Ice Kids Cometh

The car thermometer read 21F and there was a stiff wind, no doubt dropping the perceived temperatued into the teens. And what did we do? We went for a nature walk! We headed to a local nature and science center and spent half the morning running around the castellated playground. Not to worry, as we were fully coated and mittened and hatted. Though, I could've used a scarf and Mama forgot her hat and mittens. The new family rule is you have to wear hats and mittens if it is below freezing. Otherwise, I'm not really a good judge of when you need what winter apparel (and the whole coat process is slowing down and throwing off my whole morning departure routine). Obviously, neither is Mama.

After playing in the castle--and on the very cold metal slides--we took a walk down to the pond. On the way, we must have seen the world's fattest squirrels. Bud thought one was a raccoon! We also saw chickadees, sparrows, a blue jay, and a cardinal at the center's bird feed area. We walked around the frozen pond on the boardwalk, recalling what Sid the Science Kid had said about water turning into ice when it is cold (and how it turns back to water when it is warm). We also imagined all the frogs sleeping in their burrows, just like Felix on Miss Spider. We even found a spot where we could throw rocks onto the frozen surface of the pond and watch then skid all the way across. The kiddos were also able to lean over and touch the ice, which Mama then broke with her foot to demonstrate why you never try to walk on ice. They were fascinated with the 1/4" thick chunks, which they also threw across the pond. We also found a few spots under a bridge where the water was still running.

It wasn't an entirely outdoor experience though because there was a program in the afternoon. We saw (and were able to touch) snakes, turtles, a dragon (bearded, which they liked and feared less than the turtles!!), a bunny that sat in Sis's lap twice, and a bird that laughs. The bunny was so soft and warm, quite opposite of the snake, which I reluctantly stroked trying to encourage the kids. Didn't work, though.

We had lunch out--the first restaurant meal in something like 6 weeks, which they really seemed to appreciate. And, having spent some of the morning discussing what various creatures eat, we imagined which animals would eat plates of what, such as "who would eat a plate full of flies?" A frog! Then we tried to guess what each of us would most like to have on a plate. They chose pizza for me, pretty accurate. Which is why we were there in the first place. At least I got to choose where we ate: Sis wanted to have a picnic outside at the castle.

Crime and Punishment, or Good Behavior and Sticker Charts

I came to the discussion on Motherlode late but am intrigued by the commotion about discipline, bribery, cash changing hands. It all sounded like a bad tv movie.

No, it's parenting.

Motherlode blogger Lisa Belkin had posted a snippet from another blogger (Amy O) on NYC Moms Blog that described how she had begun to give her kids a dollar a day if they behaved (it's more complicated than that but you can follow the link above to learn all the details). Fourteen dollars was a small amount to pay for peace, she rationalized. Apparently, Motherlode's commentors went nuts. I always enjoy the comments as much, if not more, than the posts on the NYTimes blogs (including Domestic Disturbances by Judith Warner). My two favorites, verbatim:

• Poor parenting skills that only the privileged can afford.— Carol
• So is the rest of the world is supposed to keep bribe money handy to keep Amy O.s misbehaved kids from acting up?— James

I didn't read all the comments but according to a later post by Belkin, several people mentioned Alfie Kohn's theories on parenting children, set forth in such books as Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason and Punished by Rewards. He differentiates between intrinsic and extrinsic motivation, stating that by focusing on external/extrinsic motivation such as sticker charts, rewards, and cash bribes, we are actually decreasing children's intrinsic motivation and hampering our own efforts to create lasting good behaviors (see the link above for a long transcription of his comments).

Personally, I don't yet have an opinion on rewards, charts, bribes, etc, but now have several vantage points from which to consider it, having only used a potty chart for a bit with ambiguous results. Apropos to us, this all comes at a time when Bud and Sis are obsessed with sticker charts. Oh, sure, when we had a potty chart with stickers, they weren't much interested. They didn't care much about stickers when they didn't want to pee on the potty and didn't care much about stickers when they did want to pee on the potty, but put stickers on the chart at other intervals. I guess that means they had intrinsic motivation. But you see, now Sid the Science Kid did a whole episode about charts and data as one of his science tools. And since the kiddos are obsessed with Sid (I like him too because he sings "I love my mom/my mom is cool" which they will repeat!), they now love charts. Yesterday, Bud insisted on making a chart to mark off when we take vitamins. He even drew in all the horizontal grid lines himself! Then he greatly enjoyed watching me check off a week's worth of days (not grasping the whole concept, he wanted me to check all the squares then and there). He's very protective of his chart, has put it on the refrigerator with a strong magnet, in a visible spot; then he likes to show it to people. Tonight, we made sticker charts . . . just to make sticker charts. Sis filled hers with a variety of Dora stickers (after I made the grid) and Bud carefully placed animals stickers in the grid he drew himself. They even had me make one. And then we hung them all up on the fridge.

I guess Alfie Kohn would be okay with these charts, though, because they don't represent any kind of reward or punishment system. They just are.

I know Sid the Science Kid would be proud.

I am.