choice, power, and respect.  Maybe if we all had those, we wouldn't be fighting.

Six Languages

No, I'm not hexalingual.


I was reading Nicholas Kristoff's recent "Politics, Odors and Soap:"

“The Righteous Mind,” by Jonathan Haidt, a University of Virginia psychology professor, argues that, for liberals, morality is largely a matter of three values: caring for the weak, fairness and liberty. Conservatives share those concerns (although they think of fairness and liberty differently) and add three others: loyalty, respect for authority and sanctity. . . . Another way of putting it is this: Americans speak about values in six languages, from care to sanctity. Conservatives speak all six, but liberals are fluent in only three. And some (me included) mostly use just one, care for victims."

No wonder we don't communicate well or understand each other sometimes.


I can't do the whole article justice, without just quoting it all here, so check it out.  It's a quick and thought-provoking read, as is, I imagine, Haidt's book.

Things That Make Me Go Ugh

Lots of items in the news have made me groan (or worse) outloud recently.

• Rush Limbaugh:  I don't think I need to do more than quote him to get my point across here:  "What does it say about the college coed Susan Fluke who goes before a congressional committee and essentially says that she must be paid to have sex, what does that make her? It makes her a slut, right? It makes her a prostitute. She wants to be paid to have sex.  She’s having so much sex she can’t afford the contraception. She wants you and me and the taxpayers to pay her to have sex. What does that make us? We’re the pimps. The johns. . . .  So Miss Fluke, and the rest of you Feminazis, here’s the deal. If we are going to pay for your contraceptives, and thus pay for you to have sex. We want something for it. We want you post the videos online so we can all watch." (source here)  I've decided that the GOP obsession with contraception is actually not a distraction from their lack of workable economic policy but is their economic policy (well, besides protecting the boardroom; see here for great post on private vs. public morality):  if more women are pregnant and have children and leave the work force (because of lack of national healthcare, maternity leave, and/or childcare, which is why these aren't on the GOP platform), more unemployed white men can have jobs, thereby improving the economy.  
• Catholic Church:  Dictating politics to the nation, the Pope has stressed that clergy should increase their opposition to same-sex marriage.  Similarly, the bishops, one of whom has recently be arrested for pedophilia, in this country aren't going to "be altar boys" anymore and are attacking SNAP, the organization supporting survivors of clerical childhood sexual abuse, in a last-ditch effort to avoid legal consequences.  Finally, as you know, bishops have made great waves against contraception and supported the Blunt amendment to resist supporting women's control over their own bodies.  Aren't these celibate priests just a little too obsessed with sex, marriage, and women's bodies?  
• GOP Primaries:  I don't even know where to start here.  Santorum wanting to vomit over the idea of the separation of church and state?  Romney's tepid response to Limbaugh's slut rant?  Support of the personhood movement and the Blunt amendment?  See Dowd or Collins for hilarious takes on these and more . . . particularly Seamus the dog.

I think the only saving grace of these frightening insanities is that I truly believe these are the last gasps of a dying power:  middle-aged, white Christian men of a conservative ilk, and the women who draw their identities, status, and power from them, who realize that they are no longer in control--with a black president in the White House, a female Secretary of State, liberal female Supreme Court Justices, decreasing church membership,and the increased acceptance of same-sex marriage in several states and political polls, not to mention the increasing racial, religious, sexual/gender-identity, and ethnic diversity of the nation.  (I should in the interest of balance, point out that this is not all men, whites, Christians, or conservatives.)  Why else would they contort themselves into such paroxysms of hate and oppression (see here and here for more lucid discussions of this idea)?  They're like preschoolers who don't get their way, who aren't in charge, and throw themselves on the ground kicking and screeching their ridiculous demands.  Except what they aren't fully in charge of any more is women's bodies, civil rights, the definition of morality, the country.  That's a lot to lose.

Of course, with hysterical preschoolers, it's best to ignore the tantrum until they calm down.  But we can't just let these men scream and control everything until they figure out they are no longer in charge (because they won't).  It's our responsibility to put them in time out and contain their damage . . . because trying to reason with them just doesn't work.

Whew, needed to rant incoherently myself just then before the incredulity and anger became overwhelming (so, in that way, I guess I actually understand the far right!).

Viva Zuccotti!

Protesters were forcibly removed and arrested in the darkness of the middle of the night by police, who tried to maintain a media blackout by keeping journalists away, all on the order of a wealthy leader for the benefit of corporate interests.

Sounds like something in a authoritarian state ruled by a dictator, where pro-democracy protesters fight for their freedom and very lives?

Except, of course, this was New York City.

I was disappointed, depressed, ashamed.  But like many enablers, not enough to do something about it directly.

No Wait!

It's Christmas catalog season, have you noticed?  Everyday I get two or three, some from companies I've heard of, more from companies that bought my name from somewhere.  Some get glanced at; all go into the recycling bin.  Two this week caught my eye:  a catalog for SERRV, which supports homemade, fair trade, and nonprofit, and What on Earth? one of those cheap-junk collection.  Polar opposites of the shopping world, like Etsy vs. Amazon.  Here was a catalog supporting individuals in underdeveloped countries, people in villages with no jobs, or even people in our own country who are learning skills and supporting themselves.  All making beautiful, useful, unique items.  On the other hand, there was a catalog selling t-shirts, mugs, wall plaques, and the like of the cheapest materials for the cheapest prices.  No word about their workers, no doubt because its sourced from sweatshops in China and elsewhere, with poor working conditions, low wages, and unfair labor practices.  In fact in a way, that catalog leads to the need for the other, as multinational corporations undermine local economies and support unfair labor practices in the creation of crap, leaving families in need of work and help, as offered by SERRV . It becomes a vicious cycle:  we buy cheap, which supports poor wages and labor practices, and then our own jobs are downsized and outsourced so companies can compete with the cheap and make money, which leaves us having to save money and only buy cheap.  Of course, almost all of us do it--it's easy, popular, ubiquitous, affordable,, and also sometimes useful and even necessary.  I buy stuff from Amazon because it's cheap, easy, and instantly available; I bought a Christmas present from the crappy catalog last year because I thought it would make someone smile.  In both cases, I ignored or conveniently overlooked or was not fully conscious of the larger implications.

On Sunday, in a sermon on the UU first principle of the inherent worth and dignity of all people, our new consulting minister, Frances Sink, told a story about a four-way stop.  She arrived at an intersection at the same time as the car to her left (which, if I understand traffic laws correctly, means he had the right-of-way).  Being in a hurry, she raised her hand as if to say both "please wait" and "thanks" as she headed through the intersection.  And then she recognized the driver--it was someone in her congregation.  She was embarrassed.  She suddenly reexamined the moment and saw herself differently.  She had put herself before another, endangering them both if he had ignored her wave.  Why was she more important than him at that moment? Why did it matter that she knew him?  Are we only more respectful to those we know?  And finally, she came to a larger philosophical question:  "who has to wait so I can live my life?"

Who has to wait so I can live my  life?  Those words have sat with me since Sunday, reverberating through my thoughts and actions, both large and small.  I had hoped at one time to buy fair trade coffee and chocolate.  It's a goal that I've only partially accomplished because it can be hard to find or expensive.  So, the people, including children, practically enslaved on cocoa and coffee plantations have to wait for safety, health, dignity, fairness, and justice so I can have a cup of coffee or a snack?  Or, playing it forward, the health and safety of future generations will wait so we can have air-conditioning, plastics, and use of our cars now, thereby contributing to a host of environmental problems?  You can identify such patterns on almost any level, from international to local.  More personally, who around me has to wait?  Mama and the kids have all put things on hold so I can recover, particularly Mama, who is strained by  all of the responsibilities and stress of career, household, a chronically-injured spouse, and two young children.  Similarly, my family in Texas waits for us to visit--especially my sister and her husband with my "new" nearly one-year old niece that I've never seen.  No one complains about the sacrifices (perhaps because an injury is a "good" reason?  Or because they do it voluntarily, out of empathy and compassion?).  Or the disappointments.  But they're there.

Of course, waiting is a part of life and, in many instances, a good experience.  Especially when it's conscious and voluntary.  In fact, perhaps if we had more waiting, more patience, and less instant gratification with little things in our consumerist society, like toys or books or even coffee, others might not have to wait as long for the larger things like justice, health, etc (which is involuntary and coerced).  You know, spread the waiting around more equally.  I realize that our choices always effect others and the future, that someone is always at the top, more people at the bottom.  Like the Occupy Wall Street 99-percenters, I'd like to see the gap decrease, the inequality lessen, the negative effects minimized.  Even if we can't eliminate the bottom, so to speak, we can raise it up so that the 99% are not always waiting so the 1% can live their lives on the backs of everyone else.  (Yes, I'm pretty much a socialist.)  We can try to neutralize the negative.

Which boils down to my catalogs again:  I'm not going to satisfy any instant gratification of cheap stuff from the What on Earth? catalog so that both the workers in those factories and the artisans of SERRV have to wait to live better lives on my account.  And I'll be practicing expanding that to all areas of my life, being conscious and aware of when (and why) others wait on my behalf and making choices to minimize the ill effects.

Shop (and live) wisely . . . . no waiting!

Rest in Peace

My heart goes out to the family of Troy Davis, who was executed in Georgia yesterday despite the complete lack of physical evidence and only questionable witnesses who have since recanted, as well as worldwide protests from such luminaries as former President Carter and Archbishop Desmond Tutu.

And while they sought the execution, my heart is also with the family of murdered Officer McPhail, who didn't really receive justice last night.

There is no justice in killing.

I'm with Crunchy Corner (Sew and Sow's daughter) in feeling shame as an American today.