It's Raining Again

My back has gone out again.  Like the last two times.  I was sitting at the breakfast table this morning, filling out the calendar for September.  Pop.  I ignored it, thinking it was just my body adjusting, but when I went to get up. . . I pretty much couldn't.  Somehow made it upstairs, where I am in bed . . . again.  With my previous experiences, I think I know what to do and how to cope with the pain.  And I can tell it could be worse.  It only hurts when I move.  :|

I'm sad, though, knowing the burden this places on those around me, especially my folks and the kids.  I feel guilty because I know I have been pushing it the last two weeks and could've taken better care of myself, but I thought it was going well.    I'm grateful at the same time, for the help everyone will give.  And worried about the stress this places on Mama while she heals.

But, part of my meditation practice, the weather practice, from Toni Bernhard's How to Be Sick, suggests recognizing that pain ebbs and flows and can't be predicted.  And so I'll continue my mindfulness and meditation today.  It's more important than ever.

Fuck.