Hospice Thoughts

A Hospice Metta

May you be comforted.
May you be at ease.
May you be strong.
May you be free from suffering.

I've been working on the words of metta to fit hospice work.  Health, safety, happiness just didn't seem to be the right things to focus on.  And so I've been trying to think what I most wish for my hospice patients.  Strength instead of fear at the end of life, comfort and relief not pain, the support and comfort of family and friends, even hope for relief and good days though not a cure.

Since the middle of summer, I have been volunteering as a chaplain-in-training at a local hospice residence.  I go for several hours once a week.  As of yet, there has been no formal training beyond initial HIPPA, fire safety, and universal precautions.  I will have official in-service training later this fall, but they had wanted me to start right away.

I have been following various volunteers and the senior chaplain, going on rounds, going to IDT (interdisciplinary team meetings), learning about paperwork (oh, so much paperwork.)  The procedures have been a little overwhelming; there are just so many more patients than my one or two-at-a-time in my other organization.

But it is wonderful to have mentors with their guidance and support.  I've been often alone at my previous place (I'm still seeing my last patient, who is quite amazingly holding on.)  I'm learning new ways to interact with people and beginning to clarify my own style.  The senior chaplain even teste me last week; he had me go into a room, look around, and come back out.  I did and he quizzed me about the spirituality of the patients.  So, I guess absorbing and analyzing visual cues is something hospice and art history have in common.  That, and I'm much more adept at reading symbolism and religious icons than I otherwise would have been.

 One volunteer, who is a Catholic eucharistic minister but not quite a Roman Catholic anymore, has advised me that it's okay to give Catholic blessings with a cross on the patient's forehead.  I haven't been sure about this; indeed, I'm quite unsure.  I think prayers are one thing, but formal blessings in the manner of a priest are outside of my purview.  It seems to me deceitful, as if I could offer what a priest does (leaving belief aside.)  And so I don't.  Prayers, ecumenical blessings, wishes and hopes, listening, comfort, support, presence--these I can do.  For those to whom it has meaning, even "Amazing Grace" and the Lord's Prayer.  I would do similarly for someone who is Jewish or Muslim, etc.

In Unitarian Universalism, the first principle we affirm and promote is the inherent worth and dignity of all people.  And while it's not a principle per se, I would argue that we also support the idea of community.  For me, hospice work is about these UU principles--companioning the individual through the dying process, supporting their family and friends, doing this service for the larger community, so no one is alone.  For myself, I don't believe in heaven or hell, or even an afterlife.  But I know we all die and that it is one of the greatest fears anyone has, for themselves or their loved ones, almost regardless of their religious beliefs. My faith concerns the present, this life on earth, for it is all we know.  And so I sit with my hospice patients--the Catholics, the Jews, the Protestants, even the one Unitarian a few weeks ago--and I wish them peace.

May they be comforted.
May they be at ease.
May they be strong.
May they be free from suffering.

Fast Fast

Ramadan.

Latter-Day Saints Fast Sunday.

Yom Kippur.

In some ways, Lent.

I'm talking about fasting because there was an article in the NYTimes recently about the health benefits of fasting.  There are recent books and studies that suggest that intermittent fasting, particularly 2 days fasting a week (hence the name 5:2 fasting) is good for cholesterol, insulin resistance, weight, and other areas.

And all those are quite interesting, but you know how I feel about diets, especially as they really are the antithesis of a healthy lifestyle, mentally and physically.

But I am intrigued by the spiritual aspects of fasting.   Self-reflection, self-discipline, mindfulness, social justice.  Now, UUs don't officially observe any fasts, but, being a non-doctrinal community means we are free to explore our own rituals.  With food insecurity in our community, which was the focus of our Girl Scout troop's Bronze Award, and all the hunger and starvation in the world plus discussions of food processing, food waste, sustainability, and the environment, I appreciate something that brings these issues to the forefront of my mind.  Of course, I recognize that choosing to fast and controlling the boundaries of any hunger I feel is a sign of my privilege; however, I don't think that negates the value of the exercise for me.

And so, twice this week, on Tuesday and now today, I've done a partial fast following the method outlined in the book mentioned by the NYTimes, Moseley and Spencer's The Fast Diet.  This means keeping to under 500 calories two days a week.  I've been fasting (though, with tea and, today, some broth) until late-afternoon or dinner.  It's not a strict fast, tops about 10 hours from wake-up to dinner.

For a spiritual practice, it was all very physical.   Perhaps because it was only 2 days, or perhaps because I wasn't praying, I didn't have the clarity or focus or any other meditative experience you sometimes here connected to fasting.  I was so busy out and about on Tuesday that I only noticed I was hungry in passing and skipping meals was easy.  Well, until I fell on my dinner at 8 pm, after a meeting.  I would guess it was more than 500 calories, being take-out Vietnamese.  But, after a bit of wolfing it down, I slowed down and think I certainly appreciated that meal more than I would have.  Today, I notice it more, more because eating while I'm home is a habit--breakfast with kids, lunch around noon, snack with kids; eating organizes my day.  So I make a lot of tea, with a little milk.  I  haven't been uncomfortable.  I haven't been weak or queasy, probably because of the milk in the tea.  Most of the time, I wasn't even thinking about food.  And when I did think of eating or hear a few rumbles, I could only imagine what days and weeks of that might be like, especially without the knowledge that dinner comes at dusk or food is so easily available all over.  Personally, I am also much more mindful of cycles of hunger and how I feel throughout the day; also, shopping, cooking, and eating habits become so visible--what we buy, how it's packaged, how I cook, what I cook, how we eat a meal, when we snack, what we waste.  I know my thoughts don't help people who are food insecure and hungry, but, with our recent Girl Scout project helping out at the soup kitchen, I am more aware of ways to help out in my area and intend to do so.

In fact, the GS troop will be working on their Savvy Shopper badges this month, which includes learning about price points, budgets, meal planning, etc.  We think we'll let them each bring $2 and work in small groups, so that they have less than $10 to spend to buy ingredients that would make a few meals for themselves.  To help them, we'll be consulting Good and Cheap, the $4 a day food guide developed by Leanne Brown that features healthy, tasty recipes and meal ideas for people who use SNAP (food stamps), which I first learned about from NPR.  The girls will actually buy the food and we'll donate it to the local food pantry (along with a few copies of the book, which you can download as a free pdf at the above link.)

So, as I type, the kids are looking for dinner, which we are privileged enough to have so easily available.  Maybe, one day, they can fast with me.

Best. Halloween. Ever.

This morning, Sis and Bud, with the help of our young neighbor/babysitter M, distributed upwards of 60 pumpkin flyers to our three-block area announcing "Trick-Or-Treat Tuesday" in lieu of the town-appointed celebration day tomorrow, for which forecasters now predict a Nor'easter.  And tonight, their efforts paid off!  Sis and Bud went trick-or-treating with 16 neighborhood kids, some of whom they had just met for the first time (as we all shivered in the 34F!!!).  We just kept picking up kids as we went along.  Everyone was extra-thrilled to be out trick-or-treating after the storm last week and the postponement--it was like a bonus!  It was great to spend time with the neighbors, to talk to the ones I usually only see driving by and to meet a few new ones on the blocks further down (we don't all go to the same schools so we don't all know each other).  Best of all, almost half of the houses hung out their pumpkin flyers and welcomed our kids with candy!  Some bars were even regular sized, not mini!  (And there was the usual toothpaste/toothbrush house.)  There were even a few other groups who rang our bell after our kids started sorting their hauls at home, kids who got into the spirit after seeing that Halloween was really happening a day earlier than a week later!   I'm so proud of my kiddos for helping to make it happen for themselves and their new friends.  And I'm tickled with myself that it actually worked a thousand times better than I expected.   A great community-spirited night!