Showing posts with label Reiki. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Reiki. Show all posts

Thursday, December 6, 2018

What a Fortnight!

Sis had the flu and now she has pneumonia.  It's been a rough two weeks for her and, while she is on oral meds at home, she is still coughing and exhausted.  We have reassurances from school that she'll catch up--they'll adjust her assignments and excuse the absences with a doctor's note.  Right now, she's too tired even to contemplate work.  She's not even going to see her horse often, so you know she doesn't feel well.





And right in the middle of that, Bud started throwing up and missed a few days of school himself.  We thought he might be getting the flu, too, but we were all tested and are negative.  It just must have been some virus that thankfully we didn't all catch.  Now he's just jealous that his sister doesn't have to go to school, even if she's sick.

What else?  I think I have a whole list of things to mention (pardon the repeat from my email in some bullet points, Lambeth!)


  • Did I ever even talk about Halloween?  Sis was Dean, from the tv show "Supernatural," one of the demon-and-monster fighting brothers in a show that crosses "X-Files" and "Buffy."  Bud was Dipper, from the animated show "Gravity Falls;" he's a code-breaking sleuth.  We went to the office Halloween party and then, night of, they had friends over for pizza and trick or treating and a huge candy swap at the end.  I love that they still want to trick or treat as teenagers AND that are neighbors don't seem to care about their age.
  • About the same time, I had my own party:  a hygge party, based on the Scandinavian idea of coziness.  I had a few close friends over for a casual night of comfy clothes, Frito chili pie, hot buttered rum, almond cake, candles, fairy lights, and conversation.  And we all thoroughly enjoyed it.  I didn't rush around preparing, nor did my friends expect any sophisticated entertaining--we actually curled up on the couches under various afghans! I even gave them all fluffy socks and little candles.  Delightful!
  • Our cat Hermione has developed arthritis.  She moves awkwardly and slowly, preferring little cat stairs to get on the bed or couch.  And she is always looking for warmth and so sleeps behind my knees in the bend in my legs, sits next to anyone on the couch, follows the sun patches around the house through the day, or curls up in her special heat-generating "poofs" (which have a layer of that silver-ish, heat-reflecting material they give to marathoners and people in crisis.)  Though, she can still "high tail" it for food or to chase the other female cat, Eris. To help Hermione out a bit, we're now giving her CBD oil, the non-hallucinogenic substance in marijuana (as opposed to TCH.)  They say it has a physical effect sort of like a warm bath; she does seem a bit more physically relaxed.  She has definitely relaxed a bit about Eris, so that Eris can now sleep on the big master bed during the day and was even curled up not too far from Hermione the other day (though definitely not touching.)  And our new Romeo is settling in, spending his days with Sis, who curls up in a big, soft, pink, fluffy blanket.  He even sleeps with her (which is good because Hermione won't let him on the bed in our room.)  he'll miss her when she's well, though at least he will have the blanket.
  • We have a new street!  After a few years of widening pot holes and deteriorating asphalt, the street has been re-paved.  It's lovely, though we still don't have curbs.  I've got my fingers crossed for curbs so that the water doesn't erode my yard where it meets the road as it has for a few years now, creating a wider and deeper ditch that I have to specially mark so people don't trip (especially on Halloween!)  Good thing people don't walk around much, I suppose.  Because we won't ever get sidewalks!
  • I am taking two classes at seminary (though, online) come springtime as I begin work on my MA of Religious Studies in order to become a board-certified chaplain.  One class is the history of Christianity, which will look at the different iterations (Ethiopian cave churches, Roman catacombs, evangelical tent revivals) from the early church to present.  I think it will have a lot of archaeology, which I especially like.  Second is "There's Something about Mary," which examines the different Marys of the Bible in a socio-historical and also (oh, the lingo) a "womanist biblical hermeneutics"!!!!!  The final project is to examine a contemporary representation of a Mary--I'm thinking Andrew Lloyd Webber's hippy Magdalene or the almost-Booker prize winner Colm Toibin's Testament of Mary, which depicts the Virgin as a depressed, isolated, and bitter older woman resenting her son's disciples.   I love school.  And I'm really excited to become a "real" chaplain.  Somebody needs to be there at hospice for people who aren't mainstream Christians (the Catholics have hospice covered!)--who are members of other religions, no religions, a mixture, unchurched, spiritual but not religious, atheists.  And I think I'm that somebody to offer solace and comfort (but not answers.)
  • In preparation for our Thailand trip, I'm reading a book on the Buddha which answers a question I've often wondered:  why is there no single Buddhists sacred text the way there is the Bible or Koran?  Apparently, stories of Buddha were preserved orally and only written down later (hundreds of years later), but by competing sects who slightly altered the narrative, so that they don't really agree on a particular canon.  Add to that, even those manuscripts don't survive well--I think I read that the oldest extant Pali canon manuscript is only a few hundred years old.  Nothing like Dead Sea Scrolls.  And Buddhists don't quite see the texts as "in the beginning was the Word;" textual exegesis just isn't as central to the religion.  
  • I watched the funeral of Bush 41 yesterday.  Solemn rituals and big, dramatic occasions always get to me, even if I wasn't quite mourning the late president.  The eulogies were informative--and entertaining in the way they lectured  #45 on character and charity and bi-partisanship.  I slightly remember Bush 41--I paid much less attention to politics then, but it was also less emotional, polarized, us vs them, angry.  I remember first getting riled about politics when Republicans kept trashing and attacking the Clintons, though if I think hard on it, I remember people not liking Reagan (though, much of that grew up afterwards.)  It's been downhill, civility-wise, since then.  Though I think it has also gotten dirtier--just look at Wisconsin GOP stripping the governor's office of power now that a Dem has defeated Republican governor Scott Walker--they didn't feel like he needed his power stripped when he was in office!  It's just ugly and there are few political remedies.  
  • Tulip stitch
    Even in the midst of all that, I have had time for my favorite hobbies.  I've crocheted blankets for a friend and a local fun-run raffle, even learning a new stitch, the tulip stitch.  I've been tangling as part of several online challenges, including Gratitangles 2018 and now 12 Days of Zentangle.  I love my meditative drawing practice.  I've also been reading more and have a book for downstairs, a book for upstairs before bed, and a book for the bathtub.  I've recently read a mystery featuring Fidelma, Irish nun-detective in 7th-century Ireland; the fifth and sixth Outlander books; a page or two of The Case for God, which is slow reading; the Buddha biography by the same author; and others I can't quite recall.  
  • We've also been watching a lot of tv, with two sick kids.  They are working their way through a dozen or more seasons of Supernatural.  We enjoyed British comedian Sue Perkins's exploration of the Mekong River and especially love her on the Great British Bake Off (I think we are currently watching the newly-released season 3.)  Sis has started Outlander, though without the abusive sex parts.  Bud has a few animated series he's following, including Hilda-something.  I caught up with Grantchester, the Arrow, and can't wait to watch the second season of Mrs. Maisel.  We only have one tv plugged in right now and also use it for video games--they are all playing the new Pokemon game.
  • I will delve into this at a later time:  I found proof that my ancestors on two branches of my family tree owned slaves. I have two partial names and the reference to four others. I always suspected as much, with many family members serving in the Confederacy and relatives having been in the south a century or more before the war, but learning it for fact has me overwhelmed and sad. I'm not quite sure what to do with this knowledge now....but I will do something. And acknowledging it has to be the first step.  I've joined a FB group, Coming to the Table, which connects descendants of both slave owners and enslaved peoples.  It's been informative, especially the resources page about reparations, financial and otherwise.  
  • Sadness:  on our drive to the doctor's office on Tuesday, I hit an owl which flew up in front of my car. I never saw it coming, though I was going the speed limit; we just felt the thump and then I saw the round-faced, speckle-winged bird above my left headlight, flapping backwards. We pulled over but couldn't find it.  So it didn't die right there but somehow managed to leave.  My friends think this is a good sign; I'm a bit more pessimistic.  What chance does a bird, even a big one, have against a car?  Why did it have to be a beautiful bird of prey? I'm so sad.  (And no, I'm not ready to debate why it's sadder that something I like and is beautiful died vs. something ugly or not liked, like a snake. I know it's subjective and hypocritical.)
  • Illusionists:  On Saturday, leaving Sis at home with what we then thought was the flu, we went to see a magic show on Broadway for Bud's Christmas present.  What a great show!  We especially liked the card tricks of Shin Lim, the mind-reading of Colin Cloud, and the sleight-of-hand of Darcy Oake.  In fact, Bud and I were both picked for separate tricks.  Colin Cloud read my mind!  He had me flip through a book and choose the top word on the left-hand page and remember it; he asked the same of two other audience members.  And then he "read" the word from my mind, "professional."  It really was astounding; and while I know there's a trick, I don't know what it is.  During his turn (we were seated very close to the stage in the second row), Bud was given an empty bottle in a box-inside-a-box to hold and then he chose a card out of a deck; later, of course, the card was in a corked glass bottle in the box-inside-a-box!  Now, the main "tell" that this was sleight of hand is that Oake did the same trick on Penn and Teller using the SAME CARD (5 of hearts) that Bud "chose."  I'm guessing it's a force of some kind but honestly neither Bud nor I saw it.  After the show and lunch at a nearby ramen place (Zen Ramen, not Sapporo because that dear old place has closed, forced out by raised rents), we went to Tannen's, the premiere NYC magic shop down by Macy's.  Bud had a great time conversing with the different magicians and seeing some of their tricks.  He bought a trick, a book, a beautiful Momento Mori deck, and a special card trick mat.  
  • Thanksgiving:  did I mention Thanksgiving at all? We watched the parade in our jammies that morning, particularly liking that there were two female hosts (bye, Matt Lauer!!!)  And we liked the performance by the Prom cast, complete with kissing lesbian leads (it's about a girl who can't take her girlfriend to the prom so she enlists help!)  We bought tickets on the spot, to support the show and NBC for fairing the no-doubt controversial scene.  In the afternoon, we had Mama Teacher and her son over for muffalettas, snacks, conversation, and video games, since they were celebrating on a different day, just like we were. We all played MarioKart--and had a great time.  (Sis actually came down with a fever on that Thursday night but the clinic said on Friday that it was NOT the flu.  Harrumphf.)  We went to Goo's on Saturday, because he had been working at the hospital the other days.  I made Chex mix, the sweet potatoes, the green bean casserole, the cranberry-horseradish relish, and a lemon pie.  Goo did everything else, including a lovely charcuterie.  And Mama and her parents spent the day arranging and rearranging post-its in order to organize our trip.  In the evening after dinner, the kids and Goo played video games, including this fast one where you drum to the rhythm prescribed by the game, while making little characters dance to the music.  Very Japanese.
  • BTS--Bud and I are still very much enamored of Kpop band BTS.  He practices their dance moves and I enjoy listening to the music in the car.  And we watch videos together sometimes.  When we were in NYC, for the magic show, we even went to the Line store, which sells BT21, a line of animated characters drawn by the members of BTS.  Bud got a few items, like J-Hope's horse character pillow and a key chain, and I even got a Koya (Koala, by RM) headband.  Yes, it's a cult.
  • Reiki--and no, I didn't think of Reiki next because it is a cult (ahem)--I had my second Reiki  on Sunday, with the same teacher and students as last time.  This section added some words and hand signs, which really did make it seem more like an occult thing than the hands-on meditation did.  But there was also more references to Buddhism--"the light in me sees the light in you," connecting to your higher Self or buddhahood, and forget what else.  The next session has crystals and angels, but I think I'll stop here; crystals and angels and the Reiki grid which can create continuous Reiki without your participation just takes it all a few steps too far for me.  Hands on meditation that contributes to relaxation and peace, I can handle (though, true practitioners would see it more as aligning the chakra energy wheels than simple meditation.)  And I'm looking forward to using it with hospice patients, as just another modality for care and comfort.  I did try it on the kids when they were sick (mainly because they didn't want me to tell my teacher that they had said no!) and both were relaxed afterwards, as you would be lying still with your mom's hand on your head or shoulders or chest.  I did it on myself a few days later, when my neck was stiff from too much driving, and it did release the tension, just like mindfulness meditation releases tension in my mind.  It's all from the same place, I think.  
  • In fact, I'll be going back to my PT soon to have her use her own therapy techniques (a unique combo of Western medicine and less scientific treatments) on the almost softball-sized scar tissue that has grown up in my lower abdomen and pelvic region from all the scars.  After consulting both my GI doctor and GYN and going through their tests, as well as talking at length with my caring and supportive GP, I decided that surgery isn't the answer for scar tissue which is pulling and pushing and causing regular discomfort; it'll just make more scar tissue.  I'm trying PT to try to break down some of the adhesions and meditation (particularly self-compassion from Kristin Neff) to assist my anxiety about the discomfort when it arises.  I hope it helps.
Whew, I think that's it for now.  I've blown through 30% of my laptop battery and a full hour of quiet between Mama's departure for work, Bud's departure for school, and now Sis's late arising.  Time to get up and get to the rest of my list . . . . 

Tuesday, November 13, 2018

Of Demons and Angels

"We were so worried about our dad on Saturday.  He was thrashing about and yelling things.  Totally not like himself.  He was possessed.  But then someone from our church came and prayed.  And the demons tormenting him left.  So we've kept up the prayers and he's been okay." 

I had never personally heard demons discussed in a literal manner before.  Metaphorical ones, sure.  And many friends believe that angels watch over them, especially deceased love ones.  But real demons?  No.  And my logical, rational mind kept thinking, "It's not unusual for dying people to have terrors and outbursts.  And then, with medications, they do settle down."  Just Google end-of-life anxiety.  It doesn't happen to everyone, but it happens, in varying degrees, some much more powerful than others. 

I think I underestimate the number of people who believe the supernatural world is as common as the natural one.  For me, it's just entertainment on television, our favorite series "Supernatural" about ghosts, werewolves, vampires, angels, demons.  Like "X-Files" and "Buffy, the Vampire Slayer" with two handsome brothers kicking butt with heart and humor each week.  But these two sisters as hospice truly believed a demon had inhabited their father on the way to hospice and had made him act out until the special prayers exorcised the demons.

And they weren't even Catholic!  I had only thought of exorcisms with respect to the Roman Catholic Church (when I wasn't thinking of the 1970s movie or our tv show.)  I checked in with our chaplain, the priest, who said there was a huge belief in demons in the evangelical church.  These Christians believe in deliverance (yep, I hear banjos and I haven't even seen that movie!), the idea of being delivered from demons via prayers and such and of needing to actively avoid being contaminated by demons.  This is why you hear that Harry Potter, Halloween costumes, rock and roll, yoga, etc., are tools of the devil.  There are even lists, like the one that appeared in my inbox recently:


I think I can tick off more than a few of those, including Eastern Religions, Meditation, Vegetarianism, Postmodernism, LOTR, Video Games, Harry Potter, Halloween, Fornication, Rock Music, and, yes, I've even seen Twilight!  And I have experienced, at least once, Palmistry, Tarot, Ouija, Wicca, Earth Worship, Divination, Dungeons and Dragons, too.  But I've never been a vampire or a werewolf (Lycanthropy.)  

I must admit to some cultural and spiritual prejudice--I really never believed people actually thought music invited the devil.  It's like a superstition out of the dark ages. Yes, the kids have friends who can't celebrate Halloween because it's satanic, but I figured that was a one-off.  How wrong I am, how small my world sometimes.  

And I don't really know what to do with it all.  I don't believe in demons, just like I don't believe in hell.  To be fair, I don't just reject the negative; I don't believe in angels or heaven either.  My world is decidedly not supernatural.  

But what if the supernatural is just the natural we haven't come to understand yet?  What invisible forces exist that we don't understand, like Chi or Chakras?  We've only recently come to understand x-rays, bacteria, atoms, radio waves, microwaves, Wi-Fi; and yet, we do not give them a second thought.  I'm still not saying I believe in demons or heaven.  But what don't we know?

Just this week, the NYTimes published an article about the Placebo Effect and how there might actually be bio-chemical processes unrelated to prescribed medicine or surgeries that can result in healing.

And how do I explain my own healing?  I've written (here and here) about how my physical therapist used alternative treatments to heal my back injury when a variety of specialists in the tri-state area couldn't.  I did benefit from what she would call spiritual healing--a combo of accupressure, chakra alignment, Integrative Manual Therapy.  It won't surprise you that she believes in angels and demons.  I suppose I could call it the Placebo Effect, but I really can't explain it and am often uncomfortable reflecting on it, or more importantly, the implications of it.  If I can sit and walk because of energy healing, do I need to believe in angels and demons?  I can't make that leap.

But to push against my beliefs and expand my experiences, I recently attended a Reiki workshop at hospice.  Reiki is a type of energy meditation and healing that is frequently used by various caregivers in hospitals and hospices.  One of the chaplains at my old hospice used to offer it.  And yes, my PT has been trained in Reiki, too.  I know and believe in the benefits of Buddhist meditation so I thought I would learn more about Reiki, which does include chakra cleansing (chakras believed to be energy wheels in the body, represented by the colors of the rainbow, backwards, purple to red), which is beyond my usual rationalism.  It was an intriguing day, not only for the instruction, but also to hear from my fellow students--who believe not only in spiritual healing and energy work, but also angels, demons, ghosts, past-life regression, auras, Tarot, psychics, and mediums.  My mind couldn't wrap around those things.  BUT then I had a Reiki session from one of my classmates and she was drawn to my lower abdomen--completely without knowing of my multiple abdominal surgeries and three recent trips to the ER for severe abdominal pain.  Coincidence?  Educated guess?  And then, when I received attunement--yep, the instructor tuned me towards the chi--I saw these amazing flashes of deep blues, greens, and purples quite unexpectedly. 

Our teacher repeatedly said that Reiki was not dualistic, i.e. not good and bad, it just was, based on chi, the Chinese theory on energy in the body ("ki" is the Japanese spelling.)  She assured us that we could only do good things with Reiki, not hurt anyone.  Which is akin to believing in angels but not demons.  How does that work?  If Reiki can be used to help or heal, how come it can't be used to hurt?  Especially since it is isn't specifically considered a good force, just a natural one?  Nature causes hurt, depending on your perspective, but in itself is a neutral, balanced force--I watched a beautiful Cooper's Hawk devour one of our yard squirrels yesterday; neither good nor bad, in sum, just natural (certainly, from either the hawk or squirrel's vantage point, it would have been a good dinner or a bad evening!)  I think I'm overthinking it all.

But it does seem to keep popping up for me, even with regards to our upcoming trip to Thailand.  I've been reading about the animism that flows through Thai life, in addition to Buddhism and Hinduism, a belief in spirits everywhere.  We have even watched two Thai movies recently, Pee Mak and Uncle Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past Lives, which heavily featured ghosts.  A belief in spirits participating in everyday life is so common that, I read, taxi drivers put icons or altars on their dashboards and trust in spirits, to the point of not wearing seatbelts.  Que sera, sera. I checked in again with our Catholic chaplain, who does wear his seatbelt (and has also officiated at an exorcism, which was a force of evil like nothing he'd ever seen, certainly beyond any psychological issues that people bring to him regularly, he told me.  He doesn't see demons appearing regularly in the world, and certainly not because of yoga or music), and he said that God expects us to help ourselves.  Which reminds me of that story of the man dangling from the side of the cliff and praying to God for help, but refusing the climber and then helicopter that comes to his aid, saying he's waiting for God; when the man gets to heaven and confronts God, God said, "I sent you a climber and a helicopter!"  Or a seatbelt.  

Whew.  That's a lot.  And it's all been swirling around in my head.  Still, I tend to see the world as more natural than supernatural.  And I'm really more concerned about the human community in our world than anything else (both how we fare as people and what we do to the Earth and each other); that's the work in front of me.  But that human community includes people who believe in a whole range of forces.   I don't have a tidy way to sum it all up beyond this poor paraphrase:  there is more in the world and in people's beliefs than is dreamt of in my imaginings.