Call of The Dog Mom

If you follow parenting or cultural trends, no doubt you've seen at least some of the frenzy surrounding Amy Chua, Yale law professor, mom, and author of forthcoming Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother. In this book, excerpted in the WSJ a week or so ago under the title "Why Chinese Mothers are Superior," Chua sets forth a strident antidote to what she sees as wishy-washy Western parenting. While she notes that Chinese parenting can be practiced by all manner of people, not just the Chinese, the cultural basis (or bias)--Confucian dedication to education and family--is clear, as she full-heartedly accepts and desires stereotypes of Chinese children with perfect grades, musical virtuosity, blind obedience (as opposed to their wimpy, sports-obsessed, selfish, even stupid "American"--read "white"--counterparts). Her book (apparently, because I sure am not going to pay to read it) is all about how she achieved that with her two daughters in order to stave off generational decline and uphold 4,000 years of cultural and racial supremacy. And if you want all the details--calling them "garbage," making them practice piano without bathroom breaks for 4 hours (the first hour is easy, she notes), refusing homemade cards from them because the kids didn't try hard enough, and never allowing sleepovers and playdates--check out the links. Though, apparently, at the end she recants somewhat, when the younger one repels.

Now apparently, she's recanting and backpedaling a lot because the internet exploded: more than 5000 people commented on the post with large numbers of posts in the blogosphere as well. These run the gambit from "I hope this sounds the death-knell of Attachment Parenting" to "arrest this woman for child abuse," from "my folks were like that and I'm okay" to "my folks were like that and I was relieved and happy when they died." The NYTimes alone has run several posts and articles: Lisa Belkin's original Motherlode post on the trend, a Room to Debate forum on extreme parenting with experts on subjects ranging from Chinese culture to psychology, guest blogs on imperfect but happy kids at Motherlode, Belkin's recent follow-up "The Tiger Mother Speaks" with excerpts from "Retreat of the Tiger Mother," and Judith Warner's essay "No More Mrs. Nice Mom."Plus similar comments on all of those.

And all I will say, considering my proximity to Chinese parenting and first-generation Chinese-American parenting, is that I'm not a Tiger Mother. I'm a Dog Mom (no, seriously, born the Year of the Dog): affectionate, full of fun, protective, dependable, loyal. I have a bark, for sure, but know better than to bite. Even Mama, who was actually born in the Year of the Tiger, is more of a Dog. Because our goal is not just successful, accomplished, disciplined children but happy, creative, independent, moral, and kind ones, too. Though, in the end, we are all trying to do our best, however that plays itself out (I'm not going to judge Chua's parenting, not knowing her or her kids; besides, she is, in the first place, selling a polemical book and did, in the second, recant). I just wish, especially because I have two half-Chinese children, that she could've toned down the stereotypes.