No Pain, All Gain

I was a bit apprehensive about my appointment with the specialist in NYC yesterday. Not only because it was a long car ride and I can't sit comfortably, but mainly because I haven't had much luck with male doctors in the orthopedic realm recently. Three of them were awful. And, with this one's focus on sports injuries and a published book about needing to exercise through pain to heal pain, I wondered if I wasn't going to get the "you're-fat-I-can't-help-you-you're-going-to-have-pain" speech. I mean, I'm not exactly the elite athletes he usually sees and whose posters are in the office.

But I was absolutely, totally, ashamedly mistaken. He was wonderful. Glancing at my sheet, with an entire list of "I walk more slowly because of my back" and "I have to get people to do things for me because of my back" and "My appetite has decreased because of my back" etc. etc. circled, then performing a few tests while listening to me describe the last three years of pain and discovery, he said it was a classic herniated disc. The MRI results I'd brought with me from Friday immediately confirmed it--even I could see how the disc between L5 and S1 was totally in the wrong place. No wonder it had been the worse pain I'd ever felt.

I think he felt sorry for me. He said that the c-section, ovarectomy, and 2 hernia operations, coupled with all those other "-oses" like scoliosis, lordosis, symphosis separation, etc etc etc, were the perfect storm for this. But he says because of my natural history, which I take it to mean the first 38 years of my life, I am likely to recover fully with no intervention. So, for now, no sitting, bending, or lifting. Continuing to wear my lumbar brace. Only a bit of concentrated walking for about 15-30 minutes each day. Plus new and different drugs (you should see me on Valium. I'm a hoot!) and the three shots (one very close to that disc that hurt like a @#$%) for immediate relief. And I would be much better in 4 weeks. Then, we'll get back to what we were doing, which is the all important core strengthening.

And I feel great. Okay, those shots, at least the first one right to the spot where the disc was (which he located by ultrasound) weren't great, but within half an hour, I could ride in the car without wincing from bumps and turns. And that's fantastic. I'm also much more at ease in my mind, for I had been worried that we didn't know for sure what was wrong or that I would easily re-injure myself while healing. I think he listened, had answers, had reassurances, and gave me palpable physical relief immediately.

But I'm angry too. Angry that I was so patient with the other doctor, angry that I almost had a procedure that I didn't need and that wouldn't have helped, angry that she's gotten the test results and hasn't called to change our course of treatment or even let me know--my appointment with her isn't for 2 more weeks!!!, angry that maybe I suffered longer than I should have because she was slow, angry that maybe I missed out on things I didn't have to miss, angry that my parents had to be here maybe longer than necessary, all in all angry that I trusted her and her staff and didn't get the care I thought I was getting, because she was, truly, so much better than those 3 orthopedists. Just not good enough. So, we're done with her. Even though I'd liked her. I just wouldn't be able to trust her again, would second-guess every diagnosis and treatment. Hindsight is 20-20. Though, even my new doctor said that it's just slow to heal and I'd mainly been doing the right thing--it's not like he would've healed me immediately either. I'm just frustrated. Four weeks seems like such a long time. But I'm trying not to look back. Just stay in the here and now (more on what's become of my meditation pledge soon).

Anyway, in addition to the doctor, we managed two very minor fun things yesterday because we were early and I needed to walk around after all that sitting. And who doesn't like to walk around NYC (okay, my dad, but this is rhetorical . . . )? On the same block was Sotheby's and so we went in and perused their recent catalogues, particularly the spring 19th-century painting sale. And they gave me the glossy book for free, filled with its academic paintings by minor American, Italian, and Polish (I think) artists. Great fun to look at, though. Took me back to my museum days, especially because one of the artists in the catalogue had been featured in an exhibition at my last museum.

We also hit the newsstand next door and got a few magazines, including TimeOut Kids with all the fun fall happenings for children in the city. Puppet shows, good places to eat, family programs, concerts. I love the city . . . . and I should be walking just fine in four weeks! It's on my list of first things I want to do.

Right up there with sitting.