I forget sometimes that I live in a feminist bubble with a whole community of friends who are in here, too. I know I shouldn't be surprised, in light of the election, etc., but I was still a bit taken aback when the man behind me at the movie concession stand yesterday scoffed that anyone but girls would want to see "Wonder Woman." He then coached his tween boy, who was there to see "Captain Underpants," to mock the idea. "You wouldn't want to see Wonder Woman, would you? That's for girls. Boys don't want to see that." And the boy was quiet and confused, whining that he was there to see Captain Underpants (quite literally worried that he would have to see Wonder Woman.)
No words. And honestly, I didn't engage much beyond "I think Wonder Woman is for everyone. Boys can watch girls in movies. My son is." I know I won't change the man's mind in a two-minute conversation in line . . . and honestly I think twice about engaging with strangers in public because I can't be sure they won't become aggressive. Protecting Muslim women in Portland from a white supremacist is a worthy cause; arguing about a Sunday matinee isn't.
I wish I had Diana Prince's cuffs sometimes.
We loved the movie, by the way. And not just because it was finally a female protagonist in a comic-book movie (though, that's why we went opening weekend, to support such movies financially.) The plot was engaging and not completely transparent (though, SPOILERS, we knew actor David Thewlis's role had to be pivotal); the pace quick, balancing action and comedy, quiet moments and explosive ones. And yes, Mama and I like fit women in leather, going back twenty-odd years to Xena. The kids liked it a lot, too.
And given the current political and cultural atmosphere, it's exactly the kind of movie we need.
Showing posts with label feminism. Show all posts
Showing posts with label feminism. Show all posts
Monday, June 5, 2017
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
Olaf to the Rescue
Here I've been thinking on the feminist implications of Disney's Frozen, the incongruity of the upending of the rescued princess trope and the waspish waists and tight dresses, and what it all means for my daughter and my son.
And all the kids can think of is Olaf, the funny snowman!
We were riding in the car to Sis's gymnastics class yesterday, with their little friend, and they were all atalk about the movie. They could all recite the different Olaf bits, "I think we lost the Marshmallow Man . . . oh, look out for my butt!" They were laughing hysterically.
The friend did mention how surprised she was that the prince said he didn't love Anna, also surprised that there wasn't a wedding at the end. I asked if a wedding was the best thing that could happen to Anna. "Yes," the friend answered. "NO!" mine chorused. Though, they agreed that a marriage could be a real highlight, but that there were other good things that you could do in life.
So, I asked what they thought about the sisters not getting along and how that would make them feel--the little friend thought not talking to her sibling would be great--he'd stepped on her head earlier in the day! Sis and Bud couldn't quite fathom that kind of separation.
And then it was back to Olaf.
Truly, I think I might be relieved.
And all the kids can think of is Olaf, the funny snowman!
We were riding in the car to Sis's gymnastics class yesterday, with their little friend, and they were all atalk about the movie. They could all recite the different Olaf bits, "I think we lost the Marshmallow Man . . . oh, look out for my butt!" They were laughing hysterically.
The friend did mention how surprised she was that the prince said he didn't love Anna, also surprised that there wasn't a wedding at the end. I asked if a wedding was the best thing that could happen to Anna. "Yes," the friend answered. "NO!" mine chorused. Though, they agreed that a marriage could be a real highlight, but that there were other good things that you could do in life.
So, I asked what they thought about the sisters not getting along and how that would make them feel--the little friend thought not talking to her sibling would be great--he'd stepped on her head earlier in the day! Sis and Bud couldn't quite fathom that kind of separation.
And then it was back to Olaf.
Truly, I think I might be relieved.
Monday, February 4, 2013
A Very Unbirthday
The birthday invitation said, "girls only." Even though the birthday girl was close friends with Bud. How to explain then that his sister was invited to the birthday party but not him? So we offered sushi as compensation, but he was still disappointed. As apparently the birthday girl told him (I'll add "gloatingly!") he would be. And when I RSVP'd for Sis, I told her mom as much. A week later, though, the girl changed her mind and invited Bud. And they all had a marvelous time at the party.
But this boy-girl thing is becoming more and more of an issue. We knew that two lesbians raising a son would have it's challenges and we've tried to allay some of the difficulties. As such, we're particularly sensitive to gender issues We've always encouraged the kids to choose their own friends not based on gender but on similarity of interests; we've always let them choose their own toys, be it pink tutus (Bud) or Star Wars action figures (Sis). But their friends are becoming increasingly gender-stratified, as is their world. Gymnastics classes are separated by gender. Scouts are girl or boy. And birthday parties. And sleepovers. Bud, like Sis, would like to have a sleepover with his friends. But his friends are all girls. And I know that it will never happen. Out of habit, I understand; boys and girls don't sleepover. But why? Surely it's rather innocent at 7 or 8?
It got me thinking. Where does this enforced gender separation come from? Do girls and boys themselves want the separation? Sometimes, I think they absolutely do. And developmentally and educationally, there are reasons behind gender segregation, I'm sure (as a feminist, I absolutely recognize the importance of female-only spaces, and by extension male. But don't get me started on our school's new "Father's Club" meant as a counterbalance to the PTA, which is not in essence women only, so why the need for dads to be different? I think it speaks to the comfort--or dis--of the genders communicating and working together.). But I'm speaking beyond simple classes and playdates, about the instillation of the belief, through the ways we treat them (as opposed to the words we intone), that boys and girls have little commonality.
But are parents somehow culpable, too? We tell boys and girls for years that they are different--pink and blue, tutus and action figures, ballet and football. They must internalize this difference and really believe that they are somehow fundamentally different from the other gender. Even when we pay lip service to girls can do what boys do--but why would they believe us? And then, from second grade until junior high, we segregate them in after school activities and playdates, until with hormones raging, they seek each other again, with their heads filled with years of myths, assumptions, stereotypes, but little practical experience, etc of the "Other." No wonder there is so much teenage agita over relationships and sex. Or even adult discomfort--men from Mars, women from Venus; men like football, women like lipstick; men are silent, women talk incessantly; men have Fathers' Club and women have the PTA.
Surely we are all mature enough to recognize these essentialisms as inherently false? How do these stereotypes really serve us? And doesn't the separation of boys and girls do more harm than good?
It's a bit of a leap, but Nicholas Kristoff notes, in Half the Sky, that in countries where the genders are most segregated, namely Afghanistan, Iran, Pakistan, etc, there are the least rights for women and most violence, even terrorism, from men. It makes me look at even our relatively innocuous gender segregation differently.
And my kids will be inviting their friends--not just a gender--to their birthday party.
But this boy-girl thing is becoming more and more of an issue. We knew that two lesbians raising a son would have it's challenges and we've tried to allay some of the difficulties. As such, we're particularly sensitive to gender issues We've always encouraged the kids to choose their own friends not based on gender but on similarity of interests; we've always let them choose their own toys, be it pink tutus (Bud) or Star Wars action figures (Sis). But their friends are becoming increasingly gender-stratified, as is their world. Gymnastics classes are separated by gender. Scouts are girl or boy. And birthday parties. And sleepovers. Bud, like Sis, would like to have a sleepover with his friends. But his friends are all girls. And I know that it will never happen. Out of habit, I understand; boys and girls don't sleepover. But why? Surely it's rather innocent at 7 or 8?
It got me thinking. Where does this enforced gender separation come from? Do girls and boys themselves want the separation? Sometimes, I think they absolutely do. And developmentally and educationally, there are reasons behind gender segregation, I'm sure (as a feminist, I absolutely recognize the importance of female-only spaces, and by extension male. But don't get me started on our school's new "Father's Club" meant as a counterbalance to the PTA, which is not in essence women only, so why the need for dads to be different? I think it speaks to the comfort--or dis--of the genders communicating and working together.). But I'm speaking beyond simple classes and playdates, about the instillation of the belief, through the ways we treat them (as opposed to the words we intone), that boys and girls have little commonality.
But are parents somehow culpable, too? We tell boys and girls for years that they are different--pink and blue, tutus and action figures, ballet and football. They must internalize this difference and really believe that they are somehow fundamentally different from the other gender. Even when we pay lip service to girls can do what boys do--but why would they believe us? And then, from second grade until junior high, we segregate them in after school activities and playdates, until with hormones raging, they seek each other again, with their heads filled with years of myths, assumptions, stereotypes, but little practical experience, etc of the "Other." No wonder there is so much teenage agita over relationships and sex. Or even adult discomfort--men from Mars, women from Venus; men like football, women like lipstick; men are silent, women talk incessantly; men have Fathers' Club and women have the PTA.
Surely we are all mature enough to recognize these essentialisms as inherently false? How do these stereotypes really serve us? And doesn't the separation of boys and girls do more harm than good?
It's a bit of a leap, but Nicholas Kristoff notes, in Half the Sky, that in countries where the genders are most segregated, namely Afghanistan, Iran, Pakistan, etc, there are the least rights for women and most violence, even terrorism, from men. It makes me look at even our relatively innocuous gender segregation differently.
And my kids will be inviting their friends--not just a gender--to their birthday party.
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