Hell

We lost Shirt.

I knew it must be in the house, right? I hadn't taken the kids out when I first noticed it was missing. But then I got distracted, we did go out, and Sis noticed we didn't have it. But when we got home we played outside and then friends come over and though Shirt was still nowhere to be found, I wasn't worried.

But then she asked. And we started looking. And I couldn't find it. T, who was visiting, helped look where I couldn't easily--we lifted mattresses, moved couches, literally tore the house apart.

No Shirt.

For those of you not already panic-stricken, I will tell you about Shirt. Shirt was originally just a hand-me-down blue-and-gold striped jersey with long sleeves and a number 45 patch. It's a 12 month shirt, something Buddy wore when he was less than a year old. And at some point, Sis became attached to it. She liked to sniff it (especially along the buttons), to hold it, to sleep with it. Soon, it went everywhere we did. Except we managed to convince her that it was safer in the car when we went out. Now, though, Shirt even goes in with us but we've only had two other close calls with its disappearance. When Shirt needs a bath, Sis is hysterical. She'll watch it spin in the washer and cry. She sniffs it between washer and dryer and sadly waits for it to get dry. Otherwise, Shirt has the amazing ability to calm and soothe and comfort her. She asks for it when she's angry or tired or hurt. She knows to fetch it from wherever she previously abandonned it if she needs to regroup. It's her comfort mechanism, her special lovey. When we momentarily can't find it and then locate it, she does a great big sniff and sometimes a big smiling dance. If you're lucky, she'll occasionally offer to let you smell it too.

Actually, Shirt is a "he." Not sure why, except that he was her brother's. But he's hers now. She even gets posessive when she sees pictures of him wearing it. But she loves to see pictures of Shirt by itself.

Realizing how important Shirt was, we tried to find backups. We googled the label--it was a Wal-Mart store brand. Ugh, would I give money to them even for a back-up shirt? Luckily, I didn't have to solve that moral dilemma--we figured there was no way the shirt would still be there, a few years later. We looked elsewhere and found several close proximities. These became "cousin shirts," as in related and similar to the original, but not. The original became known as "Real Shirt," i.e. not an impostor, cousin shirt.

We've almost lost Shirt twice before--once at church when I had absentmindedly put it on my shoulder and then couldn't find it. We even made an announcement during service to help locate it. I did. In my bag. I must have equally as absentmindedly dropped it in there for safekeeping. Last weekend, birthday weekend, we took it in for dinner and at some point she handed it to me and I stuck it behind me on the chair. We got home for awhile before we realized it hadn't gotten home too. But they'd saved it. And we got it back before Sis really realized it had been missing. Sometimes, she does go a few hours without it.

Like today. And so we looked and looked and looked and all got increasingly nervous. Sis tried to be brave but every now and then she would mournfully cry out, "Real Shirt." J, who was visiting, was trying to help and repeatedly called out, "I found it." He had located a cousin shirt. There are at least 4 of them.

I called the vet to see if we'd accidentally stuffed it in the carriers when we dropped off the cats for "kitty camp." I called the woman who cleans my house and was here this morning to see if she'd come across it. I was in tears as I imagined never finding it again. I would be the mom who lost Shirt. This would be my worst mommy moment yet. See, I remember losing my special lovey. It was a blanket. At some point I got a replacement blanket which I loved as well and my other blanket was put away. But I still remember the day I went looking for the old beloved and was told it was gone. Devastated. Of all things, I did not want to repeat that with Sis. (Iit really is okay, Mom. I forgave you a long time ago. And now, even more, I see how easily these things happen).

T had to leave, her kids were past their naps and exhausted. She had looked everywhere and we couldn't find it. Mama had been called and would come home in an hour if we didn't find it. This was a real family crisis, without being an actual emergency. And as I stood on the porch, unable even to say goodbye without bursting into tears from the stress, I opened up the seat of the airplane scooter.

And there was Shirt.