It's September, So It Must Be School

September is a good month for thinking about school and education, as it all starts up again for the next nine months.  Appropriately, the NYTimes published the education issue of its magazine, with the lead article "What if the Secret to Success is Failure?"  (see discussion here). If you've read  Nurture Shock, with a focus on the section about self-control, the premise of the article that character is as important to future success as information and knowledge will not be a surprise.  If you've seen the movie Race to Nowhere, you probably won't be surprised that upper middle-class, high-achieving kids are floundering and faltering.  But if you haven't, or want to read how two schools are approaching character education with this in mind, the article is a fascinating read, if only for the discussion of "moral character" and "performance character" (i.e. behaviors that are ethical and those that will help you succeed), and the list of 24 character traits found in all cultures (according to a leading researcher) and the seven being focused on at one school (zest, grit, self-control, social intelligence, gratitude, optimism, and curiosity).  One researcher has developed a three-minute, 12-question "Grit Test," but I think my favorite might still be the "marshmallow test"--does your child have the self-control to wait to get two marshmallows or will your child eat the one sitting on the table?  Apparently, this is an accurate predictor of success.


Of course, what kind of success?  Material?  Academic?  Professional?  Given that this is the NYTimes, the entire magazine issue is geared towards a particular kind of parent--in fact, the kind of competitive, achieving, highly-involved, middle class parent that the first article thinks is messing up kids (the kind of parent I am trying not to be but inherently am).  The aforementioned article, which focuses on two selective private schools, talks a lot about achievement in the future--Ivy League admission, high grades, well-paying stable careers--but never addresses that perhaps our cultural definitions of success are skewed.   And completely unavailable to most people, even those with the 24 character traits.  Is the "character report card" one school issues just another way for kids to compete and parents to stress on the road to yet more high achievement?  Is now character something they will study for, just another tool in their sophisticated tool kits?  Or is it, as one teacher states, a way to even the playing field: "learning these strengths is partly about trying to demystify what makes other people successful — kind of like, ‘We’re letting you in on the secret of what successful people are like.’"  Not that I don't want Bud and Sis to have all those kinds of successes, but I also want to value the other character traits and experiences that don't necessarily lead to monetary achievement.  And I'm not sure quantifying and commodifying character is the way to get anywhere. 


It reminded me of a conversation with Sis yesterday who, while finishing dinner, wanted to play one of my question games.  The question was, "What five things do you most like about yourself?"


Her answer:  pride, caring, considerate, helpful, and loving.  


It's a wonderful list and I'm so proud of her.  But would she fail on her "character report card?"  And isn't that awful?


Another article in the paper, "Autistic and Seeking a Place in the Adult World," recently was about the efforts one family in NJ is going through to secure a future for their son with Autism after he leaves school, with the help of an amazing transitioning program headed by an impressive and hardworking administrator.  After reading about school-community relations, on the job mentoring, individual aides, transportation,  etc etc etc, I was actually sad for a variety of reasons:  sad that most children on the spectrum and indeed most children with any kind of special needs will not get the kind of amazing preparation and care that this young man is receiving in this affluent suburb; sad that even with all this assistance, it is likely that there just aren't enough societal structures in place to support this young man in his search for independence, most noticeably envisioned as "the apartment;" even sad that the approximately $1 million spent on his education alone (not including any monies his parents spent on outside therapies, etc) will not have achieved anyone's goals for him.


A final article, "My Family's Experiment in Extreme Schooling"--the third that really only addresses the experiences of an elite group of students and their families (where are the regular public schools in this magazine??)--discusses one family's move to Russia and the children's immersion in an unusual private school, all in Russian, which they did not speak.  I marveled at the parents' risking of their children's happiness, academic success, and the like but knew, despite initial difficulties, it would turn out well or the parents would pick up the pieces (as the first article assures us that upper middle class parents do).  And of course, the children are soon fluent and exemplars of character and successful in their studies.  And I envied the parents' chutzpah and their family's opportunity.


Which brings me to a conversation at church on Sunday.  A friend of mine who homeschooled her boys asked what kind of schooling my kiddos were doing this year.  Public, I said, but never saying no to homeschooling if we aren't all satisfied.  She mentioned that a friend of hers sent her kids to public elementary school and then homeschooled for middle school before sending them to private or magnet high schools.  And I loved the idea.  What if we homeschooled or unschooled for three or four years in the middle, those awful middle years in junior high?  We could travel locally, nationally, and internationally.  We could focus on subjects and projects and skills that interested the kids.  We could take a break from academic competition and standardized tests and grades and all the ridiculousness that attends modern American education.  And with five years until they'd be in middle school, we have time to plan and save.  The possibilities are endless.


And just think of how character-building it would be!


(and of course, how typical, again, of upper middle class parents.)


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